Coming Home

After more than four months of living sort of independently, I am finally coming back to my parents' house. I've been thinking about this the time I set foot on my pseudo-abode but still considered moving anyway. And now, I am half-hearted about the whole thing. Part of me wants to stay and savor [more] my so-called bitter-sweet independence while the other part is yearning to go home, to my own room, sleep on my own bed and just be with my family.

Looking back, I have come to realize that half my life, I've been away from home. After highschool, I started living on my own, far from the confines of the safety of my home in Manila. My school was far up north where I do not have any relatives to run to just in case something bad happens. But the whole experience turned out to be one of the biggest achievements of my life. It taught me that the world goes round like it usually does but the phase of life that you'll lead will always depend on you.

I've lived among strangers, some of which have become part of my journey while others remained as distant drifters. I came to know the world in its real sense while discovering a whole new me in the process. And so right after college, I had the notion that I can live perfectly on my own. I became too independent that I thought running away from time to time (especially if things at home do not go my way) is a natural resort. I was technically a "stokwa", a "stow away" or whatever they call it.

My first job, much to my enjoyment, required a lot of travelling. By then I was a certfied nomad... I go places, I was never home. I was enjoying every minute of it.

As much as I would like to stay close, there are circumstances that forces me to drift away. My family is not a picture perfect one. There are times that it resembles a battlefield. And knowing the stubborn little crazy ass that I am, I always refuse to wave the white flag. I live up to my 'maldita' attitude. I always run away.

But now I am coming home. I want to live at least a few moments confined in its four walls, knowing that there, i will always be safe.

I am... Today.

I am...

... currently under the weather. Thanks to the Tagaytay trip and the heavy downpour last Saturday... In the last two hours, I have consumed two jumbo packs of tissue. My nose is 'running' like hell (swear, it has a mind of its own). I badly need a dose of vitamin C.

... staring blankly at my monitor and seriously considers doing so for the rest of the day.

...bombarded by thoughts about the Asian Quality -- both the magazine and the person... great... just great.

... skipping lunch (again... hehe)

missing AQ

thanks to cristine and the boyzIImen, i feel like i am a little unnerved today. someone crossed my mind. someone whom i thought i would be able to get over with in just a week's time (okay, two or three weeks) after all, i was really hurt and i guess it still stings. i mean, really... i don't know why this guy made such an impression on me. okay, he's cute, funny, a no-nonsense good conversationalist, an artist, an introvert and extrovert combined (confusing huh?!) and super kuliiit! (my weakness... hehe!) okay, i'm a big hypocrite if i do not admit that i miss him. yea, maybe just a little... or maybe quite the opposite... I've been thinking a lot about him these days. sad no? workload and all... psyched out or not... he is there... constantly popping into my head. I suppose there is nothing really wrong about it as long as i keep my sanity in tact and avoid doing crazy things like confessing (hehe) to him for the second time. i mean i am way over that... i'd slap myself hard if i have to. i guess i just miss the person...

senti bigla...

More than three weeks have passed since I let go of you. And looking back, i thought i would have regained my usual "happy" self in two weeks time or so. i even gave myself a deadline. Now I laugh as if there is no looking back. I refer to you almost as a non-existent person. i act as if we haven't even crossed paths.

But every laugh, every denial is just part of the show. it's sad that even though you are intangible, you are still here. i laugh at your memories, our short-lived but worthy moments. it's as if you've left a ot of debris before you went away... they are still scattered... when will you ever go away?

work spasm

i don't have anything to write today. but just to make use of my idle (and wasted) time in front of kay's monitor... i compel myself to string these words.
don't get the wrong picture; i actually have tons of 'to do's' so long, it could actually compare with lotto's long line of aspiring millionaire wannabe's but [again] i am not my usual 'hardworking' self today. no matter how deep i concentrate, everything seems like a void.
i can't help but think: my existence is dictated by the 'senseless' routinary things i do at work. Forgive me, but i really can't fathom my importance in this corporate setting. I can't define what i need to do or at least prove my worth (especially, when every single time you are bombarded with the incessant 'psyching out' shrekkie so love to do). hmmm... maybe i should consider another job? tried that... but what's the point... i haven't proven anything yet. If ever, fate allows, i'd be able to stay for at least one year in this office, i want to leave something i would be remembered of (seriously!) I am serious about this whole Asian Quality thing but to my dismay, i think i am not getting enough moral boosting from my superior. That's the funny thing about it. I am being passionate about something that is not even mine or i don't know if i'd even have the license to call it mine.
as much as i hate writing (or complaining) about work, there isn't really anything to tell you... sorry...

Ode to the Pretty Dork...

toothache, stress, euphoria and all...

am i suppose to be sad?

maybe not...

but then again,

maybe just a little.

Ouch my tooth (isa lang e) aches...

i've been suffering from incessant tooth throbbing in the last two days... i swear i'd rather have any other ache than this one... it paralyzes my nerve brains... i can't think, i can't do anything... even eat... as much as i'd like to just sleep this off, i feel like "shrek" has his watchful eyes on me (or again, am i just being paranoid?)
i wonder why sometimes, even the tiniest part of our body can have a control on our entirety and make us suffer until we beg 'No more!' like this frigging tooth which, in the first place, i should have gotten rid off months ago... i swear i'm having it extracted this weekend... tiny piece of sh*t...

Grrr....

Alas! And the psyching out starts.... hmmmppppp..... hay nako!

a smoggy outlook

my clock reads 2:17pm and i sit paralayzed in front of my monitor. just like the haze that's been building up outside my office window and the smog that pollutes the makati skyline, my mind is as blank and empty. i woke up in disdain dreading another 8 hours, well consider it 10 hours of work...of working for something that is not even there (at the moment). what pains me the most is not being appreaciated at all and that is how i see things here. and i though this only happens inside the big screen - you know, people working haplessly, routinely like robots that have been programmed for a day's work... pathetic but it's happening.
ans so i spent my lunch (one whole hour of it) still in front of my monitor taking a nice nap. and i mean really nice coz i even wandered off to dreamland .. i just can't remember what, where and when. and then i woke still feeling 'blah' (as i always like to put it) and browsed on the net, only to discover Ping Medina's live journal page. geez, i swear he's really 'asteeggg'!!!he, at this sweet stage of life, still unripe and juvenile, writes like a God. haven't read anyone like him before. (careful thet, he's taken...hehe) well, technically, he's still looking and seems contented with occassional flirting and not yet officially attached but it's like half of the women population is enamoured by his natural charm, so what are the chances, di ba?
so much for this... i need to prove my worth now.

shrek-kie pisses me off...

i usually find shrek, the ogre quite amusing. but since my friend associated him with this person whom i have grown to hate as the days passed, i now flinch at the slightest thought of him. Well, just like Shrek, he is big and frightful. he has this mood swings that everybody has become accustomed to (well, not me and i don't think i would be able to tolerate it). i don't know but i have always believed about 'not speaking ill of thy superiors' but sometimes you just have to do it to feel good about yourself. besides, there are certain circumstances when you have to put yourself first before others in order to feel that you're still worth something. it's funny how i sound like a defensive schmuck, but hey, i still got a job to keep (at least for now) but i really can't help it if sometimes, he really or all that psyching out (as i like to put it) gets into me. most people i know says that in time i'll be used to it. but the thing is, I DON'T WANNA BE USED TO IT. I HATE IT.

view from the top

Nice rooftop view...

like the clouds...

like to feel a free fall...

suicidal?

overwhelmed...

i thought i was ten-pound lighter by the time our meeting for the Asian Quality Magazine is over. My mind seems to have a big black hole in it that it sucked all that was stored in there a moment ago... had i not taken notes, i am dead meat. There were too many things to do, too many things to consider, too many letters to write, too many people to talk to, too many emails to send, too many hours to spend in front of my friggin' monitor, too many ass**les to follow-up with, too many caffeine to take (to keep my screws working!), too many emotional traumas to keep aside and too much more to think about... *sigh* and yeah, too many blogs to compose to air out the things that've been killing me (a slow painful death). I wonder if i could get to live my 30s without white streaks in my hair... tsk...
I am extremely thankful that at my age (23 isn't too old yet, is it?), i get to experience and learn a lot of things, career-wise (altho' the pay is nothing to brag about). I am getting everything that i need, including the unnecessary and uncalled for 'psyching out' from my superior once in a while... but hey, i can [still] live with it. I am jut overwhelmed by this whole magazine thing that i can't help but be worried that i might just screw it up. I mean, I know about publications and stuff but i never thought that one day, i would be handling one... at least not at this age. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining... again, i am just overwhelmed.
And so I am left without a choice this time. I need to do this. After all, I really wanted to do this. I just need all the help that I can get and maybe tons of prayers.

Tom Welling

Isn't he pretty?

just blah---

have you ever felt like an empty bottle floating into nothingness? a swirl of dust that has no clear direction or a lost raft in the vastness of the ocean? that's what i am feeling right now. it's hard to describe my thoughts; they all seem senseless to me. or maybe it was the other way around. maybe i was thinking too hard about too many things today that my little mind couldn't handle them all. not that my screws all went loose but i can't seem to focus on anything right now. I've accomplished a task or two, not because i have the will or the power to do them, but because i was left without a choice. Either do something or get another psyching out from my superior. i choose the former.
I am always awed by the fact that i could wake up one morning thinking that I am the happiest person alive only to find myself like in a complete disarray by the end of the day. arrrgggghhhhh.... i guess i am just not my usual happy self today.

who's happy, who's not...

there are about more than 60 billion [living and breathing] people in the philippines and i suppose atleast 75% of them are unhappy. okay, this is only an assumption [with no clear evidence whatsoever] but in my mind's eye is more than accurate with the 'hellish' experience i'm going through today...
i've already made about hundreds of calls this afternoon, trying to update our company's database for the magazine I am working for. this is the job that i hate more than having an old stingy cockroach suddenly fly out from somewhere. i love conversing with people and meeting with them but having to ask the same set of questions to different people on the other end of line (majority of which doesn't know what proper phone etiquette means) is pushing my sanity to the limit. I am really not good at this... And thinking that there are about 12,000 plus companies in my list just makes me wanna hang myself. i know this job isn't pathetic at all, but it's just not my line.
okay, going back to who's happy and who's not, it's funny how in just by hearing someone's voice, you could actually look at that person's eye and tell how well he / she is doing. I've been bombarded with impolite inquiries about what my calls are for. i don't really get what part of "We just need to update our database" those people could not understand... It's just half the day and people are already too tired sparing atleast half a minute to answer my simple questions. Either they are unhappy about their lives that it even manifests in the way they work or they are just having a bad day... whatever... they're pissing me off.

doing the unthinkable

never in my wildest dream did it occur to me that there would come a time when i will actually be the one confessing to a guy about my feelings towards him... this just happened... a while ago... between me and my pretty guy (well he's not mine in the first place).
shakingly, i confessed everything that i feel ... how i realized that i've been falling helplessly and how i feel really stupid for doing so. he said it was okay, that it was such a natural thing (how everybody gets to have crushes on so on and so forth) but what makes me sad is that he seems to deny the fact or atleast acknowledge that i am into him. he acted like he was my big brother, telling me what to do and how, one day, i would look back and just laugh at the thought. he even said that this might be just an infatuation. i was hurt and mad and sad... but there is nothing else i can do. i guess i've done my part. at least i don't need to second guess and i have my peace of mind now. the question is... how to go about the next step considering that moving on is such a hard thing to do... this is the very reason why i fear being in-love. my heart always breaks in the end.

this is sooo sad...

I thought everything's going quite well and i thought this would be my 'time'... I thought very wrong. All along i was actually hoping that something deep would transpire between me and the pretty guy. i was wishing for it the whole time without realizing that i am wanting more. And now I feel so low, sad, betrayed (but by whom?), cheated by circumstances and blinded by fate. I would never look at 'serendipity' the same ever again. I just learned today that the pretty guy has already resigned and would be reporting only until nov. 15, which, by the way, is only 12 days away, minus the three-day vacation and the two days that i would be out of the office the whole time -- so that leaves me six days all in all to atleast see him provided he'll be here at the office too. damn, i am sooooo sad. i am actually hating myself for feeling this way. the poor guy doesn't even know about how i feel.. and I -- the poor girl -- don't even know what to do. As usual, I can see myself wallowing in self pity while cursing fate for allowing me to fall for this one! You know the saddest part? I have realized just yesterday that I am already falling in love with him. Yea, I love him already and I wanna let everybody know ( if it wouldn't be too much for me). I am foolishly in-love with the guy. Sometimes, love is really difficult to understand. eventhough the person does not see you the same way that you do him, you just merely shrug and say 'the hell do i care?' as long as he makes my day... Yet here i am now, miserable and feeling utterly stupid for feeling so low. Why?!?! I don't even have the answers. and i bet nobody can really answer my stupid inquisition. Well i guess i have to stand by my mantra "If it's not mine, it's not mine..." even if this would mean killing myself little by little.

waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

i miss my Asian Quality!!!!

where's the writer in me?

i don't know how to write anymore. and by that, i mean i feel like i don't know how to construct a decent piece of an article -- be it a news story or just the creative crap i so love to do. i was asked by my big boss to write a news briefing about a recent event for our company website and it hurt me to realize that i've been struggling to write a four-liner straight news story. The thing that i've been soooo expertly doing in the last four years, now i am having a hard time doing. I am so doomed. I capitalize in this craft and yet i am slowly losing it. i hate to think this way but i just can't help it or maybe i am just over-reacting and i am crossing my fingers that i am just being paranoid.

my pretty guy is a kid at heart (^__^)

hmm... this past few days, things with me and my pretty guy is going quite well... lucky me... i think i'm past that stage when i feel really weird (not to mention, a total loser) whenever he's near me. we're closer than ever and i think this is more than enough. I mean, i never wish for superficial things to happen... if it would then i'll be the happiest person on earth, but if not, i'm happy just the same. Him being around, being his usual makulit self is fine. I never thought that we would agree on some things (unang tingin naman kase, he's really weird e... hehe!) but surprisingly, we do... although in the littlest things lang. At least we have something to talk about. And i mean, once we start talking, we just couldn't stop. actually, he just couldn't stop... he's soooo talkative... but in a good way. sometimes, it just makes me wanna stare at him for hours. (if it wouldn't be too psycho to do so.. haha!) i really LIKE the guy soooo much! i think i'm falling... hmmm... cheezzzyyyyy... EEOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! forgive me but i'm still elated by what transpired the whole day... i can't even stop smiling (^_^) whatever that is... im keeping it to myself na lang... hahaha!!! i just wanna shout to the world how happy i am to be with him... hope this would never end...

about pretty guy

my spirits are pretty high today and i hope it won't drop an inch until i go home this afternoon. it's just a little sad though that my "inspiration" isn't here.. no one to stalk... hehe.. nah, i just feel happy seeing him around... anyway, i think this whole crush thing is going up a notch higher... i mean, i'm really really starting to like like like him... hehe! and i don't know why. i just don't get it... as my good friend zillah puts it, the only thing lacking him is a big "L" sign on the forehead. but i beg to disagree. Well maybe he's a little off when it comes to his fashion but all in all, he's really not that bad. in fact, he has this cute face which he conceals with his unruly hair... (",)
anyway, so far my day's good... even without a glimpse of him... 'til next...

crushing 101

there's really nothing spectacular about having a serious (is this?!?) crush on someone... especially on someone whom you see everyday but not necessarily get close to as much as you wish for. in my case, i easily get frustrated when the day passes by without my prospect looking (and please, smiling) my way. I usually find him snobbish or a bit moody or i tend to hate (well, just irked by) him. Don't get me wrong... i seriously hate this feeling. blah....

sad me

so sad today.... haven't seen him in like two days na!!!! huhuhu

Transferring home...

I'm going to sleep at my new home tonight.... (",)

August 10, 2005 Wednesday 1:51 pm - I was jilted last night

Is this a good day or what?!?! At last, we have finished the prototype of the EMS 2004 project... yea, after days (and nights) of unabated work (except for a minute or two of daydreaming about the pretty guy). Whom, speaking of, I've been missing for the past seven and a half hours. he's not here the whole day. =( yesterday, i felt like i was jilted. he commented something about our picture that broke my little heart... haha! something like not wanting to see it again... grrr.... that... guy! anyway, i'm having a good time right now... not too loaded with work but i haven't finished this one thingy that i have right now... hmmm... my mind has this big void in it that it feels sooo empty today... maybe drained with too much thinking during the previous project. wait 'till the big boss comes back and we're in for tons more.

August 05, 2005 Friday 6:55pm

Rochelle and me are suppose to have dinner together but it was cancelled at the last minute because of the heavy downpour. it's fine with me though as i still have a long list of "to do stuffs" to finish.
What a day! I was actually sulking this morning because I thought the pretty guy was mad at me. turned out he wasn't. we even had lunch together. geez, i am really being a paranoid... (it's sooo pathetic) but as always, i do not care... I am happy and I am fine with it. (",) This was also the first time I ever had a picture taken with the pretty guy. The outcome wasnn't that magnificent though -- he looked a little constipated while I looked like a mad kitten... shucks... hoped it was prettier (^__^)
He was nice but still, aloof. We kind'a teased him about forgetting how to smile because of too much work... He said in real life, he's a goofball. I'd surely like to see that side. *sigh* I wish to know him more.

August 03, 2005 Wednesday 7:15 pm

It's just the middle of the week and it felt like weekend already! we're sooo loaded with work these days. I am actually quite finish with the editing stuff for the 'procedures' ... almost done and i'm so happy about it.
sucks big time today... the pretty guy isn't here the whole day. =( i sooo missed looking at him (i know i sound like a total psycho...hehe!) ei, he's really cute today! err, he looks a bit different and i'd say he really looks something... (",) but yea, he didn't stay the whole day... grrr.... guess i'd just see him tomorrow then....
okay, i have to go back to work...

August 02, 2005 Tuesday 7:05 pm

About my pretty guy (but he doesn't know actually!!!)

He's sitting quietly at his workstation working on something... I just wish he'd come by and say 'hi'... geez, i am really getting pathetic. (let me be, i am happy anyway) i wonder about this guy really. while others may not notice it, his being 'mysterious' makes me like him even more. what kind of food does he like? What about music? does he read Harry Potter like me? (I doubt...) All i know is that he's into music (the classical type, or maybe not... basta music). He likes laing and he has this weird fashion sense. He also has this weird voice, a little high-pitched for a guy. but it doesn't really matter, he's cute and I like him for that. I just wish i could really get to know him more without being too obvious that i am infatuated with him.... yaikks! wonder what time he's going to go home this time...(",)

August 02 Tuesday 3:45 pm

i know you are losing the truest sense of what you are called -- My daybook -- because i haven't written in a long time (and it's suppose to be everyday!) Lately, we've been really buried with work because of that Trainer's Companion Stuff. Last night, we went home almost 9pm. I wasn't able to finish the editing stuff but atleast, I'm going somewhere.
The pretty guy also took an ot yesterday so it didn't bother me much having to spend almost 13 hours in the office (tee-hee!) lovely to look at, charming to hold... but i'm only allowed the former. sucks.
It was just past 3pm when I opened this blog... i had to finish some things so it's actually 6:45 pm now. I'm still here at the office. To be honest, I am not actually psyched at all to go home. I can actually stay here for as long as it could take. I'd rather work than be the stranger that I am at home with my mother. I wonder of we'll ever be okay. As far as I know, I have nothing to ask for an apology for. I know I am only a daughter but daughters also have rights and dignity to keep. And my so-called mother just stripped me off of what's what left of that. She ought to say sorry, not me. (I know i sound like a total b**ch but i was raised to fight for my beliefs).
Yesterday, my boss already spoke to us (V and Z) about that house (Condo actually) that they are going to rent for us (with us paying only half the rent as an incentive). I am actually thinking about moving out but i did not expect it to be so soon. I still am deciding... should it fit my budget, I'll go for it, definitely! It's just so sad that my sister and me wouldn't be living together anymore (coz she has her own plans of moving out). I so love being with her despite the fact that we fight like cats and dogs do.

July 29 Friday 12:20 pm

It's been a while, but there's really nothing much to tell. For the last few days, I've (we've) been busy with work due to this product that we have to deliver in the next two weeks. How to put it: The word is not really 'enjoying work' because it is WORK and I am actually a self-confessed bummer. I never thought that I'd be okay with having to spend atleast 12-14 hours a day at work but now I am kind'a grasping the idea. First, I am compelled to do it and I am really fine with it. And considering the atmosphere at home now, I'd rather spend my entire day here at the office. Yea, my mom and me are still giving each other the cold shoulder. It's not that I am still mad at her, I'm just really offended by what she said and did when we last fought. The fact that she gave away the spare room that we're supposed to have as an extension to our room (to my 'she's-too-poor-oh-poor-thing-you're-soo0oo-annoying tita) adds to my sentiments. It makes me feel that her sister is more important than her own family! It really makes me mad as hell (and my sister too!)
As for my pretty guy, he's been such a snob this week. wonder what his problem is. Anyway, it doesn't make any difference. He still doesn't know my thing for him. (",)
The Product Team is having this little dinner 'party' for the new company. Sayang, pretty guy wouldn't be there because he's not part of our team. I just hope it would turn out well.
By the way, I still have about 40% of colds virus in my system... sucks...

July 24 Sunday 12 nn

It's Sunday and I'm here in the office finishing some work so i won't have to go here tomorrow (it's special holiday anyway because of the President's SONA). I had my first "bad" experience at work Yesterday when that 'gorilla' scolded the whole office [out of nowhere] just because people kept asking the management to clarify our working sked for Monday. I really hate him.
Anyway, on a much happy note... I miss the pretty guy so much today. i looked at some of his pictures and he looks really funny... (",) i wish i could look at them all day.

July 22 Friday 12:45 pm

huhuhu.... i'm not feeling well... i feel so sick, i'm starting to regret going to work. I should be staying home and resting... probably sleeping right this moment... but i have to work. got some things to finish. I need to get those quotations for the magazine ASAP. Even got at a meeting at 1pm about the timeline of the products. Anyway, i had a good time last night with my friend Bambie and Ate Helen. It's really nice to catch up with them. We talked basically about work and I couldn't stop blabbing about the pretty guy (",) but anyhow, that's an entirely different story. tee-hee!
speaking of, he just left about two hours ago with this really pretty lady, a consultant or something... i think a business meeting or whatever that is. it's plain work but i am really really jealous (hehe... Over-reacting) don't know if he'll still be back but i hope he would so i would have someone (thing) pretty to look at... hehe!

July 21 Thursday 1:40 pm

the pretty guy is here.... (",)

July 21 Thursday 12:25 pm

i have no appetite today. maybe because of the fact that im feeling nauseous all morning becuase of my colds and fever. i've already taken my 'drugs' and im actually feeling a little bit better... just sleepy.
haven't seen the pretty guy around yet so my day isn't complete yet (awww!) wonder where he is but of course, i can't just ask around (if i wanna keep my sanity intact).

July 20 Wednesday 3 pm

weaahh... just 30 minutes ago, i was sulking. the pretty guy was such a snob. he doesn't even smile. we had a meeting (he was there so i was elated) but he didn't even blink in my direction. i wonder if im just really a paranoid little thing or it's just really him. haay, whatever it is, i don't wanna think about it... i'm going crazy here.. but actually, he did approach me a while ago, just hearing him call my name makes me smile up to my ears, but of course i had to act normal. I swear, i really really like him.

July 19 Tuesday 12:35

so here i am eating lunch at my workstation... actually, there's just no room for the three of us (vida, tin and me) at the conference room (the smaller one) where we usually eat lunch... there's too many of them there already. (",) the pretty guy isn't eating lunch yet... hmmm.. busy (yea, talking with someone) hehe... he's cute but he's voice is a real turn off... hehe

July 19 9:25 am

haay, it's another gloomy morning. i need to finish some stuffs today and i know exactly where (and how) to start but i'm not in the mood to move. reached the office just in time so i won't be marked late. who else could make my day but that person i was blabbing about. but he is a 'mystery'. today, he is a little snob, he wouldn''t even smile, unlike the other days that you could exchange some friendly banters with him... *sigh* i hate this really.

July 18 Monday 2:55 pm

Grrr…. I am officially pissed off now… (okay, just a little). This is practically my fourth attempt to write this blog. The first three were deleted. I don’t know what’s wrong with this computer… my patience is running thin.
Anyway, I am just squeezing this blog stuff in to my workload. It’s basically my way of unwinding from long hours of tormenting my brain with copywriting. Ei, I’m new at this job so spare me. I’m used to writing business news and whatever articles related to transport and trade. But im getting used to it so there’s no point complaining.
My frustration is that I think I am seriously crushing on one person. It’s not really a big deal but I am just overwhelmed coz I haven’t had a crush on someone in a long time (after one serious relationship). Geez, this makes me sound like an infatuated highschool kid. And I think it’s kind’a funny.
I just find him cute in a ‘weird’ manner… hehe. He’s just different and he has this cute little face that you would never get tired of looking at. Actually, I am pretty stupid coz he has caught me a number of times looking at him (though I am trying really hard not to look). I’m just playing it cool, smiling and saying ‘hi’… geez, I know I sound really stupid. But hey, I’m happy doing this… simple small things that can make my day so why deny myself, right? (“,)

July 16 Saturday 8:55 am

Geez... I arrived late in the office. i had a hard time fixing my hair. I swear it has its own life. The fact that we are going to a wedding today justifies my innate pleasure of fixing it anyway
I am the happiest person in this office right now. Well, maybe aside from my friend Vida here who's currently having a blast in her lovelife. Nobody knows and I don't really intend to share it with them but i think i am a little infatuated with someone here ... ha-ha! wouldn't tell and i really don't know why... I am such a pathetic fool that i can't share this with anybody, except this blog (and i'm registered under a pseudonym so it doesn't really matter!) I just find his boyish demeanor quite attractive. He's not even that cute. Maybe it's the pleasant personality. (",)

July 16 Saturday 12:56 am

Whew... I just got home from a girls' night out with some friends at my (new) work and my dearest 'mamu' tere. we were suppose to look and buy a gift for our "Tatay's" wedding tomorrow. haven't been to a wedding for quite some time now so i am kind'a excited (",).
About work, I've been there for only ten days now and it felt like i've been there a month already. not only because of the workload but because the people are sooo nice (atleast most of them) that i can easily get along with.

Thursday July 14, 2005 8:30 am

Thursday July 14, 2005 8:30 am

It’s such a gloomy day. As I look outside my office window, I knew this would be somewhat different from the rest. First, my mom and I had relived the world war scenario at home once again before I left home. Well, she was actually waging it on my sister and me but lucky for ate, she knows best what to do whenever this ugly situation comes. And I am left paralyzed and angered and hurt so my tendency is to answer back to my mom, which I know is very very wrong. I can’t help it. It’s like my mom and I have this love-hate-love relationship that if we are okay, then we’re more than okay. And if we are fighting, you’ll never want to hear us. It’s like I’m being possessed by some evil spirit that when I snap out of the situation, I usually regret everything that I’ve said. As for my mom, she doesn’t think before saying anything and that’s what really ignites my anger. My only point is that moms aren’t always right. My mom, she doesn’t listen. For her, she is always right because she “just” made me what I am right now. She has a point on that one but every mom also ought to listen.