dementing dementor

My boss is like a dementor - he sucks all the energy and happiness out of people. I just came back from a 15-minute-but-seemed-like-hours talk with him and as usual, I'm nearly lifeless when I got out of his room. Dang! Whoever invented that 'grin & bear' stuff...

For days now, I've been really contemplating on whether all these bullsh*t is still worth it. (If you'd browse through my previous entries, you'll find this dilemma over and over and over). For months, I've been waiting for something to come my way and if the opportunity is as promising as Ikuta Toma's near debut in the Japanese Entertainment industry, I would hold on to it with what's left of my dear life. I don't really know if my reasons for staying are still valid to the eyes and the ears of those who have been emancipated from the 'dark lord' (literally and figuratively speaking!) I trust what my friends (from here at work) think about this whole thing and they are saying the same thing- it is NOT worth it.

So why am I still here, pathetically complaining through my keyboards? It would probably take heaven and hell to explain myself but just to make things simple -- it is because I am a kind-hearted, considerate, professional and practical person. Nah... let's do away with the negative words for once. hehe. Weird but it makes me feel guilty (I don't event know if it's the proper word to use 'coz I don't have to feel guilty about anything) when I think about leaving the magazine behind. It's like leaving your baby behind - after all the sweat and tears and sacrifices, I'm worried it will all come down to nothing. Not really saying I'm the only one who could make this work (or I'm irreplaceable) but I have no idea what will happen once I'm hands off the job already.