Trip

haayyyy... i finally had my long-awaited vacation last weekend. My sister brought me and my kuya (a.k.a vinz) in her 'official' business trip to bacolod and iloilo. I was elated by the mere thought of going far away... from work... from everything that has something to do with Asian Quality. I just wanted to get out from the real world. As Olivetti put it: "I live in the real world... I get to see its ugliness everyday..." And I wanted to see something new.
And so, at 12o0 hours last Friday, we were already aboard Negros Navigation's St. Joseph the Worker bound to Bacolod with a bunch of oldies (my sisters' business guests). The trip lasted 20 hours or so but I didn't really mind because being aboard a ship is one of my most favorite things... sad though, i didn't get to watch the sunset 'coz i was asleep the whole afternoon. i just woke up in time for dinner.
At exactly 9:30 am the next day, the ship docked at the Banago Port in Bacolod. Whew... when was the last time I've been there? A year ago? Yea, it was my mom's birthday and my sister and I were away in the South with my friend Tere. I was really looking forward to the day's trip. The first trip was in Victoria's Milling Sugar Refinery-- the Azucarera Victoria where I literally walk atop a mountain of [unrefined] brown sugar. You know what was the big question in my mind at that time? Where have all the ants go? If I were one, I surely would love to put up my own community there. It's a bad thing cameras were not allowed inside the facility. I was really pissed because I wanted to document the whole thing -- from the hundreths of trucks loaded with sugarcane that were lined up en route to the actual refinery up to the mountains and mountains of sugar stocked in big warehouses. They smelled delicious -- I can't help but taste them... hehe...
We then had lunch in this old roadside canteen -- i just wish the food had satisfied my palette well. The place was nothing really fancy and the food, I must admit, tasted like I (yes, me) cooked it. Hey, but they were free so why complain?!?
I was in-touch with my friend Cristine the whole time, checking if the real world still does exist.
The next stop was in the Balay Negrense where I saw my dream house for the very first time. It was an ancestral home owned by a certain Gaston family. I swear the house has its creepy feel in it but it was so old that you'll get the feeling you want to live during the pre-hispanic era.. forgive me but history has its wonders that perpetually amaze me. Well, I didn't actually enterd the house. the keeper does collect a P40 fee and I was feeling really kuripot at that time so I just lingered down the porch and den area. i thought that was enough. I saw enough and one day, when i get filthy rich, i would built a replica of that house at the heart of Makati City... Bwahahaha!!!
The rest of the afternoon was spent worthlessly reading my 'Angels and Demons' pocketbook while being eaten alive by mammoth mosquitos in 'Las Palmas'. I swear I am praying hard that there isn't any outbreak in Bacolod, else I might have been infected. My insect bites are larger than a ten peso coin and they are so frigging itchy i wanted to peel my skin off.
The night in Bacolod was like any other night outside of Manila. Eight O'Clock was like 12 midnight. Nobody wonders off and most establishments are already closed. We ate dinner at this infamous Bacolod Manokan Country where I once again proved that there's nothing like Chicken Inasal but in the city it originated from -- a quarter of authentic chicken inasal and my night was more than complete.

Sunday: 5 am -- All the 'trippers' were up and ready for the one-hour ferry ride that would take us to Iloilo City. I was excited. Apart from the fact that it was actually my first time to visit the place, memories of my good old buddy Mark came flooding my mind. It was his hometown and I miss him heaps.
We joined the Dinagyang parade 'accidentally' because my sister's company is a sponsor. They were all wearing this white shirt NN uniform and me and my brother looked like we just went out of bed, straight to the streets and decided that we wanted to join the parade. It was fun though knowing people were thinking "who the h*** are we?" I mean I was literally in my pambahay attire. If there's one thing I'll never forget about the place, it was the warmness of the people. I swear I'll come back.
The entire day was spent roaming around the streets of Iloilo, finding treasures that i never would back here in Manila and ignoring some people that were not happy that we were there with them during the trip. hell i care...
show you some pictures next time.... mwah!

Random thoughts

Last night i was writing on my journal and i kept wondering why is it that when I am writing on my blog, i can't seem to translate my words into a cohesive piece but when i write on my journal, thoughts kept coming like a tide on a windy day. The old journal trick still does it... I was thinking about the most beautiful thoughts that could make my day while cursing the office aircon for giving me a torturing headache (it was literallyblowing on my head).

So what are these thoughts?

> Me, bumming around 'til sun-down at the beach
> Me, getting a good massage and a body scrub
> Or, me at the beach having a good massage (forget about the body scrub) =)
> Me aboard a ship going somewhere South (watching Sunset on the ship's deck)
> Having dinner with my friends at home or at a friend's place after a busy day at the office
> A looong vacation with friends... (like the Puerto Galera thingy!)
> Me in my room reading a heart-wrenching novel
> People-watching with my people-watching buddies, Tere and Chin-Chin
> Me, staring at an empty space for hours
> Me and my cup of coffee
> Me, movie-marathon-ing on a Saturday night
> My cat Sparkie returning home (she ran away... ) =(
> My mom and pop celebrating another year of being together
> Vida doing the 'May Jowa na Ako' dance steps (hahahaha!!!)

Waittaminute... I've been writing forever, and all I can read was ME... Okay, let's be superficial and think about the others...

> George W. Bush, Jr. and Osama Bin Laden 'kissing and making up'...
> The same with Erap and Gloria
> Or better yet, Susan Roces and Gloria Arroyo
> Manny Pacquiao's glorious winning moment
> Mayor Duterte for President [i can just imagine]

Okay, I ran out of thoughts already...

so?

hmmm... i wonder if altering my working area would cause a change in my working habits... my new place is kind'a exposed to the entire ECCI community that I wouldn't have the nerve to catch some Zzzz's during working hours (my favorite pastime at work... hehe!) Anyway, I like the fact that I am facing a wall instead of a bunch of moving heads; they're kind of distracting anyway. I just miss having the view of the outside world...

work-related dilemmas

*sigh* and i thought this day could be a little more friendlier to me. It's still more than an hour before I could end my agony... this is a bad sign, is it?
Work and fun used to go together. It was an equation. I don't know what happened but it seems they've decided to go separate ways now. It's either work has no room for fun or fun just doesn't want work involved. Whatever it is, I just have one thing in my mind right now -- I wish they would reconciliate soon.

'Coming Through'

Yesterday, I bought Jim Chappell's latest album 'Coming Through' and I haven't stopped listening to it until now.

I am not a music critic or anything like it but I'd say his piece is one thing that is worth listening to. I especially like the 'Lark Story' and 'Heartless Love'. But still, nothing compares to his saddest piece, 'Almost Goodbye'.

I really don't know but I can't remember when I get started liking piano pieces or the sound of soft musical instruments like violin and cello for instance, more than the usual loud and aggresive alternative rock music I have grown accustomed listening to ever since highschool. Am I really getting old?

I remember my friend Chin-Chin listening to a bunch of piano pieces one lazy afternoon in the office and how I teased her about feeling like we're in a hotel lobby, and even worse, in a department store. But since then, I fell in-love with the music.

It fascinates me how the sound can paralyze me and take me far from the trepidations of the real world. I am awed by its capacity to put me into slumber, efface my worries and soothe the scarred emotions I've been masking with the most blissful smile I could ever master.

When I listen to these pieces, I could feel that I'm whole, intact and worthy. I can see life in all its colors and wonders; I know that I am boundless. So, for what it's worth, I am thankful I have found my music.

Insensitive...

My friend Kay says this song hits the bull in the eye. What do you think? (^_^)

How do you cool your lips
After a summer’s kiss
How do you rid the sweat
After the body bliss
How do you turn your eyes
From the romantic glare
How do you block the sound of a voice
You’d know anywhere

Oh I really should have known
By the time you drove me home
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual good-byes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me you might have some advice to give
On how to be insensitive

How do you numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush
How do you free your soul
After you’ve found a friend
How do you teach your heart it’s a crime
To fall in love again

Oh you probably won’t remember me
It’s probably ancient history
I’m one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I’m out of vogue, I’m out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have some advice to give
On how to be insensitive

'Surreal but... errr.... nice?'

Was it nice? Hehe...

Yea, I think seeing someone (that you are not expecting to) after some time is like seeing that person for the first time. I was awed by the brevity of the situation and the impact it had on me that up to now, I can't erase that little encounter off my mind. Maybe I was afraid that it might feel a little awkward (knowing what happened the last time we saw each other) but I was happy it wasn't that way. Yea, it was a nice experience altogether. And I can look back at it once in a while and just smile.

hayyy

Far from the hustles and bustles of the busy streets of Makati.

Sometimes when I go praning, I go up the building rooftop... (kahit bawal). it's an entirely different world up there. Try it. =)

U-oh! Here I go again...

Had I not convinced myself enough that it's over... done with... no more... nada? I hate to think this way... I'm still battling the thoughts; furiously wiping them off my mind for It SIMPLY wouldn't do me any good. There are times that when I need to take them out of the vial residing in my head, I indulge myself in such sweet [aching] thoughts and they make me smile without any pretentions but today isn't one of those times. Today, I wanna shut my mind off any memories. They make me sad... really sad. They make me feel bad... they make me doubt myself which is apparently unhealthy. So why make myself suffer; why inflict pain upon myself?
ENOUGH.
I wish this word was much more stronger.

Happy?!?!

The "nose", the "wala lang" and the "geisha"... mwahahaha....

... during one of those cigarette breaks with the only smoker among us three... ("the nose")

... we weren't tired; we were exhausted with too much gas intake from too much laughing...

... because we are happy people...

Just another Manic Monday...

Hmm.... I could practically hear the Bangles humming to my ears... "It's just another Manic Mondaaaayyyy...."
My list of things to do have grown a little longer since Saturday after my meeting with the Editorial Consultant. I can't say that I am pleased with it but I feel okay about it. I mean, besides having no option at all, I kind'a promised myself to be a little nice to this whole AQ stuff. In fact, I think I am beginning to like the idea (because in all honesty, i was in deep doubt when this whole thing started... so sorry!)

new year... old habit...

Who says new year compels people to shun their old ways and start anew? I have always been a fan of new year's resolutions but it was such a waste for me because i don't get to keep those promises anyway. Now, I'm through with it. Instead I thought why not indulge myself a little more in those old stinkin habits (ei, as long as i done yeh none harm, i'm good, ait?)

Ten things I'd like to keep (doing) this year:

1. Drink coffee anytime I feel it. But not more than 3 cups a day this time.
2. Drink Coke -- doesn't matter if it's sugarfree or not. I still get fat anyway.
3. Indulge in longer than usual sanity lapses. In other words, patulan ang mga araw at oras na 'tag-praning' ako. Hehe...
4. Buy books that I never get to read, which stay untouch on the bookshelf for a month.
5. Buy pirated DVDs. What can I do, the original's too expensive?!?!
6. Sleep or take long naps (to put it nicely) while at work.
7. Stay up late... (for Conan) hehe...
8. Watch stupid shows like Jerry Springer
9. Eat a lot --- of chocolates.
10. Write when i feel sad, bad, mad and happy!!!

Happy New Me?!?!?!

gooooddd morrrning...

it's been a good morning so far. i just hope no asswipes would destroy my very beautiful day (",)

Coming Home

After more than four months of living sort of independently, I am finally coming back to my parents' house. I've been thinking about this the time I set foot on my pseudo-abode but still considered moving anyway. And now, I am half-hearted about the whole thing. Part of me wants to stay and savor [more] my so-called bitter-sweet independence while the other part is yearning to go home, to my own room, sleep on my own bed and just be with my family.

Looking back, I have come to realize that half my life, I've been away from home. After highschool, I started living on my own, far from the confines of the safety of my home in Manila. My school was far up north where I do not have any relatives to run to just in case something bad happens. But the whole experience turned out to be one of the biggest achievements of my life. It taught me that the world goes round like it usually does but the phase of life that you'll lead will always depend on you.

I've lived among strangers, some of which have become part of my journey while others remained as distant drifters. I came to know the world in its real sense while discovering a whole new me in the process. And so right after college, I had the notion that I can live perfectly on my own. I became too independent that I thought running away from time to time (especially if things at home do not go my way) is a natural resort. I was technically a "stokwa", a "stow away" or whatever they call it.

My first job, much to my enjoyment, required a lot of travelling. By then I was a certfied nomad... I go places, I was never home. I was enjoying every minute of it.

As much as I would like to stay close, there are circumstances that forces me to drift away. My family is not a picture perfect one. There are times that it resembles a battlefield. And knowing the stubborn little crazy ass that I am, I always refuse to wave the white flag. I live up to my 'maldita' attitude. I always run away.

But now I am coming home. I want to live at least a few moments confined in its four walls, knowing that there, i will always be safe.

I am... Today.

I am...

... currently under the weather. Thanks to the Tagaytay trip and the heavy downpour last Saturday... In the last two hours, I have consumed two jumbo packs of tissue. My nose is 'running' like hell (swear, it has a mind of its own). I badly need a dose of vitamin C.

... staring blankly at my monitor and seriously considers doing so for the rest of the day.

...bombarded by thoughts about the Asian Quality -- both the magazine and the person... great... just great.

... skipping lunch (again... hehe)

missing AQ

thanks to cristine and the boyzIImen, i feel like i am a little unnerved today. someone crossed my mind. someone whom i thought i would be able to get over with in just a week's time (okay, two or three weeks) after all, i was really hurt and i guess it still stings. i mean, really... i don't know why this guy made such an impression on me. okay, he's cute, funny, a no-nonsense good conversationalist, an artist, an introvert and extrovert combined (confusing huh?!) and super kuliiit! (my weakness... hehe!) okay, i'm a big hypocrite if i do not admit that i miss him. yea, maybe just a little... or maybe quite the opposite... I've been thinking a lot about him these days. sad no? workload and all... psyched out or not... he is there... constantly popping into my head. I suppose there is nothing really wrong about it as long as i keep my sanity in tact and avoid doing crazy things like confessing (hehe) to him for the second time. i mean i am way over that... i'd slap myself hard if i have to. i guess i just miss the person...

senti bigla...

More than three weeks have passed since I let go of you. And looking back, i thought i would have regained my usual "happy" self in two weeks time or so. i even gave myself a deadline. Now I laugh as if there is no looking back. I refer to you almost as a non-existent person. i act as if we haven't even crossed paths.

But every laugh, every denial is just part of the show. it's sad that even though you are intangible, you are still here. i laugh at your memories, our short-lived but worthy moments. it's as if you've left a ot of debris before you went away... they are still scattered... when will you ever go away?

work spasm

i don't have anything to write today. but just to make use of my idle (and wasted) time in front of kay's monitor... i compel myself to string these words.
don't get the wrong picture; i actually have tons of 'to do's' so long, it could actually compare with lotto's long line of aspiring millionaire wannabe's but [again] i am not my usual 'hardworking' self today. no matter how deep i concentrate, everything seems like a void.
i can't help but think: my existence is dictated by the 'senseless' routinary things i do at work. Forgive me, but i really can't fathom my importance in this corporate setting. I can't define what i need to do or at least prove my worth (especially, when every single time you are bombarded with the incessant 'psyching out' shrekkie so love to do). hmmm... maybe i should consider another job? tried that... but what's the point... i haven't proven anything yet. If ever, fate allows, i'd be able to stay for at least one year in this office, i want to leave something i would be remembered of (seriously!) I am serious about this whole Asian Quality thing but to my dismay, i think i am not getting enough moral boosting from my superior. That's the funny thing about it. I am being passionate about something that is not even mine or i don't know if i'd even have the license to call it mine.
as much as i hate writing (or complaining) about work, there isn't really anything to tell you... sorry...

Ode to the Pretty Dork...

toothache, stress, euphoria and all...

am i suppose to be sad?

maybe not...

but then again,

maybe just a little.

Ouch my tooth (isa lang e) aches...

i've been suffering from incessant tooth throbbing in the last two days... i swear i'd rather have any other ache than this one... it paralyzes my nerve brains... i can't think, i can't do anything... even eat... as much as i'd like to just sleep this off, i feel like "shrek" has his watchful eyes on me (or again, am i just being paranoid?)
i wonder why sometimes, even the tiniest part of our body can have a control on our entirety and make us suffer until we beg 'No more!' like this frigging tooth which, in the first place, i should have gotten rid off months ago... i swear i'm having it extracted this weekend... tiny piece of sh*t...