Devil down the hole...

What a very cool way to pray... thanks to Van Ness Wu who makes praisin' GOD hip and full o' life =)



And here's a video of him talkin' about what inner peace is all about.



So, I'd say, deliver me Lord, deliver us from evil (I think you may have done just that *wink*)

What a very 'jejemon' day!

Nako, this word has been haunting me since the start of this week and it just irritates the hell out of me... not to forget that these 'jejemons,' the perpetrators of this first degree language homicide, are really worthy of prosecution. How can people mutilate the greatest thing ever invented! I think they're plain lazy or just plain pa-cute, nothing more.

Oh well, this day is lazy and I am beginning to wonder again what the heck am I doing here. Then I remembered I still owe the May issue two more articles. But ever since I handed that resignation letter, I am not feeling the vibe at all; I've never been back in MY zone. I go to work later than my usual late self and whenever I get up in the morning, I think about what I'll be having for lunch instead. Nice, right? I know, it is bad but I just can't help it.

I am excited about what the coming weeks will bring . Now I believe that when you're in the bottom, you have nothing else to go really but up. I might not be working in a posh office building anytime soon and I might be a temporary fixture in my newly-renovated bedroom for days or even weeks, but yes, I am looking forward to it.

I'm seeing things being done. I have a taste of Manila tour with my friend Katskie (luv u kat!) last weekend (photos here), I painted my walls olive green and I had that kind-of-floor-to-ceiling-slash-office-table that I wanted. I even bought that new trash bin for our kitchen. haha... While it may be getting darker and darker in my current office life, I'm seeing a fresh ray of light in another direction and there's nothing else to do but just to look forward.

It gives me hope reading about people moving on and standing up after falling. I am seeing smiling faces, finding hope and love, and getting corny and cheezy and feeling good about it. Well, that's how we must live our lives if we want to be happy, right?

Sana araw-araw ganito ang MRT

I forgot when was this shot taken, probably a few weeks back but I can only wish for it:

An almost empty MRT carriage. I can practically see the floor! =)


I have a trauma riding the MRT because I almost died riding one - true story. I almost fell down the tracks at the Shaw Boulevard station because people pushed and shoved each other like it was the greatest battle of their lives when they saw the MRT approaching (the station) and I was standing in front, way below the yellow line, with my toes at the edge of the platform. God bless my soul but someone was able to grab a hold of my arm when I lost my balance. Who pushed me? I had no idea - probably that whole throng.

So, yes... I truly dread riding this thing.

Hibernating and some other things

I've hibernated for quite a long time and I think it was kind'a deliberate 'coz I'm not feeling too well these days.

I was down with a flu last week. Started last Tuesday and I only got better last Saturday. I felt so tired and wasted and I haven't had a taste of direct sunlight until I came to work yesterday. I was home the whole time and didn't dare go out. This despite my mom's yearly traditional Pabasa which meant that we practically had an 'Open House' - busy house with a lot of people going in and out, and a lot of food too! What was funny was that since it's the election time, we've had a lot of "donations" from candidates like trays of eggs, boxes of fruit juices, even cash money. Generous bunch of a**es until they win and claim those seats. But thank you, nonetheless.

I made use of my "idle" time at home. I got to learn how to cook a few recipes (from Kuya's Italian cookbook) where most of the time, I was compelled to improvise because I've got no clue what some of the ingredients there even look like! Anyway, I got to make a yummy Tiramisu, replacing mascarpone (some sort of cheese) with a quickmelt, and a Trifle, which I overdosed with rhum so it was only my pop and unni's hubby who got to enjoy it. But hey, it was really good! I also cooked beef stew with overcooked vegetables. =)

My room had a slight renovation as I had it installed with A/C. This summer is killing me and it was a perfect timing that my aunt was selling her A/C so I took it without so much eyelash batting. I'm just worried about the electricity bill that's why I'm still cautious in using it. This Saturday, my cousin will install floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and a built-in desktop on my wall. My goal will be to fill those shelves with books! Neat, right? =)

The last couple of weeks before I got sick, I ran around Ayala triangle every night after work (finally!) and it made me feel really good. Just that i kind'a "lost" my running buddy 'coz her bf's in town so I'm lying low as well. But I'll continue doing that I swear even if it meant me running on my own. Somehow, I felt light and since I stopped, I'm starting to feel bloated again. Ayala triangle's busy during weekdays and kind'a 'dead' during Fridays (I think everyone's off, hanging out somewhere to unwind). It's nice to be around a bunch of health-conscious people; it makes me feel healthy for some reason.

So I wonder what's there in the next few days. I still feel like a first-class zombie these days but I am putting every inch of effort to shun all the negative vibes that surround me. As they say, I've probably bottomed out and there's no other way but to go up.

Breaking & Mending Records

I've broken my record.

Since I came back from a short v-cay in UAE, I vowed to take a bath twice a day (my ammunition against the burning heat of the summer) and I was doing really really good. But this weekend, I totally failed. I am too lazy, thus, I only took a bath once yesterday, very late in the afternoon. I was wearing my pajamas 'till 3pm and I was too lazy to move. In fact, I was like a furniture at home. And today, nah, I don't even wanna tell. =)

Anyway, I think I've been breaking a lot of records lately - on a negative note, that is. Last week, I tried a cleansing diet a.k.a. "not-eating-anything-solid" and it only lasted me two days and a half. I just can't NOT eat. I thought I was actually doing good but every time I go home and open our fridge, my glutton-button automatically switches on. So it makes me not want to stay home as much as possible. It's not that I want to starve myself to death and be a skinny a** but everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I am starting to see paddles instead of arms, and I can't see pass my tummy anymore when I'm standing totally straight and try to peek at my feet. You may laugh but I am dead serious.

I wanted to do a lot of things like read books until my eyes ache or my head spin and do some jogging around Makati triangle after work. I wanted to make my room over, paint it purple or green (or something bright and crazy!) and re-arrange each and every piece in it - from the largest (my wardrobe) to the smallest (my incense holder). I wanted to buy a metal covered trash bin for our kitchen and put a water heater in the shower. I wanted to apply for an EPEC just for the heck of it and renew my passport 'coz the immigration officer in Singapore scared the hell out of me, telling me that that'll be the last time they're accepting it.

Those thoughts have been in my head for quite some time and up to now, they are still JUST thoughts. They are swimming inside my head along with the ravenous thoughts about my dilemmas at work that kill me slowly. The only thing that keeps me sane is, well, knowing that life is a tease - now, I may not be okay, but tomorrow, I'll be out there in the world again, with a huge genuine smile plastered on my face again.

In fact, I am feeling quite good about what will happen next. I am starting to see some light at the end of this very long (and stinky) tunnel. It may be bad to "just hope" since as people (naturally created intelligent by the hands of God) we have choices to make. And it is our choice if we want to be stuck or to move forward.

Tomorrow, I am starting my after-work jogging and tonight, after writing this blog, I am going to get a schedule from DFA online for my passport renewal. Who knows, I might need it sooner than I expected?

Smile! Laugh while we can, 'coz I am a strong believer that we can only be here once. =)

FANMODE: Jason Castro

Oh-Em-Gee.

I had no clue "Mr. Sexy Pants" is in Manila until I saw a friend's twitter post which went something like choosing Neil Gaiman over Jason Castro (Hi Kats!) because both are in Manila at the same dates. I literally jumped out of my seat (and my reverie as I was already near snoozing) when I read the post and immediately milked my friend for some information. Immediately I decided I'll be leaving the office early to bring out my inner jologs fan girl.

We arrived in Glorietta 5 quite late and some people were already leaving so I assumed it was over. But my persistence got the best of me so I convinced my colleague to hang out a bit longer and my instincts didn't fail me. Girly screams flooded the whole Glorietta 5 and as I turned to the stage, there he was - looking all cute and errr... clean, waving at the audience with a smile that could melt the glaciers in Alaska. OMG. My fangirl meter shoot up to an uninhibited level and that's when I decided I couldn't let the whole thing pass with me just standing behind those velvety ropes... I gotta get close (and if lucky, have a baby...errr... a photo with him). =)

So, from standing this far... (behind those very depressing velvet ropes)


I got THIS CLOSE... =)


I don't know how I did it because I don't have any tickets or stubs required to enter that enclosed perimeter but the next thing I knew, I was furiously snapping away in front of the stage, a couple of feet away from where he was sitting signing autographs while screaming, "Jasoooonnnnn!".

He's so cute! Smiling all the time and giving in to his fans' photo op requests even though you can tell that he's already tired and probably sweating like crazy (from my observation, I think he drank half a gallon of water on stage). More photos here.

Is he lookin' at my camera? =)

I admit this wasn't my first fangirl moment but this was the craziest so far. I didn't get lucky enought to have a picture with him though... But the pictures I've taken are probably more than enough. Oh well. You can't have everything! =)

Here's a video I took while he was signing autographs:

Thank God, I am here today.

My mom told me I was actually supposed to be born a day earlier, but it took her a long time to get me out so I came out an hour past midnight at 1:05am on March 12, 28 years ago. It was a full moon on March 11 and old folks have this belief that if a baby was born during a full moon, either he/she will be a prodigy/gifted child or mentally-challenged. I'm so glad I was born a day (or an hour) later then. =)

I will not go through all the drama of what have I done in the whole 28 years or at least half of it when I already know how to think for myself. Instead I will just be so thankful that I am here - living, breathing, feeling, and going through life as God has planned for me. I am thankful that I have my sometimes quirky and hard to deal with parents (but I love them to bits); my sister who's always been there to be supportive and a friend (also her hubby); my brother who's more often a pain in the ass but I love unconditionally nonetheless; my friends whose presence sometimes I can't feel but would prove otherwise; my job that keeps me believing in myself despite all the difficulties; my random inspirations (not limited to people, cats and a dog included!) which no matter how little, warms my heart like a two-layered duvet.

I have lots to think about these days but it wouldn't keep my rainbows away. Happy Birthday to me! =)

Happy Birthweek to me! =)

Yup. Today is the official start of my birthday week. A friend reminded me actually and instantly, I got a little sad (just an itsy-bitsy pinch there). In about four days, I'll be turning 28 and this time of the year, I always get surprises - either positive or negative based from my previous birthday experiences. I don't know but the highlight of my year coincidentally presents itself somewhere around this time - when I have all the right to be emotional. Sucks... or not. It depends.

I hate it how my life seems to revolve around my job for the last five years. Of course, I take a break once in a while but still, the main source of my dilemma is still work. Sometimes I ask myself why can't it be just my lovelife instead... okay, I am totally kidding. Only an insane person wants that and I am still pretty sober... somehow. =)

So, my birthday wish? Redemption.

Life's little surprises can be big

Life, or the circumstances we have while waddling through it, may suck big time but the universe can always surprise you with something small but you'll find yourself taking it as a big breather.

Take my case for instance. I am torn between jumping off a cliff and dancing through the desert right now. I have a problem (I wouldn't say big but it's enough to rob me off my sanity for about three seconds) right now but at the same time, I am given an opportunity to enjoy life and see it on a bigger perspective. I've realized that what we have back home (or from where we come from) aren't all that we have and there's a whole new milky way out there - something stellar that awaits us, only if we have the guts to come out of our comfort zones.

I haven't found my luck yet and I'll be going home in about a week and my mind is swimming with thoughts of depression and "could've been's" but God's greatness reminds me that this is not the time to mope, rather a time to start these feet (and mind) moving to move on to what is waiting (patiently) out there.

My little-big surprise today:

Seeing my friend Jules after eight long years! =)

Maybe it's time for miracles...

How difficult is it to pray for a miracle?

I think I need one right now.

This is the real picture: I am here somewhere far, trying to get away from a mess that seems pretty hopeless. In my mind, I wanted to find something and hopefully, find myself in it. But I haven't have that luck (yet) and I am praying really really hard. I hope Papa up there is listening 'coz I am bordering on (i hate to say this) desperation.

I don't know what will happen in the next few days, but I am not spoiling what I have or where I am right now. =)

Singaporing within 24 hours

Why does it feel so depressing?
\
This is the first thought that came to my mind when I went out the gates of the Changi Budget Terminal in Singapore Friday last week. First, that was first time I went out of the Changi airport without someone waiting for me at the gates. And second, the terminal was so new to me because that was the first time I saw it - no crowd at all, no hearty greetings from the people awaiting at the other side of the fence, none of the drama I so love watching in bigger airports.

I settled on a bench at a coffee shop inside the terminal to wait for my friend, Raki, who at the last minute I coaxed to "help" me throughout my 24-hour stay in Singapore.

The scene that I love the most at that airport was this father and daughter who, in my assumption (based on my eavesdropping), came to Singapore to visit the mom and the sister working there. The father reminds me a lot of my dad. They sat a couple of seats away from where I sat on the plane and I could hear him talking with a mix of nervousness and excitement about his trip - how he had to spend his meager savings to buy a plane ticket and how everything seems so expensive. The daughter seems like a good person, tending to her dad's needs throughout the trip. And when they saw the mom waiting at the arrival gate, everything and everyone seemed to vanish into thin air as they rushed to hug her, obviously elated. I've decided, this trip will not be too depressing at all.

I waited for Raki while drinking a Yin & Yang (tea-coffee) drink and a chocolate cake - all that my SGD4 could afford (souvenirs from my last visit as I was too lazy to go to the money changer yet). She's kind enough to offer her flat and "show" me around the place as if it was my first time... even offered a couple of times to pay for my meals and whatnot. it's embarrassing but she insisted all the time despite my pleas that I could get around with what I have. Turns out, the trip would be worth more than a 24-hour stay after all. There were a lot of firsts:

First time I haven't had dinner on time while in Singapore. First time I ate a humongous mushroom burger from Burger King, which I didn't know existed in Clarke Quay. First time I spent the night boozing (although I didn't get boozed at all) in Clarke Quay. First time I didn't sleep but watched one-night stand partners make out at the darkest parts of Clarke Quay (hey, they were still in public!) First time, I got near that bungee thing, which looked like a giant sling shot. First time I almost fell asleep like a vagrant at the banks of the Singapore river while waiting for the first MRT. Oh, and it was also my first time to wait [for] and miss the last train in Singapore. First time I slept for barely three hours within the same day
I'll be catching an eight-hour flight. First time I ate at the Food Republic in Wisma Mall in Orchard. First time I met a business contact from Singapore. First time I saw the "museum" inside the Changi airport.

Overall, my short stay was quite memorable. Definitely, I would be going back again and again and again. =)

Two days and counting...

I am excited. Two more days and I'm off somewhere again that could (and should!) somehow get my mind off work. I bravely took a two-week leave (might even extend) in the midst of deadlines and our office in (a little bit of) chaos.

I'll be seeing my most favorite place in the world (so far, because I haven't been to many yet) again - Singapura - although I'll be staying overnight only because I'll be heading off somewhere farther - where sand dunes are a common sight. =) I'll be finally going out of Asia... haha!

A friend invited me over and I thought why not... I could probably even make use of that time to open some doors (and windows) to make my life a lot better. I don't wanna go back anymore but who am I kidding? I am not that ruthless I guess.

I really hate myself when I'm traveling. The week that I'm supposed to leave, I am always in the worst state ever - I look harassed and I always have this feeling in my gut that it's the last time I'll be doing things and seeing people. So I say goodbye as if it's really the last. I even say goodbye to my room, my bed, and heck, even my pillows (like that feeling when I'm leaving for sembreak in college).I am such a nut, it kills me! And hell, I am always at the mall after work 'coz I am so paranoid I'll be forgetting things then I'll torture myself endlessly for it.

I just finished packing (wow... excited!) and my luggage is a hundred times heavier than me (I swear I already took out a lot from it) even though I used about two big Smart bags already. I am loving these smart bags. They really do wonders. I couldn't even close my luggage before and now, I can even stash more things on the sides. Magic! =) But I guess I have to stop unless I am willing to pay that ridiculously expensive excess baggage fine at the airport.

And I haven't even left yet but after computing my expenses, I found out I am splurging already. Tsk... such a bad habit. I am learning how to manage my finances but at this point, I'll still have an F on it. *sigh* hopeless!

Holden-isms: On 'F' You!

My jaw is already hurting from too much laughing. Not to mention that I have nasty feeling in my stomach that, in blunt terms, would be "I feel like I'll be passing gas any minute."

If you haven't read my favorite book The Catcher in the Rye yet, I'll tell you about this part, which even if read a thousand times, would still make me laugh like a maniac as if I'm reading it for the first time.

Holden was in his sister Phoebe's school to pass her a note and on his way up to the principal's office (to give them the note for his sister), he saw a vandal on the wall that says: F*ck You. Here's how he reacted:

While I was walking up the stairs, though, all of a sudden I thought I was going to puke again. Only, I didn't. I sat down for a second, and then I felt better. But while I was sitting down, I saw something that drove me crazy. Somebody'd written "Fuck you" on the wall. It drove me damn near crazy. I thought how Phoebe and all the other little kids would see it, and how they'd wonder what the hell it meant, and then finally some dirty kid would tell them--all cockeyed, naturally--what it meant, and how they'd all think about it and maybe even worry about it for a couple of days. I kept wanting to kill whoever'd written it. I figured it was some perverty bum that'd sneaked in the school late at night to take a leak or something and then wrote it on the wall. I kept picturing myself catching him at it, and how I'd smash his head on the stone steps till he was good and goddam dead and bloody. But I knew, too, I wouldn't have the guts to do it. I knew that. That made me even more depressed. I hardly even had the guts to rub it off the wall with my hand, if you want to know the truth. I was afraid some teacher would catch me rubbing it off and would think I'd written it. But I rubbed it out anyway, finally. Then I went on up to the principal's office.

Then on his way out of the school, he saw the dreaded words written on another wall:

I went down by a different staircase, and I saw another "Fuck you" on the wall. I tried to rub it off with my hand again, but this one was scratched on, with a knife or
something. It wouldn't come off. It's hopeless, anyway. If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the "Fuck you" signs in the world. It's impossible.

Then he saw it again in an unlikely place:

I was the only one left in the tomb then. I sort of liked it, in a way. It was so nice and peaceful. Then, all of a sudden, you'd never guess what I saw on the wall. Another "Fuck you." It was written with a red crayon or something, right under the glass part of the wall, under the stones.
That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "Fuck you." I'm positive, in fact.

HAHAHA! That really killed me. Holden, he really knows how to be sarcastically funny. I read this part over and over and over again in the book, especially when I'm feeling really frustrated at work. Works better than a laughing gas. =)

Yoga everywhere

I need to do this!!!

1. Deep Breathing
If you're stuck in a stressful situation (like endless traffic), Stiles says the easiest way to reduce tension on the spot is through a focused breathing meditation. Close your mouth, and breathe deeply and evenly through your nose. This simple technique calms your mind and nervous system and can be done absolutely anywhere.

2. Eagle Arms
For those who spend a lot of time sitting at a desk, Eagle Arms can help improve your posture and reduce tension in your shoulders and spine. Bringing your arms out in front of you, place your right elbow on top of your left elbow. Keep twisting your forearms around each other until your palms come together. If you can't bring the palms of your hands together, don't push it; just let the backs of your hands touch. As your breathe deeply in, lift your arms up. Take five long deep breaths in this position.

3. Prayer Behind the Back
Time spent in the kitchen hunched over a cutting board can lead to tension in your wrists, shoulders, and back —all of which this pose helps alleviate. Bring your fists together to touch behind your back at about waist-level. Begin to slide your hands up your spine, bringing palms together to touch in a prayer position. If this hurts your wrists, don't force it. Instead, stay with your fists joined together. Hold this position for five deep, slow breaths.

4. The Hamstring Helper
If you are going for a walk or jog, try what Stiles calls the hamstring helper. Come into a low lunge, bringing your fingertips on either side of your front foot. Slowly start to straighten both legs. If your fingertips don't touch the ground when your legs are straight, slightly bend your front knee. Keep
your hips squared and breathe deeply in this position for a minute or two. Repeat on your other leg.

5. Pigeon Pose
When practiced before bedtime, Stiles says Pigeon pose will help reduce tension in your hips and lower back. This relaxing posture can also help calm your mind and set you up for a restful night of sleep. Gently come into a low lunge with your right leg in front. Slowly inch your right foot over toward your left hand. Ease your knee down toward your right hand. Your calf should be perpendicular to your torso. If
you can't lower your hips to the ground, bring a pillow under your right hip to support it. Fold your torso over your leg, resting on your forearms. Stay in this position for a minute or two. Repeat on your left leg.

(Text by Holly Robinson from Shine Yahoo)

A Holden kind-of thought

I think I'm having a Holden Caulfield overdose. I've finished re-reading The Catcher in the Rye but I can't help but still open that little book and re-read a page every once in a while. It kind'a channels Holden's simple perspectives on things and I like the feeling. See, instead of wallowing in predicaments that are no bigger than the president's face mole, I take them as something that I just pass by on my way to somewhere. Do you know that feeling when you're riding a cab, or a jeep or a tryke or anything moving like when you're going to work or something and you just stare outside the "window" and you just see things like a smudge because your eyes can't focus? And when they do, your eyes catch something that annoys the hell out of you like a couple having an overt display (redundant!) of their freakin' affections, or one of your colleagues whose mere existence is a curse, or an eyesore of a dresser... name it, they're in sidewalks everywhere. Then you get annoyed and less than a second later you forget about them because, hell, they're mere smudges.

I guess this is a pretty easy way to not get angry or to be very emotional on something. Just look at things like smudges, or a mosquito in your soup - it's not supposed to be there but it's there and it's really yucky. But what you do, you just remove the dead mosquito from the soup, stir it a little and eat it anyway. Who drops dead by eating a mosquito? I hate being emotional because after I cry, I feel very embarrased and it feels like the end of me. Lame and stupid but that's how I genuinely feel. But I do it all the time anyway and I'm still here.

I really like it when people don't over-analyze things and just acknowledge what's in front of them or what's visible to the eye. I like it when people have very simple answers. I remember that kid with an autism in Mark Haddon's "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time. He's the simplest guy on the face of literature. He's happy counting red cars (or whatnot) and making a story out of it. He may be sick but the way he is portrayed gave me the notion that he's the most sane person I've known my entire life. And I like him so much.

When the boss decides to quit...

I worked more than twelve hours today and I am just so exhausted. Work is a rollercoaster and with the kind of predicament that we have right now, it feels like we were stuck in the loop and we're all hanging upside down.

Did I mention, my boss "sort of" resigned last week? As in left without any plausible explanation. Just walked up to me while I was busy editing an article about this Chinese business school and told me he will be leaving in 10 minutes... and not coming back. Thought the old chap was kidding and when I figured the tense look on his face means otherwise, I kind'a broke a little (along with my other colleagues who were apparently listening in on the conversation).

I felt sad because I had a darn flashback about all the difficulties we've had in bringing this magazine to where it is right now and I couldn't just zap the thought that without our boss, it will all be just put to waste. Anyway, that was what initially crossed my mind. Now, I am thinking hard about other possibilities (if there are any). But given the choice, we just want our work (place) to be normal.

Sans drama, our team made this little note for him:


Dunno. The man has a heart and this might pinch it a little. Life's annoying surprises - who would've thought a boss (as in part owner of the company) can quit just like that?

OMG, what happened to Joo Ji Hoon?

Just saw this in Popseoul:

Prince Shin of the K-drama Princess Hours doesn't look like much of a royalty these days. He looked like a dad, gaining pounds like that. He's stick thin during the Princess Hours days. Must be the 'rehab' and being away from the limelight.

I liked JJH despite his recent drug scandal. In all fairness to him, he's got spunk and he's a very good actor. =)

BIG thoughts before the weekend ends.

Sometimes we think of ourselves so small and so weak that it manifests in our physical action. We thus become one and I realized how pathetic can that be. When we were little, we don't think of anything else but conquering the world once we grow up. Starting with the infamous line "When I grow up, I wanna be..." And now we look back on those days of mindless purity and wonder whatever happened to us.

Now, we can't help but sometimes feel small in everything we do - in all aspects of this given life.

We feel small in our jobs. How many people do I know (including myself) have been feeling lousy getting up in the morning, knowing that they have to face yet another tough day at work? Not because they don't want/love their jobs but because there are certain unavoidable things that could strip them off of what's left of their sanity. From selfish and arrogant colleagues who don't give a sh*t whether they've been stepping on someone elses toes, to the most inconsiderate of bosses who could eat us (alive) for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

We feel small in our craft. No matter how great we are in what we do, there are and will be people who would convince you that you're no good at whatever and even if you were already half-convinced that you are the greatest at a certain thing, you'll find yourself bleeding in the end.

We feel small in our sense of belonging. I've got around 300 friends in both my facebook and friendster accounts. I've got probably a little less than that in my phonebook and email contacts. But still, there are moments when I feel depressed 'coz I don't have someone to watch a movie with, or just hang out with during weekends. I tried attending a couple of churches only to have this nagging feeling (although I am not saying it's true) that I don't really belong. Don't get me wrong; these are uber nice people and they make you feel welcome but it's just that I feel so small and I can't find myself within their midst.

We feel small in finding our other half. I haven't yet and I am not really looking. I don't know but I have this feeling that he's somewhere between fantasy and reality and he got lost on his way but he's nearly there to find me. =) (fighting spirit Thet, aza aza!!!) Point in case is, whenever we feel bad because of a spoiled or a non-existent (in my case) relationship, we tend to blame ourselves and keep asking "What's wrong with me?" Why can't we ask "What's wrong with him/her?" We always say we try to be the 'bigger' person and move on only to find ourselves in a fetal position, wondering if the smaller we make ourselves in the dark, the higher the chance that we'll just disintegrate.

I guess i am tired being small. Although physically I am, I want my soul to be bigger. And I thank God for gearing me up with all the positive vibes that I need. It works pretty fast...

Sometimes, I'm convinced, I am bigger than the mountain. =)

R.I.P. Mr. J.D. Salinger

The person who introduced me to my immortal Holden Caulfield has passed away.

According to reports, J.D. Salinger died on January 28, 2010 of natural causes at his secluded home in Cornish, New Hampshire. He gave life to the concept of the modern-age youth with the birth of Holden's character in the midst of the cold war.

I remember reading Catcher in the Rye when I was already in college and I feel for and fell-inlove instantly with Holden Caulfield- the anti-hero. Aside from seeing myself in him (I blogged about it before but I couldn't find the link... haay), I guess I just really have a thing for bad boys because when I was in highschool, I was infatuated with Huck Finn.

Anyway, Mr. Salinger lived a life that he wanted - peaceful and away from the harsh spotlight. Rest In Peace...

PUSANG GALA: BFFs and NFFs

So last weekend was a busy one... and a tiring one too! (bones and muscles still aching big time!)

As per my last post, I went on another climb. This time it was in Mt. Batulao in Nasugbu, Batangas. Ironically, we were only five in the group but it's the most enjoyable for me so far.

My boondock friendly friends (BFF) and I met a group of [newbie] photographers who call themselves 'Eon' whom we shared the campsite (or Camp 5 at least) with. They are a bunch of very nice and generous people (because they shared their breakfast and granma [tador] with us during the socials... hehe!)

I brought my point-and-shoot camera with me but it's broken so I can only take videos from it. Good thing Keicee brought hers. Our new found friends (NFF) took some photos of us (with their saliva-inducing DSLRs):

I can only say: Capital ASTEEEG!!!

Them guys... thank you! =)


Photo Credit: Eon Photography