I AM A CHARACTER IN MY OWN FICTION.

The pretty-crazy life of a late 20ish career-driven, quirky, Asian drama addict who thinks she's Holden Caulfield in real life.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

A Holden kind-of thought

I think I'm having a Holden Caulfield overdose. I've finished re-reading The Catcher in the Rye but I can't help but still open that little book and re-read a page every once in a while. It kind'a channels Holden's simple perspectives on things and I like the feeling. See, instead of wallowing in predicaments that are no bigger than the president's face mole, I take them as something that I just pass by on my way to somewhere. Do you know that feeling when you're riding a cab, or a jeep or a tryke or anything moving like when you're going to work or something and you just stare outside the "window" and you just see things like a smudge because your eyes can't focus? And when they do, your eyes catch something that annoys the hell out of you like a couple having an overt display (redundant!) of their freakin' affections, or one of your colleagues whose mere existence is a curse, or an eyesore of a dresser... name it, they're in sidewalks everywhere. Then you get annoyed and less than a second later you forget about them because, hell, they're mere smudges.

I guess this is a pretty easy way to not get angry or to be very emotional on something. Just look at things like smudges, or a mosquito in your soup - it's not supposed to be there but it's there and it's really yucky. But what you do, you just remove the dead mosquito from the soup, stir it a little and eat it anyway. Who drops dead by eating a mosquito? I hate being emotional because after I cry, I feel very embarrased and it feels like the end of me. Lame and stupid but that's how I genuinely feel. But I do it all the time anyway and I'm still here.

I really like it when people don't over-analyze things and just acknowledge what's in front of them or what's visible to the eye. I like it when people have very simple answers. I remember that kid with an autism in Mark Haddon's "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time. He's the simplest guy on the face of literature. He's happy counting red cars (or whatnot) and making a story out of it. He may be sick but the way he is portrayed gave me the notion that he's the most sane person I've known my entire life. And I like him so much.

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