I'm hungry, thus, this.

My horoscope says I have to use my creativity to make dinner and I should invite friends over. Now I believe, it isn't really true. How can I make dinner when I don't know how to cook?!? Me and my pathetic self. As a matter of fact, I'm waiting for my kuya to finish cooking pasta for me. I haven't had any real food since I got my braces until yesterday. I tried eating a full meal at Uncle Kenny's during lunch and I ended up with a hurting mouth and jaw the rest of the day. Tsk...

Anyway, I'm glad I am somehow getting used to the feeling of having a 'metal' in my mouth. But I still can't eat a decent meal and I sooooo missed it. I have slurred speech (at times), I can't smile pretty anymore and I drool (hehe). Talk about the perils of having this thing in my mouth... haay. Looking at the brighter side, I am losing a lot of weight. I just hope it wouldn't be too much 'coz I don't wanna be a walking stick. I still have to wear this for eight more months.

Moving on...

Once again, I am in this situation where I am confused about what I want about work. A friend got in touch recently and she wants me to try to get in her company. I'd say it was actually a tempting offer but I still got a lot of plans for my 'baby' - the magazine. I really don't want to leave it hanging just like that. Anyway, as much as I hate the ogre, I love my job and the things that I do. I probably know my answer already.

I still hate 'E'. I wonder what have I done to him to deserve being treated like a nobody... like someone INVISIBLE and not worthy of his attention. It's funny how someone so far can affect me this much (or atleast two days ago because I feel okay now). I have decided not to dwell too much on this 'infatuation' (as he jack-assly puts it) and move on like I actually don't care. I know he couldn't possibly smile for me.

'E'-nough

I've actually posted this blog in my multiply but dang, I didn't see it when I refreshed the page... it must've been too dramatic and pathetic that even my site refused to show it...

Anyway, this post was about my stupid, old rantings about my frustration about this boy *there's this boy and he kind'a has my heart* Now, I'd say he HAD my heart.

I am so frustrated yesterday when I learned (with a little bit of proof) that this guy that I have had my big eyes on for two years, two months, eleven days, four hours and fifteen minutes (as of yesterday afternoon) is nothing but a big ball of a jackass. I refuse to elaborate further.

Mental Dental

My teeth have been ripping off my purse... I'm in a serious need of mouth or more like teeth overhaul. I've been seeing my dentist for the last couple of days and every time, I feel poorer and poorer... waah!

The last time I went to a doctor because of severe back pains, I was diagnosed with a 'sensitive nerve' that might be linked or caused by my 'lockjaw'... whatever that is. No matter how it seemed weird, it was, after all, normal for me - especially when my back kills me that I can't sleep at night because of the pain. The solution -- I had to wear braces! No, not back braces... as in teeth braces to fix the lockjaw and the underbite (or is this overbite?)

And the cost... geez, I'm really not happy about it. I have to pester my mom to help me with the downpayment and now, I have to cut back and stop spending too much to save the money that'll be needed to pay the rest of it. I'm starting to do the major 'money-saving' thing by:

1. Instead of taking a cab to and from work, I take the Makati Loop FXs in the morning and jeep on my way home.
2. I try to bring packed lunch as much as possible.
3. I don't go near a mall.
4. I temporarily erased Starbucks and Coffee Bean off my memory.
5. I am cutting back on late night snacks from 7-11 and my mom's tindahan.

I'll think of other ways I'm sure and I'm crossing my fingers tight. v(^__^)v

My New Hero

Ari Gold rules!!!

Enjoy...

Oh no, not another wedding...

I just came back from one... v(^_^)v

It was Kuya Rod and Angie's wedding day and as usual, I was moved by the event... I really do love weddings. Even if sometimes, it's like a rude awakening about my being perpetually single. *sigh* It doesn't matter really. Aside from the fact that I have a very good reason to be totally dolled up and gorgeous (hehe!) , there is this overwhelming and poignant (Gian, borrow the term ha?!? ehe..) atmosphere that I only get to experience during weddings. It was so nice to see how two different families gather and say all sorts of heartwarming greetings and sweet gestures of welcoming.

It was good 'coz it made me forget all my work-related angst and I've never felt better. =)

My sister caught the bouquet and I was teasing her about it being a premonition... she has to get married... fast! I am excited to be her 'Maid of Honor' All my life, I've never been really a bridesmaid... yup, at 25! My last participation in a wedding was like 20 years ago as a flower girl in a family friends' wedding...and they're not even my relatives. Haha... pathetic.

Can't help but wonder... when will my day come? I guess it is too soon to think about it, considering that well, I have yet to find my groom. Curious... curious... God, I know you love me and you'll give me someone worth the wait. =) I've always imagined what a perfect wedding would be (at least for me). It will be a beach or a garden wedding. I'd like it to be intimate with only the closest of my family and friends present. Everything would be a glimmering white... my gown, my entourage's outfit, the flowers... everything. That is exactly how I dreamed about it. Fancy.

uhmmm... present!

yup... I'm still alive! tee-hee...

and so i've been missing in action for quite some time. can't help it, i am a very busy person. naks! really, no kidding... ive been tormented with too much work this week. since i went back to malaysia, i feel like i've been zapped into a small ball of anti-social fury. the office must have love me so much that it can't wait to have me back. a lot of problems were waiting for me. but anyway, everything seems to settle in slowly; thank God.

however, i feel a little bad about being too angry. i had a small 'fight' with my friend 'G' and we didn't speak for like two days. all these immature 'walang-pansinan' mode just because of a stupid misunderstanding. i really believe in 'what ifs'. anyway, i am also in a not-so bubbly mode these days but ironically, (and i'm seriously happy about it) i am gaining back my appetite. aza... aza... fighting!!! hehe. glutton mode on. =)

then yesterday morning, my head was chopped off by the offensive rantings by the ogre.. it almost rolled off the floor. and the mongrel used the 'F' word on me again! I almost exploded but thank God (you really love me, don't you?) i was able to control myself and yea, i still have my job. again, i don't wanna talk about work because it's not pretty right now.

then there's this friend who's been acting like a totally self-absorbed asshole these days. he really got on my last nerves the other day and yesterday and even today. sad though, i miss the old him. i swear, i would nag him 'till i can't no more when i have the chance.

okay... *kilig* mode on. i was talking (more like YM-ing) with the pretty dude a while ago. gusto ko lang sabihin... pampaganda ng mood. haha! nah, but i really appreciate his efforts to keep in constant communication with me. how he changed from being cold and distant to warm and sweet friend (naks, friend daw)... actually i am hoping for something more. hehe. wishy-wishy. dear guardian angel, make my wish come true *wink*wink...

Finding KJW

At last, I got an update about the whereabouts of kim jae won... hehe... heard he's just done an MV with Taiwanese singer Jolin Tsai...Here's a clip...

Looks like he lost some pounds... got a bit skinnier but cute (for me!) just the same v(^_^)v

Airport bummer

What can I possibly be doing on a Monday afternoon? The usual thing would be finishing some work at my workstation while strongly fighting the urge to snooze even for just a bit. Or I'll be having a late lunch. But today is different.

Today, at 2pm in the afternoon, I am [indian] sitting at the arrival lounge of KL International Airport, luggages in tow while listening to the hubbub of the people scuttling around me. I am watching sweet time pass me by as I immerse myself in a world that I had never seen before. Here, I am alone. I hear people talking but there is just no way to decipher their words; I can't understand them. Here I sit furiously typing at my laptop, thinking what I would do for the rest of the day, kind of feeling hostaged in a foreign land. I am so desperate to go home.
What can possibly g wrong after an unforgettable weekend? I thought by now, my plane would be kissing the Philippine soil already and I'd be back in the comforting sheets of my bed in about two hours. I didn't see it coming. I was so sure everything would be fine. But then...

I missed my morning flight back to Manila. My flight was at 10:20 this morning and I arrived here at the airport at 10am. After all the arrangements and preparations with my transportation, everything felt like it went wrong.

Stories later... Gotta catch the Express Train back to Sentral... haay.

darn.

And though I am friggin' (what does friggin' mean anyway?) annoyed by you...

yup... yup... yup...

Amishu.

Three days and counting...

I've been staying in Malaysia for three days now but I haven't actually been around much. The farthest I got was when I had meetings in the Subang Jaya area where I literally spent my whole day at. I thought I will get lost because I had to take a cab from destination 1 to the Subang Parade mall. I'd say it was some sort of an adventure - being in a foreign land, all by yourself. Sure I have a super nice officemate who makes an effort to drive me to and from my hotel and the office but the point is I want to walk the streets of KL and take lots of pictures and just enjoy the fact that I am really here. It' just so sad, I can't do that now 'coz of work and I don't really wanna ask the favor from the people here. Pfftt..

Tomorrow's another day and it has a promise. I will finally see the Twin Towers... the conference I'll be attending will be held at the Kuala Lumpur Convention Center which is like one fart away or something.. so, yey.

Anyway, I met this guy at the airport on my way here. He's an American or something... not really sure but he's actually nice. Been asking me out to dinner since I got out of the plane. Err... a little off I'd say so no, thanks.

What I'm really excited about this whole KL thing is my weekend. Not because I'd be seeing E for the first time again in months (who am I kidding?hehe) nah, no sh*t, but come weekend, I'll be able to go around without even thinking about work and stuff... and not bothering about wearing office outfit which is so darn a stress! I've only brought a few pairs of clothes... hay.

updates laterz...

Capital Q

and now i pop the dreaded question: how do you know when you're starting to like... i mean really like someone? do you rely on your instincts and go with the roller coaster emotions of loving and hating the feeling at the same time? do you feel awfully stupid whenever you crave the attention that isn't there? do you transform into someone unreasonable and cheesy and unpredictably moody?

is it normal to wish that he'd give you a wave or a smile; a friendly but equally annoying remark that was carefully thought of to amuse the sh*t out of you? is it selfish to want him to smile only for you?

wala. gusto ko lang itanong.

God of wonders

I have, once again, felt God's greatness this morning as I was on my way to work.

The sky was a murderous, pitch-black when I woke up but it was just drizzling. By the time my brother and I went out to go to work, the sky was crying like it never would again. The downpour was so heavy that roads were almost flooded and people waiting for transportation were huddling like babies in sheds and covered corners. As expected, we had the most yet difficult time in finding a cab. Most of the taxi drivers were mean, asking for double fare rates or more while the rest refused to take us in. For fear that my brother, who just got well from a flu, would get drenched, I asked him to stay at that covered spot. I stood by the gutter, waving my arms frantically to every cab passing by, with only one weapon at hand - my little transparent umbrella. I must've looked really pitiful because after about 20 minutes of standing there, seriously looking like I would cry any minute because I'm really drenched and cold and totally afraid of the alternate thunder-lightning-thunder symphony, a cab with a passenger (already!) stopped in front of me. The driver asked if our way was to Ayala because it's his passenger's destination. I said yes at once and we rode the cab - totally soaked and cold. I probably could've thanked him a thousand times and would never get tired of it. I swear I could've seen his wings and halo... I was still thinking if he's some sort of a guardian angel. He made my day. I couldn't thank God enough also for sending him... =)

Workaholism?

I can't remember when did I ever start to become a workaholic. I always see myself as someone who has life beyond the confines of the corporate war zone, but the way I see it now, I am in the middle of it - not caring one bit to get pass through the safety border. I am not enjoying it but it gets me too preoccupied that it makes me forget about my other troubles.

Since the company gave me the 'honor' of granting me my own laptop, I usually find myself immersed at work, this little devil at hand, squeezing thoughts out of my mind. I can't even stand not checking work-related emails during weekends. My unni says this is becoming an addiction - a very bad habit. And what can I say, I totally agree.

It's just that it seems that my work has no clear ending. It's the kind of job that doesn't just rest. When I finish an issue (content developments and all), I have to source [contents] for the next one. Although we have a regular pool of writers, it would need a lot of following-up and sometimes, it's just so tiring. On top of these, we are on a constant lookout for possible contributors, events to sponsor or partner with, potential advertisers - which turns me into a sales and marketing at a snap of a finger! I really didn't imagine myself pleasing the sh*ts out of somebody to win a deal. It's not bad actually; it just isn't me.

I often get bashing from the high and mighty 'ogre; whenever I pose this attitude, flashing on and off on my forehead. He's right when he says that as a team leader, one should be able to take accountability for everything that's been happening within the group. Entonces, excuses, reasoning or whatever-you-call-it are deemed unacceptable.

Okay.

As I often tell my friend Chinchin, I am probably 'crossing-over' from a perpetually-disoriented-and-disgruntled-employee to a someone who has finally saw things from beyond that borderline. In other words, thinking responsibly. But this doesn't necessarily translate to acting like a total stuck up, arrogant, money-eyed tyrant who thinks psyching out people and making their lives miserable would make himself better than the others. That is, generally speaking. =)

Rainy Days on Wednesdays...

Surprise... surprise!

Our company was kind enough to let everybody take a rest for the day - announcing early this morning that work was canceled because of the heavy downpour. I mean I could never be thankful that the good Bathala has finally answered our prayers and quenched this very very dry (and thirsty) land with a taste of nourishment. Rainy season was suppose to start more than a month ago but all we got was this abnormal weather play of alternate sunny and rainy and humid, which actually pose a great threat to our usually healthy lives.

My peaceful slumber was rudely interrupted by the harsh hammering of torrential raindrops on the rooftop. It sounded as if someone was banging the door in panic; it wasn't really nice. And so I slept some more until my mom woke me up for work. Then I read Sheryl and Wayne's kind announcement through text messages that hoorahhh, we have no work today!

Then I remembered, I've got tons to finish... darn... good thing I brought my laptop home with me... *sigh* the downsides of it *sigh*

Loving Colbie!

I was browsing for some lyrics in the net when I came across a song by Colbie Caillat entitled 'Bubbly'. I fell in love with the song at once and so I Limewired more of her songs... since then, she's playing non-stop in my iTunes =)

This is a very nice duet from Colbie and Jason Reeves... "Droplets"

When you're gone

Cute yet sad song...


Avril Lavigne When You're Gone Lyrics

A weird coincidence

This is just a weird thought that I just couldn't shun off my mind.

I started reading (for the 3rd time) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince last night to refresh my memory about some things mentioned in the Deathly Hollows. The first chapter was about the conversation of the Minister of Magic and the Prime Minister of Britain about some nasty disasters and crimes that have been happening to the muggle world, which in truth was the work of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (according to Fudge). But anyway, it mentioned a bridge collapsing, a series of murders and an explosion.

This morning, as I was watching the Today Show, I was so shocked to see the news about the Minneapolis Bridge Collapse which happened Wednesday evening. It's just so chilling how it was described in the book, something like "50 or so vehicles came falling down the river" then in the news, "Dozens of cars plummeted more than 60 feet into the Mississippi River, some falling on top of one of another."

It just probably shocked me that a fictional accident that I have just read actually happened in real life, killing four and leaving some 20 people still missing. It is just so horrible how mere words inscribed in a fantasy literature were now posted in eNews and printed in dailies. I am not saying that the book was some sort of a prediction or something because it is crazy. It was a mere coincidence and no more than that. The reality of it just hits me hard.

Anyway...

I was so upset yesterday; I cried for the first time in months. It just felt like all my hardwork has been thrown in the trash bin yet again. I felt so sick and not myself. It was like being in the midst of a dark room. I was so so sad.

Never mind the details. I recover fast anyway. (^_^) Aza... aza... FIGHTING (pa din)!!! And to the schmuck who makes my life miserable (without the littlest clue whatsoever) I don't hate you... I hate it that you can't appreciate me. I hate it that I love my job more than ever. Soon, you will really really hate me 'coz I wouldn't be that loser that you want me to be.

Jay Chou (Now and then)

Jay Chou THEN... (Jian Dan Ai Video)... like five years or so ago...



Jay Chou NOW... (Ke Ai Nu Ren Video)... not really now-now but like a year or two ago...

Domesticated Sunday

And I thought this would be a rest day for me. I woke up to my mom's morning nagging... She's arguing with my pop... she has to go to a church meeting and pop was so pissed about her being too preoccupied with that church thing. Anyway, I was forced to get up to 'man' our store (which I totally despise!)

I did my laundry, I cooked rice (which I'm still not an expert all these years) and I fed Wonbin. I was doing a lot of house chores and they felt very new to me. Probably because I am not used to doing them anymore. I felt tired so easily.

Come to think of it... it is probably time that I learn and get used to doing such things. No more Ms. Prinsesa this time...

***

I don't mean to be a total prat and an over-sensitive whining schmuck but I am really really upset with some people. When I was in Cebu, a friend (out of the blue), sent me a message just to let me know that our friends from the other side of the world called her up. She was all jolly and excited and (I dunno) but I kind of sensed a little bragging that our so-called friends still do get in-touch with her (but not me). I really don't know but I really felt jealous. It's probably bad and I kind of over-reacted. But I just feel like despite all my efforts to get in-touch with them and keep them updated of what's been happening to me and my interest to know what's been happening to them(that sometimes I feel like sobrang nagpapapansin na ko), they don't seem to appreciate it. I haven't heard from them in months now and it really saddens me. It's like I already missed the important happenings in their lives and I just wanted them to feel that 'hey, even though we're like heavens apart, I still care for you guys' but they don't seem to care about me anymore. I know I sound too paranoid and immature but I really can't help but feel it. No birthday greetings, no occasional 'How's life and what's up with you these days', no whatever...
Oo, nagtatampo ako. I hate this word really. But it's what I feel right now.
I just miss you guys... =(

J.K. Rowling fan

In my ultra-eagerness to learn what Harry's fate would be (or the details at least) in J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, I never stopped reading until I finished last night. I am a big (and old) a fan of Harry Potter and boy, did I get occasional goose bumps here and there while nearing the ending... and I cried a lot too. I adored some of the characters that were extinguished in the battle against He-Who-Must-Be-Named. I am heartbroken. Okay, I'd say no more as I don't want to be a spoiler

Speaking of spoilers...

Yesterday morning, I was watching the Today Show and as I was inside the shower, I heard the theme of Harry Potter being played in the background. I peeked in (despite totally being covered in shampoo and soap lather) and there she was, her royal highness, the great Harry Potter creator, J.K. Rowling being interviewed by Meredith Vieira swarmed by double a dozen kids. I cannot help it so I got out of the bathroom, soapy and shampooey and all and watched the interview. In my haste decision, I knew everything that I had to without even finishing the book. At least, I got the info from the author herself and not from some arrogant, show-off retard who thinks he / she's better than the others for finishing the book ahead of the lot. I promise I wouldn't be like that because if you're a real Potter fan, you know what respect means. Okay, I am being overboard.

Anyway, now that the Potter series is complete, J.K. says she's planning to come up with a Harry Potter Encyclopedia... yay.. can't wait! I got so interested in J.K. Rowlings life that I googled her up. Here's what I found.

Some interesting watch in youtube:

Deathly Hallows Q&A Interview
Tribute to the Heroes at the Battle of Hogwart - I cried watching this one... seriously!