I AM A CHARACTER IN MY OWN FICTION.

The pretty-crazy life of a late 20ish career-driven, quirky, Asian drama addict who thinks she's Holden Caulfield in real life.

Monday, June 15, 2009

You know when I'm like this.

I wish I could read people's minds. That way, I wouldn't have to guess and second guess and make my life as miserable as it already is. Where does patience and apathy meet? Can two people see eye to eye if one is extremely onion-skinned and the other one, just don't give a sh*t? (sorry)

How sorry can someone be when it doesn't actually show? How do you know if there's even a drop of guilt that is going through this person's head? You wake up, you feel bad, you feel sad, you sulk. And then you realize, today should be not like any other day... today shouldn't be another yesterday. Yet, the closer to reality you get, the more hesitant you become - you scurry back to your old pathetic self even before you can say 'Stop!'

Then comes the cold gaze, the unfathomable hatred that boils down from the most senseless of things. You are blindfolded, you become deaf and everything becomes stupid. Everything becomes a waste. There goes another day. Another hell of a day.

I don't know which is difficult - the impossibility of controlling things that tells us it takes more than three words to put things back in their place or this wall that keeps me on the other side. I want to destroy it, believe me. But can you give me a helping hand?

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