Isang araw ng pamumulitika

I went into this website launching event this morning and I find it very amusing. Being in the business field since I started work, I haven't been in any event that screams 'Politics!' and I haven't been in a room full of politicians before. (except during that phase in my life when I find attending meeting de avance during barangay elections rather quite entertaining) Sitting there in a room full of media, scurrying like mice, eager to get their homeworks done and these politicians (and their representatives) , their hands probably numb from too much hand-shaking, their jaws hurting from too much smiling, I had this preconceive notion that I'd erupt into a one big mass of allergy. But as the event progressed and I get to talk to some... well, quite a few people, I began to enjoy myself.

What was the fuss all about?

The Commission on Elections (Comelec) partnered with web experts 88DB and JobsDB to design a website called politicalarena.com - a kind of a socio-political networking tool where all candidates for the 2010 elections could be more transparent and 'reachable' to the public. Like your typical facebook, multiply or friendster, the candidates have their own account and they can update it and let the people know in real time what their plans are. To date, all the candidates that are in the site are 'perceived presidentiables' by the public and are not confirmed yet (final line up will probably take shape the latter part of the year). And the public can support their candidates by not really becoming a fan but including themselves in the 'I support' field once registered. I have browsed through the site but I haven't really explored it yet in detail. It has features like Issues, Forum, News, Videos, Photos, Calendar, Announcements, Election 101 - a rundown of how to be a 'bibong botante' and facts about the election (courtesy of Comelec), and of course, the information page for each of the candidates.

The site isn't bad actually. Although it's a bit rip off of Obama's ingenious idea on how to be in constant contact with the Americans through the 'Organizing for America' site , it's a big step and a very apparent display of progress in appreciating what dear 'ol technology is giving us. And since it's a common fact how Filipinos are just a click short away from being internet whores, this might actually be a good idea.

The only contention is that in the millions of Filipinos who actually troop to the precints to cast in their votes, how many has the capability to be 'connected'? Let us not forget that majority of the voters come from the masses. How many are internet freaks like you and me? And of those numbers, how many actually gives a cow dung about social networking (or in this case socio-political networking) sites such as this? I know I do. But, think.

Anyway...

You know when I'm like this.

I wish I could read people's minds. That way, I wouldn't have to guess and second guess and make my life as miserable as it already is. Where does patience and apathy meet? Can two people see eye to eye if one is extremely onion-skinned and the other one, just don't give a sh*t? (sorry)

How sorry can someone be when it doesn't actually show? How do you know if there's even a drop of guilt that is going through this person's head? You wake up, you feel bad, you feel sad, you sulk. And then you realize, today should be not like any other day... today shouldn't be another yesterday. Yet, the closer to reality you get, the more hesitant you become - you scurry back to your old pathetic self even before you can say 'Stop!'

Then comes the cold gaze, the unfathomable hatred that boils down from the most senseless of things. You are blindfolded, you become deaf and everything becomes stupid. Everything becomes a waste. There goes another day. Another hell of a day.

I don't know which is difficult - the impossibility of controlling things that tells us it takes more than three words to put things back in their place or this wall that keeps me on the other side. I want to destroy it, believe me. But can you give me a helping hand?

FANMODE: Music videos that I like

I don't get normally envious of girls with sexy body, pero grabe itong si Nicole, bigla kong ni-wish na ganyan ang katawan ko... haha... Here's a very blurry 'I Hate This Part' video 'coz all I see in youtube are the chipmunk versions of this one.



Then, there's this Miley Cyrus song, which got my attention. I don't really like Miley but I like the song very much (and the video too!)... makes me feel like I'm 16... =)



I love this song... so apt for me (haha!) and I just find myself watching this video over and over again (as if I'll find my answer here). Anyway, I don't know any of her other songs but this.

Love-talk (Bored to my wits, I am)

One of my friends says she is somehow convinced that people we fell-in love with for the first time in our lives remains locked, kept in that little box inside our hearts. But it doesn't mean that we are hung up on them, she adds. Our first love stays there even without us exactly knowing.

It made me think if that is true. Is it, really?

I don't know if that conversation was the after-effect of a two-hour major pampering that we've just had (full-body Shiatsu massage, Aromatheraphy facial, and Peppermint footscrub) after a crazy, manic Monday at work. My mind was practically emancipated of stress and pressure and it was pure bliss. And the next thing we know, we are already talking about flowers, rainbows, and love lives. Haha.

Probably what she's claiming is true. I still feel that pinch whenever my first love crosses my mind. Not a pinch of sorrow or sadness or regret but more like a pinch that seems to be a reminder of how happy those times were that if I'd be given the chance to go back, I would. Because I honestly think that at that exact moment, what I was feeling was true (regardless if the other person didn't feel the same way I did).

And I am somehow convinced that the one true love of your life (past or present) is the person whose face pops instantly in your mind when you close your eyes at night. (except your boss' when you're in a very tight deadline!)

***

In Memoriam (AQ)

Here's the blog that we were supposed to publish in our new magazine website. But since the big B doesn't want anything that mentions Asian Quality, I had to tweak the whole article and somehow make it appear like there was no previous magazine before this whole MS Asia thing came. I hate it actually. So, for my own peace of mind, I am still publishing the original version... here in my own blog.

FROM THE GROUND AND BACK AGAIN

It was never a 'goodbye' Asian Quality for me from the moment I have learned that we will have to shut its pages to give way to a new publication aimed at advancing the quality of learning and information sharing that we have been providing the reading public.

As a matter of fact, like a mother to her child who's just about to graduate, I have never felt prouder. Asian Quality is moving a gallop higher.

On the pages of Asian Quality aren't only blotted inks that represent words and images. There lies an ingenuous effort to pull together all sorts of information that wold shed a much brighter light on the subject of Quality, Productivity and Business Process Improvement - an area, if not ignored, less noticed in the business arena (or at least in Asia as manifested by the scarcity of publications / print media that caters to the subject with a regional touch).

Armed with only guts, very limited resources and just about enough knowledge on publishing, we found ourselves in the magazine business. I remember writing the following during that particularly difficult stage when it felt like bringing a magazine to life is next to impossibility:

"With this kind of job, I have to do away with my indecisive attitude and forget about myself. I have to be thick when necessary. I have to be resourceful and quick-witted. otherwise, I'd be stagnant. And so I wrote thousands (okay, exaggeration) or hundreds of emails to various people whom I felt are potential subject matter expert writers for the magazine. Most of them ignored my mail while a few wrote back and promised to contribute. But hey, promises are made to be broken... so really, I didn't hope. I needed a plan B so I relied on referrals. I emailed and made a bunch of phone calls to strangers until I got answers... or more aptly, until I got the articles. I contacted prominent names in the industry and asked / begged for appointments for interview hoping I'd be lucky enough to have these people featured in the magazine. In my mind, we are all people, and given the right kind of attitude, we can reach what we are aiming for."

And now, with the "re-birth" of AQ, it's like going through the whole same process again. But this time around, we know exactly what to do.

Establishing a magazine from the ground is far from a walk in the 'Avenue of Stars' at Tsim Sha Tsui on a sunny afternoon while sipping a Mocha Frap. It is, by far, the most challenging responsibility I have ever handled since I came out [after college] into the real world. I was somehow convinced that what you learn in college, while they can be helpful, doesn't necessarily apply.

With AQ, I've learnedhow to follow my gut feel and deliver within the allocated resources - and I'm talking about manpower, hardware, software, budget, and even skills. Add the fact that while you are compelled to learn by yourself, you can only pray for guidance.

AQ is not a failure. I am not taking offense but some people have the tendency to assume that the so-called 'folding-up' of its pages is synonymous to raising the white flag. Of course it isn't. On the contrary, the very idea that brought forth AQ is the same foundation that we're using to build this new publication. The same objective applies, this time backed up by a stronger team and higher aspirations. #

The new MS Asia's website (www.ms-asia.org) will be up in two weeks time! I'm so excited! =)

FanMode: New Moon (the Movie)

Sorry naman... I hate the book but I can't help but squirm in my seat when I saw this video:

Amid all the stress

... it doesn't hurt to laugh REALLY REALLY REALLY hard because of simple joys like this.
WATCH IT.



Take note how the rabbit (or cat) on the left fell out of balance... I think the hip grinding was a little bit too much... HAHAHAHA!!!

Bantayan Trip (Why, how?)

It's been a week since my family - (minus kuya because he has his own Bora trip with his friends and Mike - unni's hubby - because of his work) packed our bags and took our much needed R&R and bonding session in the northern part of Cebu, in this paradise-like island of Bantayan. *_* - me still entranced. It all started with me chancing upon Cebu Pacific's promo rates while *desperately* searching for cheap rates to Ho Chi Minh City ('coz me & my travel buddies are itching to go visit another Asian city... hehe). Instead, I saw this very cheap fare to Cebu and since papa's always complaining about summer and wanting very much to go back to Bora or visit any beach, unnichan and I thought why not bring both of them to Cebu? It would be their first time and althought they were denying it, we sensed that they were very ecstatic about it.

And so I bravely faced my boss' wrath when I advised him that I will be gone two days during the layout week for the mag. What?!? I need a rest too. But so much for a vacation totally devoid of anything that has got to do with work. I found myself lugging my laptop (plus a bunch of papers!) during the trip.

The day has come
Our flight was at 4:45am so we left the house a little before 3:30am. I didn't slept at all because I was making such a big fuss on what and what NOT to carry. I don't have a decent bag - just my red big luggage and a compact duffel bag which couldn't fit what I had in mind. But I settled for it anyway. I was so hyper the whole time despite my lack of sleep. I didn't even sleep on the plane and was surprised at how fast the flight was. At exactly 6am, we were already making a bee line for the taxi stand to go straight to the North Central (?) bus terminal where I had quite a scare because of the 'manongs' (throngs of them) who suddenly appeared the moment they saw our cab approaching the terminal. We weren't even out of the cab and they were already forcing open the trunk to get our bags (for porting services it turned out). I was shouting the whole time, saying 'no' because some of them already have the bags and we had no clue where they were taking them. Good thing, the bus conductor came and got all our bags while I was still trying very hard to yank my bag off him. It was funny, he was shouting "Libre 'to! Libre! Walang bayad!" Then he took all the bags and ushered us to the waiting bus that would take us to Hagnaya Port.

The bus ride was a torture. People were sooo noisy and 'kuya' the 'kunduktor' was shouting the whole time... what was he saying, I have no clue. It was probably the most humid season in Cebu and there were no aircondition buses, they said, so we were perspiring like it was our last. The land travel took about two and a half hours with about ten minute stop over where we grabbed the opportunity to buy some food for breakfast. Grilled hotdogs (more like charred) and softdrinks. Perfect.

Upon arrival at the port, another swarm of men came for porterage but our bags were all so small and manageable for us to need their services. So sorry manongs, I know you're just trying very hard to earn a living. We waited for about 15 minutes before the 'fast craft'(not fast at all - we were estimating 2 knotts.. haha) that would take us to the island, arrived. Ferry boats leave every hour from 9:30am onwards. We took the 10:30 ferry and endured another almost two hours and braved the rough seas... the waves were huge... lucky, i didn't get sea sick. In fact, I was working on one of my articles the entire time. Bringing my laptop wasn't a waste after all.

After nearly two hours, I finally saw the island with white sand lining its shores. It was such a pretty sight! Imagine Bora when it was still on its most 'virgin' state - that's what Bantayan is. Upon arrival at the gate, we already spotted 'Manong Dodong', Kota's driver (and probably overall errand guy) waving the sign which says 'Kota Beach Resort'. Unni's been communicating with him and we've been told he's going to fetch us at the pier gate. We shared the ride with four 'yuppies' - two girls, two guys - who obviously are also from Manila (the accent!). I suddenly missed my friends. *woot* It probably took just five minutes to reach the resort. Unni checked us in and I was a little worried about the location of the cottage that will be given to us ('coz unni said there's no beachfront available when she booked). Imagine my surprise when they showed us our 'place' - it's right in the middle of the resort fronting the beach - the view was screaming awesomeness! And I stopped worrying.

I had the urge to jump right in the water had the sun been shy a little. The water was so inviting; it was literally glimmering with the sun's rays reflected on its surface. The ultimate 'wow' factor is the sandbar which stretched the whole of the resort, bending to the still undeveloped part of the resort to the left and crossing the adjoining 'Budyong' beach resort to the right. Budyong resembles Kota a little with cavanas sprawling the area. But I'd say Kota was blessed to have the best part of the sandbar.

It was really humid and I really wanted to take a bath and change to something more beach-y. (I was wearing jeans the whole time). But first, we had to eat lunch - this time a decent meal which consisted of Sinigang na hipon, Adobong Baboy, YangZhou Chao Fan, and Pancit Canton. Quite a combination, huh? The food was great and the people serving them were great as well... such a kind bunch.

We rested for a bit and started living THE Life - away from work, from the madness of urban civilization, and from my own personal chaos. I wanted to feel ch'i (the natural energy of the universe) coursing through my system and re-energize so that when I go back, I would've gained something. And with a place like Bantayan, it's not really hard to do that. We swam but not too long; the water is really salty - twice as salty as the water in other beaches I've gone to. It quite hurts the eyes so it is advisable to swim with goggles on. Spent the rest of the day lounging by the shore. There are not too many people in the resort so you can do pretty much whatever. And that's one of the reasons why I love the place so much - peace and quiet.

Kota is a very friendly place. As I've said, all its staff are very accommodating and kind. The resort is not strict either. Although it has its own restaurant, it doesn't restrict people. They allow people to buy their food some place else and bring it back tot heir cavanas for a 'picnic' by the porch (unlike some of the resorts I know which are so greedy - they want their visitors buying from inside only). You also have the option to buy raw ingredients in the market which is just a block away from the resort and have it cooked in their kitchen for a minimum fee. There were fishermen who offers their 'huli' - fishes, crabs, etc - and they could cook it for you (again for a minimum fee). We've had enough stock in our tummies so we skipped dinner and just munched on some bread and biscuits.

My first night in Bantayan was one of those rarest moments that would probably be embedded in my thoughts forever. I was in my jammies at the resto, fronting the beach (although I couldn't see it because it was so dark - it was an endless sea of blackness; it was actually quite scary too if you would think about it), the ocean breeze on my face, sipping my thermos (not cup take note because that was what 'manang bait' gave me) of coffee and... tsaraaaan... writing an article about 'Organizational Development'. Tsk... nasira na. Haha. I had to work and it's the perfect time to do it... peace & quiet. But then the mood went from compelling to annoying when the 'TGIS' gang (the same yuppies we shared the ride with) arrived and completely ruined the serenity... peace and quiet gone. So, I packed up my stuff and went back to the cottage and read a book instead. *sigh*

Round and round the island
The next morning, I surprisingly woke up early (relative to when I am in Manila on a weekend). It was just 5:30 in the morning and I was so eager to catch the sunrise. But as they say in the province, here, the sun rises and sets early. How true is that! The sun was already hanging arrogantly high in the sky when I walked up the front porch. Mom and pop were preparing to walk along the shore and I decided I would butt in and join them. Unni was still sleeping like a baby, too tired apparently from yesterday's journey.

I changed into my swimsuit and pulled on a dress. The salty air assaulted my senses and I squinted at the early morning sun. After the short walk, I settled on the shore and said a silent prayer - praising God for the magnificence before me. I took a dip; the water felt so good although a little cold. We had breakfast at the resto - a full American breakfast meal for me. I was so hungry after swimming and mom threw some tantrums (u-huh and who says moms don't do that?!) and I was so pissed off I wanted to eat my anger away.

We were scheduled today for a trip around the island. Mang Dodong arranged our itinerary early yesterday with his driver cousin, Mang Ding for the tour. We had to pay P700 for the trike rental (seems expensive but after the tour and the expanse of the roads we traveled, I understand why). We visited all three towns of the island - Sta. Fe (where Kota beach is), Bantayan, and Madridejos. It was a bumpy ride - literally - as the roads were unpaved but the sights I've seen are so breath-taking that I didn't mind at all. I was so captured in the moment - rice fields, cows and carabaos (I still mistake one for the other) up close, endless greenery, and the most laid back people I've seen. I can get used to this life, really. Like what I've told my friend, I plan on becoming a hermit someday when I am capable and ready - retired from the chaos of the life we are so used to.

Our first stop was the tip of Bantayan Island - Kota Park. Mang Ding said it is a usual tourist destination. It boasts of a fort (fortress) that houses some of the relics of the early Bantayan inhabitants (or Lawisanon) and this 'lakehouse' structure with a long concrete bridge that is made one of Madridejos' historical landmarks. It reminded me so much of Il Mare- I half expected Jun Jin Hyun to suddenly appear out of nowhere. I love the place so much that only if the heat isn't scorching us alive, I would've stayed there, perched on the steps of that bridge, just staring... in awe.

Second stop was for mom's request, the devoted catholic that she is - the town Church. Ironically, this was where my first encounter with the unfriendly bunch happened. Tsk... I'm zipping my mouth now. I was almost nauseous because of the heat and my mouth was aching of thirst - I wanted so much to drown myself in Coke - not water - Coke. But not a single store sells it. Darn. Next stop - the market. Went to buy some 'puso' (rice wrapped and cooked in woven coconut leaves) and fruits and grilled meat for lunch. Pop bought a kilo of crab back in the resort and have the 'manong' who sold it to us prepare and cook it in 'Sprite' broth. Yummy!

Save the best for last - we went to this Ogtong Cave, which apparently was this narrow cave, a hot spring that was made a swimming pool and is Sta.Fe Beach Club's tourist magnet. The resort looks really neat and probably more expensive than Kota. It boasts of the cliff-like edge overlooking the sea and a gigantic pool. They also have a mini-zoo where I met Piolo, the sheep and a rude little bird which turns its back on me everytime I attempt to take its picture. I still think Kota's the best. =)

By lunchtime, we were back at the resort, ready to chow down on the feast that pop has prepared. Poor papa, because of his high-blood, he couldn't eat crab meat; he had to order Sinigang na Baboy from the resto. And so unni and me ate most of the cholesterol and burned it after by swimming and lounging under the late afternoon sun. While having a full-body massage by the shore (which Mang Dodong also arranged for me the day before), it suddenly poured. It's as if the heavens was blessing our stay in the island. The downpour went on for about an hour and the whole place was damp but it didn't lessen the beauty that was before me.

(Continuation soon... I'm drained...)

Anger.

Last week, I had a very unpretty reminder of how I am when I am angry. I know when people look at me (especially when I am not smiling), they always have this impression that I am frowning or probably even scowling... I hate it but it seems like it's my 'default facial expression'. I don't really know but I probably look unfriendly or when I'm not smiling, my big eyes tend to give that 'I don't really care about you' look. I always have to tell people that I will not be pouncing on anybody anytime soon. These high arched brows, these sharp looking eyes, these pouting lips - they mean no harm. I am not angry or mad at anybody.

But last Thursday, I was mad as absolutely mad can be. And I was taken aback by how strong that feeling of anger surged right through me. My hands were shaking, my eyes were almost welling up, my voice was authoritative (bordering on arrogance), and my pulse was twice fast the normal. It's as if someone stepped on a landmine that was buried deep in my heart and I exploded. I didn't know I even have the capacity to be that angry. And it was one of the worst feelings I've had in years. I had to go down and be on my own for a while to tackle whatever aftershocks my anger would be bringing soon after.

I haven't been that mad in a long time and I've almost forgotten that I have the tendency to hyperventilate when I am (at some point I did... I think I downed a gallon of water to help me breathe normally). Time and again, I complain about how my life tend to suck big time sometimes but I don't get mad about it; Instead, I get really challenged by it and I enjoy watching my own melodramatic life unfold before me. I get irked, irritated, annoyed, pissed at someone... at some people... at many people in fact, but in the end, I still hold that peace in my heart that God's challenges wouldn't be as exciting if they aren't there.

I used to have this hate blog where whenever I am feeling really angry, I would abash the subject and object of my frustration in a cold-blooded word-homicide. That after writing profanities, evil wishes and thoughts of deceit, I would somehow feel a burden was totally lifted off me and I was powerful as I can be (having mutilated someone without his / her knowing through the very thing that I was gifted with - words). But whenever I re-read my so-called 'masterpiece' I would then feel bad about how extreme my thoughts had been and I would convince myself that I don't really mean all those words. So there's really no point; I stopped writing in my hate blog.

Sometimes I think that having too much anger in your heart is a sin. I am not yet clear about that. We wouldn't be angry or we wouldn't have harbored all those bitterness inside us if we are able to forgive... just as God forgave us. But that is a different story. I didn't have to forgive anyone last time that I was fuming mad. Rather, I feel like I have to stand up and be that leader that I was expected to be and earn that respect that I deserve to have. I didn't have to forgive anybody 'coz I feel like they haven't done me any wrong. It was more an issue of people going boundaries and offending someone in the process. It might be that these people didn't really mean to and they just needed guidance so I am not going to point fingers and blame them for it.

The point actually is I don't want to feel that horrible feeling again. Anger is a monster in itself. And if you would let it, it will consume you whole, leaving you with nothing but pain.

Hats off to David Cook

I am not gonna be able to watch David Cook's (and Archuleta's) concert on the 16th at the MOA and I was raving non-stop about it this afternoon. Had I known the date, I would've booked that Bantayan trip at a later date. And I am genuinely sad that I wouldn't have the chance to see David Cook in person.

Now, I feel worse.

I just chanced upon a video of him speaking for the 'Race for Hope' event, which benefits the National Brain Tumor Society and Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure. There, he announced that he just lost his oldest brother (Adam) to a brain tumor a day before that race. It was really heart-wrenching watching him speak, trying to mask his grief with a brave face. It's just awesome how he dealt with that overwhelming emotion and clearly put aside his being a celebrity and showed dedication for the cause.

I am loving this guy more and more.

Drooling over Daniel (Henney!) and Mr Jackman

I've seen 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine' twice already. First was the unfinished workprint which leaked a month before release and second, a few hours ago in the big screen. Instead of me being ecstatic about seeing the movie even before its release (through that pirated dvd crap), I was more I'd say unhappy about it (ooh, I should've waited!) since I saw things that weren't supposed to be seen... those supposedly amazing scenes bereft of CGIs (computer-generated imagery) and it wasn't really nice to watch. I felt being fooled. But it was worth seeing how long Daniel's (Agent Zero) airtime would be. =)

The 'fallen' agent.. tsk...

Who wouldn't love this guy?

Mr. Jackman and Faffy Daniel (tee-hee!)

Seeing the movie in the big screen is so worth it. I didn't really notice the 'alleged' 20-minute scene that purportedly was missing on the leaked version. I am not a movie critic so I wouldn't dare. Rather, I'd just gush about how Daniel's Hollywood debut is making such a promise in his career and how, I'm sure, the Hugh Jackman's 'flesh-flashing' made my officemate doubt his gender again (eheh.. kidding P!) That guy is so ***damn sexy! Forget about the accent, the abs and the muscle pack would've sealed the deal, really. Oggle below... *grin*

Major drooling right here.

Gambit, played by Taylor Kitsch is kind'a cool too. Although I think he looks like a hybrid between Willy Wonka and Barry Watson with a long unruly hair. =)

Right? =)

Work in progress

When at 1 in the morning, I am still wide awake, thoughts in shambles amid futile attempts to write some copies and wondering again for the -nth time why I am such a chaos...

I came across this in Vanness Wu's blog and I know I got my answer =)


Sorry Lord, I lost myself again (!) for a while there. But I know you'd never let me. Feeling a little better and now I can sleep.

say what i need to say

but i've been so quiet these past few days that i, myself, am feeling tormented by the buzzing of my own thoughts that are meaning to come out and find their way into this blog.

i was busy. okay. lying through my retainered teeth.

yes, i am busy but that's only a quarter of why i wasn't present. i just feel lazy and i would never lie that it occurred to me a dozen times that i want a life away from the internet. i want everyday to be a life conceived far from the 'mongerers' in the cyberspace. but who am i kidding? practically every part of my soul was screaming 'bloooogggg!'and whoever reads my blog anyway? (hello!)

my last weekend was spent finishing reading 'Shadow of the Wind' (highly recommended!) and attempting to organize my thoughts to write an article for my mag... but to no avail... thanks to this pre-programmed lethargy. on weekends, i am the queen of the sloths - it hurts when i move.

and i am dying to embrace weekend once again (and it's not even the middle of the week). i've got a long list of 'to read' and 'to watch'. i haven't been hanging around outside that much these days. and forgive me, i sometimes really feel bad whenever it occurs to me that i have no idea how my friends are doing. it makes me feel useless and unwanted. on the contrary, it also makes me feel bad to always be that person bouncing around pestering everyone if they care to catch up.

i'm happy today. i received four packs of the elusive 'Shokubutsu' shower gel courtesy of a very thoughtful and generous friend from Singapore. 'Xie xie!' from the bottom of my heart. =)

these days, i choose to be happy and thankful for the littlest things.

what smells?

I hate that I have an incredible, almost unbelievable, sense of smell. I was endowed with very sensitive olfactory nerves that I could literally smell a stink from a hundred feet away. I am always the first one to complain when some strange odor comes assaulting my senses. And so I give my testimony that there isn't a grain of truth when they say: 'Ang unang pumutak, siya ang umutot!'

And it's a nightmare, I tell you. Anything that smells bad instantly sends my temper rising; I easily get crossed and the next thing I know, I am ready to yell at some poor soul. Probably, it's normal but then again, my case is on the extreme side. I could actually picture the stink as if alive, taunting me and challenging my patience. I turn all loony.

As far as my fond recollections allow, I've almost gotten myself in a number of unsightly encounters because of this. It's like one of those illnesses where there is no cure, like a spot of bother that is ruining my perfect little image (no, not really). And who could remain calm when in your nice and peaceful world, you are rudely interrupted by a smell that could make the hobos of New York look like preppy yuppies?

What would you do if everyday of your forsaken life, you are trapped and there's just nothing you can do about it? Will you be bold enough to tell the 'source' that he smells like a dead rat or a basket full of onions and it's really offending you?

As you might guess, I am currently having this crisis but I think better not to elaborate on it. (I will get into major trouble.. shhh...)

Yesterday, all these happened.

The moment the clock struck 3pm, I was all set to go. I blame it on the weather – nice and sunny and no gray clouds wandering about the sky whatsoever. Obviously, I am bluffing. The weather is awful, extremely and unbearably hot! I am guessing 39 degrees! It’s not normal even for a country which is nearly wedged on the equator. My perpetual fanaticism for the day to end has got nothing to do with it really. But it has tons to do with the day being Monday and the fact that we all just came back from supposedly four-day bliss of being far (albeit not that far away) from work. I still mumble nonsense for being stuck at home, my feet all itching to climb mountains and soak in the sun’s glorious rays. Instead, I got to know my bed better – I was on it 72 out of 96 hours.

For someone that has a poor hearing, which is very well compensated by my bionic smelling ability, I could practically hear the ticking of my officemate’s watch. I could even hear the occasional swinging of the glass doors at the reception area and the funny sound that the door access makes when someone logs in and out. And somehow, I could tell if the one guarding the gates to my freedom already called it a day. Three became four and four became five and five became six. I forgot about the time when I had to accompany a colleague who’s visiting from overseas to have lunch when everyone has practically digested theirs. By the time we got back, the office is almost empty, except for some who finds enjoyment in staying until the sun’s no more. I was one of them and I am way past that. I realized life is not meant to live with a rope tied around your neck and a flimsy excuse to fall and kill yourself.

I had an epiphany while going down the steps of my favourite place in the world – the Rufino-Ayala Ave. underpass. Strange enough, that one-minute walk amidst a river of people is on top of the quietest moments of my everyday life. It’s like my mind instantly shuts off the noise like what happens in the movies – as if He who watches over us accidentally sat on the remote and hit the mute button. That is one full minute of pure peace. Once I reach the turning point towards the escalator, I am slapped back to reality.

I’ve always been fascinated on how the people in Hong Kong and in Singapore make use of their escalators and stairs. In these countries, where everything is moving twice or thrice as faster as we normally do here, slow motion is irreverence. You’d instantly feel that you don’t belong (not that we want to). They always seem to be in a hurry. So, if you’re in an escalator and you just want to stand and indulge in the moment, always, always stay on the right side. The left lane is for those who seem to have a rodent down their behinds and can’t wait to get rid of it. One time, my ignorance about this almost brought out the tigress in me. This moronic guy literally pushed me to the side as if to say ‘Stay out of the way’ and even before I could come up with an explosive retort, he was gone – lost amidst the crowd (they all look like him) at the MTR station. And so out of mere curiosity, I tried experimenting. One time, I pretended to be in a hurry and I had to say ‘Excuse Me’ a hundred times while literally jumping two steps at a time. They made way but they are pissed. And then another time, I stayed on the left lane, just stuck there not moving an inch and blocking the way and nobody cared. Darn, why are we so laid back? It’s not a complain but an expression of awe, mind you.

Rush hour. One of those moments where I wish I took that rope instead ‘coz it’s near suicidal. This is one of those rare occasions where I use my power to snag a seat in the jeepney amidst all the commotion. Being small and quick, that is. And I don’t care one bit if the person before me smells like a rubber tire; I can always hold my breath.

What truly annoys me in that 15-20 minute ride home is the lousy music that’s playing on the background. Yesterday’s treats were ‘Temple of the King’, ‘Skyline Pigeon’ and ‘The Leader of the Band’. Santisima! The icing on the cake was my ‘seatmate’ who seemed to know all three songs by heart and decided to sing along for everyone’s amusement (or derailment?). And since we were pretty crammed in there, she was almost singing to my ears. Believe me, I summoned every patience and the remnants of it in my bones to prevent myself from blurting out something not nice. What is it with people singing in public? I really don’t get it.

FanMode: Awww, my 'Lloydie!'

Sorry, I can't help it!

This is probably one of my most jolog moments in the history of blogging and I am not ashamed... hehe... Whatta perfect way to end my night than watch 'Lloydie' exploiting what's left of my so-called rational dignity with his melt-your-heart smile.

OMG!

Cheers to this once-in-a-black-hole fanmode indulgence.

(Blame 'You Changed My Life' for this)

v(^_^)v

A sudden U-turn

A full ten minutes before 'Good Friday' ends and 'Black Saturday' comes and I'm still awake (the only one as everybody hit the sack three hours ago), wondering for the -nth time what I have got to do. I am not yet sleepy and I'm torn as to how I could spend this tranquility - finish that book I've been reading, just surf the net, watch a movie / korean soap / j-dorama, or just lie in bed and try to make out figures from the stains on my ceiling.

I am convinced I have wasted two whole days of this 'vacation' doing nothing, if not, senseless things. I wasn't even much of a help during my mom's yearly 'pabasa'. I was just here in my room the whole time while, (if I may call it this) the 'festivity' downstairs' was on-going. I've never been used to many people going in and out of our house, food overflowing on the table, my pop looking harrassed while in-charge of cooking, a throng of my mom's friends arriving from who knows where and staying not too long, WonBin barking at 100 decibels every five seconds scaring the wits out of our visitors and the... how to call it... the sound of (?) people singing the 'pasyon' outside with an incomprehinsible tune. I don't know but I am too lazy to get out of the house. I refused going with my sister and her hubby for a 'Bisita Iglesia' last Thursday and again, to watch the prossesion earlier this evening. I slept out of boredom instead.

So far, I've had 35 hours of sleep, finished two full Taiwanese dramas (one with about 40 episodes!), finished one book, ate less than usual, consumed about a gallon of caffeine (in various forms) in the last two days. It's probably my sentiment of not being able to be somewhere / anywhere but here that is getting the best of me. I am not happy that I am just home this time. My feet are itching to go somewhere far but there's no place to go to and most of all, no one to go with. I am just so frustrated. And I hate me for being this way... for feeling this way.

I've spent some time trying to reflect on these things and why I am so bothered and so far, I am not making any progress. I've been trying to find a way to spend my Holy Week not wallowing and being upset. I think I've been over analyzing things and one small thought just snowballs into bigger complications. I just want peace of mind, that's all.

Then I thought, what the heck am I being bothered for when I am supposed to remember and commemorate Christ's sufferings and death and be thankful for I have been saved - all of us actually. I've got all the time to reflect on my sins, on my issues in life, and of what I have failed to do to make Christ's sacrifice all worth it. Probably, this is the best time for my own retreat. I don't really know what may come out of it but at least it feels like my cat's weight has somehow been lifted off my shoulders.

Good Read here.

Review: Antique Bakery (Korean Movie)

I am not a fan of yaoi or what they call a boy-boy manga for women. I am not even a fan of manga in general. I learn about them from watching j-doramas or the adoptations made by Koreans and Chinese dramas. And I must say, when I find a certain drama interesting, I am intrigued by its manga version and it makes me want to read it. My sister has a collection of some like Wallflower and the overrated but still my most favorite Hana Yori Dango (Boys Over Flowers). I browse but I don't read.

Bored through my wits this afternoon, I found myself browsing through mysoju.com for some movies I could watch. I don't know what's with my periodical cravings for Korean movies (or sometimes dramas); all I know is that I am learning quite a lot of Hangul because of it. I came across 'Antique Bakery' (Antique) and without a clue whatesoever of what it's about, I just clicked the link. I decided to watch it because it has Joo Ji Hoon (Princess Hours) and the tall and lanky Kim Jae Wook (Coffee Prince) in it. So, despite the very slow downloading because of my feeble internet connection, I desperately watched the movie amidst on and off buffering and the urge to shut my laptop. And I'm glad I did 'coz this is one heck of a movie. I am not gonna criticize it and compare it to the Japanese Live Action and even the manga which was created by Fumi Yoshinaga because I haven't seen both.

Antique Bakery (the Korean movie) tells the story of Kim Jin Hyeok (Ji Hoon), a cake shop owner who ironically hates sweets but has a dark past that holds the answer to this mystery; Min Seon Woo (Jae Wook) a gay patissier who's known for his 'demonic charm' and fancies Jin Hyeok since highschool; Yang Ki Beom (Yo Ah In), Seon Woo's apprentice who used to be a street punk and a boxer; and the klutzy Nam Soo Yeong (Choi Ji Ho).

At first, you'd think it's like Coffee Prince, with the owners (Ji Hoon and Gong Yoo in CP) being both serious, hot-tempered, have sad past that they're trying to overcome, have three 'side-kicks' and most importantly, gorgeous. =) But it's way different. Jin Hyeok was kidnapped when he was little and had very little memory of his abductor. All he remembers was that the kidnapper has a sweet tooth and fed him cakes every single day of his captivity. And this was what actually led him to open up a cake shop - to lure this person and eventually catch him. All the three others have issues of their own but the story centered on Jin Hyeok.

This is not your typical yaoi (because technically it isn't) and it has a lot of funny scenes (amid the heavy ones and all the drama) which made me laugh hard while rolling on my sides. And it showed the quirky and funny side of Ji Hoon - totally the opposite of what we saw in Princess Hours. Jae Wook, on the other hand, fits the role very well - a little bit different yet somehow similar to that 'Waffle Guy' that he portrayed in CP... cool, always composed and well, a bit 'gayish'.

What I love about the movie is its ability to make you laugh while thinking hard about the possibilities it could offer. Unlike the typical story line most korean movies have, this wouldn't make you cry in the end; it would make you want to dictate the ending and keep the story going.

I'll probably watch the jdrama version next. =)

Spitting fire days are over

Oopppsss I did it again.

I think I've genuinely offended someone again. I was insanely mad and not myself that I think I kind of snapped at the person (believe me it was really unintentional) and although at times, it feels like I have no heart, no conscience, it really is the opposite. When I'm back to the normal me, the thought about the 'Nazi Thet' haunts me until I feel so bad about it. Sometimes I really think I have split personality. I can only say sorry once it's over.

And now this person doesn't want to be friends with me anymore (erased me in all her friends' list... sorry, but that's a little extreme don't you think?) Not that we are friends but hey, it made me feel bad. =(

Moron's the word of the week

It's not even the middle of the week and I already want it so bad to be weekend!

There are such a lot of morons everywhere. Moron spitting at the curb while you're waiting for a cab. Moron trying to cut in the line in FX terminals. Moron trying to eye you from head to foot as if you're some kind of an extra terrestial that is worthy of a rude stare. Moron trying to suffocate you with that kick-nose stench of sweat and dirt so friggin' early in the morning. Moron who smokes cigarette in public transportation while choking all the other passengers. 'Moronness' tapping her filthy little filth while you're still using the can. Moronness denying you the change for a 500 peso bill when you just saw her mounds of smaller peso bills when she accidentally opened her register. Moron trying to mask their insecurities trying to act as a pathetic know-it-all. Moron being a total blabber mouth for a guy. Moron who laughs like a sissy girl. Moron who doesn't follow rules - especially MY rules. Moron talking all polite when he's actually bullsh*tting you on the inside.

And the biggest moron of them all - a pathetic arrogant sunovagun who thinks Harry Potter and Hogwarts happen in real life! This king moron is a big believer of things that he thinks money would pour in like a torrential rain when I snap my fingers or pick my nose. But mind you, the moron wouldn't budge his ass or do even the most trivial of things to help. He'd rather fry his balls on a million-dollar worth magic carpet.

The last time I checked I am definitely a muggle. JERK.

(apologies for the harsh words... my temper got the best of me)