Rantsomeness: Kwento lang

Kahapon was somewhere between crazy and great. Crazy dahil biktima ako ng 'Murphy's Law' almost all afternoon. At great dahil natapos ang buong araw ng masaya pa rin ako. =)

For the first time this week, maaga akong pumasok - as in 7:30 am aga - maaga na yun sa office namin dahil usually dumarating yung mga tao nang lampas 8am. Sa pila pa lang ng FX papuntang Ayala, mukhang biniyayaan na ko ng grasya dahil walang pila... okay na sana, nakangiti na sana yung umaga ko nang biglang may tumabi sakin na guy na yuppie na mukhang mayabang pero disente naman...eh sa middle part ako ng FX nakaupo at josko, kahit super sikip na eh pagkakasyahin pa din nila ang apat... kesehoda hindi kayo pare-pareho ng volume (a.k.a taba). Sa sobrang sikip e halos makipagpalit na sakin ng mukha yung mama at mukhang wala siyang care kung mistulang naaalibadbaran na ako na masyado siyang feeling close. Take note, may bitbit pa akong tatlong bag (araw-araw yun kaya wala na akong pag-asang tumangkad!). So, dahil ayokong mag-inarte dahil part naman ng 'everyday FX adventures' ko yun, e hinayaan ko na lang. Buti pala... kase pareho kami ng building na pinagta-trabahuhan ni yuppie at may chance na makasalubong (at makasabay ko siya) araw-araw.. e di trouble kung inaway ko di ba?

So, pagdating ko sa office, salang agad sa work dahil may meeting kami with 'He-Who-Must-Be-Tamed ng 11:30. So buong umaga akong tuliro at nagpapanic dahil nafi-feel ko ngang makakatanggap na naman kami ng umaatikabong panenermon at pagpapagalit. Maririnig ko na naman yung mga classic na linya ng halimaw: "It's not rocket science!", "Cut the bullshit!", "That is unacceptable according to me", "Any Tom, Dick & Harry can do it! I can do it!" , "Bonehead" , "Morons" , "Idiot", "Bugger" at kung anu-ano pang sweet endearments na 'pag ikaw ang sinabihan e siguradong masusuntok mo siya (I nearly did.. hehe!).So, ayun na nga at hindi ako nagkamali. Wala pang sampung minuto kami nakababad sa hotseat e umulan na ng sabon, pangkula at palo-palo sa conference room. Buti na lang at hindi ko lahat nasalo. Actually, medyo nasanay na din siguro ako sa panenermon nya at labas-masok na lang sa tenga ko yung pinagsasasabi niya. So, deadma as usual. Sandali lang din halos yung meeting kase lunch na at damang-dama kong gutom na siya kaya ni-cut short niya yung meeting.

Maghapon yata akong wala sa sarili dahil sobrang unorganized yung thoughts ko... halo-halong kalamay... if you would try to peek inside my mind, pati ikaw mahihilo. Then after kumain ng uber late lunch, kailangan kong lumabas sandali for some errand. Ayon, medyo nakalma ang utak ko paglabas na paglabas ko ng office building... iba talaga ang hangin sa labas! (literal na hangin ang tinutukoy ko. why... go figure). Then, nagsimulang umatake si Murphy nung nagta-try ako magbook ng flight online. Sunod-sunod na kamalasan ang inabot ko sa internet. Una, ngayon ko lang napatunayan na may Cebu Pacific syndrome ang Philipine Airlines pagdating sa bilis ng pagpapalit ng ticket rates online. Halimbawa, kung ang rate ng isang roundtrip ticket ng isang international destination na nakuha mo ay medyo mura pa at this minute, try mong mag-refresh after a few minutes at malalaglag ang panga mo dahil the next thing you know, tumaas na agad yung rates niya...I mean, in a matter of minutes lang tataas na agad yung rates! What the?!? So ang ending e kung dalawa kayong nagbu-book for the same flight sa iisang computer, magkaiba na yung ticket rates nyo. In my case, nawindang ako dahil pagtapos ko magbook for myself at nung turn ng nung friend ko e nagdoble na yung price nung ticket for the same flight. Ang ending, hindi tuloy kami magkasabay aalis. Crap!!! Muntik pang ma-doble yung charging sa credit card nung kaibigan ko dahil biglang nawala yung internet connection habang kalagitnaan ng pagpa-process nung booking. Hindi ko pa alam ang customer service number ng PAL at nung nakatawag naman ako, ipinaglipat-lipat pa ako ng makakasagot sa inquiry ko. Grrr. Anyway, naayos naman sya bago matapos ang araw so happy ako.

Yung masayang part, nung dumating yung friend kong si Gelai after magpromise na dadalaw siya sa office (after ten years... hehe) at nakausap namin si Kaching na minsan na lang din magparamdam dahil happy siya ngayon... eherm... nagpaparinig ako (kidding!). At himala, inabot ng gabi si Wayne sa office na allergic sa OT. hehe. At dahil mistulang reunion, daldalang nag-umapaw ang mga sumunod na eksena, over Jollibee Spaghetti and Burger steak at Starbucks coffee. We also met David's new girlfriend. Natutuwa lang ako 'pag may bago akong kakilala.. ibig sabihin lumalaki ang mundo ko. =)

So, yun lang at nakalimutan ko na si mamang yuppie at yung umagang nakakabaliw.

Isa yata yun sa life's greatest mysteries. Ang tawag ko jan- equilibrium. 'Pag hindi maganda ang araw mo, sasaya naman ang gabi mo. Kung sobra-sobrang sama ng loob ang binibigay sayo ng trabaho, meron ka naman friends and family na makakapagpasaya sayo. Ganun lang yata talaga. So, kahit papa'no, I learned a lesson. 'Wag masyadong seryoso sa buhay.. you'll never know what can happen next.

Sorry, my mind won't shut up =)

Bugger.

I've got THAT bug again... the bug of being 'masungit' and being not in the mood 70% of the time. PMS? Probably. A sudden change of heart? Emotional healing or on the brink of an emotional trauma? Hay, ewan... I think work is eating me alive again and it's probably the stress that makes me a monster (like He-who-must-be-tamed!)

Funny thing is I know when I am being like this but the problem is no matter how many times I 'breathe-in-breathe-out' while my eyes are closed while commanding my nerves to just 'chill', I still can't help but explode, especially when I come across people who can't make my day any gloomier or when I'm caught up in a situation where I have to 'just shut up and bear it'...

I really hate it when I'm like this because even the tiniest thing (sometimes not even worth the energy) can cause a friction that I just burn up. From a seemingly fleeting annoyance, I sometimes find myself on the verge of a full-pledge rage (although hindi naman destuctive... nearly lang). Maybe I need anger management.

Photofunia fun

I came across this site (www.photofunia.com) while I was pretending that I was researching something important for my article... hehe... nah, I was so tired and bored and just needed a break..

I played with some of my photos and... voila!

Wow! I got my very own billboard... tee-hee!

Obsessed?!? Ngiii...

musings on conversations

I went out to dinner with my friends tonight and as usual, more than pigging out, the night turned out to be an almost four-hour talking marathon. It's pretty funny how you start discussing things out of the blue (sometimes non-sense and sometimes a very intelligent one) and end up with some topic that is waaaaay off from your starting point.

Take our case for instance. At CPK, where we had our dinner, we were talking about how Glorietta used to look like (it was called Quad then), Martial Law, the Edsa Revolution, Imelda Marcos, Ninoy's assassination, NN's road to recovery, Erap and his wives and their not-so hidden wealth and some other intelligent topics that we find quite interesting. And yet, when we transferred to Starbucks for some caffeine abuse, the topics were diverted to showbiz, the pirated dvds (porn that is!) that are being sold explicitly in Baclaran, and... hold on tight for this... cockroach infestation.

Labo no?

It's nearly 2am and my mind is still talking... if I can just shut it up...

Fanmode: CHRIS CENDANA

Youtube is awesome...

Because my brother is so desperate to find some guitar lesson tips videos for the song 'Apologize' (by One Republic), we came across this FilAm songwriter who's based in Morgantown, West Virginia. Man, this one really delivers... His songs say it all... ENJOY!

This one's my favorite =)



His version of 'I'm Yours' by Jason Mraz



Enjoy the rest of his songs here...

When solitude sets in... on a Friday night!

Nobody wants to talk to me. Out of probably ten (exaggeration ito!) people I randomly text messaged today, only two replied. Dang... it's really pathetic. Nobody cares... *Sniff*

Hay, ang sad. It's Friday night and I'm here in the office... still working. This is nothing new naman but I just feel extra sad (and tired today). While wallowing on self-pity and editing, I decided to play with my camera...

This is me today... *sniff*

This is what keeps me here on a Friday night... grrr...

My food... (it's the book actually.. teehee!)

How many cats do you see? =)

Which part is that?

This is the part where I go home at past 11pm, too tired and wanting to rest but just can't sleep yet.

Instead, here I am attempting to put together a decent account of what happened to me today. As much as I would like to update the world (err.. not really... i don't know if this blog's even visible...) about my life's what-nots, sometimes, the mood isn't just there. Sometimes, I open this blog and sign-out after about three seconds. In the 15 minutes of my travel from my office to my house, I am able to think about a million things to tell the internet and yet, when this blank 'post box' stares at me right in the face, all my thoughts evaporate. I would really love to have something to put here everyday but my laziness overlapping with craziness just wouldn't allow it.

Today is the part where my subconscious seems to bully my body and my mental state to lower their defenses again. I came to work with a running nose and I thought it was just a simple case of allergic-rhinitis... but NO! I used up two tissue rolls and two jumbo kleenex travel packs today and my trash bin was embarrasingly overflowing with snot-filled tissues. I looked like I was crying the whole day - eyes almost swollen and teary and a very red (and aching) nose to top it off. I am still having a slight fever as I am typing this but at least, the nose is back to normal.

My colleague said "Napapansin ko, 'pag malapit na ang deadline, nagkakasakit ka..." Exactly. Come to think of it.. that could be true. No doubt I am having a lot of pressure these days because of the next issue's impending release and probably my body is giving me a little warning or something. But heck... totoo nga... I just realized it and I find it quite amusing. Remember? Stress gave me one heck of a skin allergy - Pytiriasis something something and the marks are still here, etched on my skin.. a good 'ol reminder of how miserable I WAS because of work.

Current body temperature: 38 degree celcius - Is this normal?

And because I was not feeling well and I am desperate to stop my nose from 'crying', I munched... chewed... gnawed... In other words, I ate A LOT. I have this crazy idea that chewing can make my running nose disappear. So, I consumed something that is equivalent to what a person thrice my size consumes when he / she is on an eat-all-you-can mode. So, that was the part where I became a self-confessed glutton.

And this... this is the part where I am cutting short my blog entry to satisfy my 'Lucky Me Pancit Canton' cravings. (^_^)v

I'm... back?

I was so dreading this day but then I remembered... hey, this is the part where I am/should be going back to my normal life - me, myself and work. I am definitely not at all psyched but it somehow gives me a peace of mind. What the? Don't ask...

I open this blog and find myself staring for minutes at my previous post and thinking - what the hell was I thinking? It shouldn't be there... I never should have written it in the first place. I was fighting the urge to delete it. But I thought I shouldn't 'coz it was what I WAS feeling at that time so... yea, why not. =)

Thirty minutes ago (it's 10pm now), I was sprawled in my bed, not wanting to get up. I am dead beat from my first normal day at work. (last week was like an excursion - I only went to work for two days, feeling mighty lazy... *guilty look*). I edited dozens of articles and wrote a couple for the next issue of AQ. It was draining.

I went home early hoping to continue what I was doing at work on the comfort of my bed but as soon as I had dinner and saw my pillows, I totally forgot about what I was planning to do and just hit the sack. I slept with a full stomach and was quite worried of having an indigestion. But then, I got up instantly the moment I heard 'ate' saying that she brought home some food *eyes shining with delight* Yumm... I am such a glutton. hay.. And I am still craving for something at this point. I am blaming food network for this.

In the midst of my busy sched, I found myself thinking of some things that I still want to do beyond work that could broaden my horizon and help me grow as a person. I've been practicing my guitar skills in the last few months, I've enrolled in a basic Mandarin class and I've been quite successful in raising the bar for my spiritual growth. Now, I want to volunteer to any charitable work or activity, I want to start a project of my own, I want to enroll in a baking / culinary class (medyo I'm tired of having the 'aga-tikim' all the time), I want to go to Phuket or Saigon by next year and most of all, push through with my 'Grand Plan New Zealand' =)

I guess the clouds above my head are slowly clearing up and I am just thankful...

Re-view-well

That’s what I should be probably doing about what transpired a few nights ago on my get-away to the land up North. My mind is in total chaos that I couldn’t even tell if what happened really did happen. Or if what I think he said, he did really say. I just probably can’t get over the fact that six years ago, his gaze would’ve melted me to bits and his smile would’ve turned my cheeks to fuchsia pink and yet, when I saw him that night, the feeling was… blank… nada… a big black void. I mean, I was happy… really happy in fact to see him and be with him but there is one big thing that is lacking. Whatever that is, I couldn’t tell… or probably, I am afraid to tell. I just don’t understand how a person can shower you with praises and let you feel how special you are but still do / or not do some things that would make you think otherwise. I am so confused.

I am just probably thinking too much. I am making things complicated. I want to know if he likes me – obviously and without assuming anything, that’s what he made me feel – liked. Honestly, how would you feel if someone suddenly gives you a poem that talks about repressed emotions and that someone just happens to be the person that you like the most a few years back? How would you feel if he suddenly looks at you as if you are something worthy of his gaze and tells you how beautiful you have become? How would you feel if that someone asks of your plans in the future and if you would consider giving them up to stay? How would you feel if you’re sure right there and then that one look from you can make him really nervous and speechless? We walked in the rain; we laughed in the rain. He said I am his princess but I just couldn’t say that he’s my prince. I am just not sure… yet.

And then, the night ended. I came back to reality. I didn’t see him the following days. I know I really wanted to see him again as he was telling me over and over again that he wanted to see me too. But the circumstances just wouldn’t allow it. Heck, I am competing with his future. I guess he needs it more than just one magical feeling from a ghost of his college days.

Review well. That’s what I told him a while ago when we were text messaging. He gave up seeing me to study for his exams week. Review well… That’s what I’ll be doing too ‘coz I will definitely be thinking a lot about him these days.

Baguio after six years

And so, I spent my long weekend back in Baguio... after six long years! =) I guess I am just so happy to be back, to be seeing good old familiar places, hearing that old familiar dialect (Maysang estudyante manong!) and being in the company of my friends whom I haven't seen for such a long time.

About 11:45, Saturday night, the deluxe bus I took from Victory Liner, Pasay Terminal left for Baguio. I really wanted to travel comfortably and by that, I mean no narrow bus seat, no unwanted seatmate and no stop overs. Ang arte eh no? I just thought that since it would be my first time again in years to go back to Baguio, my trip should be a little special. Well, it turned out to be very special =) Armed only with my hooded jacket to help me battle the cold, I arrived in Baguio at 4:15am (!).. thanks to Kat and Jang, I had a place to stay =) Really, thank you guys from the bottom of my (naguguluhang) heart... you are my angels.. hihi...

Anyway, Turista Day 1 started as soon as I regained my energy around lunch time. Me and Kat went to Pizza Volante for lunch. Seems like that one's a pretty famous meeting place. Food was great. If only I haven't had my braces adjusted the night before, I swear I could've eaten all what was served like a hungry buffalo. We were really planning to eat at 50s Dinner, which was one of my most favorite restos in Baguio during my college years. Unfortunately, it got transferred and although they were saying it's still as good as the old one (especially the food), it didn't feel that way. It was also jam packed with double a dozen tourists waiting in line just to get inside. So, we ended at Session Rd to the famous Pizza place. After lunch, we went to sneak in UP Campus just to have a feel of our alma mater. Geez, I miss UP... I miss 'Oble'... I miss being just a student. As I've mentioned before, the school looks really different, with a lot of new structures and buildings. I can't even remember where the offices are... tsk.

Then, we headed off to Botanical Garden (nope, in all my Baguio years, I haven't been there!) for some serious turista business - eh ano pa, e di magpicture nang magpicture. =) We thought minsan lang naman yun so, magpapakaturista na kami. Then it rained... and we took more pictures.

Then I got 'R's message... meet daw kami ng 8pm sa Volante (na naman!). I must admit, I was a little panicky and worried. 'R' is my college crush - as in that ultimate blush-ever, can't-talk-straight-when-he's-around, 'pahiram-ng-Math-notes-para-maka-style', nenok-ng-picture-sa-bulletin-board, active-sa-Youth-Night, kind of crush. Yuck no? Haha. Anyway, we started 'talking' again after I got an unexpected message from him at... okay, buckle up... Friendster! He got my number and that was that. So I informed him that I was in Baguio and that was it. Hala. I don't actually know why I was somehow nervous at the thought of meeting him, considering that six years have passed already and I am pretty sure that I am not feeling anything special this time (fingers crossed tightly!). Kat said I have to get my beauty rest so we went back to the house to get freshened up (kamusta naman, ang dudungis na namin at nangangamoy usok pa). The meeting was moved to 9pm as he was preparin' some kind of a gift for me daw. At dun nagsimula, ladies & gentlemen, ang istorya ng pakbet. bow. (tell you some other time) So there, spent the rest of my night with 'R', re-living our college memories together (which were actually so little but nice just the same). He took me home a little before 12mn and I haven't seen him the rest of my stay in Baguio. It's his exams week daw so I'd say, forgivable? U-huh. Text lang siya ng text, ganun. Hmp...

Turista Day number 2: Tam-awan Village, some art gallery / coffee shop near Tam-awan, Red Cherries (tama ba?) cake shop, market and Kaffee Klatsch. I am really thankful that I had Kat and Jang to accompany me around. Kat and I had lunch at Tam-awan. It was my first time to eat Adobong Baboy na kamote yung halo. Ang sarap, but again, because of my teeth-throbbing episodes, hindi ko pa din makagat yung ulam. Sad. Then we had a lot of sight-seeing.Tam-awan is such a cool place (literally and figuratively speaking). They have these Igorot-inspired houses which can be rented overnight for lodging. We went up the steep and slippery path to the view deck where you can supposedly see the China Sea and witness God's magnificent creation but the fog was so thick that I only got to see the silhouette of some trees. Then again, it was the experience and the company that I am really thankful for. =) Then we saw this coffee shop / art gallery and we went inside and got awe-struck by the different art pieces inside. They don't allow taking pictures inside but since we don't acknowledge that rule, we still clicked away to our cameras' content. Nakarma tuloy ako... I have this picture where mukhang huling-huli ako sa akto at gulat na gulat. Bigla kasing nag-chime yung bells na signal yata 'pag may visitors, eh I was posing beside this art sculpture... pati si Kat nagulat kaya yung picture CLASSIC... haha. Kafee Klatsch - best place to be with your friends if you just want non-stop talking (and picture-taking in our case) with soft acoustic / piano performance in the background. I fell in love with that place instantly.

My third day was serious business. I had to go back to UP and accomplish my clearance, get my diploma (at last!) and apply for a request for my Transcript of records which I would claim in the next two months. When I was asked to sign the claim sheet, I saw that I was among the few ones left who haven't got these documents yet. Almost all my batch mates have gotten theirs years ago. Hala. I had to go back after lunch 'coz the manang who's in-charge of the releasing of diploma and whatnot took a half-day leave. I went to SM and just looked around forgetting about time. It was already past 2pm when I went back to UP.

Anyway, I had no clue that my nightmare was just about to start. After I left UP, I headed straight to Victory Liner to buy my ticket for my trip back to Manila. I got an 11:15pm schedule. The rain started pouring hard just as I was about to get out of the terminal so I decided to stay back for about 30 minutes and just surf the net in a computer shop inside the terminal. The rain looked like it would never stop. The computer shop manang said it was the onset of typhoon so there's really no use waiting. I decided to go ahead with my plan and scour the market for some pasalubong. Then I got stranded waiting for a cab that would take me 'home'. It took me about two hours, drenched and cold and well... surprisingly... happy. I was worried alright but it was something that didn't really scare me. I knew I'd get pass that safe and sound. Malakas ako kay Lord... hehe. Pero grabe, it was my first time to experience something like that in Baguio... alone.

At around 10:30pm, despite the torrential rain, Kat and Jang brought me to the terminal. As much as I hated saying goodbye, I did... knowing that in just a few months, I'll see them both again. So to you, I am still not done thanking you. Thank you for making that trip worthwhile and special and also, for making me laugh like crazy at the mere thought of 'pakbet'. Ikamusta niyo na lang ako kay Pakbet Boy. Ayus.

I'll post the pictures soon in my multiply page. =)

for you.

Fuzzy Angel just for You-- powered by quickinspirations.com

'He-Who-Must-Be-Tamed''

This is what happens when I am totally upset - I become the master word stringer; my creative juice overflows. This was written while I was sulking, eyes half-closed because I was almost asleep. I thought I just had to let it all out.

An ode to 'He-Who-Must-Be-Tamed'... the 'Dark Lord' in the most literal sense of the word... I'm sure you know who am I talking about. =)

The Puppet Master

He is the dark cloud that covers up your hopes of getting through a day of supposedly pure bliss. He is a typhoon – wreaking havoc to the melancholy of your life. He is the one who will gnaw you alive until you’re nothing but bone scrap. He will feed on your brain and lap up your sweat, tears and blood until you scream dehydration. He’ll nosh sumptuously on your dignity and self-worth as desert. You are nothing but a melting candle in his evil eyes – a disgustful sight in itself. You are a prey and will remain to be while you remain in his colony. He knows everything like a good ‘ol mountain hermit for he has a sixth sense – senselessness.

In his world there is no ‘We’; it’s always ‘I’. ‘You’ is always an ‘I’ – imbecile, idiot, irrelevant. His ‘I’ is an ‘aye, aye, aye!’ He is a one way mirror who sees nothing but himself and his terrifying reflection deserves an oil canvass paint in the museum down from 20 feet under.

In the puppet master’s world, there are no candies and rainbows and white fluffy clouds. His world is an endless train track underneath an unending tunnel of stench. He derives ecstasy from one agonizing pain to another; your cries of torment are his Bach’s Prelude in C Minor – a symphony and an art, a creation of pleasure that cannot be missed.

***

H&G

They say that when you throw a stone into the ocean, no matter how heavy or big it is, it will always find its way to the shore. What shore is that? I don't really know; it doesn't really matter. Point is, it does come back.

This thought made me reflect on how many people in my lifetime - family, friends, acquaintances, those whom I have never really met but I feel like I've known them - have come and go, have said hello, have said goodbye and then, there were those who didn't say anything; they just left. How many bridges have been burned? How many bruises have I gained and how many scars are just about to heal?

One of my life's greatest puzzles is that, why do people talk about forever when it doesn't seem to exist at all? 'Friends Forever', Forever's not enough, From now until forever... I mean, is there someone who has actually experienced it?
***
On to a lighter side but still some kind'a related story...

I've been talking about burnt bridges and all those saying goodbye stuff. But in the last few weeks I've been witnessing God's love through some old friends who have suddenly decided to hike down my path. For me, these little encounters are the biggest things in life. It is one proof of how we are created in just one huge melting pot.

And so now I ask: Did I ever lose anything? =)

You're welcome!

I totally forgot that I've been sending out donation to the UNICEF for the last four months. I was reminded when I received this postcard a day before yesterday and I must say, it warms my heart =)

I miss ChinChin =)

Weird, but I just saw her (and Tina) last Friday. We had dinner and coffee (as usual) and tons of chikahang 'umaatikabo' a-la Daily Ten


Probably, what I mean is I miss having her as an officemate whom I could see on a daily basis, have lunch with, and as an outlet whenever I feel bad about work. See, it's never been the same since all my friends left me (well, physically they did) but I'm sure they're just around there somewhere whenever I am on my 'tag-praning' days and need some ears to use up... =)

I actually miss you all =)

Just another Sunday

I think I am reverting to my old Sunday ways and I am not liking it. Sunday for me used to be a bummer's day; meaning, it was me, my bed and the TV. I could like let a whole day pass without going out of my room, except for an occasional trip to the cr and to get myself some food. I told myself while it is good to do that sometimes, I wouldn't want to waste my time anymore doing nothing. Plus, I kind of promised to devote the first half of the day with my 'date' with God. Unfortunately, I haven't been too successful with both. Well, today might be an exception 'coz I am still not feeling well. I missed Church again... tsk... Mom even did my laundry for me today and I totally adore her even more.
Anyway, I guess there isn't really much to tell 'coz I didn't do anything or at least nothing interesting happened today. I'll just share these videos of my new found fave 'earplug', Brooke Fraser.

DECIPHERING ME (this one's my favorite!=))



SHADOWFEET

So, what's up with me?

wow. a month almost passed by and i am too sick to notice it.

I don't even know if this is still normal because I've been having fever (on and off) since last week (July 10 to be exact). My temperature is so unstable that I only got to report to work for two days this week (or last?). I must admit, my brain's not been functioning well in the last couple of weeks and I wasn't all up for work (especially after I got that too-brutal-to-forget bashing from the hell spawn at work). I think the v-cay mode has something to do with this too.

See, our company had this little 'outing' last July 10 and 11 at this very nice Caylabne Bay Resort somewhere in Cavite. Damn, it was far and the road going there is like Marcos Highway and Kenon Road combined. Very very lucky me - I got fever on our first night there so I didn't get to enjoy much whatever happenings they had (card games, bonding time, etc.) 'coz I slept really early. I was still a little bit under the weather on the second day but instead of sulking, I jumped into the pool and just enjoyed what was left of the day.

The following day, me and my siblings were off to Hong Kong. We didn't even sleep 'coz our flight was at 5am and we had to be at the airport around 3am. Try looking at these pictures and see how our eyebags almost ate half our faces. (hehe!) But it was worth it 'coz I had a very great time with my ate and 'kuya'... even if i was super masungit half the time (pms... tsk... and lack of sleep...) We stayed in this very nice hotel in Northpoint (pros- it's strategically located near the subway station and the rooms are really nice; con - it is at a marketplace!) and we loved it. We got to know Xiang Gang (Chinese for HK) very well in those three days 'coz we were walking and just taking the MTR all the time to save some bucks. Our second day was spent In Disneyland which I swear, was a lot better than the last time I saw it. They have this new attraction called 'It's a Small World' where different countries of the world are represented and little dolls dressed in their national costumes are singing 'It's a small world (afterall!)' in their own languages. Of course, the Philippines is there. =) While it's actually for kids, we enjoyed it a lot!

The rest of the HK trip can be summarized into more walking and trips to Starbucks! Yup, a trip for me is not complete without my cup of (starbucks) coffee =)

So, we got home in the wee hours of Tuesday morning and guess what - I was back with a fever! Kamusta naman? I swear, this virus is clinging to me like crazy. And this time, I got the bonuses - cough and colds. So, I ended up staying home (but still working since I got my laptop with me) last Tuesday and when I felt a little better, I went to work the following day (Wednesday). But as expected, I went home like a sickly kitten, having chills the rest of the night so I was bedridden come Thursday. But since I am a self-confessed idiot, I went to work again yesterday (Friday), coughing my way through the day. It was stupid but it was okay. I also missed my Mandarin classes on purpose to meet up and have dinner with my friends - C & T. The rest didn't show up (as usual!) But again, it was okay and it was a very fun (sickly) night! =)

So, there... that's what happened.

Stormy Sunday

It's been raining non-stop for the last two days and I've been totally immobile here at home. Rainy days make me lazy... it's the best time to just bum around - stay in bed, watch a cheezy korean flick or that drama I've been wanting to finish, and munch on whatever my tastebuds are craving. So far, I've consumed four cups of coffee, a cup of hot chocolate, one tub of popcorn, three packs of chips (from mama's store) and some candies. I am still hungry though.Despite all these junk food, I haven't had a decent meal today.

I missed Church today because I was afraid to go out. I also canceled my movie date with my friends; we were supposed to watch Narnia and drool over Prince Caspian but the weather wouldn't just allow it. But to be honest, I like it sometimes when the weather's like this and was (still a little bit) praying that it would still rain as hard tomorrow so I wouldn't have to go to work. bad... bad... bad...

Oh, well, I felt a little guilty as soon as I opened a few news sites and read some updates about the typhoon Fengshen or 'Frank'. About 86 were killed and 700 plus are still missing as it ravaged Visayas and South Luzon this weekend. A passenger ferry, 'Princess of the Stars' capsized off Sibuyan island in Romblon's central province Saturday night and many (about 700 plus) are still missing. What's disturbing is that I was able to ride this boat during my shipping beat days as a reporter. It was the biggest among the domestic passenger fleet at that time and I saw how nice the interior of that boat was. Oh well... I pray they would find more survivors.

One of my most favorite guys in the world...

Tada!



Seriously...

I just thought that it's time I write something about this person.

This is Wayne - my closest (or so I think) guy pal in the office.

Wayne is a person that I DON'T understand or get at all. It's like he has his own little world, bolted with a very heavy steel door; you need a tremendous amount of effort before you could come in but once you're inside, you're in for a lot of treat. But this very character of his is what actually makes him [a] special...(child)... kiddin'

He is an insensitive little dweeb that could make my head explode because of his naive-bordering-on-'cluelessness' little ways that sometimes, you'd think he's doing it on purpose just to make you angry. He's also that person who could make me throw my guts out from too much laughing 'coz of his natural goofiness and funny little antics. He can make me laugh without even opening his mouth. And he can also make me angry because he doesn't say anything even if he needs to.

He is my constant companion on my usual trips to food-hunting (whenever I crave for anything!), to convenience stores, to the banks, and anywhere outside the confines of our office whenever I feel like seeing the bustling outside world. He's that person you can easily drag around wherever... whenever (basta office hours and he's not doing anything or is too lazy to do anything just yet!)

He's the most stingy person I know.... although I noticed, these days, the 'kakuriputan' is waning a little bit. But I bow down to his discipline and self-control and his will to do things the right way. Most importantly, I sincerely appreciate his patience to keep up with me and my crazy sometimes-hard-to-deal-with ways.

Xie xie ni wo de peng you! v(^_^)v

A fury that shouldn't have been there.

When I get mad, I really get mad - crazy, I mean. I tend to forgo all kinds of reasonings and I become deaf and blind to all possible explanations. I also become mute - I don't talk to anyone at all. Like an imbecile and an autistic person, I lock myself in my own world, repelling anyone or anything that would try to break down my doors. I get so caught up in my own thoughts, letting the 'anger poison' seep in deeper into my veins. And as if it is some kind of a potion that gives me strength and power, I feel so uninhibited and it makes me feel like I can say and do anything and just abash any poor fellow that would stand (clueless-ly) in my way.

Take for instance an incident with my boss a year or so ago. I was so mad at him that I almost forgot that he's my boss and he could kick my working ass anytime he pleases. The thing was I felt that his 'belittling thet' is way going below the belt and I was really offended. I felt that he was undermining my capability and the tactless (and heartless) guy that he is, he loved showing [it] off at my expense. So, one day while we were in a meeting, my anger silently erupted. I antagonized him by not talking and looking at him at all - even if he was addressing me - in front of his visitors. I kept mum, paralyzed there in my seat, not caring at all how he would react or anybody would for that matter. I was so angry that talking might bring out that burning fury and hatred that was sure to have made the situation more ugly. I think I got the message across because right after the meeting, he asked me what the hell my problem was and asked me to see him in his office. The hard-headed stubborn little me didn't falter - I hid from him the rest of the day, not wanting to talk, or if possible, not wanting to have to do with the jackass anymore. I guess I won that battle because he became a little nicer to me the following days, weeks even and he didn't bother bringing up that incident anymore.

While there are times that this helps me get by (and prove my point), I am not proud of this part of me because I tend to hurt a lot of people. My fury is a fire that consumes me, sometimes almost burning bridges and I regret it - truly. The problem is my mind automatically shuts down and the only thing that it retains is the fact that I am angry and I don't care. I hate and I loathe and I say hurtful things or do things that could really cut deep into someone's heart. In the end, I can only say, 'I am so truly sorry'. Thinking about it now, it makes me realize even more how this reflects my immaturity in handling the bitter bits and pieces of the realities of life - that it is not always on my side and I can't get all I want. I am such a life brat - spoiled and rotten and wanting to change.

KC!

I wasn't really a fan but when I met her, it's quite difficult not to be... =)

with KC during the Walk the World last June 01, 2008. END HUNGER!

Miyo-kun

My cat, Miyo, has a future in print ad modeling... this feline fellow knows how to pose for the camera...* candy pink knitted sweater with heart design (borrowed from Unni's stuffed toy), background, my pillows... ayysshh...

this darn thing looks so adorable!

Musings on the Hillsong United concert

I feel a little guilty.

I gushed non-stop about that surreal but very very nice close encounter with Jad Gillies of Hillsong United (still can't stop smiling just thinking about it!) but I haven't once mentioned (atleast in my blog) what Hillsong's concert brought in my spiritual being that night. No doubt about it, the concert was very uplifting and it was a real blessing. It was very overwhelming to see (probably) more than 20,000 people singing praises and worshiping God for two and a half hours!

I must admit, I didn't know anyone from Hillsong United before the concert but I know most (not all, okay?!) of their songs by heart. In a way, I could say that I was really there not to adore the band members but to praise and worship Jesus (which is great!). I wonder if most of the people were there for the same reason. Hillsong United really made the worship night all fired up within each and every person in the coliseum and the spirit soaring high . Even my friend, who's not really a fan, looked like she felt the spirit within her.

I wasn't all crazy at the beginning but when the band started playing 'Take It All', I lost all inhibitions and just sang and danced and clapped and jumped like it would be my last. It felt exhilarating and just great! I was so caught up in the music that I was almost near tears when they sang that song about healing (a song composed by Joel Houston's friend who was diagnosed with cansert and is continuously battling it)...

All in all, I wouldn't exchange that night for anything.... =)

Here are the list of songs (from what I can remember) that the band played:

Time Has Come
Take It all
What the world will never take
My Future Decided
All I Need is You
Mighty to save
Hosanna
Shout Unto God
The Stand
Break Free
Look To You
Salvation is Here
More than life
None But Jesus
From the Inside out
Came to my rescue
Savior King
Tell The world
One Way Jesus


Here are some pics (courtesy of Lisa's multiply page from Chin's cam)...
... and also here (taken using my KRZR cam phone)

Retarded Luck!

Today is awesome! Really really awesome! And I thought last night's concert of Hillsong United would be the biggest highlight of my life (atleast this week!) Actually, it is... since I've booked our tickets a month ago and I was waiting for this concert like CRAZY! And finally, last night it happened... it was a very uplifting concert indeed...very nice.

But what could be better than this?!?


U-huh.. that's me with Hillsong United's Jad Gillies! It was really a simple case of retarded luck and me, being at the right place at the right time. Actually, there's a funny story behind this.

Me and my colleague went to Edsa Shang this afternoon to attend an exhibitor's meeting. On our way to the hotel, we saw this group loading some equipment in a coaster bus (at the side entrance) and I thought I saw Joel Houston (the band's frontman) but shrugged the idea since it seemed a little off (but hey, the concert was in Araneta so it's likely that they would stay in Shang or Crowne Plaza or some hotel nearby). So we went inside the hotel and there, at the lobby was a small crowd having photo ops with i-don't-know-who and when we got closer, I saw this guy... I knew I recognize his face and the guy with the curly hair (the drummer)... we were seated at the Upper Box last night so it was kind'a difficult to recognize their faces. Without even thinking, I marched off to this guy (who was Jad apparently) and asked if I could have a photo with him. I said thanks, shook his hand and said goodbye.

And all throughout the meeting, my mind was wandering off, thinking hard if it was really Hillsong that I just saw and met at Shang's lobby. Jazz, my officemate, said it's okay if it wasn't Hillsong, at least we know the guy is famous for sure (as there were a lot wanting to have their photos taken with him). Hehe.. Good Riddance.

The moment we got back from the meeting, I immediately checked the internet to familiarize myself with the Hillsong band members' faces and lo and behold, it was really him! (ahh, my heart is still pounding!) This was just great. Thank you God!

Insane right? v(^___^)v

This is why I love Me

... because I have these two... my 'unni' and 'oppa' ... 'coz I have them for a brother & a sister.




... two goofballs that I love so much!
... we fight like (how does kuya put it?) Trilla in Manila or sumthin' like that.. but we know we can not do away without each other.
... my unni's getting married in December. I am sooo going to miss her. =)

100 Days With Mr. Arrogant

This is one of my most favorite movies of all time - second, of course, to My Sassy Girl. Why I love it so much? Well, it has this 'will-make-you-laugh-first-before-making-you-cry' flavor into it which is what I like best in Korean movies. Plus, who else plays the lead guy role but my faffy Kim Jae Won, opposite cutesy Ha Ji Won.


The story line isn't the best but if you just want something that would induce a hearty laugh from you and will make you *sigh* (with your hands clasp together because of too much *kilig*), this will do...

I must've been feeling really 'bad' these past few days that I had to see it for the -nth time.

A bluff.

Dear Friends,

This is my last day on earth. And I'll be saying goodbye with such sweetness that you wouldn't really forget me. My life has been meaningful and happy and rainbow-colored because you all have been there throughout - at my lowest and at my highest. And more than the company, the laughter and the memories, it is the meaning that you've drawn upon me that I will treasure the most.

Now I know why I liked looking at clouds so much, why I could stare for hours at these white fluffy 'things' without getting tired, without blinking my eyes, without failing to shed a tear. I knew I'd be here walking one day with such innocent grace. I'll be walking barefoot on my white and red polka-dot dress with the wind blowing on my face. With my hair and my dress swaying along the silent rhythm.

I'll be remembering you dear friends. I'll be watching you from where I'll be. I'll be speaking to you through the wind and I'll be singing you life's sweetest hymns. I'll be giving you back my love -so imperfect yet tangible.

I'll be that someone who'll be with you forever.

***

No, I am not yet going. I couldn't think of anything to write about so I thought it would be neat to write my would-be last unspoken words. A bit dramatic, don't you think?

Teardrops on my guitar

A song by Taylor Swift... certified cheezy but I am so liking it...

Of ministries, porcupines and sea urchins

In this world, there exist all kinds of people and we try very hard to find our place in it and find peace among ourselves. We strive hard to be happy; sometimes ignoring the fact that happiness isn't really achieved by merely addressing our whims or our wants or, even sometimes, our needs.

I have had that share of being at a total lost, succumbing to my pessimistic views and wanting to be just happy. I didn't even know what would make me one. My understanding was too shallow in fact that I was almost convinced that laughing my heart out, being in the company of my friends, having a decent job or having a peaceful home were all it meant to be happy. But as I grow deeper into my relationship with God, I knew in an instant that there is definitely more to it than just that.

Before I started attending Church again, I was worried about being bound by religious practices. By that I mean being compelled to go to Church every Sunday or doing this whole ministry thing and ‘saving’ other people. I had a very different understanding of what it means to be a Christian. It’s not that I got it all wrong; let’s just say that I do have a more profound understanding now of what being Christian is all about.

As much as I think that I am not prepared yet, I am looking forward to the day when I would start touching lives and taking part in ministries at the Church. I am taking it one giant step at a time. I learned four important points in today's church service: 1) that God is the provider / manufacturer and we, merely distributors (of His grace); 2) we should know what people need; 3) There isn't really such a thing as 'Love is blind' ; and 4) Give all the glory back unto God.

I've seen many people act like they own the world or as if they are God's greatest gifts to mankind and only them can fulfill whatever lacks in this world. Hate to crash some egos but they think very wrong of themselves. There is only one provider and that is God. He 'manufactures' whatever we people need and we are tasked to distribute it to whoever needs it. This is where sharing the word of God comes in.

And sadly, this is where the porcupines and the sea urchins come out... the porcupines and the sea urchins among people... among US. When people need something, they tend to be embarrased when someone suddenly turns up and offers a helping hand to address their needs. Sometimes, I am a sea urchin wallowing in my own flood of needs and I tend to prick and deflate the life jacket that is being thrown at me for shame and for putting my pride down. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who feel the same way. I've seen and met them. I learned that instead of turning our backs on them and just heal whatever wounds they've caused us (because of their spikes), we should try to embrace them more. Not because love is blind but because love is the truth. We only found the truth in God's words and that is what He is telling us -- to love others as He loves us. And when we start making them believe, we should bring glory not upon ourselves but back unto God.

I have met a lot of porcupines and sea urchins in my life and boy, they never fail to bring me pain, to cut me deep, leaving me emotional wounds that take time to heal. I still am hurt and my heart is still screaming with hatred But I promise, I'll be working hard to get it off my system.

Night outs with the 'goofy bunch'

Last night was the fourth time this week that I didn't go home early and didn't eat dinner at home, much to my pop's dismay and the reason of our arguments (I always spend time elsewhere... I always go home late... I was always out... blah... blah... blah...) . I think I have to blame Kaching since she's the reason why we're getting together every other night ('coz she'll be going back to Singapore again soon)... Just kiddin'.

Last Monday, I met up with Tina at Coffee Bean to just talk and unwind. Tuesday was the first night that Kach was here so we spent some time at 'Fuzion' Greenbelt (really love hanging out at their bed-turned-couch) while I was enduring a very very bad headache. Wednesday night was my 'me' time so I got a full-body massage and just enjoyed a full night of relaxation. Met with my sister for dinner afterwards. And last night was another enjoyable and memorable night as I, once again, got those stomach cramps from too much laughing. The conversation was such a sitcom. Our favorite (and probably one of the most memorable) topic was the classic 'Where the hell is Cynthia Patag?' It all started one fine afternoon at work. We were listening to an oldies song from my playlist...

Me: Kaboses ni Cynthia Patag yung kumakanta...

(everyone ponders and laughs at the idea)

Wayne: Nasa'n na nga kaya ngayon si Cynthia Patag no?

Me: Malay... try mo i-email... cynthiapatag@palibhasalalake.com.ph baka sakaling sumagot...

(... then an outburst of laughter) What followed was an intense discussion on the suspected whereabouts of Cynthia Patag, the possibilities and the probabilities, the alleged existence of a 'palibhasalalake.com' website that could shed some light on the matter. Then came reminiscing how she looked like with the big stuffed toy and her irritatingly huge ribbon and short shorts and, of course, the nasal high-pitched voice! Nonsense as this may seem and no matter how deluded and stupid the topic is, this is where we laugh our hearts out.

These goofy people really make my day.

The path I've taken...

*This was supposed to be posted last night.. but didn't finish it.

I received Jesus Christ as my savior today. For the first time in years, I could hear my heart speak truly of what I feel about my relationship with God. I have accepted Jesus Christ in my heart a long time ago but it was the first time that I had someone give me preachings about it. And it was really enlightening. I thought I wouldn't be affected by the testimonies I heard since I am very well aware of it already. But then, I felt this gentle yet moving tugging at my heart and I was overwhelmed by it.

It was my first time to attend a service in years. A colleague of mine (who has been patient and kind enough) invited me to their church and since I have been seeking for spiritual growth for a very long time, I decided to go. My heart was all for it - I really wanted to be reunited with my faith.

When people ask me what my religion is, I can't give a straight answer. I usually say that my family is Catholic and that my mom is a devoted servant of the Catholic church. And I, myself, used to be an active member of the Catholic Church until I was disheartened *big time* by the magnitude and gravity of hypocrisy I've witnessed. I didn't want to have anything to do with that particular church anymore. I stopped attending church. Don't get me wrong, that didn't mean I've turned my back from God. Ironically, this has strengthened my faith in Him even more and deepened my personal relationship with Him. I thought as long as I have given Him my heart and accepted Christ as my savior, I'll be fine. I love talking to God and I found I could talk to Him whenever, wherever I want to... in whatever situation I am in. It's like I've made prayer a habit that is too hard to break and I've no intention of doing so.

I learned today the three 'songs' that a person can choose from in taking his / her direction in life. The Song of the Hypocrite, the Song of the Happy and the Song of the Heavenward. As the speaker was rambling the things that make a person less of a hypocrite, I wonder if I was one. He said there are two kinds of hypocrites - the religious and the self-righteous. I thought I fell under the latter. Those were the people who don't go to church, who do good and moral things but don't have any "real" relationship with God. At the back of my mind, I was fully convinced that I do have a personal relationship with God and my faith is very much in-tact. Little did I know that there was this tiny little thing that is lacking - repentance. I believe I am a good person despite the fact that I don't go to church and I distant myself from anything that would make me look religious. I forgot that I am a sinner. Aren't we all are? And I haven't done anything about it. I acknowledge God but I refused to acknowledge my sins. So, it hit me hard; that probably, it's true... the relationship that I have with God is not as sturdy as I thought it was. I felt lost all of a sudden, but it didn't take long before I found my path. That path that led me straight to Him.

Cat Talk

I can't believe that it's been more than a month since I last wrote here. I guess I was too pre-occupied with keeping myself busy and meaning to be really busy that I refused to visit my blogger until I saw a spider crawling out of the 'web' already. Funny pun, don't ya think?

It's quite unusual that I choose to write tonight, at exactly 11:30pm on the eve of Maundy Thursday about something that has not anything to do with Lent. Some people would probably think I should be writing about reflecting on my sins and all those activities that we do during this time of the year, but I think it's just not me. I have a very high respect on the Holy Week considering that I grew up with a family that so strictly observes it, with such passion and tradition. I could probably say I am not really a fan despite the fact that there's a guilty tugging on my conscience about it. Here I am, typing on my laptop, while everybody else out there are singing the 'Pasyon'. I may not be really religious but I do believe in Christ's sacrifices...

Okay, going to the true idea of this blog... I put 'Cat talk' in the title 'coz I wanted to talk about my cat Miyo and how we are quite worried about him having rabies. About two Saturdays ago, he bit me and my sister while we were giving him a bath. I know what you are thinking right now: why the hell did i gave a cat a bath? (Here in the Philippines, it is a stupid superstition - cat's are not supposed to be given baths since they could lick themselves). I just don't believe in that thing. Again, I would revert to my same and only argument - if cats aren't supposed to have baths, why did they ever invented, cat shampoos and cat soaps and all those 'cattoiletries' eh?
Anyway, Miyo is acting quite different. I wouldn't day strange or weird; just different. He's not his usual annoyingly super hyper self. He's always sleeping and he's drooling at times. But the thing is he still eats like a dog and he drinks water. He still plays but not as enthusiastic as he does before. He's just probably growing up, some people here say but I can't still help but to get worried.

Now, if you're gonna ask, if we are taking anti-rabies shots, the answer is a painful yes! We've had two already plus an anti-tetanus vaccine. We missed the third one because of the holiday, but we're definitely getting it as soon as things get back on schedule. This is quite scary if you'll ask me but whatelse can I do, right?

Crazy love shite

I miss someone today.

Hay nako, feeling ko magda-drama na naman ako. I said I wouldn't be affected by the slightest thought of him. But because of this super jologs song, I felt that familiar heart-being-crushed cold feeling once again. Nakakatawa naman, affected ako dahil sa kanta ni Kim Chiu... ibang lebel ito.. haha!

Probably it's because it's the hearts month (obvious ba, I'm justifying my 'kagagahan') hayayay... again... I'm over it... I'm over it... I'm over it... *repeat until I'm dead*

Okay, para maka-relate kayo...

I hate the way you walk Hate the way you talk Hate the way you look at me I hate the way you smile Hate those *big* brown eyes (erm, they're really not big...hehe) Cause I know they're not for me Cause we can never be More than friends And it hurts me Every time I close my eyes All I see is you
And this crazy love Crazy love Oh this crazy love Crazy love I hate thinkin of you Cause everytime i do I just keep on missing you And I hate the way I feel Everytime you're near Cause its feels like time is standing still But we can never be More than friends And it hurts me Every time I close my eyes All I see is you And this crazy love Crazy love Oh this crazy love Crazy love I hate it when you're blue And how I cared for you Hate the way my heart desires And I hate those sleepless nights And the pain I kept inside But I keep on Pretending it's alright But we can never be More than friends And it hurts me Everytime i close my eyes All I see is you
And this crazy love Crazy love Oh this crazy love Crazy love
I don't know what to do Hate me for loving you Cause I know it's wrong for Me to say... I love you...

Whatever happened to the "I'm so proud of myself because I made it!" huh? I know some people would think I am being really pathetic (ang tagal na!) but guess what... probably I am not talking about him anymore... oh, well...

I'm happy.

I'm standing between this world and a dream...
but i know... this is the REAL thing...

This song keeps singing in my head lah...

Anyway, after a very enjoyable field day yesterday, I'm back to the pits of hell (ooppss...) I didn't report to work to go to my doctor (but I wasn't able to). I was somewhere far down South meeting other people and exploring a whole lot of different world - the world of drawings and designs, architecture and engineering and CAD... huh??? I was doing a part-time technical writing stuff so I had to come down to their office to meet the people whom I'll be working with. I met this guy, probably in his40s who reminds me of the pretty dude... it felt... weird. I guess I am really past that stage where the world turns upside down when I'm reminded of that person. Ooh... does this mean I am way over him? haha.. I'd like to think so.

Working yesterday on something that isn't related to what I really do (and outside of that place called the "office") is somewhat fascinating. I was enthusiastic and overwhelmed at the same time. I felt like a kid who's attending her first day in school. It was very exciting. I haven't had that feeling in the last two years. You probably know why.

I can't thank God enough that He's finally revealing life's little surprises to me. One by one... little by little. And it makes me happy... genuinely happy.

I was torn if I'd skip work again today (that was the original plan) to report to the other office. But then again, there was a strong tugging at my conscience, not to mention, I was suppose to have a meeting with my boss, so I decided to go to work. To my dismay, however, the meeting was canceled and I was bombarded with a lot of magazine-related stuff to do. Oh, well, I guess that's really how it works.

For now, I have stuff to keep myself busy

Going once, going twice...

one more gone, one to go and still, i stay...

yesterday, another one 'celebrated' her last day at work and come next week, another one would leave the company with that genuine smile on her face. I am really happy for them. I guess, I'll just miss the company. Just when we are getting to know each other, they leave. Sad, isn't it?

Last Thursday, I finally told my boss that I have offers for another job. Man, I don't know if it's just me or did I really saw his 'coolness' died down a little? I hate to brag, but I feel he was a little shaken by my news. He suddenly offered me increased salary, was nice all of a sudden and promised a lot of things. Had I've been a newbie, I'd be elated by these promises, but nuh-ah... been there, saw that, been disappointed a lot of times by that. So, I am still considering the other offer. Although I suddenly had a slight tugging in my conscience about the 'baby' I am leaving behind (in case you are thinking I am referring to a person, I am most certainly not)... I guess I have to stop being so nice about that if I want to move on. They would have to get someone to replace me and continue that magazine venture 'coz I think it would be a big waste. I really hate it when he said that he would fold it up once I'm gone. Don't you think it is stupid? If I was able to do it, I'm sure there is someone out there who can do what I did for this magazine. Or he's just probably bluffing. To be honest, I almost care less.

I am still thinking of leaving. When? That I have to figure.

Uh-oh!

Uh-oh.. oh no... I think I got the bug once again... this pesky, silly, mixed feeling of getting excited, getting undeniably happy, then getting sad, then thinking about how pointless and hopeless it is... hay... I'm sure you people wouldn't understand me. And I don't really want to be understood. I just need to let this all out.

Blame the month of February? Okay, now I think you got me.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

What is it with this whole 'can't-eat-can't-sleep-reach-for-the-stars-over-the-fence-world-series' kind of crap? It got me thinking about real life fairytales and knights in rusty armors sweeping their ladies off their calloused feet. So sweet and so real. They are happening to everybody BUT me.

I think I'm having an overdose of [korean] soap operas because it makes me believe that when it comes to that four letter word, everything is possible - An extremely good-looking, smart young executive in his late 20s would fall in-love with a random stranger on the street. Mind you, this girl must be poorer than a farm rat! (I met this very handsome, Seth Green look-a-like executive in a recent press conference I attended... hoping... hoping...) Or the one who got away - your oppa when you were barely a teen, comes back all of a sudden and paints a picture perfect life with you. The last one's impossible for me 'coz I don't have a childhood oppa.

Anyway, I close my eyes and I see his smile ... darn!

In sickness and in health

No, I am not going to blab about weddings and all those 'I do' crappy stuff... I am far from having one anyway. I am going to talk about my mom. I am feeling extra cheesy and mushy today that I want to reflect on my current relationship with her.
As everybody knows, (or at least those who were 'lucky' enough to hear my everyday rantings), I have quite a typical mother-daughter relationship with my mom; that love-hate thing can be very usual... so usual in fact that it pretty much defines all.
I didn't go to work today because I had to go and see a doctor for my check up (for the -nth time) for my skin condition. I was supposed to undergo a biopsy but the dermatologist suggested otherwise since the progress of whatever this irritating rashes are weren't that drastic. Cool.
So, who else can go with me but my mom. She had to call in sick just to be able to accompany me and since I am pathetically broke these past few weeks, she had to pay for my check-up and medicines as well. I've spent a lot (my saving's near to extinction) for my weekly check-ups and all those medicines that I had to take. I never imagined I would splurge so much on something which I don't really like, but I need. Sucks, really especially when you want to buy something but you cannot because you have to save the money for emergencies like this.
Anyway, while I was walking hand-in-hand with mom on our way to the drugstore after my check-up, I realized that I haven't really spent long hours alone with mama in a long time. I can't remember when was the last time we went out for a walk or grocery shopping or whatever. Maybe it's because I think (and my sister would agree with me on this), it's hard to be around mom. We don't know why but we often say how we can never be in the same room with her for a minute without ending up arguing. It seems that we cannot agree on something anymore. This afternoon, while spending time with her, I realized how much I miss her. Or how I don't feel ashame, sleeping and leaning on her shoulders while in a jeepney. I used to do that a lot before; I can't remember when did I stop or why. It was a little saddening realization.
I just thought that no matter how far we go in life, there is this innate feeling of wanting to go back to where we came from or be near at least. In my case, just like a sick little child, I still call my mama's name to feel better.

Good morning God!

Hello God! Good Monday morning! =) I pray this will be a good day for me, or week, even. I hope I'd finish all my pending tasks and that I would be up to my responsibilities. I hope I'd never frown or feel those numbing tugging feeling at the strings of my heart... I pray I'd be smiling always and share the happiness that would be within me.

I pray for the people around me... that they would be up to the challenges that this day and the days ahead would be bringing. I hope to see smiling faces, some gentle nod of approval and hear their laughing hearts.

I pray that I wouldn't be angry and would not succumb to that hatred that swallows me whole whenever I see those people who have aggravated me or hurt me in one way or another. I pray that this hatred would just go away.

I pray for those who are hurting... that the wounds in their hearts would heal. I pray for the recovery of their faith and the will to live life for its beauty.

Thank you God and I love you! Amen.

Singapore dream...or anywhere but here

My back is aching and my arse is numb. I've been infront of my computer for hours, searching the net for job openings abroad - particularly in Singapore. I don't really know what came to me but when I opened my yahoo mail and saw occasional job postings for Singapore, I thought "What the heck, it wouldn't hurt to try." And so, here I am trying my luck =)

I remember telling myself that I would only leave my current job for a job overseas - preferably in Singapore or anywhere in Asia. I wouldn't want to go too far yet but hey, anywhere but here will do. I am probably so desperate and my feet are itching too much to get away. I always wonder how an independent life (as a grown-up this time) would be. My independence during my college years was completely different 'coz I had to live by my parents' money and generosity and not my own.

I always dream of having my own place somewhere abroad, living a simple yet pro-active life. I will be going grocery shopping on weekends, eat at diners (alone most of the time), go home and watch whatever's on the tube, indulge in my favorite books and movies, volunteer at corporate socio-civic works, travel at nearby countries once in a while and enjoy the company of some new found friends. Me, myself and I on a foreign land... sounds really exciting.

Why Singapore? I just fell in love with the place the first time I saw it last year. The people, the places, the way of life. Compared with other Asian countries I've been to, I love it the most. I admire how people are well disciplined and respectful of the government. Although I sometimes fear how people's seriousness might be contagious. We all need to smile and laugh at our foolishness sometimes.

dementing dementor

My boss is like a dementor - he sucks all the energy and happiness out of people. I just came back from a 15-minute-but-seemed-like-hours talk with him and as usual, I'm nearly lifeless when I got out of his room. Dang! Whoever invented that 'grin & bear' stuff...

For days now, I've been really contemplating on whether all these bullsh*t is still worth it. (If you'd browse through my previous entries, you'll find this dilemma over and over and over). For months, I've been waiting for something to come my way and if the opportunity is as promising as Ikuta Toma's near debut in the Japanese Entertainment industry, I would hold on to it with what's left of my dear life. I don't really know if my reasons for staying are still valid to the eyes and the ears of those who have been emancipated from the 'dark lord' (literally and figuratively speaking!) I trust what my friends (from here at work) think about this whole thing and they are saying the same thing- it is NOT worth it.

So why am I still here, pathetically complaining through my keyboards? It would probably take heaven and hell to explain myself but just to make things simple -- it is because I am a kind-hearted, considerate, professional and practical person. Nah... let's do away with the negative words for once. hehe. Weird but it makes me feel guilty (I don't event know if it's the proper word to use 'coz I don't have to feel guilty about anything) when I think about leaving the magazine behind. It's like leaving your baby behind - after all the sweat and tears and sacrifices, I'm worried it will all come down to nothing. Not really saying I'm the only one who could make this work (or I'm irreplaceable) but I have no idea what will happen once I'm hands off the job already.

R.I.P. Brad Renfro

Fly away beautiful man... R.I.P Brad Renfro (1982-2008)

How appropriate can this be?

image from here.

My current obssession

Why wouldn't this face be? *Thet swoons and drops (drooling) on the ground*

Whhaaat?!? Classic case of 'anino pa lang, ulam na'...
Folks, ladies and those who want to be one, meet Daniel Henney...

1st post this new year.

This post is long overdue... haay. I've been meaning to write something here since Christmas.... then New Year... then back to work... But laziness got me and yea, then again, I think there isn't anything really special to keep my batteries fully re-charged and overly excited to update this blog. But now I'm doing it (I swear, I can't keep my mind-mouth shut!)

Anyway... Christmas was special as always...although I did nothing really special. It was a time for me to reflect and think things over and what I've become since last year. Weird thing is, I really don't remember what happened or who I was last year. Probably there isn't much difference. So I spent Christmas and New Year at home with my dear family. I had a good rest during the vacation.. got plenty of hours to sleep... was able to (finally!) clean all the mess I've accumulated in 2007 (literally and figuratively speaking!). And now, all I should worry about is what to expect in the days ahead.

In terms of work... I don't know if it's proper to say this but it's like I don't have any choice. I am already having doubts if I still really do love this work but one thing's for sure... I wouldn't leave things hanging. In short, I'm going to finish all my projects before I transfer (if ever there would be a chance... actually, there is an offer but I'm still weighing things...)

My spiritual self... my faith is whole and intact and I would never leave room for anything that would make me go the other way. I am still a self-confessed (whatever you call that person who feels like he doesn't really belong to any religious group but still believes in the supreme power). And honestly, I don't want to be hanging anymore, I hope I'd find my 'home' soon.

My health.... it's slowly deteriorating. 2007 was a very sickly year for me. I lost a lot of weight (not only because of my darn braces but because I was sick most of the time). Stress and tension ate me whole. Now, I have these tiny little rashes which was recently diagnosed as 'pytiriasis lichenoides' - of unknown cause (stress & tension triggers them though) and very very itchy.. ayyyssshhh... what's happening to me?!?!

Love-related angst. What?!? hehe... nevermind. I am still convinced I have successfully outwitted that four-letter - harsh, painful, sickening - thing. I was able to control my emotions and let go of the past and probably look back and just shake my head of such absurdity. Now I can really smile. =)

Whatever, Thet. Happy New Year to me and to all..

xoxo
Peace!