Moron's the word of the week

It's not even the middle of the week and I already want it so bad to be weekend!

There are such a lot of morons everywhere. Moron spitting at the curb while you're waiting for a cab. Moron trying to cut in the line in FX terminals. Moron trying to eye you from head to foot as if you're some kind of an extra terrestial that is worthy of a rude stare. Moron trying to suffocate you with that kick-nose stench of sweat and dirt so friggin' early in the morning. Moron who smokes cigarette in public transportation while choking all the other passengers. 'Moronness' tapping her filthy little filth while you're still using the can. Moronness denying you the change for a 500 peso bill when you just saw her mounds of smaller peso bills when she accidentally opened her register. Moron trying to mask their insecurities trying to act as a pathetic know-it-all. Moron being a total blabber mouth for a guy. Moron who laughs like a sissy girl. Moron who doesn't follow rules - especially MY rules. Moron talking all polite when he's actually bullsh*tting you on the inside.

And the biggest moron of them all - a pathetic arrogant sunovagun who thinks Harry Potter and Hogwarts happen in real life! This king moron is a big believer of things that he thinks money would pour in like a torrential rain when I snap my fingers or pick my nose. But mind you, the moron wouldn't budge his ass or do even the most trivial of things to help. He'd rather fry his balls on a million-dollar worth magic carpet.

The last time I checked I am definitely a muggle. JERK.

(apologies for the harsh words... my temper got the best of me)

Heart beating (sometimes it needs a good whipping!)

When I was a sophomore in college, I remember writing all the names of the guys whom I like, who likes me back, who I was linked to (some I don't even know or knows me) and I think I had quite a long list. Looking back at that, I'd say where have all these boys gone? Well, considering the fact that I've been single ever since I can remember.
Well, this 'exercise' if I may call it that was something I've done at a whim. Probably to somehow reassure myself that I was a completely normal likable teenager. And it was actually kind of embarrassing doing that, trying to come up with some kind of a proof. But honestly when you are at 17, no matter how straight your thinking can be, there are times when you think about...well, boys.
Ten years after, I still think about them. Yes, once in a while between emails and coffee breaks. I am thinking about those guys who came and went, some of them leaving me pretty valuable lessons. Some of them sending me bouts of gagging and wincing.
But the part that I love the most is when I am thinking about that one particular person who could (would?) make me smile at the mere thought of him. That no matter what he does, nothing would seem to change the way I feel about him. That between us, there are no happy beginnings nor sad endings. That the moment he invade my thoughts, there is no stopping. That it is an undeniable fact that I miss him every single minute of every single day. Heck, I even miss him even when he's around. That a simple glance can send ripples of shock waves to my blood streams.
Funny, you would think that I have fallen in-love.
But sadly, I haven't "met" this guy yet.

This song has something to do with my momentary 'cheezy' mood:

At the spur of the moment

The clouds are parting in the horizon, giving a picture perfect scene that you can only see in paintings. The gray one hovering above the slightly Aqua tarnished skies; and just right below it, the mountain ranges are standing in all their glory amid the apparent gloom. From where I am sitting, squinting my eyes to see more clearly, the green blanket of forests (I presume) are waving at me.

How ironic, I think. Tall skyscrapers are blocking this only view of serenity from my office window.

The white clouds are at a losing end, yet still fighting. I am rooting for them. I hate the gloom. I have this crazy notion that more often than not, the weather dictates my mood. And this morning is a testimony. I woke up all cranky at the sound of the rain lashing at my window. It was an angry pour and I was as mad as hell.

Just a bit later, the white clouds appear to be winning. Now, that’s quite a gap that separates the dark clouds from the mountains (about three-fourths of my thumb now). A few minutes more and the sky is completely azure. No traces of the darkness that enveloped it just less than an hour ago. It’s like witnessing how good can win against evil; it’s fascinating. And the mountains are boasting of the triumph as now, their majesty is all visible.

An-niong i kha-sae yo Oppa Jae Won! =(

My 'ngangabunch' is going on his mandatory military service for two years! I have to go cold turkey 'coz I wouldn't see him doing movies / soaps / no nothing on the Korean tube for quite a while. Oh, well...


Found this news on dramabeans.com:
Army duty calls for Kim Jae Won

27 candles

I was supposed to blow this number of candles to celebrate my life in all the years that I've been here - struggling, trying very hard to make a sense out of it. This year, as I am one step closer to the last digits of the calendar, I think now I get it. =)

I had another yet simple means to celebrate this borrowed life and remind myself that I am truly blessed to be enjoying what God's creation has to offer... flu - and all sorts of illness I didn't know I have - and all.

Yes, I am still sick. Ever since my muscles were beaten black and blue at last Sunday's activity and the three-day visit from mr. nasty flu virus, I've been suffering from stomach pains and I am still chickening out to see a doctor to my father's dismay. I don't know why but I just don't want to.

Anyway, I think I have a lot to be thankful for this year even though at times, I am almost convinced that I am stagnant and nothing special ever happens. I haven't done anything about my 'plans' yet; I haven't bought something that I would really call an investment; I haven't enrolled in anything that would give me new learning. But now that I think about it, a lot of things have in fact, came my way that in one way or another brought me joy and pain, made me feel loved and needed (and sometimes hated), and other realizations which proves that hey, I am actually human. And the blessings just keep on coming more than the occasional 'sad' moments which I always thought would be the end of me.

I don't know yet but I think I am heading the right direction. Wish me luck!

And for my 27 candles, this is what I am thankful for: (not in order - 'coz I am still trying to have a sense of it)

1. My faith in my God, my savior still being in-tact and the thirst to know Him more.
2. Mom and pop still together after all the years of bickering (and I know the fact that they are one of those rare couples who are still in-love *gagging*)
3. My friends, though not too many, who are always right around the bend, ready to share and to listen.
4. I love my job (you know what I mean by this!)
5. I am earning sufficiently thus, I can help my family.
6. I am not that healthy and I tend to get sick easily but here I am, still alive =)
7. The mornings when I open my eyes and realize that I have another chance to witness a miracle.
8. The people around me who, without their knowledge, are giving me life's greatest lessons.
9. My living and breathing stuffed toys / stress-reliever - our pets Miyo Kun and WonBin-shi.
10. I am too young to be an EIC but who cares, I am embracing the responsibility.
11. NFF! (new found friends)
12. My music which sometimes tells me exactly what to do.
13. My coffee indulgence everyday.
14. That I get to visit places (albeit occasional)
15. That I 'speak' through writing =)
16. People who never forgets.
17. my internet connection. (haha... sorry, but I really am thankful for it!)
18. The mistakes I made from which I learned.
19. The bruises that have healed and those which are just mending.
20. That I am loved and cared for and I feel that it is truly overwhelming.
21. That I am capable of loving and forgiving.
22. I am no longer angry...(err.. still workin' on it but gettin' there)
23. My kuya and ate who are practically my 'horcruxes' =)
24. A place that I can call home (kahit na lagi kong nilalayasan)
25. The realization that the world is not as harsh as it seems.
26. The quiet moments with myself.
27. The scary but altogether exciting tomorrow. =)


v(^_^)v

Sick again!

I still feel a little funny. I still feel nauseous whenever I stand up and I still get a huge kick whenever I attempt watching television or looking at my laptop's monitor. (Note: I look like a complete git as I am wearing my sunglasses while typing this).

It really sucks to be sick. I was mostly horizontal than vertical in the last three days. And the worst part of it - I haven't had a decent meal (and a bath!) although I've been having quick sponge baths to my mom's dismay.

I guess, I really got it from the running thing. Forget about being a pro... pros don't get sick. Argh.

It makes me feel bad being sick a day before I turn older. It makes me feel older and helpless and... older. Single and older. Ayshh.

I guess I need to rest (again!) if I want to get well for real.

Goodnight y'all.

Running like a pro for Mother Earth (Takbo Para Sa Kalikasan 2009)

I barely slept two hours and I already had to wake up at the sound of my sister's voice calling from outside my window at 2:30 in the morning. Right, it was the 'Takbo Para Sa Kalikasan' day and we had to be at the Quirino Grandstand by 4 in the morning. Which pissed a little part of me when I learned that the actual run wouldn't happen until 6am. I should've slept more.

And so, a few minutes before 4am, I was already ogling Rizal's statue at Luneta and having my photo taken at the Kilometer-0 mark. It was still very dark and yet, there were surprisingly some crowd gathering here and there - some families who would probably spend their day in Luneta and some joining the run.


The program started at dusk and while half the world was still probably in slumber, the grandstand was already full of people - about a thousand or so - dancing and prancing to the sound of two (or more) amazingly large boom boxes. The scene reminded me a little of Raon and Recto. I have never seen so many guys in very short running shorts already bordering on skimpy that looking at them actually harrasses me at a certain point. There were all sorts of people - families, friends and peers, the coast guards and the police forces, government officials, and TV personalities (not star struck this time!) such as the likes of vice president Noli De Castro, Cory Quirino and Ted Failon.


A stocky guy... scratch that... gay, led the warm ups which appeared more like dancing-while-on-drugs as it required the shameless thrusting of your hips and of your torso more than the normal stretching. But the runners looked like they were having the time of their lives so, why not? I decided I'll take photos instead.


The runners were divided into three groups based on the distance that they would be completing - 3 km (up to Pedro Gil and back), 5km (up to Quirino Ave. and back) and 10 km (Cuneta Astrodome and back). Since the start and finishing points were at the grandstand, we just had to go around after reaching the designated marks. My sister registered us at the 5km line and I had the sudden notion that I would be going back in an ambulance. I am not a very sporty person and I haven't had exercise in a long time. I don't do morning jogging, I don't do yoga and I am even too lazy these days to do some stretching and sit ups on my own bed. And so it wasn't really a surprise that even before we got pass the mighty cow statue, I was running out of breath and my legs felt funny already.

But overwhelmed by the fact that this was my first time to join a marathon, I vowed to finish the course no matter what. And so, I ended up running-slash-brisk walking-slash-plain walking on my own (since my sister stops every ten seconds). By the time I reached the 3km mark, I was almost tempted to cheat and turn around to go back. But I was too eager to prove something to myself and beat the lazy and the weak Thet in me. So despite the growing pain on my side (apendix almost raptured), the leg cramps, the shortness of breath and panting, and the occassional unsolicited side comments from some rowdies who were running alongside of me, I finished the course. Yey! My reward? Two bottles of Mineral water, a bottle of Pocari Sweat (which I didn't take because it practically tastes like, well, sweat!), a dry hotdog sandwich (from my sister's team) and a pair of legs which refuse to work & walk normally. I was too hungry and I ache all over (especially my left hip) but I was too happy and pleased with myself. Plus, I ate / drank Taho and at that time, it's the most delicious food I ever tasted. My sister came after a few minutes looking dead beat tired as hell as me. The marathon and the program ended around 8:30.


Since we were already in Luneta and that was our first time again in years to visit the place, we decided to walk or more like limp around the park. Wow, it surely is chaotic on a Sunday. There were all sorts of people doing all sorts of activities - dance aerobics, taichi, kite flying, picnic, lounging around on the grass (which smells like dog poo), playing badminton, playing chess, people watching, sleeping... seemed like everybody is busy being themselves and it felt nice to see that. We went inside this Chinese Garden which, yea, looked like the hang out place of chairman Mao and Confucius during their time. We walked some more around the fountains, took some more photos despite my protesting camera being almost battery empty, indulged in the beauty of Manila's morning (and surprisingly clear) skyline, and finally hailed a cab home.


I had fun doing this activity and I am looking forward for more. Probably next time, I'll go climbing the mountains to plant some trees. =)

More photos here.

In mourning

It's amazing how death can make you realize how wonderful life is, albeit borrowed.

Some photos taken during my uncle's funeral... I didn't like to put the sad ones though. I wanted to remember him as the cheerful and strong guy who lived his life providing for his family.

I want to do away with the MEAN in me.

Today I tried not to be angry.

I just had a sudden realization that I've been torn away from my happy self for who knows how long already and it is causing me nothing else but misery. I used to be that person who can laugh as if it was the last and spend the day just being nice. I can't even recall when I started being a monster. Six months ago? One year? Two years?

Yes, I used to be nice. I was way far from the mean person that I am right now. I always have a smile on my face and I can be cheered even by the most 'corny' remarks that you could think of. A cup of coffee could make my day along with a nod / nudge from a friend.

I was happy.

Now, thinking about how I miss that pure happiness makes me want to cry. What happened to me?

I was too immersed in my own web, not thinking about others. I became a little superficial and arrogant. I felt that if others didn't need me in their lives, why the hell would I need them in mine? Only to find out that life will not be complete with only you alone in it. I became the 'mighty snapper'. I'd snap at anyone who crosses my path (especially at work) and bring out that shield - the invisible armor - with a creeping paranoia that others would probably want to get close and be friends now but they will leave even before I blink. I guess I was just tired letting people in my life and missing them too much when they are gone. But nobody says they are; I just thought that.

Now I realized, I am shutting people out even before they come in my life. That's the sad part. And I want to change that. It's difficult to say but I will try it. I will be happy again.

When is 'good enough' good?

Where is that thin line separating 'good enough' from 'extraordinary'?

This person I know said it's there, barely visible and often goes unnoticed - especially by people who limit themselves and refuse to go over the boundary.

But what if, extraordinary is an oxymoron of life and I choose not to be anywhere near it? Extraordinary is not 'good' at all times. It is pretentious; a coward hiding behind the facet of power. Extraordinary is arrogant, boastful and proud. It shines the brightest and it tends to blind people.

I don't like anything extraordinary. No, scratch that... I hate extraordinary.

'Good enough', on the other hand, is an old tale that rots with history. Sadly. Those who are JUST 'good enough' are forgotten. But they are, to my belief, those who lived life to its fullest. 'Good enough' is meek and humble but is never lazy.

It is contented - the way people should be.

Tweet tweet tweet

Finally on Twitter...

My one-liner whatnots... v(^___^)v

Say what you gotta say...

God, help!

I feel a little confused and sad that I sometimes feel like what 'that' they call as a 'floating' Christian.

If there's any thought that I hate entertaining, it is ME questioning my own faith in God. I love the Lord with all my heart and I feel a very strong yearning for Him and yet sometimes, I still feel I am going astray.

These days, I haven't been going to the church. And there is this nagging feeling. But weird enough, I feel liberated and happy. I sometimes can't really understand what my mind is dictating my senses. I don't know if it is WRONG but I don't feel RIGHT at all (sometimes) when I am there. Probably wrong but I have this feeling that I can be closer to GOD in my own way. I am letting myself drawn closer...

I've given my heart, I surrendered my all to God and I think that is what's important. For now, I can only pray.

Trip to Quiapo

What better way to spend Valentines than having a field day in Quiapo, Binondo and finally, good old Divisoria. Last Feb. 14, while probably half the world is busy 'glamming up' for Happy Hearts Day, me, my sister and her hubby were going through the streets of Quiapo, getting our feet dirty (it was rainingfor a while) while hoarding good 'ol reliable and shockingly cheap dvds.

It's amazing how something 'illegal' can seem so appropriate. Nyarks... did I just say that? I was able to buy six new movies (Milk, Revolutionary Road, Slumdog Millionaire - this one's surprisingly awesome, Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, Changeling & The Secret Life of Bees) for only Php200. Nope, haven't watched them all yet! I also bought the complete season of Smallville, thus, my current Clark Kent re-addiction (was before but I got tired of watching Lana Lang collecting boyfriends) and some (as usual) Korean novelas.

Note how my sister's hubby looks like he could disappear right there and then 'coz of too much embarrassment. =)

From Quiapo, we walked along the cramped streets and narrow alleyways until we reached Carriedo, Sta.Cruz and passed through a lot of Jewellery shops in Ongpin. This photo I 'borrowed' from Nostalgia Manila and the photo I've taken using my ever-reliable KRZR cam phone shows that nothing's changed at the Plaza Goiti (Carriedo), except the fountain in the middle and probably, the stench.

Fun day all in all and I wouldn't trade it for a cozy 'date' at a coffeeshop... =)

Valentines (again)... oh well...

The blueprint isn't laid out openly as I wished it to be. The future is still looking bleak, if there is anything really. And I don't see it happening so soon. Oh well...

***

Valentine's eve and I am spending the night with Mark Haddon (A Spot of Bother is hilarious... read it!), contemplating on consuming this unopened chocolate bar from my unnichan and her hubby and a sweet greeting card (again, from them). Our annoying neighbor is keeping the whole neighborhood awake, singing his equally annoying rendition of Rey Valera's classics. Just because it's valentines, you freakin' arse, still don't have the right to murder these songs and our eardrums, you fat bug!

Seriously, I am annoyed to infinity.

I went home *extra* early today 'coz I don't want to be caught up amidst floating flowers, *extra* snoggly couples, traffic, *extra* snoggly couples, more floating flowers and traffic. U-huh. Oh shut up, I am being bitter, I know.

This whole being single thing doesn't really help. Hypocrisy aside, there's just one question in my mind during this so-called time of the year: "Why the hell am I single?!?" But the day after, I wake up happy again and loving myself even more. And the moment I open my eyes, I still can say, 'You rock God!'

I thought I ought to give myself a little something this year... if no one would do it for me, I'll do it for myself. =)

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end... (Anonymous says)

Down right pathetic.

This guy I know from way back then.

He made me hate myself for quite some time. And I mean, for a long long time. And I kind'a hate myself more when I look back at how stupid I was or how he made me look like one at least.

It wasn't my fault I plummeted head straight and totally lost my mind. He was the picture of perfection and I could only see or chose to see one side of him. He seemed kind and nice and just that person who would sweep you off your feet and catch you when you swoon. To some extent, he was but then the 'jackass' side became more and more apparent.

Those crazy things I did seemed more pathetic now when I think about it. I thought it was cool letting the whole world know that you are head-over-heels with someone. At that time, it felt like I had some sort of power that I could practically say and do everything that I want and it wouldn't bother him that much. Because I felt like he owes me something for liking him. It didn't occur to me that he might not like the attention. Or he simply just didn't care.

And just because I loved his smile (or practically everything about him), I chose to ignore the fact that he wasn't really smiling for me. I totally overlooked the fact that he didn't even look at me when I talk, that he deliberately turns his attention to something else hoping probably that I would just scram and spare him the agony.

That at that time, I pathetically embraced everything that he likes. From our common interests like music, to the things that were pretty much alien to me. The effort wasn't even worth five cents. What's good about that is I've discovered some things that remained embellished on my being despite the fact that everything' about me and him (there was never an 'us') is all in vain right now.

As much as I don't like to regret, I regret knowing him. I regret the fact that I let him trample silently on me. I was a waste and I didn't deserve that. If only I could go back, I would take back what I said or what I did.

It didn't 'rock' at all. Not one bit.

(On why the sudden rantings about this guy, I have no idea. It's as if I woke up and thought about it all day with no particular reason whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, I've long been awaken from that slumber; he just popped in all of a sudden!)

This is me and my God

I'm feeling 'lost' again... but somehow I know He found me.

'WonBin and Me'

I just finished 'Marley and Me' and my face is still a little tear-stained. The movie is a typical story of humans getting too attached to their pet dog and how it made an impact (or in that case) built their lives. It was nothing out of the ordinary except that it has my ever-favorite Owen Wilson in it (starring with Jen Aniston). Oh, and Mc Steamy (Eric Dane) is also there, playing - as usual - a man whore who is friends with Wilson.

Marley is an exceptional dog - a big bundle of rugrat which actually reminded me of our very own deranged and miserable mongrel WonBin. They are very much alike, I would say. They both chew everything they come across with- edible or not. Marley's preference are furnitures, while WonBin thinks shoes and slippers are a foodfest. They are both big; as in human tall big when they are standing up. They both don't listen to their humans and they are both afraid of thunder and loud noises. The big difference is Marley can be around people while WonBin just simply cannot. He isn't trained and he only knows five people in his life - my family. He's the type which would literally bite anyone who comes near him.

As a matter of fact, he's bitten about four or five already and we almost gave him up for it. The last one was when he chewed on my brother-in-law's leg just a few weeks ago. My mom especially would always say that there is no good in keeping him and had already planned on taking him to the dog pound a couple of times. But obviously, whatever's left of their affection for WonBin got the best of them and gave him another chance.

Sometimes I think he has a mind of a human. He's a a sensitive 'little' prick that wjhen you ignore him he'll get mad and try to get you for it, either by 'pretending' for days that he doesn't know you and growl at you, or take a piss at you. He surely knows how to take revenge.

WonBin isn't really my dog although I was the one who bought him. He's my little brother's. Vinz is his human, not me but I love him just the same. And while watching Marley (Spoiler Alert!) die in the end, I thought about how I would feel if we lose him. To think that I already somehow prepared myself about that dog pound thing. Now that I think about it, I would surely cry if ever that happens. He's just about just three years old and it looks like he has a lot more years to go. I just hope he'd stop biting people.

Now, I'm sure about one thing: dogs - they can really make people cry.

First month gone

Exactly 15 days...

I promised myself I'd always keep my blogs (yep, all of 'em) updated but I could not keep my word. I was too preoccupied characterizing the term 'busy'. When I think about it, I have been so far at my busiest. Some might criticize me for this... Aba e, kelan ba ko hindi naging busy?

Our new magazine project is to blame. Don't get this all wrong; I am definitely not complaining. Believe it or not, I am falling in-love with my job all over again... or at least I am trying to. It's a good thing, right? With the unemployment rate climbing up and the left and right retrenchment even amongst the biggest of companies, I guess I am pretty lucky to have this job. It's not something to brag about. I wouldn't really dare, especially considering the kind of working environment I have and that sunnov-a-gun *bleep* for a *bleep*. You have no idea.

It's February 01. Time is wheezing past me but, surprisingly, I am still able to manage. *Big Smile* I've been missing a lot of people but I'm not sure if they miss me as much (haha) As much as I abhor 'change' because I am the type of person who tends to be very attached to the current situation and I kind of lose myself when the paradigm tilts, I am learning to live with it. Wow, nagma-mature na yata ako.

The other day, I went on a 'Field Trip'. I would call it that because it felt like it. My friend K who's based in Singapore sent me 'Shokubutsu' (a body wash which I am fond of calling Zashikibutsu) after I begged her for it since I couldn't really find any here in RP. I had to go to 'Jollibee Kalentong' to meet her friend's maid who kept texting me for three consecutive days, asking me to get my 'lotion'. To make the very long and tiring story short, I fought my way to to the meeting place through the ever-chaotic MRT (a complete nightmare, I nearly fell down the train tracks because people were pushing) and rode a jeep which I had no clue whatsoever where it was really going. Plus, may bonus pa - (forgive me for this) the driver smells. Promise, naiintindihan ko naman na maghapon nang namamasada si Manong at pagod na siya, pero naman... no exag pero siguro because I was so tired, I think I puked a little in my mouth and I swallowed it. Sorry, kadiri.

Ironically, I had fun with my little adventure. It was like one of my trips where I had to ask for directions, or sometimes, be stubborn and just follow my gut feel only to feel stupid because I could've asked anyway. I passed by my high school but I didn't see it much because it was dark already. I passed by Sta. Ana bridge and St. Francis - the very familiar places which reminded me only of my highschool friends. Nice - the feeling =)

Then today, I am glued to my laptop, deciphering InDesign and Photoshop. I am practicing with graphics design and layout because I'll be needing them a lot in the next few days. And, just because I want to learn. Here's a sample:

Cropped it from one of our group photos and used a background which I 'stole' from a Korean catalogue... I think I blurred the edges too much. I used some rendering like lens flare and lighting effects... naks!

Gray as Grey's Anatomy

My head is throbbing like crazy and I am wondering for the -nth time why the sleeping bug still fails to kick in despite the fact that it's already half past one in the morning and I am dead beat tired.

Less than 30 minutes ago, me and my sibs were at the hospital (that darn expensive one in Makati) because our stupid dog attacked Mike, my sister's hubby, and we had to bring him in the emergency for first aid and anti-rabies injection. Of all the time in the world, Won Bin chose to chew on Mike's legs when all the world's creatures are just about to go to sleep... haay.

Anyway, it was my first time again in years to be inside the emergency unit of a hospital and I had the sudden urge to watch Grey's anatomy at the very moment. But what I saw were way far from McSteamy and McDreamy and not even close by an inch to SGH. Oh, well... that's why it was meant to be seen by me only in tv. What the hell am I thinking anyway?

It was depressing and fascinating at the same time. While some people are fighting to live, with a disturbing number of tubes attached to their helpless and almost lifeless bodies, some even can find time to look 'glamorous' and 'wealthy to be worthy' to be a patient in that hospital. WTF. Like this lady who has a cast on her arms, looking at people as if she's trying to weigh in her mind if the next person is 'capable' if you know what I mean. I wanted to spit on her cast.

I don't even know why I am blabbing here about her. I guess she (or at least the look on her face) really got on my nerves.

I need to sleep. I got to sleep.

Reality bites but it doesn't make me bleed

People always seem to have different POVs (point of views) but sometimes it still doesn't fail to amaze me how the degree of differences can be so widely stretched amongst individual that you'd think, they've been on the opposite sides of the ring from the very beginning.

I don't know if I am the one being cynical here. All I wanted was to be as close to reality as it can get. Or maybe, I'm the one who's really letting go of my grip to it.

What is wrong with living your life the way it is meant to be? I am not really a fan of all that 'pre-destined' crap but I just couldn't see myself running after my fate. Especially now that I seem to be in the middle of a chaos that could not be arranged in a whim.

Well, if I am really letting go of reality, blame me, sue me, hurt me. Then, probably, I'd feel better... I'd feel a-okay. If this is growing up, I wouldn't want it. I want to stay like this forever.

***

I hate it but I am hurting now. Not that suicidal-agonizing hurt but just plain hurt. I'm beginning to believe that I am starting to lose people. Some here, some there. Some indirectly and some, just plain jerks who are actually so stupid when I think about it. (Imagine the nerve of this guy!)

But hey, it's too early this year to feel that. I lose some, I gain some.

I still am feeling positive and I surely want to smile more than I frown. After all, this life is still pretty as I want it to be. =)