HongKong Day 1

yey... it's my first day in hongkong and it's really really cool... found this coffee shop that has a free internet use... three more days to go... three more days of [hopefully] heaven... (",)

Mga litanya

March 29, 2006
Miyerkules
Sa Opis.

Buhay nga naman. No matter how hard you try to work things out, they may not always come out the way you want them to. Ang daming tanong sa isip ko ngayon. Why am I here? Why am I doing this? Why am I putting up with this s**t? Alam ko sasabihin ng ibang tao, kung hindi ka na masaya, then move on. ‘Wag mong pilitin ang sarili mo na gawin ang mga bagay na hindi mo feel gawin.’ Sana nga ganun lang kasimple. Kase kung ganun lang, siguro wala akong problema ngayon; walang taong may problema ngayon. Walang spice ang buhay.

Bakit nga ba kinakailangan pang lagyan ng spice ang mga bagay-bagay. Sa lovelife, ‘pag laging magkasundo ang boyfriend at ang girlfriend, sasabihin boring ang relationship. Walang kabuhay-buhay. ‘Pag lagi naming nag-aaway, mauuwi sa hiwalayan. Sa trabaho, ‘pag walang ka-challenge-challenge ang pinapagawa sa’yo, sasabihin mo nagiging stagnant ka, walang growth. ‘Pag may challenge naman, hindi lilipas ang isang minuto sa isang araw na hindi ka magrereklamo sa sobrang dami ng gagawin mo.

Ang tao laging maraming tanong. Minsan, sa sobrang talino pati ang mga bagay na simple lang ang sagot, pinakukumplikado. Minsan tuloy ayaw kong maniwalang may taong kontento na sa buhay nila. Maari pa, madaming taong masaya sa buhay nila – yung mga hindi nagpapaapekto sa mga taong nagbu-bwisit. Yung mga tipong sa simpleng bagay lang, sumasaya na ang araw (ako yata yun). Pero ‘di ibig sabihin, kuntento na sa buhay nila. Marami pa din silang hinahanap; yun nga lang, hindi dito nakasalalay ang buong buhay at pagkatao nila. May longing na tinatawag at hangga’t kaya ay gagawa ng paraan para makuha ang mga bagay na ito. Pero kung hindi kaya, e di hindi. May darating pa. Ganun lang. Nandoon yung pag-asang may darating pa.

Kung bakit ko tinatanong ang mga bagay na ito ay dahil wala lang akong maisulat sa “Message from the Managing Director” na pinapagawa ng boss ko. #

infinite battle to keeping my sanity

yea... I almost got "it" again... almost because even before he erupted, I was able to put out the fire. I don't get it. Why are some people so mean? It's like they get some sort of satisfaction when they make people feel bad about themselves? Do they reach some kind of Nirvana when they show their ugly side to other people? Do they feel like they are the Alpha and the Omega when they see some people cringe at their every whim?

***

do you know that feeling where you seem to like someone but suddenly decided against it because you know it is wrong... or maybe not even wrong... maybe you're just afraid that the entire universe thinks it is not meant to be? have you experienced looking at that person in the eye and see the two of you together and blink only to find out it's all just in the deepest recesses of your imagination? There is longing yet it is suppressed. He touches your hand but you hesitantly pull back afraid that there is nothing really beyond that? I call it "Stupidity". That's me right now.

***

Someone's coming back... but not really coming back. Maybe a preview? I think God just wanted to see me smile even for just a while. In the last few days, I always see that sweet smile of his teasing me -- "Hey, you miss me?" Hell, I do... a lot. I could care less about what others may think. It's been a while, they say. Can't I get over it? Not yet. Not now. I know I am a stubborn little schmuck. But I cannot be the great pretender when it comes to this person. With him, I am an open book. I say what I feel -- yes, amid teardrops and heartaches. So why am I shaking?

arrrggghhhhh

I feel soooooo STUPID. I hate myself this instant.

A poem for a hopeless joint

Your eyes are like chestnuts falling from a tree

They were never fierce nor were too gentle

I gaze at them & they portray our silhouettes

Just mere shadows distant from reality.

I am certain that I know you; but do you know me?

We are strangers, locking arms, chaining hearts

Up to how long 'til our crossroads meet?

There are walls, barriers -- I can no longer reach you.

My eyes are like stars falling from the night sky

In them were sadness, denial, brigtness that fades

You look at them with longing for you and me

Just mere shadows; we're never too far from reality.

One lazy Sunday afternoon

***

I don't actually know why I posted that picture... I guess it's just so lovely.

214

yes, my clock reads 2:14 am and still, I am like a mile away from dreamland. I guess the tall cafe latte that i consumed almost an hour ago is already taking effect. This, on top of my self-diagnosis that I have insomnia. I guess I'm not the only one; i am contemplating on sending an SMS to Kay, ChinChin, Vida and Tere to confirm my hunch that they're still wide awake like me. tsk... tsk... the perils of too much caffeine intake.

An hour ago, the five of us were in Starbucks Old Greenbelt in our stingy pajamas and 'pambahay' short pants (except for Tere who still looked presentable in her jeans and casual top) laughing our a$$e$ off as we recount the happenings in the last 24 hours. And yes, we did the usual bashing -- this time of our recent favorite subject -- the 'Muro Ami' at work. Honestly, I don't know why I called this person that -- actually so don't dare ask.

***

I get really upset when I remember the career opportunity that I've lost recently. Businessworld scheduled me for an exam for the reporter position. I didn't saw their email until last night. The exam was last March 16. I missed it. I pray they'd reconsider... *sigh*

Dahil feel kong magsulat in Tagalog / Filipino

Inspired ako dahil kay Bob Ong. Dahil sa 'Stainless Longganisa'.

Siguro mga isang oras at kalahati kong pinag-isipan kung gusto kong mag-update ng blog. At voila, nanaig ang pagnanasa (pangit ng term, parang may sen(x)sual connotation) kong maglabas ng mga matagal ko nang saloobin simula nang masabon, mabanlawan at maikula ako ni boss.

Isang linggo na ang dumaan simula nang umiyak ako sa pangalawang (o pangatlo?) pagkakataon dito sa ECCI. Yung dalawa work related, yung isa bunga lang ng kagagahan (At least, I rock! hehe) Nakakahiya mang aminin pero oo, napaiyak ako ng boss ko. E pusang gala, ikaw ba naman ang sigaw-sigawan sa harap ng mga ka-trabaho mo, sisihin ka sa isang (actually madaming) bagay na hindi mo naman ginawa. Siguro25% ng mga sinabi nya e totoo -- wala (pang) nangyayari sa magazine na binubuo ko. E nasa early stages pa lang ako e. Kumbaga, baby pa, hinuhubog ko pa lang. Nasa stage ako ng paghahanap ng kung sinu-sinong Subject Matter Experts na pwedeng magsulat dun sa magazine. Teknikal kase, mahirap hanapan ng magsusulat. Kung lifestyle pa siguro ang tema, malamang nai-release na namin yung first issue. Pero hindi ko din masisisi yung boss ko, nadismaya lang siguro siya sa mala-pagong na pag-usad nung matagal niya nang pinapangarap. Ang sa 'kin lang, yung paraan nya ng pagpapagalit, hindi normal, (hindi po ako sanay ng nasisigawan) nakakapanginig ng taba. Hay nako...

Anyway, naka-recover naman na ko matapos ang ilang araw ng pag-iisip-isip. Kung magmumukmok ako at magtatanim ng sama ng loob, walang mangyayari -- tatamaring magtrabaho, papangit ang output ko, mapapagalitan (na naman), mapipikon ako, magagalit, iiyak, magre-resign, mawawalan ng trabaho, magiging isang malaking palamunin sa bahay, hindi makakabayad ng bills, madedemanda, magpi-feeling kawawa at ... syempre, ang layo na ng naabot ng imahinasyon ko.

So, mas pinili kong gawing hamon ang isang scary figure na katulad ni 'grandpa' a.k.a. my boss. Kung may dapat man akong katakutan, hindi siya yun -- pwede pa ipis na lumilipad tsaka dagang kasing-laki ng kuting. Parang sa teleserye, babangon ang bida at isasampal sa mukha nung antagonist nahindi siya basta-bastang pwedeng maliitin. Sana nga ganun, no?

***

Happy naman akong tao, mababaw lang ang kaligayahan - a week-long get-away to Boracay lang. Syempre, biro lang. Yung mga kababawan ko, mga simpleng kaligayahan sa buhay tulad ni Asian Quality (na tao), ni Anime (na tao ulit) at ng isang tall affogato style vanilla frap with a shot of espresso sa Starbucks, sila yung nagpapaganda ng araw ko; sila ang magdidikta ng gana kong kumilos at dumaldal sa isang buong maghapon.

Idagdag pa natin ang magulo at maingay na mundo ng Solutions. Sila ang mga taong kayang mag-cartwheel habang sumisinga, magkwento ng nakakatawa habang umiiyak at mang-impersonate ng mga taong walang kamalay-malay sa buhay. Mahal ko sila. Mahal din nila ako. Mahal namin ang isa't-isa. Masaya kami. At oo, mahilig kaming magpa-picture (say sex) Ayayay!

Yan lang muna, kakain muna ko ng walang kamatayang meal from Uncle George -- McDo.

Rockin' Pachelbel & a stranger

This guy really rocks... hehehe... whoever he is (",)

I just woke up from a terrible nightmare. The pastfew days at work have been like one for me. So I thought I needed something to cheer myself up and bought me another Jim Chappelle cd -- Serenity Rush.
Again, it's worth the 'investment' ... and it makes me really really happy so why deny myself, 'ayt?
Anyway, I'm missing this person... really... too much.

furious thoughts

one thing that could really piss me off is when people overdo things. and by that i mean complicate them. the best way to accomplish something is to do it the easiest possible way, right? i hate it too when some things are settled then they will be turned upside down just because a 'know-it-all' does not think they are within or beyond his standards. God I love you, but why do you have to create such monsters...

I am furiously typing away in my keyboard hoping to accomplish something today... i did or so i thought. I spent the entire morning stuck in the Asian Quality meeting. I swear I could see some great battles ahead... not just between me and the magazine but between some people as well. I refuse to elaborate. Oh, and yea, I lost another ten pounds... and ten more pounds to go on the day of the business planning this weekend.

(half an hour later...)
And now, we're having second thoughts whether to push through with the business planning cum team building activity again this weekend. Looks like we're moving it again (for the -nth time). I mean ya no harm but it's just mentally tiring having to plan things all over again and again and again. *sigh*

It's 5pm and I want to go home.

The upshots of caffeine addiction

I'm late for work as usual; my brother nearly strangled me for taking too much time infront of the mirror. I just have this crazy but equally justifiable notion that looking good is a sign of respect. I mean all the effort in the name of advocating aesthetics has its value.

Anyway, that is not really my point. My coffee addiction is taking its toll -- I'm having severe palpitations early in the morning, and not to excuse myself from doing work, I really feel sick. It's as if I have this big lump [of air] in my chest that unregulates my breathing pattern. I really want to scream at the top of my lungs to let it all out. Then maybe I will feel better.

I don't know if coffee can really keep me awake; sometimes I am convinced that I just drink it out of habit. COffee-less mornings are not usual anymore and a trip to the nearby Starbucks cafe or Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf at least once every two weeks (or actually, whenever we feel like it) is becoming part of my clique's routine. I wish I have the guts to never drink coffee again in my entire life. But now, I guess, indulging myself a little more is just what I need.

Theme Songs

Dedicated to Cristine and 'Moks' (",)



Dedicated to Ka-Ching



Dedicated to Wayne



Dedicated to Vida



Dedicated to Jean

Boredom 101

11:42 am (haven't consumed anything edible yet, 'xcept coffee)

hmmm... what if i just drink coffee the entire day and not eat anything at all? what will happen? will i die? sorry for such an idiotic question. I don't have the right to feel bored at all considering the piles of things that i am suppose to accomplish within the day. but i can't help it... boredom is killing me.

Boredom is a reactive state to wearingly dull, repetitive or tedious stimuli; suffering from a lack of interesting things to see, hear or do (physically or intellectually), while not in the mood of doing nothjng.

WARNING: Boredom can also occur as a symptom of clinical depression and may also lead to impulsive (and sometimes excessive actions ) that serve little purpose and may damage one's self interest.

Thanks Wikipedia. Yes, I got the definition from it.

Geez, then i must really be in trouble now... I can feel that I am slowly losing interest in everything I do that sometimes, I just wanted to hibernate (for about a month if it's possible). I feel like I am talking nonsense everytime but at the back of my mind, things to do are reeling like crazy, i don't really know where to start. If I'm that filthy rich-spoiled brat kid, I'd probably have an anxiety attack. But Boredom is just how I would put it.

My momentum [at work] is like a roller coaster and what I really hate is this nagging feeling that I don't really care. I think of crazy thigs and I get easily pissed. I don't want people to look at me and I don't wanna look at them. Congenial suddenly lose its meaning.

Now tell me, am I just really bored or am I becoming half-insane?