Fights.

I just had a fight with my mom about an hour ago. And after all the screaming and hurtful exchange of words, I feel bad and guilty and sorry. The reason was very petty and a little bit funny actually ( And I wouldn't dare elaborate) and we ended up hurting each others' feelings. I bet there wouldn't be any talking between us for the next couple of days. Unless of course I lower my pride and apologize to her... which I will... tomorrow when everything has cooled down.
The problem with mom... no matter how she shows and tells us how much she loves us, everything seems to be forgotten the moment she opens her mouth when she's angry. She curses, she calls us useless ingratas, she wants us out of her house and it almost sounds like we're the worst thing that ever happened to her. I know she doesn't really mean those and it's just a sudden burst of temper that brought it out but still, her words cut deep.

The problem with me... I couldn't hold myself back for just one second. I talk back. And I talk back with such cruelty that I regret everything that I say the moment they come out of my mouth. I am such an insolent brat or at least I tend to be in this kind of situation. Probably it's because I want to hurt my mom the way she hurts me. It's a battle of words and carelessness - we forget that we are a mother and a daughter who loves each other dearly.

Speaking of fights. I had a fight too with my pop last week but we're okay now. At least that's what I know considering that he's talking to me again and he asked me to eat the dinner he cooked yesterday. That's the thing with papa... when he knows that he started the fight and that he really did offend me, he wouldn't really cling to his pride; he'd make a small gesture to show that he's not mad anymore. Mom's also like that but she tends to be more dramatic.

***
Chinchin and I almost had a misunderstanding too yesterday. I was in a really bad mood that I thought I kind of lashed it out on her (and to all other people who were within my 2-ft radius). I just wanted to be invisible that I didn't want to talk, eat, move, look at other people or even hear them talk. I was in a very b*tch* mood that it was a little bit over the edge. It was really a bad timing and a lack of comprehension that Chin got a little pissed of. It was a good thing though that I explained myself to her immediately before the situation got ugly and the next thing I know, we were laughing our asses of at Cafe Breton in Greenbelt after our meeting with an advertiser. Glad to talk than to shut up, if it would mean getting things resolved.

Tearjerker video

I saw this video again and I can't help but be a little sad =(

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

It made me think how in a matter of months, weeks even, I'll be left behind in the office - the most depressing place for me these days. My friends there will soon be leaving for better opportunities and I have never been happier for them but I can't help to think what will become of me when they leave. I'll probably be one of those loner workaholic loonies who doesn't have a social life... waahh... nooooo! hehe.

On a serious note, I will seriously miss these people. But I know that no matter what happens, these people will always be there for me - ready to cry for my pain and laugh with me like life is nothing but one big party. Come to think of it, most of our friends were already elsewhere but it seems like they never left... thank God for emails and cellphones and YM and MSN messengers.

I just feel a little sentimental when I think about those times when I didn't seem to feel pain because in our world, laughter cures everything. It's funny, the irony of it all... work brought us together and it is also the very reason why we had to go different ways. If there's one thing I'd thank ECCI for, it's bringing you guys to me.

Fruit of boredom

I'm so luvin' this pic... hehe... Boredom kicked in while I was writing a very boring article about some HROD sh*t... so I played with Photoshop and voila...



I am getting stick thin these days... sh*t.

My sadness

I am trying to be happy but I'm sad. Have you ever felt crying and not wanting to stop? Geez, why do I feel so sad? I wanted to be happy but every time I try to look the other way, something happens and it makes me feel so frustrated and sad and I just want to mope and not talk to anybody.

I can't even remember the last time I laughed with my heart laughing along with me. I tried shunning away the black clouds, but still, they are here. Why am I so sad? This makes me feel so hopeless, useless, unwanted, uncared for... I am probably extremely sensitive that I can die
with mere words.

I feel pain now - I can literally feel my heart being ripped.

Back to the Real World

And so... the vacation was over.

Chinchin and I went to Hong Kong last weekend. It was a very short, yet sweet and nice getaway from my troubles back here at 'home'. It was my first time to make a decision on something huge (at least for me) like that. Thing is she needs to go there to babysit and do some errands for her business, and since she knows how 'kaladkarin' I am and how I've been going crazy and needed a break, she took me with her. Well, I had to splurge on it but it was actually worth it and it wasn't really that costly. Kasama ko kaya ang 'Bangko Sentral ng Tsina'... hehe... Peace Chinchin! I was actually supposed to work there but I didn't... =)

We left Saturday afternoon and arrived in HK around 7pm. There wasn't anything much to do that time so we just stayed 'home' at her cousin's flat. The place (Ma On Shan) was quite far - about an hour from Central HK. It was in Kowloon side. Chin's got three cutesy nephews which we had to babysit. The next day, we got to see Acha, Chin's friend since highschool. It was really nice to see the two of them reunite since Acha's already based in HK for good. We went to The Peak - the coldest place I've ever been to apart from Baguio and Genting in Malaysia. We took the 30-minute train ride to Shenzen and I was given a five-day visa upon arrival at the station... so yes, I could say I've already been to Mainland China... ahaha (for two freaking hours only as we needed to be back in HK by 7pm).

I don't know what is it with me when I travel but I always get sick. I puked all over HK on our last day. I got this terrible headache where it felt like I have about a dozen bricks on top of my head. The feeling was really awful that I vomit every chance that I got. I didn't get to eat and boy, I hate the smell of noodles (most of what I ate and barfed out of my system). To top it all, our flight was delayed (Thanks to Cebu Pacific) by four hours from 10pm to 2am. To make it up with the irritated passengers, the airline officers gave us meal vouchers. Nice. Too bad, I can't really eat yet. But the food was nice so I tried. Then, we just hung out and did all possible means to amuse ourselves - including fafa hunting but to no avail. =) It's really alarming how the "fishes in the ocean" are becoming scarce these days - kung hindi bakla, taken... sheez! Arrived in Manila past 4am and reached home 30 minutes later.

And, I'm back to reality.

Pusang Antok...

Super cuuuuttteeee!

Ladyholden on Vox...

Hi peeps...

I got a new blog (again!) and I'm loving it...

Please visit www.ladyholden.vox.com...

If you want a sneak peak of my overly dramatic life... v(^_^)v

Kewl.

Crazy (little) doggie... WonBin-shi

How can I not love this dog???

Meet WonBin... our one-year old 'third-gen' retriever.. he doesn't look like it na nga... he looks more like a "Chien Dela Rue" (a.k.a. askal... haha!) but equally adorable and cuddly. He's so big and when he gets excited, he'll throw his whole weight on you. The next thing you know, you've exchanged faces with the ground already.

We call him all kinds of stuff and he remembers... we call him 'omoni' (weird but korean term for mother), wonbina, wonbinshi, nini, haramoni (korean term for grandma) and some other unusual names.

Wonbin has all these weird habits that sometimes, I can't help but doubt if he really is a dog or a man who was cursed to become a dog ala '100 Deeds for Eddie McDowd'. Sometimes he barks sounding like a hyper monkey and he doesn't appreciate anyone patting his head. I get a lot of bruise and scratches from playing with him. And he bites (yes he does!)... bad bad dog...

the long weekend.

Nope, I didn't go to Laiya last weekend. It was okay though... I got to spend quality time with my family amidst the usual bickering with mom, tug of war with pop for the TV's remote control and food tripping with ate and kuya. It was indeed a very long weekend for me, I got bored to my wits that I started working Sunday afternoon... hehe... I know, workaholic ako you people would say... But no, it's just the lack of a better thing to do that drove me to work instead.

I spent most of my time in bed, in the arms of my loving pillows... sleeping. Atleast I was able to make up for those insomniac nights where I was up until 3am, getting up four hours later for work. It was so unhealthy and I tasted my abused body's sweet revenge when I got sick for two whole weeks. I lost a lot of weight that I was able to fit into that old pair of jeans which I had since first year college. hehe...

I am starting to regain my weight and, to my delight, my appetite. To hell with my braces, I learned to appreciate the value of things (food to be exact) that is already within arms reach but we take for granted and the agony that's there when you can't have it. I literally cry over it. I swear I am talking about food and not some heartache. =)

I miss a lot of people during the vacation. I miss Vida and Kai and Tere... I even miss Chinchin and Gela who I know I would see today (Although Gela's not yet in) I miss Katkat (Happy Birthday!) and my friends back in college. I miss Pocla who hurt me big time the last time we spoke but I miss just the same. I hope she gets well soon. I miss Mira and Mark whom I have no idea if I will ever see again. I miss my cousins Marianne and Ray whom I only get to 'talk' to through MySpace and Friendster. I miss my cat Sparkie and my old Samsung phone. I miss walking alone at the airport with a big luggage in tow.

I miss my dead loved ones, even those whom I wasn't able to meet because they went up to heaven even before I was born. (But no, please don't visit me... hehe). At the cemetery last November 1, I have heard for the first time some stories about my grandpa (pop's pop) from an uncle. It was quite a story and I felt a sudden pang of regret that I didn't get to meet him or be with him. I am just thinking, we could probably have such a tight grandpa-grand daughter bonding. He seemed like a good old cool grandpa... he seemed makulit like my pop. He was probably like my pop. It would probably be nice to have a 'lolo' whom you could tell your stories to when you feel like the whole world is against you. My grandpa from mom's side also died even before I could walk. I have very vague memories of him. I miss my dear 'Lola Inang' (mom's mom) who was the epitome of a perfect grandma. She was a nag alright but she loved all her grandchildren dearly. I remember how in her old age and that small yet stout body, she would carry me when it rains hard because I hate it when my shoes get drenched. Or how she stays the whole time at the back during my kindergarten class because I would cry when she's out of my sight. Then there's my Uncle Henry who died at Christmas day two years ago. Among my pop's brothers, we love him the most because he was responsible and he was the only one who had balls to put food on the table (except of course pop because he has his own family to feed) despite the fact that he'd been living thousands of miles away in the US with his own family. But I am happy for these people 'coz they are now in peace, somewhere far where people don't get sad at all.

It's the first day of work again and I kept promising myself that I'd be productive. But hey, guilty as charged... I, once again, put half my day to waste, staring at a blank monitor, writing novel-like blogs (ahem) and just... well... thinking about the things that I'm supposed to do but I don't have the energy to do yet. This is what I hate about me. I need to put things in perspective and I have to act rationally. Now...

Wake up.

What am I doing losing my way?

Good Tuesday morning! I hope this will be one helluva different week - more positive and productive and filled with smiles and laughter. I guess I am tired of succumbing to hopelessness and too much negativity.

As much as this dark cloud clings to my head everytime I'm in the office, I am trying to look outside my office window where the sun shines today like it is keeping its promise.

***

We had a slumber 'party' last weekend at Ria's place in South Forbes. Hell, her house is so darn huge like those houses I see only in soap operas and movies. I was, how do you call it... 'house struck'?

And this weekend, I was invited by Chinchin to join their little outing in La Luz, Laiya, Batangas... Can't wait... beach... beach... here I come. =)

Me and my short short hair... ayshhh...

I am having regrets... this feeling that I hate the most. This wasn't suppose to happen. I said I would try very hard to ignore this urge... I knew it would lead me to damnation...

I shouldn't have cut my hair. And now, I'm missing it already... = (

I was just suppose to accompany my friend Chinchin to this Korean Salon in West of Ayala 'coz she wants to get her hair fixed. But then, I found all the justification to splurge 500 bucks on my hair (it's starting to annoy me anyway, I want to sport a short 'do, I want a new look, blah... blah... blah), I succumbed to my whim and entrusted my mane to this gay Korean guy who probably doesn't know how to smile. And it was actually my first time to see a Korean gay guy and it amused me a little... ehehe...

It was probably the language. He didn't understand me or he misunderstood my instructions... I don't know. As far as I can remember, I was very clear "I want this hairstyle" (while pointing to an image in their hairstyle index... "Not too short... up to here only... (while pointing to a spot just above my boob).

But no. The hair cut was a freaking disaster... it's too short. I feel like Go Eun Chan / Yoon Eun-Hye (not that I am as pretty as her...hehe) in Coffee Prince. I look like a guy... waaahhh....
I look like this --->>> (I am not as happy as I look believe me...)

Then maybe it has its rewards... This gay guy I saw yesterday at the conference I attended in Tagaytay might actually fall in love with me, thinking that I am a guy... hehe. He looks like Lee Jun Ki.. he's such an eye candy.. I drooled. Hehe.. Exag. I still can't get over the fact that he made my heart leaped over Mt. Everest and dropped peach-like the moment he opened his mouth. It was so frustrating. Grr... They say when you're heart broken, move on... there are still many fishes in the sea. Problem is, these fishes want to eat their own kind... they huddle together... and they f*** (bleep) together. Oh, man!

Faffy Jae Won's lost twin

This Chinese singer, Nicholas Teo looks like my faffy Jae Won... And I thought 'ngangabunch's' (as my deluded gay cousin calls him) face is unique... tee-hee! Anyway, Nicholas Teo is a very good singer. I like his songs, especially this one...

Sick sick sick

I've been dead for two and a half days - last weekend to be exact. I went home earlier than usual (around 3pm) last Friday because of a head-splitting headache and nausea. I vomited thrice that afternoon and I went into a deep slumber. I have no idea what happened next...

I've been like this - dead on the inside -- for the last couple of weeks. I live through numerous prescription drugs and minimal food intake that I usually take out of my system even before they have stayed long enough in my stomach for digestion. I feel so weak that my eyes hurt at the slight sight of bright lights and my muscles and joints feel perpetually exhausted.

But today morning, I mustered up all the strength that's left in me to go to work. I am probably straining myself too much and the consequences aren't pretty. I wish I could just lie down all day and not worry about work and the pending write-ups that I have. I wish I wouldn't have to stress myself because of yet another delayed release of this magazine I'm handling.

I feel so numb; I'm half-asleep, half-awake. My eyes are open but they don't recognize anything. Everything seems to be dictated by the slow condescending feeling that makes me want to immerse myself in complete isolation. I hear my slow steady breathing but I can't feel my own soul. It left me already.

Why do I feel this dead when I'm still alive?

Mmmm...mmmorning!

This was the first time in months (or probably years?) that I reached the office before 7 am and damn, it felt good. I was always telling my friend Gelai that it was sort of my dream to be at the office early in the morning, watch the sunrise through my office window while sipping a hot cup of coffee, mesmerized by the beauty of (albeit polluted) Makati skyline and indulging in the sweetness of silence.
I'm having a hard time focusing on writing these days and I thought it might be a good therapy for my already rusting brain...

still gray...

Ordinary day, ordinary phase in an ordinary life of an ordinary soul. I still feel so sick inside... holes inside... As Joe Brooks said "...'coz sometimes, faith and your dreams will collide..."

I feel like I have this 'gi-normous' (if there is such a term) hole inside of me that sucks the last ounce of the cheerful me... I am becoming black.

Drama... drama.

What am I doing with my life? I honestly don't know. I am probably in that point where I should be certain about what I am doing and yet, I don't really know which direction am I heading. It's suppose to be simple and clear. I could easily enumerate all the things that I have right now and those that I would want to have in the future. I mean, I am living with my family, I have a job, I love my job (it's different from loving where you are exactly), I love my friends at work, I love the things that I have at work - from the laptop computer that have been so "graciously" given to me (so that I wouldn't have any reason not to do my job well...) to my little multi-colored post-its and to my overly abused coffee cup. They make me happy. Those little things make my day.

But why do I feel like sh*t these days? I feel like I have no direction at all. My everyday routine is turning into a vicious cycle - either I do or I don't. Probably it's the rule of life and I have to stick to it no matter what but this is the point where the character turns suicidal. If only I could put a bullet in my head, then I'd probably have nothing more to complain about. I am starting to sound so deluded and out of my wits but I really feel so low. Work is putting too much pressure on me and I need some time to digress. I need some time to be alone. I want to hide myself in a little cupboard on a one-way-ticket train heading somewhere far. Sometimes people wonder why someone who seems to have everything suddenly ends everything.

I have lots of dreams - I want to apply for scholarships abroad and continue writing. I want to write my own novel someday - chic lit, some Pulitzer-prize worthy sh*t or a self-help book, it doesn't matter. I want to be published and be taken seriously as a professional journalist. I want to be my own captain or work for someone that is worth calling a 'boss' and not some stupid f*ck who thinks peoples' lives revolves at the palm of his hands because he feeds them... sanctimonious pile of dung.

*This is probably my entry which has the most number of cuss words in it...

I am not angry. I am pissed off. I am frustrated and 'am half-tempted to sleep and never wake up. How come it is so damn easy to smile when deep inside, you're mourning for yourself and the death of your happiness? I can easily forget sadness when I see people and talk to friends and bombard myself with worries about what I haven't done yet that needs to be done and what I shouldn't have done. I forget the pain and the tugging feelings of brain torture, regret, heartache and who - in heaven's name - knows. Sometimes, no matter how I love being around some people, I tend to pull myself away for fear of giving them the impression that I am giving myself away too much. Friends come and go but little do they know that a part of me dies along with those who killed my trust and respect.

I miss being carefree and being stupid not caring whether the world thinks I am just a gum on a side street, ready to piss the hell out of someone. I miss being invisible yet important and loved. I miss smiling for someone. I miss laughing for no one. I miss ME.

Ma... mama...mum... mummie... ma...mom...

This one's for you... Happy Birthday Omma!!!

Flu, flu go away...

Why am I such a weakling? I am down again with a flu - terrible colds and a painful cough. Like the magazine that I am working on, this virus seems to attack me on a bimonthly basis - I usually get infected once every two months.

Haay.

But my day wasn't limited to lounging in bed the whole time and sleeping like crazy but instead I am in front of my laptop, typing away some email responses. Plus , the not-so-nice ogre have given me tons (again) to worry about. So what's new? I might as well carried my ass off to work.

I feel so bad... especially my sinuses. Do you know that awful feeling when you swallowed salt water through your nostrils... bleck! I can't swallow normally and my air passage is being blocked by gallons of (forgive me, but I have to mention) mucus... ehehe... I wish I could get rid of them with one powerful blow.

My mom's even blaming me for getting sick. She said it's my six hour computer marathon yesterday afternoon that gave me the bug. Totally incoherent but hey, mom's a mom - they think they are always right. I'd say I've been exposed to too much radiation (from the PC screen) and this aggravated the situation. The next thing I know I have a high-fever.

I can't help it, I finally found a site where I could watch Entourage whenever I want - sidereel.com. Try it! It got almost all the American TV Series and even new movies. So nice. I am so hooked and crazy about the Ari-Lloyd tandem. Anyway, I was alternately watching Entourage at sidereel and 'The Coffee Prince' at youtube the whole yesterday afternoon. Mom's probably got a point.

Anyway, I hope I can get to work already tomorrow as I've tons of other things to worry about other than this darn flu.

Pachelbel Rant

I love Pachelbel Canon in D with all of my being but this guy just made my night =) hehe... enjoy Rob Paravonian's funny rantings about how he hated Pachelbel...

I'm hungry, thus, this.

My horoscope says I have to use my creativity to make dinner and I should invite friends over. Now I believe, it isn't really true. How can I make dinner when I don't know how to cook?!? Me and my pathetic self. As a matter of fact, I'm waiting for my kuya to finish cooking pasta for me. I haven't had any real food since I got my braces until yesterday. I tried eating a full meal at Uncle Kenny's during lunch and I ended up with a hurting mouth and jaw the rest of the day. Tsk...

Anyway, I'm glad I am somehow getting used to the feeling of having a 'metal' in my mouth. But I still can't eat a decent meal and I sooooo missed it. I have slurred speech (at times), I can't smile pretty anymore and I drool (hehe). Talk about the perils of having this thing in my mouth... haay. Looking at the brighter side, I am losing a lot of weight. I just hope it wouldn't be too much 'coz I don't wanna be a walking stick. I still have to wear this for eight more months.

Moving on...

Once again, I am in this situation where I am confused about what I want about work. A friend got in touch recently and she wants me to try to get in her company. I'd say it was actually a tempting offer but I still got a lot of plans for my 'baby' - the magazine. I really don't want to leave it hanging just like that. Anyway, as much as I hate the ogre, I love my job and the things that I do. I probably know my answer already.

I still hate 'E'. I wonder what have I done to him to deserve being treated like a nobody... like someone INVISIBLE and not worthy of his attention. It's funny how someone so far can affect me this much (or atleast two days ago because I feel okay now). I have decided not to dwell too much on this 'infatuation' (as he jack-assly puts it) and move on like I actually don't care. I know he couldn't possibly smile for me.

'E'-nough

I've actually posted this blog in my multiply but dang, I didn't see it when I refreshed the page... it must've been too dramatic and pathetic that even my site refused to show it...

Anyway, this post was about my stupid, old rantings about my frustration about this boy *there's this boy and he kind'a has my heart* Now, I'd say he HAD my heart.

I am so frustrated yesterday when I learned (with a little bit of proof) that this guy that I have had my big eyes on for two years, two months, eleven days, four hours and fifteen minutes (as of yesterday afternoon) is nothing but a big ball of a jackass. I refuse to elaborate further.

Mental Dental

My teeth have been ripping off my purse... I'm in a serious need of mouth or more like teeth overhaul. I've been seeing my dentist for the last couple of days and every time, I feel poorer and poorer... waah!

The last time I went to a doctor because of severe back pains, I was diagnosed with a 'sensitive nerve' that might be linked or caused by my 'lockjaw'... whatever that is. No matter how it seemed weird, it was, after all, normal for me - especially when my back kills me that I can't sleep at night because of the pain. The solution -- I had to wear braces! No, not back braces... as in teeth braces to fix the lockjaw and the underbite (or is this overbite?)

And the cost... geez, I'm really not happy about it. I have to pester my mom to help me with the downpayment and now, I have to cut back and stop spending too much to save the money that'll be needed to pay the rest of it. I'm starting to do the major 'money-saving' thing by:

1. Instead of taking a cab to and from work, I take the Makati Loop FXs in the morning and jeep on my way home.
2. I try to bring packed lunch as much as possible.
3. I don't go near a mall.
4. I temporarily erased Starbucks and Coffee Bean off my memory.
5. I am cutting back on late night snacks from 7-11 and my mom's tindahan.

I'll think of other ways I'm sure and I'm crossing my fingers tight. v(^__^)v

My New Hero

Ari Gold rules!!!

Enjoy...

Oh no, not another wedding...

I just came back from one... v(^_^)v

It was Kuya Rod and Angie's wedding day and as usual, I was moved by the event... I really do love weddings. Even if sometimes, it's like a rude awakening about my being perpetually single. *sigh* It doesn't matter really. Aside from the fact that I have a very good reason to be totally dolled up and gorgeous (hehe!) , there is this overwhelming and poignant (Gian, borrow the term ha?!? ehe..) atmosphere that I only get to experience during weddings. It was so nice to see how two different families gather and say all sorts of heartwarming greetings and sweet gestures of welcoming.

It was good 'coz it made me forget all my work-related angst and I've never felt better. =)

My sister caught the bouquet and I was teasing her about it being a premonition... she has to get married... fast! I am excited to be her 'Maid of Honor' All my life, I've never been really a bridesmaid... yup, at 25! My last participation in a wedding was like 20 years ago as a flower girl in a family friends' wedding...and they're not even my relatives. Haha... pathetic.

Can't help but wonder... when will my day come? I guess it is too soon to think about it, considering that well, I have yet to find my groom. Curious... curious... God, I know you love me and you'll give me someone worth the wait. =) I've always imagined what a perfect wedding would be (at least for me). It will be a beach or a garden wedding. I'd like it to be intimate with only the closest of my family and friends present. Everything would be a glimmering white... my gown, my entourage's outfit, the flowers... everything. That is exactly how I dreamed about it. Fancy.

uhmmm... present!

yup... I'm still alive! tee-hee...

and so i've been missing in action for quite some time. can't help it, i am a very busy person. naks! really, no kidding... ive been tormented with too much work this week. since i went back to malaysia, i feel like i've been zapped into a small ball of anti-social fury. the office must have love me so much that it can't wait to have me back. a lot of problems were waiting for me. but anyway, everything seems to settle in slowly; thank God.

however, i feel a little bad about being too angry. i had a small 'fight' with my friend 'G' and we didn't speak for like two days. all these immature 'walang-pansinan' mode just because of a stupid misunderstanding. i really believe in 'what ifs'. anyway, i am also in a not-so bubbly mode these days but ironically, (and i'm seriously happy about it) i am gaining back my appetite. aza... aza... fighting!!! hehe. glutton mode on. =)

then yesterday morning, my head was chopped off by the offensive rantings by the ogre.. it almost rolled off the floor. and the mongrel used the 'F' word on me again! I almost exploded but thank God (you really love me, don't you?) i was able to control myself and yea, i still have my job. again, i don't wanna talk about work because it's not pretty right now.

then there's this friend who's been acting like a totally self-absorbed asshole these days. he really got on my last nerves the other day and yesterday and even today. sad though, i miss the old him. i swear, i would nag him 'till i can't no more when i have the chance.

okay... *kilig* mode on. i was talking (more like YM-ing) with the pretty dude a while ago. gusto ko lang sabihin... pampaganda ng mood. haha! nah, but i really appreciate his efforts to keep in constant communication with me. how he changed from being cold and distant to warm and sweet friend (naks, friend daw)... actually i am hoping for something more. hehe. wishy-wishy. dear guardian angel, make my wish come true *wink*wink...

Finding KJW

At last, I got an update about the whereabouts of kim jae won... hehe... heard he's just done an MV with Taiwanese singer Jolin Tsai...Here's a clip...

Looks like he lost some pounds... got a bit skinnier but cute (for me!) just the same v(^_^)v

Airport bummer

What can I possibly be doing on a Monday afternoon? The usual thing would be finishing some work at my workstation while strongly fighting the urge to snooze even for just a bit. Or I'll be having a late lunch. But today is different.

Today, at 2pm in the afternoon, I am [indian] sitting at the arrival lounge of KL International Airport, luggages in tow while listening to the hubbub of the people scuttling around me. I am watching sweet time pass me by as I immerse myself in a world that I had never seen before. Here, I am alone. I hear people talking but there is just no way to decipher their words; I can't understand them. Here I sit furiously typing at my laptop, thinking what I would do for the rest of the day, kind of feeling hostaged in a foreign land. I am so desperate to go home.
What can possibly g wrong after an unforgettable weekend? I thought by now, my plane would be kissing the Philippine soil already and I'd be back in the comforting sheets of my bed in about two hours. I didn't see it coming. I was so sure everything would be fine. But then...

I missed my morning flight back to Manila. My flight was at 10:20 this morning and I arrived here at the airport at 10am. After all the arrangements and preparations with my transportation, everything felt like it went wrong.

Stories later... Gotta catch the Express Train back to Sentral... haay.

darn.

And though I am friggin' (what does friggin' mean anyway?) annoyed by you...

yup... yup... yup...

Amishu.

Three days and counting...

I've been staying in Malaysia for three days now but I haven't actually been around much. The farthest I got was when I had meetings in the Subang Jaya area where I literally spent my whole day at. I thought I will get lost because I had to take a cab from destination 1 to the Subang Parade mall. I'd say it was some sort of an adventure - being in a foreign land, all by yourself. Sure I have a super nice officemate who makes an effort to drive me to and from my hotel and the office but the point is I want to walk the streets of KL and take lots of pictures and just enjoy the fact that I am really here. It' just so sad, I can't do that now 'coz of work and I don't really wanna ask the favor from the people here. Pfftt..

Tomorrow's another day and it has a promise. I will finally see the Twin Towers... the conference I'll be attending will be held at the Kuala Lumpur Convention Center which is like one fart away or something.. so, yey.

Anyway, I met this guy at the airport on my way here. He's an American or something... not really sure but he's actually nice. Been asking me out to dinner since I got out of the plane. Err... a little off I'd say so no, thanks.

What I'm really excited about this whole KL thing is my weekend. Not because I'd be seeing E for the first time again in months (who am I kidding?hehe) nah, no sh*t, but come weekend, I'll be able to go around without even thinking about work and stuff... and not bothering about wearing office outfit which is so darn a stress! I've only brought a few pairs of clothes... hay.

updates laterz...

Capital Q

and now i pop the dreaded question: how do you know when you're starting to like... i mean really like someone? do you rely on your instincts and go with the roller coaster emotions of loving and hating the feeling at the same time? do you feel awfully stupid whenever you crave the attention that isn't there? do you transform into someone unreasonable and cheesy and unpredictably moody?

is it normal to wish that he'd give you a wave or a smile; a friendly but equally annoying remark that was carefully thought of to amuse the sh*t out of you? is it selfish to want him to smile only for you?

wala. gusto ko lang itanong.

God of wonders

I have, once again, felt God's greatness this morning as I was on my way to work.

The sky was a murderous, pitch-black when I woke up but it was just drizzling. By the time my brother and I went out to go to work, the sky was crying like it never would again. The downpour was so heavy that roads were almost flooded and people waiting for transportation were huddling like babies in sheds and covered corners. As expected, we had the most yet difficult time in finding a cab. Most of the taxi drivers were mean, asking for double fare rates or more while the rest refused to take us in. For fear that my brother, who just got well from a flu, would get drenched, I asked him to stay at that covered spot. I stood by the gutter, waving my arms frantically to every cab passing by, with only one weapon at hand - my little transparent umbrella. I must've looked really pitiful because after about 20 minutes of standing there, seriously looking like I would cry any minute because I'm really drenched and cold and totally afraid of the alternate thunder-lightning-thunder symphony, a cab with a passenger (already!) stopped in front of me. The driver asked if our way was to Ayala because it's his passenger's destination. I said yes at once and we rode the cab - totally soaked and cold. I probably could've thanked him a thousand times and would never get tired of it. I swear I could've seen his wings and halo... I was still thinking if he's some sort of a guardian angel. He made my day. I couldn't thank God enough also for sending him... =)

Workaholism?

I can't remember when did I ever start to become a workaholic. I always see myself as someone who has life beyond the confines of the corporate war zone, but the way I see it now, I am in the middle of it - not caring one bit to get pass through the safety border. I am not enjoying it but it gets me too preoccupied that it makes me forget about my other troubles.

Since the company gave me the 'honor' of granting me my own laptop, I usually find myself immersed at work, this little devil at hand, squeezing thoughts out of my mind. I can't even stand not checking work-related emails during weekends. My unni says this is becoming an addiction - a very bad habit. And what can I say, I totally agree.

It's just that it seems that my work has no clear ending. It's the kind of job that doesn't just rest. When I finish an issue (content developments and all), I have to source [contents] for the next one. Although we have a regular pool of writers, it would need a lot of following-up and sometimes, it's just so tiring. On top of these, we are on a constant lookout for possible contributors, events to sponsor or partner with, potential advertisers - which turns me into a sales and marketing at a snap of a finger! I really didn't imagine myself pleasing the sh*ts out of somebody to win a deal. It's not bad actually; it just isn't me.

I often get bashing from the high and mighty 'ogre; whenever I pose this attitude, flashing on and off on my forehead. He's right when he says that as a team leader, one should be able to take accountability for everything that's been happening within the group. Entonces, excuses, reasoning or whatever-you-call-it are deemed unacceptable.

Okay.

As I often tell my friend Chinchin, I am probably 'crossing-over' from a perpetually-disoriented-and-disgruntled-employee to a someone who has finally saw things from beyond that borderline. In other words, thinking responsibly. But this doesn't necessarily translate to acting like a total stuck up, arrogant, money-eyed tyrant who thinks psyching out people and making their lives miserable would make himself better than the others. That is, generally speaking. =)

Rainy Days on Wednesdays...

Surprise... surprise!

Our company was kind enough to let everybody take a rest for the day - announcing early this morning that work was canceled because of the heavy downpour. I mean I could never be thankful that the good Bathala has finally answered our prayers and quenched this very very dry (and thirsty) land with a taste of nourishment. Rainy season was suppose to start more than a month ago but all we got was this abnormal weather play of alternate sunny and rainy and humid, which actually pose a great threat to our usually healthy lives.

My peaceful slumber was rudely interrupted by the harsh hammering of torrential raindrops on the rooftop. It sounded as if someone was banging the door in panic; it wasn't really nice. And so I slept some more until my mom woke me up for work. Then I read Sheryl and Wayne's kind announcement through text messages that hoorahhh, we have no work today!

Then I remembered, I've got tons to finish... darn... good thing I brought my laptop home with me... *sigh* the downsides of it *sigh*

Loving Colbie!

I was browsing for some lyrics in the net when I came across a song by Colbie Caillat entitled 'Bubbly'. I fell in love with the song at once and so I Limewired more of her songs... since then, she's playing non-stop in my iTunes =)

This is a very nice duet from Colbie and Jason Reeves... "Droplets"

When you're gone

Cute yet sad song...


Avril Lavigne When You're Gone Lyrics

A weird coincidence

This is just a weird thought that I just couldn't shun off my mind.

I started reading (for the 3rd time) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince last night to refresh my memory about some things mentioned in the Deathly Hollows. The first chapter was about the conversation of the Minister of Magic and the Prime Minister of Britain about some nasty disasters and crimes that have been happening to the muggle world, which in truth was the work of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (according to Fudge). But anyway, it mentioned a bridge collapsing, a series of murders and an explosion.

This morning, as I was watching the Today Show, I was so shocked to see the news about the Minneapolis Bridge Collapse which happened Wednesday evening. It's just so chilling how it was described in the book, something like "50 or so vehicles came falling down the river" then in the news, "Dozens of cars plummeted more than 60 feet into the Mississippi River, some falling on top of one of another."

It just probably shocked me that a fictional accident that I have just read actually happened in real life, killing four and leaving some 20 people still missing. It is just so horrible how mere words inscribed in a fantasy literature were now posted in eNews and printed in dailies. I am not saying that the book was some sort of a prediction or something because it is crazy. It was a mere coincidence and no more than that. The reality of it just hits me hard.

Anyway...

I was so upset yesterday; I cried for the first time in months. It just felt like all my hardwork has been thrown in the trash bin yet again. I felt so sick and not myself. It was like being in the midst of a dark room. I was so so sad.

Never mind the details. I recover fast anyway. (^_^) Aza... aza... FIGHTING (pa din)!!! And to the schmuck who makes my life miserable (without the littlest clue whatsoever) I don't hate you... I hate it that you can't appreciate me. I hate it that I love my job more than ever. Soon, you will really really hate me 'coz I wouldn't be that loser that you want me to be.

Jay Chou (Now and then)

Jay Chou THEN... (Jian Dan Ai Video)... like five years or so ago...



Jay Chou NOW... (Ke Ai Nu Ren Video)... not really now-now but like a year or two ago...

Domesticated Sunday

And I thought this would be a rest day for me. I woke up to my mom's morning nagging... She's arguing with my pop... she has to go to a church meeting and pop was so pissed about her being too preoccupied with that church thing. Anyway, I was forced to get up to 'man' our store (which I totally despise!)

I did my laundry, I cooked rice (which I'm still not an expert all these years) and I fed Wonbin. I was doing a lot of house chores and they felt very new to me. Probably because I am not used to doing them anymore. I felt tired so easily.

Come to think of it... it is probably time that I learn and get used to doing such things. No more Ms. Prinsesa this time...

***

I don't mean to be a total prat and an over-sensitive whining schmuck but I am really really upset with some people. When I was in Cebu, a friend (out of the blue), sent me a message just to let me know that our friends from the other side of the world called her up. She was all jolly and excited and (I dunno) but I kind of sensed a little bragging that our so-called friends still do get in-touch with her (but not me). I really don't know but I really felt jealous. It's probably bad and I kind of over-reacted. But I just feel like despite all my efforts to get in-touch with them and keep them updated of what's been happening to me and my interest to know what's been happening to them(that sometimes I feel like sobrang nagpapapansin na ko), they don't seem to appreciate it. I haven't heard from them in months now and it really saddens me. It's like I already missed the important happenings in their lives and I just wanted them to feel that 'hey, even though we're like heavens apart, I still care for you guys' but they don't seem to care about me anymore. I know I sound too paranoid and immature but I really can't help but feel it. No birthday greetings, no occasional 'How's life and what's up with you these days', no whatever...
Oo, nagtatampo ako. I hate this word really. But it's what I feel right now.
I just miss you guys... =(

J.K. Rowling fan

In my ultra-eagerness to learn what Harry's fate would be (or the details at least) in J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, I never stopped reading until I finished last night. I am a big (and old) a fan of Harry Potter and boy, did I get occasional goose bumps here and there while nearing the ending... and I cried a lot too. I adored some of the characters that were extinguished in the battle against He-Who-Must-Be-Named. I am heartbroken. Okay, I'd say no more as I don't want to be a spoiler

Speaking of spoilers...

Yesterday morning, I was watching the Today Show and as I was inside the shower, I heard the theme of Harry Potter being played in the background. I peeked in (despite totally being covered in shampoo and soap lather) and there she was, her royal highness, the great Harry Potter creator, J.K. Rowling being interviewed by Meredith Vieira swarmed by double a dozen kids. I cannot help it so I got out of the bathroom, soapy and shampooey and all and watched the interview. In my haste decision, I knew everything that I had to without even finishing the book. At least, I got the info from the author herself and not from some arrogant, show-off retard who thinks he / she's better than the others for finishing the book ahead of the lot. I promise I wouldn't be like that because if you're a real Potter fan, you know what respect means. Okay, I am being overboard.

Anyway, now that the Potter series is complete, J.K. says she's planning to come up with a Harry Potter Encyclopedia... yay.. can't wait! I got so interested in J.K. Rowlings life that I googled her up. Here's what I found.

Some interesting watch in youtube:

Deathly Hallows Q&A Interview
Tribute to the Heroes at the Battle of Hogwart - I cried watching this one... seriously!

Ladyholden is no fictional

The clouds were already murderous black when I gazed up on the sky on my way home from a small tittle-tattle with old friends at the mall. It was a threat of an imminent heavy downpour. The angry whoosshhh of the wind was like catcalls alarming the hell out of me. I reached our gate just in time as Wonbin, our deranged half-mongrel, half-retriever floundered his whole weight on me, paws trying to scratch my creamy blue chiffon dress, the sky cried with all its might. I am safely back home.

***

Wala lang, sometimes I like describing things as if I am a fictional character. Well, I'd like to be one. Probably because it is an easy way out of this sometimes very mundane life; I just had to exist for my author-creator. I just had to be what I am bound to be. And if he gets tired of me, he can just kill me in the end. The end.

But no, I am real. Pinch me, I'll whimper; stab me, I'll bleed.

Thus, I feel pain - physical,emotional, mental, spiritual -- name it. I get abused, I get tired. I get lousy, I get fired up. On the other hand, I have faith, I have emotional scars. (Okay, this sounds like a poem already!) My point is, I am happy I am alive. I feel life pulsating through my veins and I breathe (a very polluted air though). So I am living life to the best of my capacity. As a dear friend used to tell me : "Live each day as if it is your last!" That way, you'll never miss out on anything. And so, I am trying... desperately to win this battle over the intricacies life is yet to offer.

Blessed

My life... I lift it high
My world... I lift it high
My love... I lift it high

Higher. Higher.

I called, you answered and you came to my rescue... I wanna be where you are.

Never felt this blessed; No, I always feel blessed but this sudden strong feeling of gratitude is sweeping over me, lifting my spirits up and deepening my faith further. I just want to say THANK YOU.

Ouchie...

What can be more fitting?!? I got this from a friend's blog... she said the song's from a puppet musical called 'Avenue Q'... (Thanks Stef, I ripped this off from you obviously)

THERE'S A FINE FINE LINE

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you'd never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
and a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairytale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "you're wonderful" and "goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
but there's a fine, fine line between love
and a waste of time

And i don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for
For my own sanity, i've got to close the door
and walk away

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while youo're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
and a waste of time.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Yey! I already got my very own copy. Alas! My Harry Potter book collection is complete! Ang saya!
Here's what happened...

Just kidding... I know a lot of Harry Potter fans out there are reading like crazy, eager to find out what Harry's fate would be... or who dies in the end, or if Hermione and Ron would finally hit it off. I am one of them. v(^__^)v

And yea... I'm still halfway through the book... can't wait to finish it...

Cebu B (Busy!

The last time I was going to Cebu, I was ecstatically excited (huh? overly redundant) Apart from the fact that it was an all-expense paid media junket sponsored by Aboitiz and the ports authority, all I had to do was go and enjoy the moment. But this time, it is totally different.

Last week, my sister announced that we (by that I mean her and me) are going to Cebu. She has some work to attend to and I, well, she just want to bring me along. Haay. Of course I wanted to go so I said yes. Heck, I had to pay for my own plane fare (di bale, babawi ako sa food!!!) I was quite apprehensive though knowing that I've got truckload of unfinished work and I'll be wasting a total of four days. So I decided to say goodbye to vacation altogether and work while I'm there.

I spent most of my day calling up people, asking for (more of begging actually) for appointments so I wouldn't be idle my whole stay there. And luckily, I got three so far... tee-hee! So, it's official... this is not vacation... this is W-O-R-K!

ayyyyssshhh....

According to Jeremy Marsh...

"I think it happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. And so you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on. It's perfectly normal."

Is it??? Hmmm...

I agree.

Probably I am changing. I am maturing in a sense that I prefer not to dwell on petty little problems and allow myself to be gobbled up by the pessimistic attitude. All I want to do right now is immerse myself in this liberty -- not to be afraid, not to care, not to be overwhelmed with too many emotions.

So come on changes, bring it on! v(^_^)v

Laugh tough

I finally got a laptop. Yey. Pffff....

7-11 ramblings

Hah! Feeling ko lilipas na naman ang isang buong maghapon nang nakatanga ako sa harap ng monitor. Unlike yesterday na feeling super productive ako, I feel like a zombie today... teka, ano ba ngayon? 7-11-07. Cute...

Happy Birthday Wayne-ski, by the way!

O siya, so ano na ngang point ko? Ah, I don't feel like working today. Isa 'to dun sa mga araw na gusto ko lang mag-hibernate... magtago sa ilalim ng kumot tapos hayaang lumipas yung buong maghapon nang hindi pa ko naliligo... hehe.

Kaninang umaga, maaga ako dumating, thinking na baka sakaling maging productive ako. I always picture it in my head -- morning skies, steaming hot coffee and me alone in the office, umagang-umaga. 'Di ba ang sarap simulan ng araw ng ganun? But no, as usual it didn't happen. I wasn't late pero may tao na sa office. Sucks. Minsan nga trip lang, papasok ako ng 6am... parang adik lang. kakausapin ko yung mga dingding... baka sakaling pakinggan nila ko.

Hay boredom... leave me alone. Ang dami ko pang gagawin! Not to mention, may utang pa ko kay Kaching (yup kaching, haven't had the chance to mail your cd... sowee!) I wish the dark clouds would just go away. I want to be happy and I want everyone to be happy. Why does that seem so hard?

Life.

Ni Hao Singapore!

I've been meaning to blog my five-day trip in Singapore with my unni, where Kai (my sweetest friend ever) took us in, gave up her bed to accommodate these two tourist losers for four *friggin* nights, but I've been tied up with work and crazy personal and work-related emotional turmoil that I can't find time to blog. Waaah! Not to mention (but I did anyway), that my computer at home is b-u-s-t-e-d.

It's been onehelluva week since I got back. To put it in extreme, five-days of bliss is equal to a lifetime of suffering @ work. I'm not really talking about work as in the things I do, but work-things-that-have-been-happening-at-work work. *sigh*

So, to make myself happy, I need to relive my Singapore trip because it's kind of at the top of the "Thet's Blissful Life Moments".

Day 1 (Thursday) Hostile Hostel

I woke up a little past 7am, sort of excited about the trip but a little hesitant to leave my precious bed because I was still really really really sleepy. (I finished packing at 2am!) Seriously, I need to learn the 'art of packing' from Kai *wink*wink*. I haphazardly just stuffed in what I thought I would need for the trip to my bulky, bloody red luggage.
I was looking forward to this trip eversince we planned it last year. I thought we were all looking forward to it but then, probably it was just me... blah... blah... blah...

And so, at half past ten, me and my sister were fighting our way from the long queue at the airport. It's probably because I am not a jetsetter, I had no idea that a weekday at the airport is just like a weekend at the mall. Ang daming tao! It took more than an hour before we were able to board our plane. We took Jetstar, a budget airline, but good nonetheless, except that that flight is probably where all the ill-tempered flight attendants were assigned. As my sister puts it: "Parang mga dragon yung mga stewardess. Ang susunget!" Haha. Actually.

The plane ride was a smooth one (not much turbulence), except for the fact that the very little space between my knees and the seat in front of me was a big discomfort; i had to shift from sitting with my one ass-cheek to the other every once in a while. Bummer.

And so we arrived in Singapore a little past three and spent the rest of the day there... lost... waahhh... ahaha! kidding! we were such stubborn little dweebs that we insisted taking a public transport instead of making our lives easier by taking a cab. Well, what can we do?!? we're totally excited and we wanted to explore Singapore the moment we arrived. We ended up taking the MRT where we met two students from La Salle Benilde who were awed to bump into someone of their own race. It was actually overwhelming, I'd say. We got off at Paya Leybar Station where we then took a cab to Vita Hostel.

Grrr... Vita Hostel. It makes me frown thinking about it. It's a long story but to make it short, we didn't stay there. I made reservations online as a last resort since all (seriously!) hotels - budget and deluxe accommodations and hostels -- were already fully booked, probably because of the Great Singapore Sale and the vacation period. But it was a total disaster. The place didn't look like what it was advertising on the net at all. For one, it was a students' dorm, and two, the place was a mess. I reserved for a room for two but instead, the attendant crammed me and my sister (to our dismay!) to a room for four which were already being occupied by these two (err... how to put it... unhygienic?) Chinese students. Talk about the room's pungent smell, food leftovers and the worst, used undies strewn on top of the cabinet for everyone to see. Totally gross! We decided to just refund what we paid for the four nights and ended up bunking in with Kai for our whole stay in Singapore. To her roommates, we totally appreciate your patience for bearing with us. Thanks from the bottom of my little heart (^_^)

Kai took us to Bugis where we had dinner. Ahhh... chili mushroom noodles, I won't forget how my lips throbbed the whole night because it's too spicy and I kept on eating to my palate's content... it was sooo yummy! We hang out at Can Cafe and played cards. This place was unbelievable; it's so cool. The owner was probably some sort of a movie and music fanatic or a poster collector. It has a cozy and homey atmosphere, you'll be convinced you're lounging at your own couch. We went home to rest, exhausted but excited for the next day to come.

photos here.

Day 2 (Friday) Walk walk walk

It was nice to wake up on a cool morning on a foreign bed in a foreign land. (Thanks for the bed Kai... really appreciated it!). Kai had to go to work so how to spend the day would be up to me and my unni. First in the itinerary was to refund our payment to that hostel. Kai insisted we should demand for the full amount that we paid since we didn't even stay an hour in the room. But to make things easy and avoid arguments, we settled for the refund of three nights only. Fine. End of it.

From the hostel, we decided to walk all the way to Bugis with only a map and a big bottle of water in hand. We trudged the long (and clean!) roads of Singapore, turning left and right, checking out street signs like complete idiots but never daring to ask for directions. We felt like we were our own captain. We were enjoying every moment that we felt like total tourists, taking pictures every chance we get. I don't know how we ended up in that place but I swear, that would be the longest road I ever walked on, metaphorically speaking. Just like what I often see in the movies... a marketplace, a lot of people, scary-looking ones, strange and assaulting smell... (I won't say the exact place). I just want that road to end but the more I wish for it, the longer it seemed to get. My sister even had a funny comment: "Ano ba yung mga tao dito, 'pag bumibili ng pabango, kailangan may 'touch of incense'... Ahahaha. Funny.

It was almost noon when we reached Rochor Rd. (to my relief). Weird but I didn't feel hungry. And so we walked some more until we reached Sim Lim -- a famous gadgets haven. Techie guys will probably drool all over the place. It's like a big mall full of stalls that sell all kinds of gadgets -- from PSPs to MP3s to laptop computers to fake iPods. Sweet. I am a not really tech savvy but I had fun looking through all of those stuffs. We bought mom an MP3 and a flash disk for kuya. And some pasalubong from a stall where the attendant was a pinay. Ang saya! They say blood is thicker than water; Her blood probably turned into an ice pop when she knew that we were Pinays, she gave us whatever bargain she could offer.

The rest of the afternoon was spent inside that mall. It was tiring walking up and down and up and down, but it was worth it. I was actually contemplating on splurging on a gadget or a laptop but decided against it in the end thinking I've already got a handful of bills to pay once I get back in Manila. When I felt a jolt in my stomach - a signal that I haven't eaten anything since breakfast - I coaxed my sister to go to Bugis for some foodie. I actually ended up eating this ice cream sandwich - literally a slab / block of ice cream sandwiched in wafers. Yum! I was so enjoying eating that stuff that I forgot what my age was.

And then, we actually had to go to Parkway Parade -- a few kilometers from where we were -- to visit my sister's regional office. I can't believe she had to work in the middle of all these just because some pathetic losers in her office want to make her life miserable. Hay nako. But since we're on a turbo lakwatsa mode, it didn't really matter. Just that, we got lost... Hehe...

It was almost darkwhen we met Kai at the City Hall MRT Station. She got us Chippy. No, not the salty chips that I so love munching on with Coke, but Chippy as in grilled (is it?) sausage swimming in a well of mashed potatoes. Yummy! I swear, I'll get fat in a month in Singapore. I was such a muncher. We went to Esplanade and wherelse, SIngapore's famous Merlion. Too bad, it was a little dark so the pictures weren't that great, but good just the same. Then Kai took as to the Singapore National Library. Boy, did I fell in-love with the place -- from the high tech process of borrowing books to the vast range of materials that it has to offer. They even have an 'Acoustic Night' where people can lounge and rest while listening to some soulful music. Very veru nice. Should I live in Singapore, that would be my place of comfort. Dinner came and we walked to a very crowded Glutton's Bay (no kidding) which is known for the delectable Satay dish and other Arab food specialties. I don't know if we look like hungry kittens but this foreign white couple offered an almost untouched plate of satay. They said the food was too much, they can't finish them and they can't just throw them away. So we took the food and brought the leftovers home. After eating 'til all my intestines felt like they were being squeezed together, we walked to SunTech City, Koi Garden and the Fountain of Wealth. We took a lot of pictures, waited in line for a cab and went home.

But the day wasn't just about to end. Kai's roommates were sweet enough to throw her some sort of a Surprise Bday (eve) party, complete with lights-turned-off-shhh-she's-there-she's-coming-get-ready-Surprise!!! effect. I find that really sweet. Good for you Kai... =)

I was dead tired by the end of it that I actually slept while watching 'My Sassy Girl' for the -nth time.

photos here.

Day 3 (Saturday) Happy Happy Happy

Whew.. days do run really fast... It was on the third day that I realized we would have to come home soon. The thought actually saddened me as I was still immersed in the luxury of being far from work and far from my troubles back at home.

Happy Birthday Kai! The day was planned perfectly. We had breakfast at Ya Kun Kaya -- home of the famous Kaya toast and weird but delicious coffee with condensed milk. I actually liked it. We were running a little late (because I stayed too damn long in the shower according to Kai). After breakfast, we went straight to the Orchard, at Heeren mall where Kai would be getting her new tattoo. On the way, I already splurged a little cash buying some stuffs. Giordano was onsale and it was really funny to see people scuttling like their whole lives depended on the chance to buy these bargains. I splurged some more inside Heeren mall which is a testament to the Great Singapore Sale -- cheap bags, cheap shoes and a lot more.

The highlight of the day? Singapore Zoo and Night Safari. This was the first time I saw a bunch (literally) of baboons and monkeys, a white tiger, leppard, hippo (just like in the movies), a kangaroo, giraffe, lion, etc... etc... Daming hayup... Parang office... ahaha... just kiddin'

And then there's this incident where I've proven that Singaporeans definitely take into heart what they learned in kindergarten : 'Don't take what isn't yours.' Because I was too excited to see and claim our picture from the Photo Gallery (Kodak), I left my sister's camera on the counter. About 10 minutes have already passed when I remembered that I left it. Thank God, it was still there when Kai and I came to retrieve it. Whew! I can't help but compare: What if it happened here in the Philippines? As Lani unni puts it:"E dito nga, nasa loob na ng bag mo, dinudukot pa!" Gawd, she has a point. Definitely taken. I was sooo hungry I was wishing for a whole tub of rice for dinner. Unfortunately, the KFC in Singapore doesn't serve rice... I had to satisfy myself with two-piece chicken and mashed potato.

The Night Safari was quite an experience. We had to ride a tram which toured the entire zoo. But it was so realistic that the animals weren't really in cages but rather wandering freely within their habitats -- but far of course from the spectators. Some were even at arms reach from the tram, you could actually touch them. It was so nice... surreal but nice... hehe.

photos here.

Day 4 (Sunday) SENTOSA DAY!!!

Yey! My most awaited Sentosa Trip finally came. I didn't actually knew that we were actually going here because Kai kept on teasing me about not having it in the plan. I knew she was just playing (^_^) I'd say this was the most tiring of the days we've spent going around Singapore.
I had to get up early (well, 7:30 am felt really early because it was still a bit dark) to meet a colleague who's helping me with the magazine in Singapore. Work in other words. And I actually thought I've escaped it. Sheeshhh... I brought him a bulk of magazines and some media kit. A breakfast meeting (where I wasn't really able to touch my food) at Ya Kun Kaya where unni and Kai sat just a few tables away from me, totally enjoying a relaxing morning. The meeting didn't actually last long and in less than an hour, we were already on our way to Vivo City. From there, we took the cable car to Sentosa Island. I was like a kid who was given a truck-load of toys that Kai was actually teasing me: "Birthday mo?" Well, I was really planning to spend my last birthday in Singapore but I was broke at that time, so yea, it's my birthday. =)

The cable car ride was an awesome experience; it felt like watching the world from the sky. It looked really peaceful with the sun spreading its rays to both ends of the horizon. I actually loved it there. We saw the Star Cruises, which I hope I could ride someday. Hmmm... I have to save first for that. First stop at Sentosa was the food kiosk... hehe... I was really hungry 'coz I wasn't able to eat breakfast, then the Underwater World. The place was really impressive -- I've never seen so much sea creatures in my life-- crabs, all kinds of fishes, sharks, jellyfish, stingrays, etc. It was my first time to see a 'dugong'. Pathetic no? Contrary to what I thought that it looked fierce and scary (Thanks to Malou de Guzman in Marina), it actually looked gentle and very very cute.

Then a walk to Siloso beach. It wasn't really neat (the water actually looked murky) but there were a lot of beach bummers basking in the hot afternoon sun. But the highlight of the Sentosa trip was the Dolphin Show where I got the chance to touch Jumbo the dolphin. There were a lot of people but when the host of the show started asking for a volunteer from the audience, I literally jumped from my seat, waved my hands frantically and, finally, caught his attention. The deal was to touch the dolphin and described to the audience how it felt. I so wanted to do more than that, probably swim with the dolphin in my jeans and play with it, but no. It was nice though... really nice and it made me really really happy.

By late afternoon, we looked like vagrants... hehe. We were sweaty and dirty and needed a good bath. So happy we brought extra shirts. We went around Vivo City, splurging the last of our cash since that was the only time left to buy 'pasalubong'. I love Sale!!! Great Sale!!! I was able to bought two pairs of shoes for less than a thousand pesos. Neat. I think the sale will be up until the end of July so good riddance for the shoppaholics out there... =)

We went back to Bugis and to the old place where we had our first dinner. Unfortunately, it was closed so we ended up eating in a nearby stall, which also served extremely delicious chili noodles. And that was that... we went home, tired but wanting the day never to end. I haven't had enough of Singapore and four days is too short.

photos here.

Day 5 (Monday) Going home

Our flight was at 7:20 am and it was still dark (you'd think it was only 3am) when we went to the airport so I didn't see much of Singapore. I honestly didn't want to go back yet, knowing what's waiting for me back in Manila and boy, was I sooo right.

Dahil cute kami... v(^_^)v

Got this picture taken at Timezone Glorietta this afternoon with one of my most favorite people in the whole world... v(^_^)v For without this monkey... errrr... guy (pala) this will be such a boring and peaceful place.

Minsan lang yan... hehe...

At the zoo.

Wow. After 17 long years, I got to go back to Manila Zoo again. As my friend Wayne lovingly puts it, I am such a pathetic loser. Gagung yun. What can I do? Going there to see a bunch of animals isn't really in my priority list; and what would I need an animal for when I see him every single day? hehe... peace Wayne.

And so this afternoon, we went to Manila Zoo. Our company will have an outreach program in an orphanage and they will bring the kids to the zoo. But since I will not be around at that time (to my dismay! I love outreach programs!), Wayne brought me along to his "Ocular Inspection" daw. Yea, right.

And though I was really excited at first and thankful that Wayne-ski brought me along, my initial 15 minutes of endless walking around empty and unkempt cages actually tired me off. Not to mention, the whole place sort of stunk... Sabi nga niya, "Helleeeeerrr... zoo kaya ito?!?" And half the time, I was clinging like crazy to his bag, afraid that a man carrying a snake would just pop out from nowhere. I swear I'd die right there and then.

We don't even have a decent camera to 'record' one of the most forgettable moments of my life... hehe. Thanks to our camera phones, we were able to take a few shots. Here's some of the animals I saw...

A sleeping bearcat sticking out its tongue...

A bunch of shy peacocks

Cuddly rabbits (& hamsters)

Big Fish! (Arwana) It's sooo big I swear I could ride on its back...

And my most favorite... tadaaaannnn...

Errr... I was actually talking about the ostrich. Pramis. tee-hee...

Getting hitched 101

Jay Chou's Hui Dao Guo Qu (Return to the Past) MV.

It's nice. Cute nung girl... (parang ako... hehe). I wish I have her guts... and I wish it's this easy to get yourself a "faffy"... kahit kamukha lang ni Jay Chou *ahahaha*

Come and gone... then came again.

This post is eight hours delayed.

I literally jumped out of bed the moment I opened my eyes and realized that today is yet again another Business Unit Heads meeting and I'm in for another bashing treat from my boss who just came back from an out-of-the-country business trip. I had a migraine... a blinding one but then again, i had to force myself to go to the office.

Surprise. Surprise. The ogre seems to be in an okay mood today. No shouting, there wasn't much bashing. I was actually preparing for myself for something worse; but I guess God loves me too much that he spared me the agony (headache and all). I can never thank him enough.

I had lunch with ChinChin at my favorite restaurant in Greenbelt - Kitchen ano pa?!? =) It was nice... that feeling of just being with a friend on a humid Saturday afternoon, eating to our tummies' content and just talking. No bullshitting, just plain old tsismisan asaran talk. We talked about work, about issues, about movies, about Singapore, about our passion to be out there in the world, about our non-existent (but probably existent) lovelives and a lot of other things. It seemed surreal that about a couple of weeks ago, we weren't even talking and now, it's back to the old us. I definitely wouldn't trade this for anything.

However, it is just so sad to be yet in another situation where you're being torn away from another person just because there are situations where you just can't find your place. You seemed confuse, you feel bad, you're easily offended... I feel those right now. And I hope I can get pass through them without having to let go of the so-called friendship.

Anyway, this is supposed to be a happy blog. I am that anyway... or atleast I try to be.

Mean-ie me.

The golden rule says: "Do not do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you." I strongly believe in this passage that I sort of made it my own rule in life. But there are certain instances where I've totally shut it off and does some unfair things to others. I am not your all-too-good-ms-goody-two-shoes but I definitely know what's right and what's wrong and what's extremely evil. I mean, welcome to the real world.

These past few days, I think I am becoming totally mean. I believe it's just clean innocuous fun when we make fun of others or I choose to revert to my glorified-maldita attitude just because I feel like doing so. But sometimes I feel guilty about these.

I just can't help it when I can't bring myself to be instantly nice to others especially if I've heard something bad about a person. I guess it's just my natural reaction. I'm not Ms. Congeniality but I can be super nice too once I get close to a person that sometimes I have the tendency to be too attached and be extremely hurt when the so-called friendship begins to fade away.

And so, my point is???

Nothing really. I just feel guilty about being an occasional meanster. For instance

1. There's this new guy in our office (name withheld) who smells really bad. I, myself, stands witness to this so-called claim because well, my nose gets vandalized every time he's within my proximity. Nobody in the office (including me) wants to get near him and I think it's really mean. Some even says really really offensive things about him. In our office outing last weekend, I felt pity for him because he seemed a little out of place.

2. There's this girl in the office who has a 'reputation' and because of that I don't really talk to her. I haven't even say a single word to her since she came in last week. Just because I don't like her. I've tried putting myself in her shoes and realized that it probably isn't her fault that she's like that. She still deserves respect like everybody does. And so I promise to be nicer every chance I'd get.

3. I can be totally bitchy towards someone if I feel that the person has offended me (with our without him / her knowing it). The worse part is I really don't give a sh*t about the consequences. So, I'll try to be a little more sensitive when it comes to this.

I'm no angel and that's the truth. But I don't want my conscience tugging at me every once in a while too. As much as possible, I want a clean one. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I want to be nice.

This is my now

This is a very nice song from AI Season 6. I like Jordin Sparks' version better. But hey, i still love Blake (",)

THIS IS MY NOW

There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.
There was a time when I was so afraid
I thought I’d reached the end.
Baby, that was then.
But I am made of more than my yesterdays.

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.

I had to decide.
Was I gonna play it safe?
Or look somewhere deep inside,
Try to turn the tide.
Find the strength to take that step of faith?

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.

I have a courage like never before, yeah.
I settled for less, but I’m ready for more.
Ready for more…

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.
This is my now.

Nagsimula and lahat kay Apeng Daldal.

A random conversation between Thet and Gela one boring Tuesday afternoon.

(Thet flipping through the pages of a magazine. Sees a photo of a guy who looks like a quintessential 'intsik beho'. Gets excited and turns to Gela)

Thet: Gela! 'Di ba mahilig ka rin sa oriental looking? (Tries very hard to conceal a shippish grin)

Gela: (Looking up from her PC) Ewww... kadiri, kamukha ni Apeng Daldal! (Imaagine her uttering these words continuously without even breathing)

Hehe.

Now, my question is: Who the friggin' f*ck is Apeng Daldal? Who is Chichay? Chichay by the way looks like one of our officemates (according to she-devil Gela). Unfortunately, I can't remember Chichay's face; but I do know who Gela's referring to. Bad bad bad. =P

***

Then, there's this long list of song bloopers from myself and some, I heard people singing (with great conviction!). In my case, believe me, I'm just being honest; obviously i got the lyrics wrong (and I know they are because they don't make any sense) but it's just funny... =) Sample nga!

From 98 Degrees' Hardest Thing
Original Lyrics: Like Dr. Zhivago, all my love I'll be sending
Thet's Lyrics: Sama ka sa Chicago (C'mon hey...)

From Earth Wind and Fire's Every Now and Then
Original Lyrics: Every now and then, I find myself wondrin' about you baby
Girl in the bathroom lyrics: Every now and then, you are my prind... hmmm... hmmmm...

From All For One's I Swear
Original Lyrics: I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky
I swear by the shadow that's by your side
My friend's lyrics: I swear by the moon and the stars up above
And I swear by the shadow that's following around (whaaat???)

Hehe. Patikim pa lang yan. I just want to make myself smile.

Sickly miming and a zillion other thoughts.

Wow. It’s raining. It really is! I wouldn’t say that this is the first rain of the season but this is the first rain that I had actually seen and touched. The first one was when I was imprisoned in the office and the other one, while I was sleeping like a baby, trying to bear an excruciating migraine. I’m just so happy it rained =)During such times, there’s nothing more home-my than a cup of soup, watching Conan O’Brian laughing like a madcow on the tube and me on my bed, covered in pillows. *Sigh*

On with my story. Once again, I took a sick leave because I have a loose bowel movement (yep, LBM) and I’ve been throwing up all my guts out since this morning. I had this horrible feeling the moment I was awakened by a stomach-ache at around 5 am. It must be something I ate yesterday. My sister was actually as sick as I am but I guess she’s gutsy enough to still go to work in that condition. I, on the other hand, submitted to my weak persona and decided to just rest. Anyway, my dad’s also home so I have a company. This morning, I was all set to go to work – did take a bath, I was all dressed-up and then… bummer…. my stomach growled again and I spent the next 30 minutes inside the loo, hanging on for dear life. It felt like all my insides were meaning to get out. It was horrible.

I’ve just noticed how I am becoming a ‘sickly miming’ these past few weeks – migraine, allergic-rhinitis, muscle pains, chest pains and nausea, and now, digestive problems. Am I becoming unhealthy? The last time I went to the doctor was during our office annual check up (last January I think) and there wasn’t any bad diagnosis. So I wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

Probably, tiring myself – physically and emotionally – is already taking its toll on me. I’ve been thinking about gazillion of things these days (and you’d wonder where the hell am I digging up such kind of thoughts) and it really is tiring. Sometimes I feel so restless and there’s this heavy lump inside, sort of an air-passage block that I think I could just scream and cry out. I want to know if I am nearing a nervous breakdown of some sort so if I really am, I can still do something about it. Whenever people ask me what makes my life difficult these days, I’d stare out into space and rummage through my head if everything in my life right now is really that bad. I always get the same answers – nothing in my life is wrong; it’s the way I handle them that is.

I always think of myself as that happy person who can always carry the cross no matter how big it may be. And I was. But right now, I think I am just a person who – just like everyone else – Jesus carried the cross for because there are times that I just can’t. My conscience fires up every time I succumb to hopelessness, hatred and envy because there are more people out there who are currently in more life-threatening situations than me. It somehow tells me that I have no reason to anguish, or if there is, I have a lot more reasons to celebrate life because I still have a lot of blessings. I need to count them again to remind me how lucky I am. And with these in mind, I find reasons to regain my strength and go out into the world with higher hopes this time.

election blah.

This post is three days overdue.

I remember writing a couple of paragraphs yesterday and saving it as draft but when I opened my blog... voila... it was... gone! Haay...

Anyway, I was writing something about the elections and my anticipation of who's going to be given the political scepters once again. On top of that, I would like to know if Chiz Escudero will be topping the hoard. I like him a lot. =)

In the last couple of days since the elections, I've been browsing through all possible sources of quick counts, surveys, exit polls and whatnot (yihee... whatnot daw o...) On a hopeful note, I just want the elections over and done with. No matter how grandiose the press releases are on its becoming a little more peaceful than the previous ones, I'd still say bullsh*t.

More than a hundred cases of election-related crimes have already been reported and still counting. The same old crap on who's being cheated and who's cheating are still plaguing news everywhere. Yesterday, I watched Manny Pacquiao protesting about election returns that allegedly violates COMELEC rules and, therefore, should be considered void. Talk about being desperate. I heard his contender knocked him out. Nothing against him but I just think he's not for politics. We have so much nincompoops sitting their bums to numbness already both in the senate and the congress. Need I say more?

And then, this morning, I watched Anthony Taberna grill this Comelec official about their sudden decision to question broadcast companies on the media counts. They smell propaganda in the air; I smell conspiracy.

But then again, I promised myself that I'd be less interested in this kind of things. I've got enough worries to keep myself locked in hell for about a lifetime. I am just thankful that no more low-budgeted annoying election jingles will wake me up in the morning; there will be no more unfamiliar faces or strangers wearing brightly-colored vests with screaming 'Vote for WHOEVER!' will suddenly shake my hand and ask me to vote for the a**wipe; I'll be able to watch the local channels without these political ads popping up every nano second; no more pro-penoy... ay, pinoy pala =)

I am just so happy.

Now, I wonder if faffy Chiz Escudero will still make it to the top.