Crazy love shite

I miss someone today.

Hay nako, feeling ko magda-drama na naman ako. I said I wouldn't be affected by the slightest thought of him. But because of this super jologs song, I felt that familiar heart-being-crushed cold feeling once again. Nakakatawa naman, affected ako dahil sa kanta ni Kim Chiu... ibang lebel ito.. haha!

Probably it's because it's the hearts month (obvious ba, I'm justifying my 'kagagahan') hayayay... again... I'm over it... I'm over it... I'm over it... *repeat until I'm dead*

Okay, para maka-relate kayo...

I hate the way you walk Hate the way you talk Hate the way you look at me I hate the way you smile Hate those *big* brown eyes (erm, they're really not big...hehe) Cause I know they're not for me Cause we can never be More than friends And it hurts me Every time I close my eyes All I see is you
And this crazy love Crazy love Oh this crazy love Crazy love I hate thinkin of you Cause everytime i do I just keep on missing you And I hate the way I feel Everytime you're near Cause its feels like time is standing still But we can never be More than friends And it hurts me Every time I close my eyes All I see is you And this crazy love Crazy love Oh this crazy love Crazy love I hate it when you're blue And how I cared for you Hate the way my heart desires And I hate those sleepless nights And the pain I kept inside But I keep on Pretending it's alright But we can never be More than friends And it hurts me Everytime i close my eyes All I see is you
And this crazy love Crazy love Oh this crazy love Crazy love
I don't know what to do Hate me for loving you Cause I know it's wrong for Me to say... I love you...

Whatever happened to the "I'm so proud of myself because I made it!" huh? I know some people would think I am being really pathetic (ang tagal na!) but guess what... probably I am not talking about him anymore... oh, well...

I'm happy.

I'm standing between this world and a dream...
but i know... this is the REAL thing...

This song keeps singing in my head lah...

Anyway, after a very enjoyable field day yesterday, I'm back to the pits of hell (ooppss...) I didn't report to work to go to my doctor (but I wasn't able to). I was somewhere far down South meeting other people and exploring a whole lot of different world - the world of drawings and designs, architecture and engineering and CAD... huh??? I was doing a part-time technical writing stuff so I had to come down to their office to meet the people whom I'll be working with. I met this guy, probably in his40s who reminds me of the pretty dude... it felt... weird. I guess I am really past that stage where the world turns upside down when I'm reminded of that person. Ooh... does this mean I am way over him? haha.. I'd like to think so.

Working yesterday on something that isn't related to what I really do (and outside of that place called the "office") is somewhat fascinating. I was enthusiastic and overwhelmed at the same time. I felt like a kid who's attending her first day in school. It was very exciting. I haven't had that feeling in the last two years. You probably know why.

I can't thank God enough that He's finally revealing life's little surprises to me. One by one... little by little. And it makes me happy... genuinely happy.

I was torn if I'd skip work again today (that was the original plan) to report to the other office. But then again, there was a strong tugging at my conscience, not to mention, I was suppose to have a meeting with my boss, so I decided to go to work. To my dismay, however, the meeting was canceled and I was bombarded with a lot of magazine-related stuff to do. Oh, well, I guess that's really how it works.

For now, I have stuff to keep myself busy

Going once, going twice...

one more gone, one to go and still, i stay...

yesterday, another one 'celebrated' her last day at work and come next week, another one would leave the company with that genuine smile on her face. I am really happy for them. I guess, I'll just miss the company. Just when we are getting to know each other, they leave. Sad, isn't it?

Last Thursday, I finally told my boss that I have offers for another job. Man, I don't know if it's just me or did I really saw his 'coolness' died down a little? I hate to brag, but I feel he was a little shaken by my news. He suddenly offered me increased salary, was nice all of a sudden and promised a lot of things. Had I've been a newbie, I'd be elated by these promises, but nuh-ah... been there, saw that, been disappointed a lot of times by that. So, I am still considering the other offer. Although I suddenly had a slight tugging in my conscience about the 'baby' I am leaving behind (in case you are thinking I am referring to a person, I am most certainly not)... I guess I have to stop being so nice about that if I want to move on. They would have to get someone to replace me and continue that magazine venture 'coz I think it would be a big waste. I really hate it when he said that he would fold it up once I'm gone. Don't you think it is stupid? If I was able to do it, I'm sure there is someone out there who can do what I did for this magazine. Or he's just probably bluffing. To be honest, I almost care less.

I am still thinking of leaving. When? That I have to figure.

Uh-oh!

Uh-oh.. oh no... I think I got the bug once again... this pesky, silly, mixed feeling of getting excited, getting undeniably happy, then getting sad, then thinking about how pointless and hopeless it is... hay... I'm sure you people wouldn't understand me. And I don't really want to be understood. I just need to let this all out.

Blame the month of February? Okay, now I think you got me.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

What is it with this whole 'can't-eat-can't-sleep-reach-for-the-stars-over-the-fence-world-series' kind of crap? It got me thinking about real life fairytales and knights in rusty armors sweeping their ladies off their calloused feet. So sweet and so real. They are happening to everybody BUT me.

I think I'm having an overdose of [korean] soap operas because it makes me believe that when it comes to that four letter word, everything is possible - An extremely good-looking, smart young executive in his late 20s would fall in-love with a random stranger on the street. Mind you, this girl must be poorer than a farm rat! (I met this very handsome, Seth Green look-a-like executive in a recent press conference I attended... hoping... hoping...) Or the one who got away - your oppa when you were barely a teen, comes back all of a sudden and paints a picture perfect life with you. The last one's impossible for me 'coz I don't have a childhood oppa.

Anyway, I close my eyes and I see his smile ... darn!