Hurt

What would you do if you were suddenly bombarded by hurtful words and hateful rantings that you didn't know were already being harbored by a loved one? Me? I am devastated.
I am really hurt that thinking about it makes me wanna cry.

I had a big fight with my 'kuya' a few days ago and his words of revulsion keep ringing in my ears until I can hear no more. AND I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS OKAY. And to think that argument started with something really petty -- my period. Don't ask.

He said that I am a manipulative b**ch and that I didn't deserve an ounce of respect. Wow... some very comforting words I got there; hit me hard... smacked me right in the middle of my face.

Yes, maybe I was that dominant mega-mean person that I used to be at home but I AM really working on it now. I am changing myself to a better person. I am a work in progress... slowly, I will get there. I am trying my very best to assuage my temper and purge every ill and vile attitude that I had before. I swear if you have your whole heart in it, it will happen.

Then it happened. Maybe I deserve that; maybe he needs to let it out of his system. He deserves that. And right now, the last thing I want is to stay perpetually mad at him. As if it can make everything okay. I know it wouldn't but I am just a person and I am really really really hurt. If only I can hug him right now and tell him I am not what he thinks, I'd do that.

But right now, I am just an older sister -- wounded and crying inside because I don't deserve his respect.