I came across this in Vanness Wu's blog and I know I got my answer =)
Sorry Lord, I lost myself again (!) for a while there. But I know you'd never let me. Feeling a little better and now I can sleep.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Work in progress
When at 1 in the morning, I am still wide awake, thoughts in shambles amid futile attempts to write some copies and wondering again for the -nth time why I am such a chaos...
I came across this in Vanness Wu's blog and I know I got my answer =)
Sorry Lord, I lost myself again (!) for a while there. But I know you'd never let me. Feeling a little better and now I can sleep.
I came across this in Vanness Wu's blog and I know I got my answer =)
Sorry Lord, I lost myself again (!) for a while there. But I know you'd never let me. Feeling a little better and now I can sleep.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
say what i need to say
but i've been so quiet these past few days that i, myself, am feeling tormented by the buzzing of my own thoughts that are meaning to come out and find their way into this blog.
i was busy. okay. lying through my retainered teeth.
yes, i am busy but that's only a quarter of why i wasn't present. i just feel lazy and i would never lie that it occurred to me a dozen times that i want a life away from the internet. i want everyday to be a life conceived far from the 'mongerers' in the cyberspace. but who am i kidding? practically every part of my soul was screaming 'bloooogggg!'and whoever reads my blog anyway? (hello!)
my last weekend was spent finishing reading 'Shadow of the Wind' (highly recommended!) and attempting to organize my thoughts to write an article for my mag... but to no avail... thanks to this pre-programmed lethargy. on weekends, i am the queen of the sloths - it hurts when i move.
and i am dying to embrace weekend once again (and it's not even the middle of the week). i've got a long list of 'to read' and 'to watch'. i haven't been hanging around outside that much these days. and forgive me, i sometimes really feel bad whenever it occurs to me that i have no idea how my friends are doing. it makes me feel useless and unwanted. on the contrary, it also makes me feel bad to always be that person bouncing around pestering everyone if they care to catch up.
i'm happy today. i received four packs of the elusive 'Shokubutsu' shower gel courtesy of a very thoughtful and generous friend from Singapore. 'Xie xie!' from the bottom of my heart. =)
these days, i choose to be happy and thankful for the littlest things.
i was busy. okay. lying through my retainered teeth.
yes, i am busy but that's only a quarter of why i wasn't present. i just feel lazy and i would never lie that it occurred to me a dozen times that i want a life away from the internet. i want everyday to be a life conceived far from the 'mongerers' in the cyberspace. but who am i kidding? practically every part of my soul was screaming 'bloooogggg!'and whoever reads my blog anyway? (hello!)
my last weekend was spent finishing reading 'Shadow of the Wind' (highly recommended!) and attempting to organize my thoughts to write an article for my mag... but to no avail... thanks to this pre-programmed lethargy. on weekends, i am the queen of the sloths - it hurts when i move.
and i am dying to embrace weekend once again (and it's not even the middle of the week). i've got a long list of 'to read' and 'to watch'. i haven't been hanging around outside that much these days. and forgive me, i sometimes really feel bad whenever it occurs to me that i have no idea how my friends are doing. it makes me feel useless and unwanted. on the contrary, it also makes me feel bad to always be that person bouncing around pestering everyone if they care to catch up.
i'm happy today. i received four packs of the elusive 'Shokubutsu' shower gel courtesy of a very thoughtful and generous friend from Singapore. 'Xie xie!' from the bottom of my heart. =)
these days, i choose to be happy and thankful for the littlest things.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
what smells?
I hate that I have an incredible, almost unbelievable, sense of smell. I was endowed with very sensitive olfactory nerves that I could literally smell a stink from a hundred feet away. I am always the first one to complain when some strange odor comes assaulting my senses. And so I give my testimony that there isn't a grain of truth when they say: 'Ang unang pumutak, siya ang umutot!'
And it's a nightmare, I tell you. Anything that smells bad instantly sends my temper rising; I easily get crossed and the next thing I know, I am ready to yell at some poor soul. Probably, it's normal but then again, my case is on the extreme side. I could actually picture the stink as if alive, taunting me and challenging my patience. I turn all loony.
As far as my fond recollections allow, I've almost gotten myself in a number of unsightly encounters because of this. It's like one of those illnesses where there is no cure, like a spot of bother that is ruining my perfect little image (no, not really). And who could remain calm when in your nice and peaceful world, you are rudely interrupted by a smell that could make the hobos of New York look like preppy yuppies?
What would you do if everyday of your forsaken life, you are trapped and there's just nothing you can do about it? Will you be bold enough to tell the 'source' that he smells like a dead rat or a basket full of onions and it's really offending you?
As you might guess, I am currently having this crisis but I think better not to elaborate on it. (I will get into major trouble.. shhh...)
And it's a nightmare, I tell you. Anything that smells bad instantly sends my temper rising; I easily get crossed and the next thing I know, I am ready to yell at some poor soul. Probably, it's normal but then again, my case is on the extreme side. I could actually picture the stink as if alive, taunting me and challenging my patience. I turn all loony.
As far as my fond recollections allow, I've almost gotten myself in a number of unsightly encounters because of this. It's like one of those illnesses where there is no cure, like a spot of bother that is ruining my perfect little image (no, not really). And who could remain calm when in your nice and peaceful world, you are rudely interrupted by a smell that could make the hobos of New York look like preppy yuppies?
What would you do if everyday of your forsaken life, you are trapped and there's just nothing you can do about it? Will you be bold enough to tell the 'source' that he smells like a dead rat or a basket full of onions and it's really offending you?
As you might guess, I am currently having this crisis but I think better not to elaborate on it. (I will get into major trouble.. shhh...)
Yesterday, all these happened.
The moment the clock struck 3pm, I was all set to go. I blame it on the weather – nice and sunny and no gray clouds wandering about the sky whatsoever. Obviously, I am bluffing. The weather is awful, extremely and unbearably hot! I am guessing 39 degrees! It’s not normal even for a country which is nearly wedged on the equator. My perpetual fanaticism for the day to end has got nothing to do with it really. But it has tons to do with the day being Monday and the fact that we all just came back from supposedly four-day bliss of being far (albeit not that far away) from work. I still mumble nonsense for being stuck at home, my feet all itching to climb mountains and soak in the sun’s glorious rays. Instead, I got to know my bed better – I was on it 72 out of 96 hours.
For someone that has a poor hearing, which is very well compensated by my bionic smelling ability, I could practically hear the ticking of my officemate’s watch. I could even hear the occasional swinging of the glass doors at the reception area and the funny sound that the door access makes when someone logs in and out. And somehow, I could tell if the one guarding the gates to my freedom already called it a day. Three became four and four became five and five became six. I forgot about the time when I had to accompany a colleague who’s visiting from overseas to have lunch when everyone has practically digested theirs. By the time we got back, the office is almost empty, except for some who finds enjoyment in staying until the sun’s no more. I was one of them and I am way past that. I realized life is not meant to live with a rope tied around your neck and a flimsy excuse to fall and kill yourself.
I had an epiphany while going down the steps of my favourite place in the world – the Rufino-Ayala Ave. underpass. Strange enough, that one-minute walk amidst a river of people is on top of the quietest moments of my everyday life. It’s like my mind instantly shuts off the noise like what happens in the movies – as if He who watches over us accidentally sat on the remote and hit the mute button. That is one full minute of pure peace. Once I reach the turning point towards the escalator, I am slapped back to reality.
I’ve always been fascinated on how the people in Hong Kong and in Singapore make use of their escalators and stairs. In these countries, where everything is moving twice or thrice as faster as we normally do here, slow motion is irreverence. You’d instantly feel that you don’t belong (not that we want to). They always seem to be in a hurry. So, if you’re in an escalator and you just want to stand and indulge in the moment, always, always stay on the right side. The left lane is for those who seem to have a rodent down their behinds and can’t wait to get rid of it. One time, my ignorance about this almost brought out the tigress in me. This moronic guy literally pushed me to the side as if to say ‘Stay out of the way’ and even before I could come up with an explosive retort, he was gone – lost amidst the crowd (they all look like him) at the MTR station. And so out of mere curiosity, I tried experimenting. One time, I pretended to be in a hurry and I had to say ‘Excuse Me’ a hundred times while literally jumping two steps at a time. They made way but they are pissed. And then another time, I stayed on the left lane, just stuck there not moving an inch and blocking the way and nobody cared. Darn, why are we so laid back? It’s not a complain but an expression of awe, mind you.
Rush hour. One of those moments where I wish I took that rope instead ‘coz it’s near suicidal. This is one of those rare occasions where I use my power to snag a seat in the jeepney amidst all the commotion. Being small and quick, that is. And I don’t care one bit if the person before me smells like a rubber tire; I can always hold my breath.
What truly annoys me in that 15-20 minute ride home is the lousy music that’s playing on the background. Yesterday’s treats were ‘Temple of the King’, ‘Skyline Pigeon’ and ‘The Leader of the Band’. Santisima! The icing on the cake was my ‘seatmate’ who seemed to know all three songs by heart and decided to sing along for everyone’s amusement (or derailment?). And since we were pretty crammed in there, she was almost singing to my ears. Believe me, I summoned every patience and the remnants of it in my bones to prevent myself from blurting out something not nice. What is it with people singing in public? I really don’t get it.
For someone that has a poor hearing, which is very well compensated by my bionic smelling ability, I could practically hear the ticking of my officemate’s watch. I could even hear the occasional swinging of the glass doors at the reception area and the funny sound that the door access makes when someone logs in and out. And somehow, I could tell if the one guarding the gates to my freedom already called it a day. Three became four and four became five and five became six. I forgot about the time when I had to accompany a colleague who’s visiting from overseas to have lunch when everyone has practically digested theirs. By the time we got back, the office is almost empty, except for some who finds enjoyment in staying until the sun’s no more. I was one of them and I am way past that. I realized life is not meant to live with a rope tied around your neck and a flimsy excuse to fall and kill yourself.
I had an epiphany while going down the steps of my favourite place in the world – the Rufino-Ayala Ave. underpass. Strange enough, that one-minute walk amidst a river of people is on top of the quietest moments of my everyday life. It’s like my mind instantly shuts off the noise like what happens in the movies – as if He who watches over us accidentally sat on the remote and hit the mute button. That is one full minute of pure peace. Once I reach the turning point towards the escalator, I am slapped back to reality.
I’ve always been fascinated on how the people in Hong Kong and in Singapore make use of their escalators and stairs. In these countries, where everything is moving twice or thrice as faster as we normally do here, slow motion is irreverence. You’d instantly feel that you don’t belong (not that we want to). They always seem to be in a hurry. So, if you’re in an escalator and you just want to stand and indulge in the moment, always, always stay on the right side. The left lane is for those who seem to have a rodent down their behinds and can’t wait to get rid of it. One time, my ignorance about this almost brought out the tigress in me. This moronic guy literally pushed me to the side as if to say ‘Stay out of the way’ and even before I could come up with an explosive retort, he was gone – lost amidst the crowd (they all look like him) at the MTR station. And so out of mere curiosity, I tried experimenting. One time, I pretended to be in a hurry and I had to say ‘Excuse Me’ a hundred times while literally jumping two steps at a time. They made way but they are pissed. And then another time, I stayed on the left lane, just stuck there not moving an inch and blocking the way and nobody cared. Darn, why are we so laid back? It’s not a complain but an expression of awe, mind you.
Rush hour. One of those moments where I wish I took that rope instead ‘coz it’s near suicidal. This is one of those rare occasions where I use my power to snag a seat in the jeepney amidst all the commotion. Being small and quick, that is. And I don’t care one bit if the person before me smells like a rubber tire; I can always hold my breath.
What truly annoys me in that 15-20 minute ride home is the lousy music that’s playing on the background. Yesterday’s treats were ‘Temple of the King’, ‘Skyline Pigeon’ and ‘The Leader of the Band’. Santisima! The icing on the cake was my ‘seatmate’ who seemed to know all three songs by heart and decided to sing along for everyone’s amusement (or derailment?). And since we were pretty crammed in there, she was almost singing to my ears. Believe me, I summoned every patience and the remnants of it in my bones to prevent myself from blurting out something not nice. What is it with people singing in public? I really don’t get it.
Monday, April 13, 2009
FanMode: Awww, my 'Lloydie!'
Sorry, I can't help it!
This is probably one of my most jolog moments in the history of blogging and I am not ashamed... hehe... Whatta perfect way to end my night than watch 'Lloydie' exploiting what's left of my so-called rational dignity with his melt-your-heart smile.
OMG!
Cheers to this once-in-a-black-hole fanmode indulgence. 
(Blame 'You Changed My Life' for this)
v(^_^)v
Friday, April 10, 2009
A sudden U-turn
A full ten minutes before 'Good Friday' ends and 'Black Saturday' comes and I'm still awake (the only one as everybody hit the sack three hours ago), wondering for the -nth time what I have got to do. I am not yet sleepy and I'm torn as to how I could spend this tranquility - finish that book I've been reading, just surf the net, watch a movie / korean soap / j-dorama, or just lie in bed and try to make out figures from the stains on my ceiling.
I am convinced I have wasted two whole days of this 'vacation' doing nothing, if not, senseless things. I wasn't even much of a help during my mom's yearly 'pabasa'. I was just here in my room the whole time while, (if I may call it this) the 'festivity' downstairs' was on-going. I've never been used to many people going in and out of our house, food overflowing on the table, my pop looking harrassed while in-charge of cooking, a throng of my mom's friends arriving from who knows where and staying not too long, WonBin barking at 100 decibels every five seconds scaring the wits out of our visitors and the... how to call it... the sound of (?) people singing the 'pasyon' outside with an incomprehinsible tune. I don't know but I am too lazy to get out of the house. I refused going with my sister and her hubby for a 'Bisita Iglesia' last Thursday and again, to watch the prossesion earlier this evening. I slept out of boredom instead.
So far, I've had 35 hours of sleep, finished two full Taiwanese dramas (one with about 40 episodes!), finished one book, ate less than usual, consumed about a gallon of caffeine (in various forms) in the last two days. It's probably my sentiment of not being able to be somewhere / anywhere but here that is getting the best of me. I am not happy that I am just home this time. My feet are itching to go somewhere far but there's no place to go to and most of all, no one to go with. I am just so frustrated. And I hate me for being this way... for feeling this way.
I've spent some time trying to reflect on these things and why I am so bothered and so far, I am not making any progress. I've been trying to find a way to spend my Holy Week not wallowing and being upset. I think I've been over analyzing things and one small thought just snowballs into bigger complications. I just want peace of mind, that's all.
Then I thought, what the heck am I being bothered for when I am supposed to remember and commemorate Christ's sufferings and death and be thankful for I have been saved - all of us actually. I've got all the time to reflect on my sins, on my issues in life, and of what I have failed to do to make Christ's sacrifice all worth it. Probably, this is the best time for my own retreat. I don't really know what may come out of it but at least it feels like my cat's weight has somehow been lifted off my shoulders.
Good Read here.
I am convinced I have wasted two whole days of this 'vacation' doing nothing, if not, senseless things. I wasn't even much of a help during my mom's yearly 'pabasa'. I was just here in my room the whole time while, (if I may call it this) the 'festivity' downstairs' was on-going. I've never been used to many people going in and out of our house, food overflowing on the table, my pop looking harrassed while in-charge of cooking, a throng of my mom's friends arriving from who knows where and staying not too long, WonBin barking at 100 decibels every five seconds scaring the wits out of our visitors and the... how to call it... the sound of (?) people singing the 'pasyon' outside with an incomprehinsible tune. I don't know but I am too lazy to get out of the house. I refused going with my sister and her hubby for a 'Bisita Iglesia' last Thursday and again, to watch the prossesion earlier this evening. I slept out of boredom instead.
So far, I've had 35 hours of sleep, finished two full Taiwanese dramas (one with about 40 episodes!), finished one book, ate less than usual, consumed about a gallon of caffeine (in various forms) in the last two days. It's probably my sentiment of not being able to be somewhere / anywhere but here that is getting the best of me. I am not happy that I am just home this time. My feet are itching to go somewhere far but there's no place to go to and most of all, no one to go with. I am just so frustrated. And I hate me for being this way... for feeling this way.
I've spent some time trying to reflect on these things and why I am so bothered and so far, I am not making any progress. I've been trying to find a way to spend my Holy Week not wallowing and being upset. I think I've been over analyzing things and one small thought just snowballs into bigger complications. I just want peace of mind, that's all.Then I thought, what the heck am I being bothered for when I am supposed to remember and commemorate Christ's sufferings and death and be thankful for I have been saved - all of us actually. I've got all the time to reflect on my sins, on my issues in life, and of what I have failed to do to make Christ's sacrifice all worth it. Probably, this is the best time for my own retreat. I don't really know what may come out of it but at least it feels like my cat's weight has somehow been lifted off my shoulders.
Good Read here.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Review: Antique Bakery (Korean Movie)
I am not a fan of yaoi or what they call a boy-boy manga for women. I am not even a fan of manga in general. I learn about them from watching j-doramas or the adoptations made by Koreans and Chinese dramas. And I must say, when I find a certain drama interesting, I am intrigued by its manga version and it makes me want to read it. My sister has a collection of some like Wallflower and the overrated but still my most favorite Hana Yori Dango (Boys Over Flowers). I browse but I don't read.
Bored through my wits this afternoon, I found myself browsing through mysoju.com for some movies I could watch. I don't know what's with my periodical cravings for Korean movies (or sometimes dramas); all I know is that I am learning quite a lot of Hangul because of it. I came across 'Antique Bakery' (Antique) and without a clue whatesoever of what it's about, I just clicked the link. I decided to watch it because it has Joo Ji Hoon (Princess Hours) and the tall and lanky Kim Jae Wook (Coffee Prince) in it. So, despite the very slow downloading because of my feeble internet connection, I desperately watched the movie amidst on and off buffering and the urge to shut my laptop. And I'm glad I did 'coz this is one heck of a movie. I am not gonna criticize it and compare it to the Japanese Live Action and even the manga which was created by Fumi Yoshinaga because I haven't seen both.
Antique Bakery (the Korean movie) tells the story of Kim Jin Hyeok (Ji Hoon), a cake shop owner who ironically hates sweets but has a dark past that holds the answer to this mystery; Min Seon Woo (Jae Wook) a gay patissier who's known for his 'demonic charm' and fancies Jin Hyeok since highschool; Yang Ki Beom (Yo Ah In), Seon Woo's apprentice who used to be a street punk and a boxer; and the klutzy Nam Soo Yeong (Choi Ji Ho).
At first, you'd think it's like Coffee Prince, with the owners (Ji Hoon and Gong Yoo in CP) being both serious, hot-tempered, have sad past that they're trying to overcome, have three 'side-kicks' and most importantly, gorgeous. =) But it's way different. Jin Hyeok was kidnapped when he was little and had very little memory of his abductor. All he remembers was that the kidnapper has a sweet tooth and fed him cakes every single day of his captivity. And this was what actually led him to open up a cake shop - to lure this person and eventually catch him. All the three others have issues of their own but the story centered on Jin Hyeok.
This is not your typical yaoi (because technically it isn't) and it has a lot of funny scenes (amid the heavy ones and all the drama) which made me laugh hard while rolling on my sides. And it showed the quirky and funny side of Ji Hoon - totally the opposite of what we saw in Princess Hours. Jae Wook, on the other hand, fits the role very well - a little bit different yet somehow similar to that 'Waffle Guy' that he portrayed in CP... cool, always composed and well, a bit 'gayish'.
What I love about the movie is its ability to make you laugh while thinking hard about the possibilities it could offer. Unlike the typical story line most korean movies have, this wouldn't make you cry in the end; it would make you want to dictate the ending and keep the story going.
I'll probably watch the jdrama version next. =)
Bored through my wits this afternoon, I found myself browsing through mysoju.com for some movies I could watch. I don't know what's with my periodical cravings for Korean movies (or sometimes dramas); all I know is that I am learning quite a lot of Hangul because of it. I came across 'Antique Bakery' (Antique) and without a clue whatesoever of what it's about, I just clicked the link. I decided to watch it because it has Joo Ji Hoon (Princess Hours) and the tall and lanky Kim Jae Wook (Coffee Prince) in it. So, despite the very slow downloading because of my feeble internet connection, I desperately watched the movie amidst on and off buffering and the urge to shut my laptop. And I'm glad I did 'coz this is one heck of a movie. I am not gonna criticize it and compare it to the Japanese Live Action and even the manga which was created by Fumi Yoshinaga because I haven't seen both.
Antique Bakery (the Korean movie) tells the story of Kim Jin Hyeok (Ji Hoon), a cake shop owner who ironically hates sweets but has a dark past that holds the answer to this mystery; Min Seon Woo (Jae Wook) a gay patissier who's known for his 'demonic charm' and fancies Jin Hyeok since highschool; Yang Ki Beom (Yo Ah In), Seon Woo's apprentice who used to be a street punk and a boxer; and the klutzy Nam Soo Yeong (Choi Ji Ho).At first, you'd think it's like Coffee Prince, with the owners (Ji Hoon and Gong Yoo in CP) being both serious, hot-tempered, have sad past that they're trying to overcome, have three 'side-kicks' and most importantly, gorgeous. =) But it's way different. Jin Hyeok was kidnapped when he was little and had very little memory of his abductor. All he remembers was that the kidnapper has a sweet tooth and fed him cakes every single day of his captivity. And this was what actually led him to open up a cake shop - to lure this person and eventually catch him. All the three others have issues of their own but the story centered on Jin Hyeok.
This is not your typical yaoi (because technically it isn't) and it has a lot of funny scenes (amid the heavy ones and all the drama) which made me laugh hard while rolling on my sides. And it showed the quirky and funny side of Ji Hoon - totally the opposite of what we saw in Princess Hours. Jae Wook, on the other hand, fits the role very well - a little bit different yet somehow similar to that 'Waffle Guy' that he portrayed in CP... cool, always composed and well, a bit 'gayish'.What I love about the movie is its ability to make you laugh while thinking hard about the possibilities it could offer. Unlike the typical story line most korean movies have, this wouldn't make you cry in the end; it would make you want to dictate the ending and keep the story going.
I'll probably watch the jdrama version next. =)
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Spitting fire days are over
Oopppsss I did it again.
I think I've genuinely offended someone again. I was insanely mad and not myself that I think I kind of snapped at the person (believe me it was really unintentional) and although at times, it feels like I have no heart, no conscience, it really is the opposite. When I'm back to the normal me, the thought about the 'Nazi Thet' haunts me until I feel so bad about it. Sometimes I really think I have split personality. I can only say sorry once it's over.
And now this person doesn't want to be friends with me anymore (erased me in all her friends' list... sorry, but that's a little extreme don't you think?) Not that we are friends but hey, it made me feel bad. =(
I think I've genuinely offended someone again. I was insanely mad and not myself that I think I kind of snapped at the person (believe me it was really unintentional) and although at times, it feels like I have no heart, no conscience, it really is the opposite. When I'm back to the normal me, the thought about the 'Nazi Thet' haunts me until I feel so bad about it. Sometimes I really think I have split personality. I can only say sorry once it's over.
And now this person doesn't want to be friends with me anymore (erased me in all her friends' list... sorry, but that's a little extreme don't you think?) Not that we are friends but hey, it made me feel bad. =(
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Moron's the word of the week
It's not even the middle of the week and I already want it so bad to be weekend!
There are such a lot of morons everywhere. Moron spitting at the curb while you're waiting for a cab. Moron trying to cut in the line in FX terminals. Moron trying to eye you from head to foot as if you're some kind of an extra terrestial that is worthy of a rude stare. Moron trying to suffocate you with that kick-nose stench of sweat and dirt so friggin' early in the morning. Moron who smokes cigarette in public transportation while choking all the other passengers. 'Moronness' tapping her filthy little filth while you're still using the can. Moronness denying you the change for a 500 peso bill when you just saw her mounds of smaller peso bills when she accidentally opened her register. Moron trying to mask their insecurities trying to act as a pathetic know-it-all. Moron being a total blabber mouth for a guy. Moron who laughs like a sissy girl. Moron who doesn't follow rules - especially MY rules. Moron talking all polite when he's actually bullsh*tting you on the inside.
And the biggest moron of them all - a pathetic arrogant sunovagun who thinks Harry Potter and Hogwarts happen in real life! This king moron is a big believer of things that he thinks money would pour in like a torrential rain when I snap my fingers or pick my nose. But mind you, the moron wouldn't budge his ass or do even the most trivial of things to help. He'd rather fry his balls on a million-dollar worth magic carpet.
The last time I checked I am definitely a muggle. JERK.
(apologies for the harsh words... my temper got the best of me)
There are such a lot of morons everywhere. Moron spitting at the curb while you're waiting for a cab. Moron trying to cut in the line in FX terminals. Moron trying to eye you from head to foot as if you're some kind of an extra terrestial that is worthy of a rude stare. Moron trying to suffocate you with that kick-nose stench of sweat and dirt so friggin' early in the morning. Moron who smokes cigarette in public transportation while choking all the other passengers. 'Moronness' tapping her filthy little filth while you're still using the can. Moronness denying you the change for a 500 peso bill when you just saw her mounds of smaller peso bills when she accidentally opened her register. Moron trying to mask their insecurities trying to act as a pathetic know-it-all. Moron being a total blabber mouth for a guy. Moron who laughs like a sissy girl. Moron who doesn't follow rules - especially MY rules. Moron talking all polite when he's actually bullsh*tting you on the inside.
And the biggest moron of them all - a pathetic arrogant sunovagun who thinks Harry Potter and Hogwarts happen in real life! This king moron is a big believer of things that he thinks money would pour in like a torrential rain when I snap my fingers or pick my nose. But mind you, the moron wouldn't budge his ass or do even the most trivial of things to help. He'd rather fry his balls on a million-dollar worth magic carpet.
The last time I checked I am definitely a muggle. JERK.
(apologies for the harsh words... my temper got the best of me)
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Heart beating (sometimes it needs a good whipping!)
When I was a sophomore in college, I remember writing all the names of the guys whom I like, who likes me back, who I was linked to (some I don't even know or knows me) and I think I had quite a long list. Looking back at that, I'd say where have all these boys gone? Well, considering the fact that I've been single ever since I can remember.
Well, this 'exercise' if I may call it that was something I've done at a whim. Probably to somehow reassure myself that I was a completely normal likable teenager. And it was actually kind of embarrassing doing that, trying to come up with some kind of a proof. But honestly when you are at 17, no matter how straight your thinking can be, there are times when you think about...well, boys.
Ten years after, I still think about them. Yes, once in a while between emails and coffee breaks. I am thinking about those guys who came and went, some of them leaving me pretty valuable lessons. Some of them sending me bouts of gagging and wincing.
But the part that I love the most is when I am thinking about that one particular person who could (would?) make me smile at the mere thought of him. That no matter what he does, nothing would seem to change the way I feel about him. That between us, there are no happy beginnings nor sad endings. That the moment he invade my thoughts, there is no stopping. That it is an undeniable fact that I miss him every single minute of every single day. Heck, I even miss him even when he's around. That a simple glance can send ripples of shock waves to my blood streams.
Funny, you would think that I have fallen in-love.
But sadly, I haven't "met" this guy yet.
This song has something to do with my momentary 'cheezy' mood:
Well, this 'exercise' if I may call it that was something I've done at a whim. Probably to somehow reassure myself that I was a completely normal likable teenager. And it was actually kind of embarrassing doing that, trying to come up with some kind of a proof. But honestly when you are at 17, no matter how straight your thinking can be, there are times when you think about...well, boys.
Ten years after, I still think about them. Yes, once in a while between emails and coffee breaks. I am thinking about those guys who came and went, some of them leaving me pretty valuable lessons. Some of them sending me bouts of gagging and wincing.
But the part that I love the most is when I am thinking about that one particular person who could (would?) make me smile at the mere thought of him. That no matter what he does, nothing would seem to change the way I feel about him. That between us, there are no happy beginnings nor sad endings. That the moment he invade my thoughts, there is no stopping. That it is an undeniable fact that I miss him every single minute of every single day. Heck, I even miss him even when he's around. That a simple glance can send ripples of shock waves to my blood streams.
Funny, you would think that I have fallen in-love.
But sadly, I haven't "met" this guy yet.
This song has something to do with my momentary 'cheezy' mood:
Thursday, March 26, 2009
At the spur of the moment
How ironic, I think. Tall skyscrapers are blocking this only view of serenity from my office window.
The white clouds are at a losing end, yet still fighting. I am rooting for them. I hate the gloom. I have this crazy notion that more often than not, the weather dictates my mood. And this morning is a testimony. I woke up all cranky at the sound of the rain lashing at my window. It was an angry pour and I was as mad as hell.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
An-niong i kha-sae yo Oppa Jae Won! =(
My 'ngangabunch' is going on his mandatory military service for two years! I have to go cold turkey 'coz I wouldn't see him doing movies / soaps / no nothing on the Korean tube for quite a while. Oh, well...
Found this news on dramabeans.com:
Army duty calls for Kim Jae Won
Found this news on dramabeans.com:
Army duty calls for Kim Jae Won
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
27 candles
I was supposed to blow this number of candles to celebrate my life in all the years that I've been here - struggling, trying very hard to make a sense out of it. This year, as I am one step closer to the last digits of the calendar, I think now I get it. =)
I had another yet simple means to celebrate this borrowed life and remind myself that I am truly blessed to be enjoying what God's creation has to offer... flu - and all sorts of illness I didn't know I have - and all.
Yes, I am still sick. Ever since my muscles were beaten black and blue at last Sunday's activity and the three-day visit from mr. nasty flu virus, I've been suffering from stomach pains and I am still chickening out to see a doctor to my father's dismay. I don't know why but I just don't want to.
Anyway, I think I have a lot to be thankful for this year even though at times, I am almost convinced that I am stagnant and nothing special ever happens. I haven't done anything about my 'plans' yet; I haven't bought something that I would really call an investment; I haven't enrolled in anything that would give me new learning. But now that I think about it, a lot of things have in fact, came my way that in one way or another brought me joy and pain, made me feel loved and needed (and sometimes hated), and other realizations which proves that hey, I am actually human. And the blessings just keep on coming more than the occasional 'sad' moments which I always thought would be the end of me.
I don't know yet but I think I am heading the right direction. Wish me luck!
And for my 27 candles, this is what I am thankful for: (not in order - 'coz I am still trying to have a sense of it)
1. My faith in my God, my savior still being in-tact and the thirst to know Him more.
2. Mom and pop still together after all the years of bickering (and I know the fact that they are one of those rare couples who are still in-love *gagging*)
3. My friends, though not too many, who are always right around the bend, ready to share and to listen.
4. I love my job (you know what I mean by this!)
5. I am earning sufficiently thus, I can help my family.
6. I am not that healthy and I tend to get sick easily but here I am, still alive =)
7. The mornings when I open my eyes and realize that I have another chance to witness a miracle.
8. The people around me who, without their knowledge, are giving me life's greatest lessons.
9. My living and breathing stuffed toys / stress-reliever - our pets Miyo Kun and WonBin-shi.
10. I am too young to be an EIC but who cares, I am embracing the responsibility.
11. NFF! (new found friends)
12. My music which sometimes tells me exactly what to do.
13. My coffee indulgence everyday.
14. That I get to visit places (albeit occasional)
15. That I 'speak' through writing =)
16. People who never forgets.
17. my internet connection. (haha... sorry, but I really am thankful for it!)
18. The mistakes I made from which I learned.
19. The bruises that have healed and those which are just mending.
20. That I am loved and cared for and I feel that it is truly overwhelming.
21. That I am capable of loving and forgiving.
22. I am no longer angry...(err.. still workin' on it but gettin' there)
23. My kuya and ate who are practically my 'horcruxes' =)
24. A place that I can call home (kahit na lagi kong nilalayasan)
25. The realization that the world is not as harsh as it seems.
26. The quiet moments with myself.
27. The scary but altogether exciting tomorrow. =)
v(^_^)v
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Sick again!
I still feel a little funny. I still feel nauseous whenever I stand up and I still get a huge kick whenever I attempt watching television or looking at my laptop's monitor. (Note: I look like a complete git as I am wearing my sunglasses while typing this).
It really sucks to be sick. I was mostly horizontal than vertical in the last three days. And the worst part of it - I haven't had a decent meal (and a bath!) although I've been having quick sponge baths to my mom's dismay.
I guess, I really got it from the running thing. Forget about being a pro... pros don't get sick. Argh.
It makes me feel bad being sick a day before I turn older. It makes me feel older and helpless and... older. Single and older. Ayshh.
I guess I need to rest (again!) if I want to get well for real.
Goodnight y'all.
It really sucks to be sick. I was mostly horizontal than vertical in the last three days. And the worst part of it - I haven't had a decent meal (and a bath!) although I've been having quick sponge baths to my mom's dismay.
I guess, I really got it from the running thing. Forget about being a pro... pros don't get sick. Argh.
It makes me feel bad being sick a day before I turn older. It makes me feel older and helpless and... older. Single and older. Ayshh.
I guess I need to rest (again!) if I want to get well for real.
Goodnight y'all.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Running like a pro for Mother Earth (Takbo Para Sa Kalikasan 2009)
I barely slept two hours and I already had to wake up at the sound of my sister's voice calling from outside my window at 2:30 in the morning. Right, it was the 'Takbo Para Sa Kalikasan' day and we had to be at the Quirino Grandstand by 4 in the morning. Which pissed a little part of me when I learned that the actual run wouldn't happen until 6am. I should've slept more.
And so, a few minutes before 4am, I was already ogling Rizal's statue at Luneta and having my photo taken at the Kilometer-0 mark. It was still very dark and yet, there were surprisingly some crowd gathering here and there - some families who would probably spend their day in Luneta and some joining the run.
The program started at dusk and while half the world was still probably in slumber, the grandstand was already full of people - about a thousand or so - dancing and prancing to the sound of two (or more) amazingly large boom boxes. The scene reminded me a little of Raon and Recto. I have never seen so many guys in very short running shorts already bordering on skimpy that looking at them actually harrasses me at a certain point. There were all sorts of people - families, friends and peers, the coast guards and the police forces, government officials, and TV personalities (not star struck this time!) such as the likes of vice president Noli De Castro, Cory Quirino and Ted Failon.
A stocky guy... scratch that... gay, led the warm ups which appeared more like dancing-while-on-drugs as it required the shameless thrusting of your hips and of your torso more than the normal stretching. But the runners looked like they were having the time of their lives so, why not? I decided I'll take photos instead.
The runners were divided into three groups based on the distance that they would be completing - 3 km (up to Pedro Gil and back), 5km (up to Quirino Ave. and back) and 10 km (Cuneta Astrodome and back). Since the start and finishing points were at the grandstand, we just had to go around after reaching the designated marks. My sister registered us at the 5km line and I had the sudden notion that I would be going back in an ambulance. I am not a very sporty person and I haven't had exercise in a long time. I don't do morning jogging, I don't do yoga and I am even too lazy these days to do some stretching and sit ups on my own bed. And so it wasn't really a surprise that even before we got pass the mighty cow statue, I was running out of breath and my legs felt funny already.
But overwhelmed by the fact that this was my first time to join a marathon, I vowed to finish the course no matter what. And so, I ended up running-slash-brisk walking-slash-plain walking on my own (since my sister stops every ten seconds). By the time I reached the 3km mark, I was almost tempted to cheat and turn around to go back. But I was too eager to prove something to myself and beat the lazy and the weak Thet in me. So despite the growing pain on my side (apendix almost raptured), the leg cramps, the shortness of breath and panting, and the occassional unsolicited side comments from some rowdies who were running alongside of me, I finished the course. Yey! My reward? Two bottles of Mineral water, a bottle of Pocari Sweat (which I didn't take because it practically tastes like, well, sweat!), a dry hotdog sandwich (from my sister's team) and a pair of legs which refuse to work & walk normally. I was too hungry and I ache all over (especially my left hip) but I was too happy and pleased with myself. Plus, I ate / drank Taho and at that time, it's the most delicious food I ever tasted. My sister came after a few minutes looking dead beat tired as hell as me. The marathon and the program ended around 8:30.
Since we were already in Luneta and that was our first time again in years to visit the place, we decided to walk or more like limp around the park. Wow, it surely is chaotic on a Sunday. There were all sorts of people doing all sorts of activities - dance aerobics, taichi, kite flying, picnic, lounging around on the grass (which smells like dog poo), playing badminton, playing chess, people watching, sleeping... seemed like everybody is busy being themselves and it felt nice to see that. We went inside this Chinese Garden which, yea, looked like the hang out place of chairman Mao and Confucius during their time. We walked some more around the fountains, took some more photos despite my protesting camera being almost battery empty, indulged in the beauty of Manila's morning (and surprisingly clear) skyline, and finally hailed a cab home.
I had fun doing this activity and I am looking forward for more. Probably next time, I'll go climbing the mountains to plant some trees. =)
More photos here.
And so, a few minutes before 4am, I was already ogling Rizal's statue at Luneta and having my photo taken at the Kilometer-0 mark. It was still very dark and yet, there were surprisingly some crowd gathering here and there - some families who would probably spend their day in Luneta and some joining the run.
The program started at dusk and while half the world was still probably in slumber, the grandstand was already full of people - about a thousand or so - dancing and prancing to the sound of two (or more) amazingly large boom boxes. The scene reminded me a little of Raon and Recto. I have never seen so many guys in very short running shorts already bordering on skimpy that looking at them actually harrasses me at a certain point. There were all sorts of people - families, friends and peers, the coast guards and the police forces, government officials, and TV personalities (not star struck this time!) such as the likes of vice president Noli De Castro, Cory Quirino and Ted Failon.
A stocky guy... scratch that... gay, led the warm ups which appeared more like dancing-while-on-drugs as it required the shameless thrusting of your hips and of your torso more than the normal stretching. But the runners looked like they were having the time of their lives so, why not? I decided I'll take photos instead.
The runners were divided into three groups based on the distance that they would be completing - 3 km (up to Pedro Gil and back), 5km (up to Quirino Ave. and back) and 10 km (Cuneta Astrodome and back). Since the start and finishing points were at the grandstand, we just had to go around after reaching the designated marks. My sister registered us at the 5km line and I had the sudden notion that I would be going back in an ambulance. I am not a very sporty person and I haven't had exercise in a long time. I don't do morning jogging, I don't do yoga and I am even too lazy these days to do some stretching and sit ups on my own bed. And so it wasn't really a surprise that even before we got pass the mighty cow statue, I was running out of breath and my legs felt funny already.
But overwhelmed by the fact that this was my first time to join a marathon, I vowed to finish the course no matter what. And so, I ended up running-slash-brisk walking-slash-plain walking on my own (since my sister stops every ten seconds). By the time I reached the 3km mark, I was almost tempted to cheat and turn around to go back. But I was too eager to prove something to myself and beat the lazy and the weak Thet in me. So despite the growing pain on my side (apendix almost raptured), the leg cramps, the shortness of breath and panting, and the occassional unsolicited side comments from some rowdies who were running alongside of me, I finished the course. Yey! My reward? Two bottles of Mineral water, a bottle of Pocari Sweat (which I didn't take because it practically tastes like, well, sweat!), a dry hotdog sandwich (from my sister's team) and a pair of legs which refuse to work & walk normally. I was too hungry and I ache all over (especially my left hip) but I was too happy and pleased with myself. Plus, I ate / drank Taho and at that time, it's the most delicious food I ever tasted. My sister came after a few minutes looking dead beat tired as hell as me. The marathon and the program ended around 8:30.
Since we were already in Luneta and that was our first time again in years to visit the place, we decided to walk or more like limp around the park. Wow, it surely is chaotic on a Sunday. There were all sorts of people doing all sorts of activities - dance aerobics, taichi, kite flying, picnic, lounging around on the grass (which smells like dog poo), playing badminton, playing chess, people watching, sleeping... seemed like everybody is busy being themselves and it felt nice to see that. We went inside this Chinese Garden which, yea, looked like the hang out place of chairman Mao and Confucius during their time. We walked some more around the fountains, took some more photos despite my protesting camera being almost battery empty, indulged in the beauty of Manila's morning (and surprisingly clear) skyline, and finally hailed a cab home.
I had fun doing this activity and I am looking forward for more. Probably next time, I'll go climbing the mountains to plant some trees. =)
More photos here.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
In mourning
It's amazing how death can make you realize how wonderful life is, albeit borrowed.
Some photos taken during my uncle's funeral... I didn't like to put the sad ones though. I wanted to remember him as the cheerful and strong guy who lived his life providing for his family.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
I want to do away with the MEAN in me.
Today I tried not to be angry.
I just had a sudden realization that I've been torn away from my happy self for who knows how long already and it is causing me nothing else but misery. I used to be that person who can laugh as if it was the last and spend the day just being nice. I can't even recall when I started being a monster. Six months ago? One year? Two years?
Yes, I used to be nice. I was way far from the mean person that I am right now. I always have a smile on my face and I can be cheered even by the most 'corny' remarks that you could think of. A cup of coffee could make my day along with a nod / nudge from a friend.
I was happy.
Now, thinking about how I miss that pure happiness makes me want to cry. What happened to me?
I was too immersed in my own web, not thinking about others. I became a little superficial and arrogant. I felt that if others didn't need me in their lives, why the hell would I need them in mine? Only to find out that life will not be complete with only you alone in it. I became the 'mighty snapper'. I'd snap at anyone who crosses my path (especially at work) and bring out that shield - the invisible armor - with a creeping paranoia that others would probably want to get close and be friends now but they will leave even before I blink. I guess I was just tired letting people in my life and missing them too much when they are gone. But nobody says they are; I just thought that.
Now I realized, I am shutting people out even before they come in my life. That's the sad part. And I want to change that. It's difficult to say but I will try it. I will be happy again.
I just had a sudden realization that I've been torn away from my happy self for who knows how long already and it is causing me nothing else but misery. I used to be that person who can laugh as if it was the last and spend the day just being nice. I can't even recall when I started being a monster. Six months ago? One year? Two years?
Yes, I used to be nice. I was way far from the mean person that I am right now. I always have a smile on my face and I can be cheered even by the most 'corny' remarks that you could think of. A cup of coffee could make my day along with a nod / nudge from a friend.
I was happy.
Now, thinking about how I miss that pure happiness makes me want to cry. What happened to me?
I was too immersed in my own web, not thinking about others. I became a little superficial and arrogant. I felt that if others didn't need me in their lives, why the hell would I need them in mine? Only to find out that life will not be complete with only you alone in it. I became the 'mighty snapper'. I'd snap at anyone who crosses my path (especially at work) and bring out that shield - the invisible armor - with a creeping paranoia that others would probably want to get close and be friends now but they will leave even before I blink. I guess I was just tired letting people in my life and missing them too much when they are gone. But nobody says they are; I just thought that.
Now I realized, I am shutting people out even before they come in my life. That's the sad part. And I want to change that. It's difficult to say but I will try it. I will be happy again.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
When is 'good enough' good?
Where is that thin line separating 'good enough' from 'extraordinary'?
This person I know said it's there, barely visible and often goes unnoticed - especially by people who limit themselves and refuse to go over the boundary.
But what if, extraordinary is an oxymoron of life and I choose not to be anywhere near it? Extraordinary is not 'good' at all times. It is pretentious; a coward hiding behind the facet of power. Extraordinary is arrogant, boastful and proud. It shines the brightest and it tends to blind people.
I don't like anything extraordinary. No, scratch that... I hate extraordinary.
'Good enough', on the other hand, is an old tale that rots with history. Sadly. Those who are JUST 'good enough' are forgotten. But they are, to my belief, those who lived life to its fullest. 'Good enough' is meek and humble but is never lazy.
It is contented - the way people should be.
This person I know said it's there, barely visible and often goes unnoticed - especially by people who limit themselves and refuse to go over the boundary.
But what if, extraordinary is an oxymoron of life and I choose not to be anywhere near it? Extraordinary is not 'good' at all times. It is pretentious; a coward hiding behind the facet of power. Extraordinary is arrogant, boastful and proud. It shines the brightest and it tends to blind people.
I don't like anything extraordinary. No, scratch that... I hate extraordinary.
'Good enough', on the other hand, is an old tale that rots with history. Sadly. Those who are JUST 'good enough' are forgotten. But they are, to my belief, those who lived life to its fullest. 'Good enough' is meek and humble but is never lazy.
It is contented - the way people should be.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
God, help!
I feel a little confused and sad that I sometimes feel like what 'that' they call as a 'floating' Christian.
If there's any thought that I hate entertaining, it is ME questioning my own faith in God. I love the Lord with all my heart and I feel a very strong yearning for Him and yet sometimes, I still feel I am going astray.
These days, I haven't been going to the church. And there is this nagging feeling. But weird enough, I feel liberated and happy. I sometimes can't really understand what my mind is dictating my senses. I don't know if it is WRONG but I don't feel RIGHT at all (sometimes) when I am there. Probably wrong but I have this feeling that I can be closer to GOD in my own way. I am letting myself drawn closer...
I've given my heart, I surrendered my all to God and I think that is what's important. For now, I can only pray.
If there's any thought that I hate entertaining, it is ME questioning my own faith in God. I love the Lord with all my heart and I feel a very strong yearning for Him and yet sometimes, I still feel I am going astray.
These days, I haven't been going to the church. And there is this nagging feeling. But weird enough, I feel liberated and happy. I sometimes can't really understand what my mind is dictating my senses. I don't know if it is WRONG but I don't feel RIGHT at all (sometimes) when I am there. Probably wrong but I have this feeling that I can be closer to GOD in my own way. I am letting myself drawn closer...
I've given my heart, I surrendered my all to God and I think that is what's important. For now, I can only pray.
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