Kim Jae Won Interview

Thet, Wake UP!!!!!! (Pampagising...)

As mentioned, this guy is my current juvenile obsession.

Must be this smile... hehe... ang kulit...

Hmmm...

... am speechless...

ZZzzzleeeepyhead

8:43am

My mouth's gonna rip from too much yawning... Geez, I'm sooooo sleepy! Looks like I went to the office early today to carry on with my trip to dreamland. I was half-asleep half-awake while traveling from my house to the office and as soon as I reached my cubicle, I drowsed off like a baby. But since I am not thick and I do respect my work, I accept my defeat and succumb to my fate - work.

Yet, my mind's too numb to function and there's just too many things that I need to think about right now. (Thus, this blog). Like I thought it was over with AQ's first issue yet I still am killing myself trying to finish everything; then, there's the second issue that I have to start working on. Hay, life. As long as I know that God wouldn't give me anything that I can't handle, I'm at peace.

Oh-My Oooopppsss Moments

bloop·er (blpr)n.

Informal A clumsy mistake, especially one made in public; a faux pas.

Everybody has bloopers. I was probably waving my hands like a total wacko when God showered the earth with the ‘blooper potion’. Hence, the birth of Thet – the blooper Goddess.

It's funny how I always make a spectacle of myself in the company of my friends (in the office) or in public. It never fails and I always wanted to tuck my face in my undershirt should it be possible.

Specimen No.1:

In a lot of photos, I am usually that person who has her own world (A) I am not looking at the camera (B) My mouth is hanging open like a mad volcano's crater (C) I am covering my face with my right hand -- i swear, it's always the right. Because I laugh like crazy and I just can't stop laughing once it hit me, the output is this ----->>

Specimen No. 2

The controversial P & F, B & V. I often hear people with braces mispronounce P as F and V as B and vice versa. But I don’t have braces; I have an overbite. It might be a good justification. Sometimes, I want to knock myself in the head when I drop this clanger whenever I’m in a formal meeting or when I am speaking in front of a large audience. It’s just so embarrassing.

Specimen No.3

Wayne (my seat/officemate) says I am deaf. Actually, he claims either I’m deaf or I’m just naturally dense. I know, harsh no? In truth, there are times when people tell me something, it just doesn’t register. I think those were what we call ‘total brain shut’. It’s like my brain cells just decided to give the day a rest without my permission. Thus, nagiging slow ako. Hehe.

Specimen No. 4

My usual tripping-in-my-own-foot episodes. I have a notion that my early demise will not be caused by my heart ailment; I will perish because of my own clumsiness... hehe. Thus, I hate tangled-up cables that obstruct my path (for sure, I'm gonna trip on them), my favorite square pinstriped slacks (because I am often victimized by them... what a way to repay their owner) and anything hazardous (ano daw?)

So, I leave you this: SNAFU. Situation Normal All F*ck*d Up!

Hurt

What would you do if you were suddenly bombarded by hurtful words and hateful rantings that you didn't know were already being harbored by a loved one? Me? I am devastated.
I am really hurt that thinking about it makes me wanna cry.

I had a big fight with my 'kuya' a few days ago and his words of revulsion keep ringing in my ears until I can hear no more. AND I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS OKAY. And to think that argument started with something really petty -- my period. Don't ask.

He said that I am a manipulative b**ch and that I didn't deserve an ounce of respect. Wow... some very comforting words I got there; hit me hard... smacked me right in the middle of my face.

Yes, maybe I was that dominant mega-mean person that I used to be at home but I AM really working on it now. I am changing myself to a better person. I am a work in progress... slowly, I will get there. I am trying my very best to assuage my temper and purge every ill and vile attitude that I had before. I swear if you have your whole heart in it, it will happen.

Then it happened. Maybe I deserve that; maybe he needs to let it out of his system. He deserves that. And right now, the last thing I want is to stay perpetually mad at him. As if it can make everything okay. I know it wouldn't but I am just a person and I am really really really hurt. If only I can hug him right now and tell him I am not what he thinks, I'd do that.

But right now, I am just an older sister -- wounded and crying inside because I don't deserve his respect.

Prince Charming

I've found a new boyfriend. But he doesn't know... that I even exist... Haha! Friends, meet Joo Ji-hoon (a.k.a. Prince Xin in Korean Drama "Princess Hours"). This is his cutest pic...

Delicioso...

His Cuteness...

Thanks Dishwalla (For Kach)

I often find friends through music; probably, it really is my life. As long as it is / they are there, I will keep on breathing.

And so I thank Dishwalla with all my heart for introducing me to Kaching a.k.a Kach, Kay, Kai (what’s the difference?). It may be very trivial for others but I think that’s how the universe conspired to make us good friends. Hadn’t she known I like Dishwalla, she wouldn’t have lent me her precious iPod (kala ko nga ibibigay na e… haha... kiddin’) to let me indulge in the sweetness of that band’s melodies and hymns. The rest is history… Actually no; we will never be history for I know this friendship would last a lifetime, generation gap and all (errr…. peace?!?!?!)

Katherine Kay Choa Ching – such a charming name for a tough persona. But it isn’t all about what we see from the outside. Beyond that armor is a sensitive heart, a crybaby, a tear-jerker as proven by the number of days she went to work with two swollen-shut eyes from too much crying. God knows how cumbersome her predicaments were at that time and we can only be glad she overcame. If there’s ever a girl who has balls, si kaching yun!

Kach, that girl who’s pretty inside out, clumsy as she may seem from time to time (remember showing the world your open fly in one of your cigarette breaks? How about your constant tripping-in-your-own-foot episodes?) is an angel who [probably] lost her wings upon threading the chaos of the mortal world. She may appear stern, a certified biAtch to those who gets on her neck and a nightmare to those who aspire to overthrow her powerful stance but to us she’s a friend, an ally, a guru of the geniuses of the 80s I so failed to witness… (Mabuhay ang Echo and the Bunnymen!) tsk… tsk… But on a serious note, she’s a mother to a wounded child, a big sister to the naïve (like me? Hehe) and the St. Nick of those who often crave (like me again =))

I would surely miss those hearty laughs, those fits caused by our sometimes unfathomable sense of humor. I will surely ache for your occasional ‘tag-praning’ episodes; the rated-R conversations between you and Vida [and yea, Gelai) that appall the hell out of me (hehe… ang bababoy!!!) and my regular “second hand” nicotine dosage from our cigarette breaks. It’s amazing how you can make the whole world laugh and cry with you without lifting a finger. I wish I could do the same.

So now I wish you GodBless on your journey to the outside world. (naks!) You’ve been there; you’ve done that. You know how to make it work. You always have my prayers. Mishuuuuuuuuuu bunch already.

Gotta earn the dough

I’ve been working for almost five years now but the funny thing is that I haven’t actually saved anything to secure my future yet. I haven’t really invested on something big which I could proudly say, is the fruit of my hard work. Looking back, it makes me feel a little sad to realize that I actually haven’t made something out of myself yet. Or, probably I’m just thinking too much about having a [tangible] savings, the proof that hey, I live my own life now. Sure, I’ve lived independently for a couple of months, using my own resources, standing on my own feet but I went back – I went home.

Now, all I could think about is how to fill in my pocket, to have that savings… to buy myself everything that I want or get a life insurance plan at least. But at the rate my pay is going, I will not go anywhere… yet. It’s just enough to pay my bills and give me what I need. Nothing extra. So dream all I want right now and in the future, I’m gonna get them. Just not now.

I have been browsing the net for some freelance writing job postings and every part time job I could get… haaayyyy….

when the brain cells just decided to quit...

i just wanna write but i don't know what to write about.

Ironically, I've been writing mounds of articles these days to fill the empty pages in Asian Quality. But it's a different story because they're all nothing but technical stuff that I just pretend to understand. They say when you're a writer, especially if you're writing something technical, just pretend you know your stuff and you'll get away with it... hehe... funny...

Anyway, I just wanna rant about what happened to me today and yesterday -- which, by the way, is totally a blast. It's too much to go into details but bottomline is I got to talk to the people whom I've been missing these past few days... my sweetest friends bebelle and mark who migrated in LA, and [funny] my ultimate, perpetual object of infatuation -- yes, you know who he is (hahahaha!!!!)

Nah, it's just nice to bring back the old days through the genius of technology... thanks to the internet... err... what am i saying? basta bottomline, na-miss ko sila and I'm happy to be in touch with them.

About work, I'm kinda wondering actually why the ogre hasn't psyched me out for quite some time now... nakakapanibago... totoo ba ito? hehe. Hmmm.... what's in his mind kaya? tsk... tsk... paranoia eats me alive.

As usual, the magazine's not up yet... heard they're moving the deadline again and seriously, i'm not pleased about it. God, when will this ever end?

sign?

The other day I asked for a sign from God to help me decide about something. If I see a white rose or a bunch of it the whole day yesterday, then I should follow my heart.

The funny thing about it is that I forgot about the sign completely as I was busy at work and I haven't had the chance to go out and explore the outside world. The question is: does that count? =)

Okay, I didn't see a white rose (only a drawing of it) at all as far as I can remember. I felt sad about it. Is God really telling me to just give it a rest? Maybe it's really not meant to be. Then what gives me hope?

***

Whatever happened to me, I have no idea. These past few days, I've been very early at work. And it feels really good.

The reason why I love AQ. (A start-up magazine nightmare)

A few more sprints and I'm there. The magazine is almost finished but I can't breathe freely until it is in front of me. Call me an over-reacting prick, but really, these past few days, that magazine has been haunting me even in my sleep. Tsk... talk about paranoia. I think I'm being paranoid that we wouldn't be able to release it. If that happens, I'm gonna kill someone. No, I'm going to murder a bunch of asswipes who made my life miserable while at it.

Geez, it's been months, nearing a year since the concept came up. Didn't think that a start-up is this friggin' hard. That time when my boss told me I'm going to be the project lead for this magazine, hypocrisy aside, I wasn't exactly elated; i was afraid of the responsibility. But hey, who would think that I'll be getting there? 'Yun nga lang, madaming side trips. Like this one time when I was scorned alive by the hurtful words of my boss that I am not doing anything to make this magazine happen. In a way, it became my wake up call and decided to make him eat his words. I became more eager and passionate (err... too strong a word) about this project.

Maybe the problem was really me in the beginning. I did not trust myself enough that I can handle a project as big as this. And I got no motivation at all. All I had were plans in black and white but none of them really did exist. On top of these, people around me are more skeptical than positive that this can really happen. What a bunch of pessimists; how can you expect me to feel differently? Anyway, I'm glad I overcome.

With this kind of job, I have to do away with my indecisive attitude and forget about myself. I have to be 'thick' when necessary. I have to be resourceful and quick-witted. Otherwise, I'd be stagnant. And so I wrote thousands (okay, exaggeration) or hundreds of emails to various people whom I felt are potential subject matter expert writers for the magazine. Most of them ignored my mail while a few wrote back and promised to contribute. But hey, promises are often made to be broken... so really, I didn't hope. I needed a plan B so I relied on referrals. I emailed and made a bunch of phone calls to strangers until I got answers... or more aptly, until I got the articles. I contacted prominent names in the industry and asked for appointments for interview hoping I'd be able to feature them in the magazine. In my mind, we are all people -- they fart and belch like me so I shouldn't feel intimidated. And thank the good heavens, i got replies. (Watch out for IBM and HP in the magazine's first issue). Slowly, I put pieces together until I'm left with only a few to fill up.

Right now, we're still experiencing hell -- the confusion caused by some unwanted entities that (who) does nothing but inflate their egos at your expense. I thank God he gave me my editorial consultant who is too kind, she's always there to lift my hopes up, Em, the newbie layout artist who always puts up with all kinds of sh** and my circle of friends in the office who boost my morale when I am nearing sanity lapse.

The psyching out continues and the skeptics are still out there. But one thing's for sure, they wouldn't get my spirits down. It's too high in-fact, I feel drugged. I haven't had proper sleep these past few days. The magazine still haunts me.

A long story made short (?)

June 30, 2006 (Friday)

It’s the last day of the month. I’m supposed to be happy because at last it’s payday (I sound pathetic I know but hey, one’s gotta pay her bills right?) I’m supposed to be excited about what July has in-store for me. I wonder if there are more financial woes coming or will I be able to struggle my way up from this current deep shit? But then, July means Asian Quality Magazine’s maiden issue launching. And despite my confidence that we will be able to finish the editorial content on time, I don’t think these people around me trusts me enough. And that’s what pulls down my spirit.
I also feel bad about making one of my friends in the office angry at me. He’s the kind of person who doesn’t get mad easily and I pushed him to the limit. I know it’s my fault and God knows I am very sorry. I just find it difficult to apologize to a guy like him. My bad, my ego’s been deflated.
Oh, and I had an initial interview at Federal Land Inc. this morning for the Public Relations Assistant position and I am glad it went well. In fact, they are asking me to come back this afternoon for the exam on logic and the likes. Too bad I can’t make it. I have to finish a lot of things for Asian Quality. Despite the fact that I’m currently on a job hunt, I know my responsibilities and I wouldn’t leave them hanging.
Anyway, I really feel bad I made someone mad… tsk… tsk…

July 1, 2006 (Saturday)

I still have the dark clouds hovering over me. I need to make amends with my friend. But hey, I was trying to make him laugh and make the first move but I think he doesn’t wanna buy it. I feel like I look stupid. So I give up. Be mad all you want… I care less. (there goes my pride again…).
Vida, Cristine and me left the office early to grab some snacks (lunch for Vida) and “talk” (if you know what I mean). We haven’t had this in a couple of months and we missed pouring out our thoughts on each other. I’m glad Cristine is doing very well these days. Vida, on the other hand, had the same sentiments she had even before leaving for Germany and my heart goes out to her. I mean how can one person die in the inside and appear so alive on the outside? Why ask yourself Thet, you’ve been in the very same situation. In fact, you are currently in the same situation. Maybe that is why I can’t help but be very bitchy at times. (I still feel guilty about my friend!)
Anyway, I spent the rest of my afternoon watching Superman with my ‘Kuya” and “Ate” and her boyfriend. I even got (well, we actually) into a fight trying to reserve good seats to complete the deal. But a bunch of gays cut in the line... that made my blood boil. despite the fact that i truly hate getting into one, i confronted them. Some guts I got just for Superman... hay nako...
Eventhough some of my friends find the movie a little off (di daw maganda) i still love it, except the part where Lois Lane suddenly becomes too class and poised... whatever happened to the clumsy one? I like that better.
Anyway, still have no internet in the office and I wonder what would happen to Asian Quality... tsk.. tsk...

July 2, 2006 (Sunday)

Galing mangunsensiya ni Cristine, I can't stop thinking how big a biAtch I was to Wayne. I promise I would make it up to him... I'll say sorry first thing in the morning tomorrow. It's my fault anyway. Sometimes Thet's gotta do what she doesn't usually do (lower her pride) tsk... tsk... first time ito.
I am also preoccupied with thoughts about the Asian Quality Magazine. Geez, it's killing me... what am I going to do? is hanging yourself, 35 floors up from the ground an option? I'm being morbid, I know. But I gotta finish it. I have to finish it. I want to finish it. Determination... that's what kills me.

Pusang Gala!

some blah blah s**t...

In a world where we do not know where and what are we really going to end up, what is the whole point of going too far? The real world doesn't tell us about our future nor it gives any promises that we will be what we want ourselves to be. Humankind becomes evil by its own regard; we are mere angels who fell from the ground. Some took off their wings while others chose to keep them.

In my own judgement, many angels have broken wings. Everyday, on my way to work, while walking the streets, while hailing a cab, I see them -- looking at me. I maybe among them. But then maybe not.

I want to understand why there are so many people who seem to be always looking for something even though blessings are already peering at them straight in the face. They make me feel sad; they make the world cry. And I pity them. What gives contentment? What makes people say 'enough'? What would it take to make someone happy (in its truest sense?). What does it take to see someone give that genuine smile and the tears flow from the heart?

Everyday, in the world that I live in -- the corporate setting - I am disappointed by what I see. People work like machines; as if there's no heart in them at all. I don't mean all -- sometimes, the ones on top are the more heartless kind. The ones at the bottom receive the blow. How can one man feel superior over another when they have the same pair of hands, the feet that keep them attached to the ground, the mind to think what's wrong or right and the heart to feel?

I wish we have the answers. I wish we have the cure for this malady. The attitude is infectious and eventually, it will all lead us to death.

Eight things

(Sorry Kat, this took eons before posting... )

Tagged by Katkat

Once you've been tagged, you have to write eight (8) facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the six (6) people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

1. I am a heavy (as in addict) coffee drinker. Been trying to cut down for ages... haaayyyy...

2. I have a strong belief na dati ako akong pusang gala. Maybe that's why I like them so much ('wag lang yung sobrang kadiri na).

3. I've seen the movie "My Sassy Girl" more than twice the number of my fingers and toes(^_^). Yessss... I AM A FAN.

4. I have this weird case of last song syndrome (LSS). Yung tapos na yung kanta at may panibago nang tumutugtog pero ang kinakanta ko pa din yung previous song. I find it annoying.

5. My bad mood remedies : Pachelbel Canon in D; Christian Music; Be deaf and mute for about one hour; and FOOD.

6. Madali akong patawanin. Ergo, madali din akong paiyakin.

7. Ang juvenile ko magka-crush... hehe...

8. Addicted ako sa Korean movies at soap ngayon... hehe.

I'm tagging Kai, ChinChin and Katrine. (Sorry, I can't think of anybody else to tag...)

My 'Kuya'

Hay... how time flies. Whenever my mind flies back to yesteryears, I can't believe that I used to help you dress yourself, even make fun of you while at it, asking you to wear my school skirt despite your protests and cries of torment. I am truly sorry.

I remember that time when you were born. I woke up surprised to see that I was hugging 'Lola Inang' instead of mom. It turned out she was out to deliver you into this world. It was funny though because I can't remember being angry at the situation or feeling threatened that someone would share pop and mom's affection; that I wouldn't be the 'baby' of the family anymore.

In fact, I was kind of excited. I shared your crib and even your Cerelac. I accepted the fact that you can have everything that you want because you were YOU. Yes, there were times when we fought like cats and dogs, imitated Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior because of some petty squabbles with 'Ate' as our usual referee.

When I remember those, I can't help but laugh. How you have grown over the years. Sure, we still fight; You still make my blood boil and drive me out of my wits. You still make me cry. But being your older sister, I don't have the heart to be mad at you for so long that I often give in. I let things pass because even though you don't say it, I know you are sorry.

Being a softie isn't a part of you. You always project that 'toughie' attitude that sometimes repel even our folks. Yet you are so caring and so sweet, a loving and thoughtful 'Kuya' who takes care of both 'Ate' and me . Truly, you are the 'Kuya' that we never had.

I thank God you didn't grow up to be a delinquent or a rebel. Instead, you choose to be responsible and be the 'kind' person that you are right now.

An artist, a musician, a romantic -- you are all of these.

You are growing up so fast. You are maturing beyond your years. And I am so proud of you.

'AYLACHU' KUYA!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Mwaaaah!

Cute...

Ang cute... (",)

Behind the enemy's smile...

Has the world turned suddenly upside down? I caught the monster smiling at me; I’m not sure if it was the usual vile smirk I’m seeing but it still gave me that ethereal feeling. It wasn’t true at all. But he did put me in the spot. Was he trying to make amends? Was he trying to win back that sick little kitten ‘who’ was too subservient to be true?

One thing is for sure. I am not giving in. He put up the red flag and now I’m waving it [furiously]against him. And no, I’m not giving in. He pushed… I pushed harder… away from him… away from the ruthless arms that strangles the last breath of self-respect. I’m winning it back; I didn’t lose it in the first place.

Quoting the great ‘Churchill’, “I will never give up…” not until his stone cold heart turns out to be as warm as the smile of a skylark (does it even smile?). For now, I will traverse these thorny paths until I reach the dreamland that awaits me. It’s not too long; it will be soon. I can already taste it – the sweet soothing taste of glory.

- Ode to the monster that gobbled me up whole as a birthday gift -

Eto... Panalo...

Clay Aiken's impersonator Michael Sendeki during the American Idol Finale. Sobrang funny!!!

Bwisit.

It may be this headache that's been killing me for the last couple of hours or I just woke up on the wrong side of my itsy-bitsy bed.
I am really annoyed and pissed off and bothered at work today. it's weird because I can't tell what really causes me this torment but I have a slight idea of what it might be. Ang gulo... leche. I'd bet my bottom peso -- about 75% of my gloomy attitude is because of work. I am f***ing feeling it again -- the helplessness; the feeling that you are nothing but s**t; a freeloader to this profit-making factory (the burning pits of hell on earth). And I swear to God, I know within myself that I'm not even half close to this.
To hell with the people that make me miserable. I love life, it loves me back... die & rot asswipes.

***

premonitions...

10 am- I haven't done much. maybe because it's Monday. We all the have the weekend hang-over. But then again, maybe it's just me...
At the count of three, I'm gonna be officially ill... 1... 2... 3...
I feel like I'm coming down with a flu; a week-long flu that will get me bed-ridden, immobile, useless, hurting all over because of painful joints and aching muscles, light-headed... yet peaceful (^_^) - no workload and s**t...