1015 (late post)

I was so caught up with work that I forgot to post this one yesterday...

1015am on a Wednesday

My day just started five minutes ago and I am really not proud of it. I slept late as usual and I hate this but it will definitely sound like a rusty excuse, but I was caught up in a terrible terrible traffic. My morning routine to work is usually a physical and mental torture. But as a colleague says, traffic is no excuse. This is Manila for Pete’s sake! Even people here go arse-to-arse!

A large part of my being late is the fact that at 1am, me and my sister just went out of Greenbelt 3’s Cinema 2, along with hundreds of other fanatics who couldn’t wait for one more day to watch ‘Twilight’. The advance screening was at 11pm and since we were too eager to see Edward Cullen (swoooonnn!) in action, we forgot the time.

This is one of those days when I feel like rolling in my bed the whole day, with a book in hand not wanting to care about the world.

Anyway, I feel like a zombie these days... I get up every morning, doing the same routinary things but I feel like I don't (or can't!) breathe. My mind is reeling like crazy and blank at the same time. You know that point in your life when you just feel so suffocated and numb with how you live your life and you can't help but make a face whenever you think about how much of it is really worth all the effort? And there is just NO ONE to talk to? Just no one.

Blah blah blah on a Saturday

It's a Saturday afternoon and I'm here in our office, almost ready to go home. I'm still waiting for this last darn email to get outta my outbox before I can finally shut this laptop down. I'm so ready to go home and I'm itching to watch some Korean movies (haven't really done it in quite a while and I'm missing it) =)
I wanna watch this.
Anyway, I've tons of untouched Korean movies and telenovelas on my book shelf at home and I can't wait to finish them all. Now's the time.. since I've been pretty much productive today at work... I thought I earned mi-self a nice reward. =)

The 'Rovilson' Encounter

Seriously. In a span of two weeks, I got to meet my 'TARA' (The Amazing Race Asia) Season 2 crushes... hehe... Met Rovilson in a presscon I attended tonight =)

The guy's really nice, down-to-earth and very talkative... hehe! Me and my big mouth, I almost mentioned how disappointed I was because they didn't win... but of course, I was able to bite my lip and shut up. Cool dude. =)

Goodbye AQ?

Is this really it?
Am I saying goodbye to this baby?
I guess 2009 will be somewhat different without it.
But what the hell, it's not mine.
But why don't I feel sad at all?
I am trying to weigh my feelings.
I want to be sad about it.
I seriously wanted to be. But I just can't.
Instead I am *blank* like this _______
I can't say I am happy either.
AQ and me.. we went quite a long sh*tty way together.

More updates very soon.

Poclita

I haven't seen this girl in God knows how long and I really appreciated her effort last weekend to come all the way down to Makati to see me... after all, she owes me.. hehe...


This is Pocla (not her real name) Haha! She's one of my closest girl pals in college and despite the fact that we're just an hour away from each other (she lives in QC), we don't see each other often. She's so lazy.. doesn't want to move her a** around that much (or probably not) but I don't know, she says she's always busy..

Pocla is the girl 7-11 personified... As Jackie Chan puts it: Her 'mouth never closes'. She's so talkative that sometimes, you just want to shut up and listen.

Starstruck: Marc Nelson (hayayay!!!)

Whoa... I remember it was a total turn off for me when Marc Nelson was a no-show at the 'Walk the World' activity the last time and I was almost convinced that I was through being a fan.

But NO!

When I saw him at Powerbooks (Greenbelt) earlier tonight, I almost hyperventilated. Sheez, I was starstruck, along with my friends. Thus, this: =)

Me, Marc, Tere & Gelai

He's soooo... err.. what's the word? Cute would be an understatement... =)

Compluvcations

What is so complicated about love?

I have a number of theories that I would rather keep in my head but my fingers are too itchy that they worked on their own to translate them into something that I could look back to when I’m half immersed in that sh*thole. Pardon the curse; I am trying really hard to avoid that but there is nothing more agitating than the talk about l-o-v-e. Well, agitating can be two ways-the heart-thumping, heart-pumping, can’t-eat-can’t-sleep always happy feeling and the opposite of that – plain misery.

So, why the heck am I talking about love then? I guess I am still high about that Friday night conversation with my ‘sponges’ (or was it the other way around? I was more like the sponge that night!) Warning: There is 97.9% chance that you’ll be reading stuff that you have probably read a gazillion times or seems so oddly familiar even if they’ve never even happened to you. These are my thoughts; words that have been swimming through my brain mucus in the last 72 hours. Thoughts that seem to haunt me for fear that they MAY also happen to me. (I could only hope not). Some, I’ve experienced myself and wanting nothing else but to bury them in the deepest nooks of my memory.

I would like to make a disclaimer. Although these are not totally crazy thoughts that just came popping in my head but somehow part of a sickening reality, I did not intend for the arrows to hit some of you, my dearest friends, straight through the head (or heart?).Pardon my being direct; sometimes my words cut like a butcher knife but I believe they can also shake you off your slumber. I’ll only give a few:

Case no.1: A girl falls in-love with an (pardon this…) ‘ugly’ guy. That’s not even the catch yet. The ugly guy is committed to someone else and has Titanic and the size of that iceberg it hit combined for an ego. Forgive me for being so blunt but who are we fooling? Their breed really does exist. The poor girl is not only blinded by the circumstance but is also acting all crazy and stupid and just… well, stupid. You’d think the guy drugged here or fed her some sort of an herbal tonic that would easily delude her senses that there wouldn’t be anything left. The girl, despite being told by the people (and even the signs) around her that the guy is too wrong for her CHOOSES to overlook the fact that the guy indeed is jerking her around. The rest, well, is up to that girl if she ever wakes up from that stupor.

Case no.2: A girl falls in-love with a very good-looking guy that is too good to be true. Don’t get me wrong, the guy seems to like the girl. Again LIKE the girl, not love. Nothing more. This is pretty much like case no. 1, except that he’s someone that is a little hard to let go because of the very simple fact that he’s an eye candy and he seems very nice. But he has’t got the balls to move a step forward because he’s just not the type and it might ruin his reputation. The girl, on the other hand, is hoping desperately for more.

Case no.3: A girl meets the ‘man of her dreams’ or SO SHE THOUGHT. The first meeting was okay… actually, more than okay… it was a blast! You were laughing your heart out all night and he was laughing just as hard; you felt so pretty and he made you feel so pretty; you felt like a princess and he’s the noble stead that you have waited for so long. You were thinking to yourself: “This is soooo it!!!” The night ends but the ‘kilig’ moment continues. He’ll text you goodnight and that he’s had a blast. But then, the following day, there is nada… nothing… na-uh. No text, no ‘hi’, no ‘hello’, no ‘how’s your day?’ and there are about a million things whizzing in and out of your head. Then towards the end of that day, you’ll get a ‘Hi’ from this guy. Excited, you’ll reply in less than half a minute. But you’ll get toasted waiting and waiting and waiting for an answer that wouldn’t just come. This is the part where you’re acting all lunatic, looking at your phone every five seconds, muttering incoherent pieces to yourself and whining to whoever’s within your 5 millimeter radius. He’ll reply alright but not till you’re almost crazy and paranoid. And this torturing predicament goes on and on and on every single day.

Case no.4: A girl falls in-love with someone that for some reason she just can’t be with. Well, I don’t know. This one’s too general. It could be that the guy is to be fixed for an arranged marriage (or is already taken!), or that he is gay or that he’s a vampire for all we care (sorry, still high with ‘Twilight’) It could be that the guy also likes you but is also aware of how things seem so impossible between you so he doesn’t make a move. But when you’re together, you just know that hell, there really is something and sometimes, you forget all about the ‘compluvcations’ and enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes, you think about fighting the odds and is so sure of it until you snap back to reality. Sad, right?

Case no.5: A girl falls in-love with her bestfriend. By that I mean, that person who knows your deep, dark secrets and who’s used to seeing you as nothing but an outlet or a sponge or someone to tackle and annoy and say harsh things to because he knows you wouldn’t get mad or if you do, you’ll get over it because he is very certain that you couldn’t last a day without talking to him. You pretend to not care and tell him how stupid he is. You confide in him all your guy problems secretly hoping to get him jealous or react anything that would give you the slightest hint if he is. And yet, when he talks to you about the girls that he likes, you pretend to listen when in fact (a) you’re not and you’d rather talk to your shoes, (b) you’re really listening , scooping up details about your potential competition while planning to sabotage whatever it is that could happen between them, or (c) you’re listening and hurting a lot but you’re not going to do anything about it. Very cliché, right?

FanMode: TWILIGHT

I am in-love.
... with a vampire. A teen-age vampire. His name is Edward Cullen.

I am totally into this new book which I am currently reading. It's not actually that new (been sitting on our shelf for quite some time now) but I just had the urge to read it last Saturday when I was too lazy to do anything. The novel's called 'Twilight' by Stephanie Meyer. What's interesting is that they already made a film out of it and it will be in theaters on December 12 (have to check that).

I'm not even 1/4 of the book and yet, I am already head-over-heels in-'like' with Edward Cullen - the lead male character in the story. Guess who's portraying him in the movie... It was Cedric Diggory (from Harry Potter Goblet of Fire & The Order of the Phoenix).His real name is Robert Pattinson and he... well, looks like a vampire. hehe.. young steaming h-o-t vampire! Imagine the younger version of Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise combined in 'The Interview with a Vampire'... that hot. The female lead character is named 'Bella' and she seems cool in the beginning but appears to be more and more pathetic (atleast in the book) towards the end (as my sister says).

'Twilight' is really famous among highschool students and teen avid readers but I don't really care. I am an avid Harry Potter fan up to this day and I can be an Edward Cullen fan, right? Rumor has it that Potter fans who are also Cullen fans don't really mind Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince movie screening being moved next year to make way for 'Twilight' (the movie). They cannot show Pattinson in two different characters at the same time; people would get confused.

Friday morning rantsomeness

Good Friday morning!

Wow... I came to work really early today... as in 7:30 early. I guess my body clock hasn't recovered yet from yesterday where I had to wake up at 4:30 am to be on time for this event that we have to be in. This morning, I woke up with a jolt, alarmed a little bit that I had overslept. And when I looked at the clock, it wasn't even 5am yet. So, there. I have to get used to this because I have to make it up for the last few weeks (!) that I've been coming to the office very very late. It all boils down to motivation. I had none (at least here at work).

I hope today would be a great day. It's too early to think about what may come out of it but positivism is a good start. My week's been great so far. I had those little 'scheizo' moods but they were too momentary and I am happy about it. I swear, this environment is driving me insane. Sorry, didn't mean to say it that way but dot dot dot.

I will be out the rest of the afternoon to be in that event again and I'll be interviewing some people. I hope I'll be at my best because there are times when I just don't wanna be around people. Hate it but that's me sometimes.

Gotta lotsa work to do... 'till later... =)

An unintentional surge of emotion for No One

I was playing 'Bookworm' for three straight hours and I suddenly got bored and wrote this - non-stop, just let the words flow without putting any thought to it so forgive me it doesn't make any sense. But you know what? It does make a lot of sense to me =)

When the clouds part I see your face and then the moon rises I soon forgot that you ARE my life. Your tears, they blur my vision… the visions of us walking along the sandy beach, arms entwined, promising each other forever… and then I fell down off to the bottom of the well, hit my head and realized that I was all alone and there was never a you. I scurried through the forests, hoping I could find you, to overcome my fear, my restlessness ‘coz you are my only peace. But you are far… two inches down my heart. You lost track of time, forgot that I was waiting for you and you wandered far off to nowhere and I have no idea and I am not expecting that you’ll be coming back for me. You said you’ve forgotten something and you would want to get it back. Why will you go when I’m here already infront of you? I’m shedding my tears because you are tearing my heart right before your eyes, right before my consciousness and I can’t do anything about it. You devour my pride mercilessly and yet you are crying about it. I pity us ‘coz we are holding on to something we can have, yet we believe we cannot. My faith died together with yours. I want to save it but you seem to let go. I am holding on tight, you are covering my hands, you are protecting me with your warmth. But the warm cools down in an instant, like a sunny day fading out, you brought the rain. I am telling the world I love you. No, I want you in my life. I can never live without you. I probably can but I choose not to. What will I do when you start going your way? Serendipity is surreal like your so-called love for me. But can these words bring you courage and make you say what you really feel? My serendipity is you and you don’t even know it. My serendipity is us.
I went into the garden, touching every plant within my reach, hoping that at the end of the maze, you’ll be waiting for me. I went on ahead, I saw a swing, covered in ravines; it looks treacherous, yet peaceful and I thought I wanted to die right there and then. I traced down my steps to the path where I found you.

Umagang Kay... Pfffttt..

I have decided to be happy these past few days.. as if happiness can really be decided, right? But who cares.. I just thought I've been wallowing in the dark in the last few months and I've been too affected by even just the tiniest events in my life that I am already digging my own grave. And then, it hit me.. I don't wanna die wearing a frown!

These days, I want to be Thet - the real one. The real Thet doesn't care if she chooses not to care. She laughs like there's no tomorrow and she smiles at her problems. She can easily be heartbroken by friends so she treasures them while they're still around. She can easily be inspired by the person she likes. And most importantly, she looks her best all the time. =)

This morning, however, is a challenge. My rosolution is being put to the test. Less than 30 minutes after I arrived at work, my boss called me in. And guess what... you guessed that right. Sheez, I don't even have to say.. its so unpredictable. Pffftttt.....

Anyway, my mood's not been tarnished yet. Positivism won.. my EQ is too high to be deplated these days... except when... I don't know... hehe... I just hope that this will go on and on and on...

Maca*FRIGGIN'*rena & Los Del*FRIGGIN* Rio!

It wasn't even six am yet and I was wide awake... to think that I didn't sleep until 3am (had to finish something... a promise to a friend, which I didn't finish anyway 'coz I succumbed to the Zzzsss). I was awakened by the loud, annoying sound of Macarena booming through the whole house. Extremely irritated becuase of lack of sleep, I went downstairs ready to pounce on whoever was causing my misery and voila... I almost rolled down our stairs when I saw mom DANCING in the middle of our living room! Turns out she was practicing at 5:30 in the morning for their little dance number for their church anniversay presentaton later tonight. I thought that was it but then Lou Vega suddenly started singing Mambo No. 5 and I seriously thought it was the end of the world! Waaahhh....
I couldn't get back to sleep... bleck...

First video post (of mi-self)

Nagpapa-discover... haha! Nah, I was just making fun of myself while killing time and playing with my bebe- my guitar. Here's for my Creator... I'm sorry I've been losing my way lately...

(Please forgive me if the video's lopsided, I don't really know how to fix it...)

POWER OF YOUR LOVE (I forgot one whole line of the song...hee-hee...)


HERE I AM TO WORSHIP (I was messing up the music... haha)

An entry almost forgotten (Singaporing)

I found this while I was browsing through my files... attempting to clean my hard drive as I have a feeling that it wouldn't be long until this laptop crashes because it wouldn't hold my files anymore...

Singapore-ing

12:30pm, Seat 28 (the last row on the plane)

I was asked by the PAL crew if I wanted a window seat and I eagerly answered YES! not knowing that I’ll be seating at the tail part of the plane which I absolutely hate. The turbulence is ten times stronger if you’re sitting on that area (like what I’m experiencing right now… I am just controlling my gagging bouts).
It’s my first time to take a PAL flight (to Singapore), ergo, it was my first time to experience the Centennial Terminal. For something with such a magnanimous name, the terminal facilities do not really reflect it. No doubt it looks better than the old terminal but it’s still far from the airports of HK, Singapore and Malaysia. I haven’t been to NAIA Terminal 3, which people say is just one bath short of these airports. Yea, probably…The Centennial Terminal looks.. err… dirty.
Anyway, I must hand it in to the efficiency of the crew at the Terminal in assisting passengers. Even the airport staff, particularly the Immigration officials, are way… errr.. approachable than the ones in the old terminal. They smile and that just amuses the h*ll out of me! I am used to not getting smiled at airports, except from occasional strangers whom I, forgive me, find a little weird.
Beside me were two OFWs who will just be passing through Singapore for their transfer flight to UAE – a girl, my age (as I caught a glimpse of her birth year in her passport while she’s filing up the Immigration card) and a guy she calls ‘kuya’ but from the looks of it, she doesn’t want him to be just ‘kuya’ (observation kills boredom and making up stories inside your head is innocuous)…they were flirting like mad as if I am not even here. Yep, I am writing this while they’re at it. Heaven forbid. Anyway, they look harmless and I can live with this so why not.
The food that was served wasn’t bad – a beef noodle something with a shrimp salad and a sylvanna for dessert… yummy! I am on my ‘takaw’ mode these past few days so despite the fact that the three-decker ham and egg sandwich and grande cappuccino that I gobbled up this morning at the airport haven’t been digested yet, I still finished my meal in a jiff. I busied myself eating rather than watch (and hear) my seatmates at their maximum flirting level. Ngii.
In a few minutes, we’ll be landing in Changi airport. Can’twait.

The next day, 9:30pm, Starbucks right across Fullerton

Tonight, I am watching the very slow movement of ‘The Eye’ in the distance. I can’t really see it spinning but Chin says it does. I originally wanted to experience the ride but it might not be worth it ‘coz most of the view would be constructions. It’s like half of Singapore is being constructed these days, you’d think cranes and giant forklifts are part of the city’s décor. Probably, part of it is because of the upcoming F1 Race. But really, I haven’t seen much construction in one block.
We are facing the Esplanade as well and the view is just too magnificent that I wanted to freeze it in time. I want to freeze the moment – me and my friends just chilling here, enjoying the cool night air while sipping our cups of tea. You’d think we are having a meeting, as we are all busy typing in our laptops.
We woke up a little late this morning so we missed the breakfast at the hotel. We grabbed some brunch in a random restaurant in Marina Square. Since last night, we haven’t eaten anything that’s really good – it’s either too spicy or too bland. Not amusing.
We spent the afternoon at the Orchard with Tere’s highschool friend, Ever. She’s really nice and easy to get along with, we feel like we know each other a long time already. We went to this shop in Plaza Singapura called Daiso where everything (as in everything!) is being sold at only 2 SGD. You’ll see a wide variety of things from cosmetics, to office supplies, to food to hardware, etc. I bought a laptop jacket, bookshelf stopper with a cat design and some colorful pens.
(I didn’t write anything after this… I was too busy Singaporing…)

Fanmode: NEARLY FAMOUS

Me and my sister came across this new tv series on cable tv (Velvet) and I must say, the first episode really did get our attention. We especially love the unique cinematography and the interesting characters that make up the story. Not to mention that this is the first Brit tv series that interested me.

The premise is basically about the struggles of four British teenagers who are attending a performing arts school (that's what actualy interested me!). The story line is quite typical if you would think about it - a group of teeners who are trying very hard to make something of themselves, each one facing issues of his own.

Owen is the musician with the bad reputation, Lila is the writer who has problems with her mother, Kate is the actress trying to get somewhere without the help of her famous father, and Joe is the geeky boy who has a passion for working with lights. (TV.com)

Reviews I've read said the show was only short-lived and lasted with only six episodes and there is still an ongoing petition of Nearly Famous fans for the continuation of the tv series. In any case, I will still be watching it...=)

Rantsomeness: Kwento lang

Kahapon was somewhere between crazy and great. Crazy dahil biktima ako ng 'Murphy's Law' almost all afternoon. At great dahil natapos ang buong araw ng masaya pa rin ako. =)

For the first time this week, maaga akong pumasok - as in 7:30 am aga - maaga na yun sa office namin dahil usually dumarating yung mga tao nang lampas 8am. Sa pila pa lang ng FX papuntang Ayala, mukhang biniyayaan na ko ng grasya dahil walang pila... okay na sana, nakangiti na sana yung umaga ko nang biglang may tumabi sakin na guy na yuppie na mukhang mayabang pero disente naman...eh sa middle part ako ng FX nakaupo at josko, kahit super sikip na eh pagkakasyahin pa din nila ang apat... kesehoda hindi kayo pare-pareho ng volume (a.k.a taba). Sa sobrang sikip e halos makipagpalit na sakin ng mukha yung mama at mukhang wala siyang care kung mistulang naaalibadbaran na ako na masyado siyang feeling close. Take note, may bitbit pa akong tatlong bag (araw-araw yun kaya wala na akong pag-asang tumangkad!). So, dahil ayokong mag-inarte dahil part naman ng 'everyday FX adventures' ko yun, e hinayaan ko na lang. Buti pala... kase pareho kami ng building na pinagta-trabahuhan ni yuppie at may chance na makasalubong (at makasabay ko siya) araw-araw.. e di trouble kung inaway ko di ba?

So, pagdating ko sa office, salang agad sa work dahil may meeting kami with 'He-Who-Must-Be-Tamed ng 11:30. So buong umaga akong tuliro at nagpapanic dahil nafi-feel ko ngang makakatanggap na naman kami ng umaatikabong panenermon at pagpapagalit. Maririnig ko na naman yung mga classic na linya ng halimaw: "It's not rocket science!", "Cut the bullshit!", "That is unacceptable according to me", "Any Tom, Dick & Harry can do it! I can do it!" , "Bonehead" , "Morons" , "Idiot", "Bugger" at kung anu-ano pang sweet endearments na 'pag ikaw ang sinabihan e siguradong masusuntok mo siya (I nearly did.. hehe!).So, ayun na nga at hindi ako nagkamali. Wala pang sampung minuto kami nakababad sa hotseat e umulan na ng sabon, pangkula at palo-palo sa conference room. Buti na lang at hindi ko lahat nasalo. Actually, medyo nasanay na din siguro ako sa panenermon nya at labas-masok na lang sa tenga ko yung pinagsasasabi niya. So, deadma as usual. Sandali lang din halos yung meeting kase lunch na at damang-dama kong gutom na siya kaya ni-cut short niya yung meeting.

Maghapon yata akong wala sa sarili dahil sobrang unorganized yung thoughts ko... halo-halong kalamay... if you would try to peek inside my mind, pati ikaw mahihilo. Then after kumain ng uber late lunch, kailangan kong lumabas sandali for some errand. Ayon, medyo nakalma ang utak ko paglabas na paglabas ko ng office building... iba talaga ang hangin sa labas! (literal na hangin ang tinutukoy ko. why... go figure). Then, nagsimulang umatake si Murphy nung nagta-try ako magbook ng flight online. Sunod-sunod na kamalasan ang inabot ko sa internet. Una, ngayon ko lang napatunayan na may Cebu Pacific syndrome ang Philipine Airlines pagdating sa bilis ng pagpapalit ng ticket rates online. Halimbawa, kung ang rate ng isang roundtrip ticket ng isang international destination na nakuha mo ay medyo mura pa at this minute, try mong mag-refresh after a few minutes at malalaglag ang panga mo dahil the next thing you know, tumaas na agad yung rates niya...I mean, in a matter of minutes lang tataas na agad yung rates! What the?!? So ang ending e kung dalawa kayong nagbu-book for the same flight sa iisang computer, magkaiba na yung ticket rates nyo. In my case, nawindang ako dahil pagtapos ko magbook for myself at nung turn ng nung friend ko e nagdoble na yung price nung ticket for the same flight. Ang ending, hindi tuloy kami magkasabay aalis. Crap!!! Muntik pang ma-doble yung charging sa credit card nung kaibigan ko dahil biglang nawala yung internet connection habang kalagitnaan ng pagpa-process nung booking. Hindi ko pa alam ang customer service number ng PAL at nung nakatawag naman ako, ipinaglipat-lipat pa ako ng makakasagot sa inquiry ko. Grrr. Anyway, naayos naman sya bago matapos ang araw so happy ako.

Yung masayang part, nung dumating yung friend kong si Gelai after magpromise na dadalaw siya sa office (after ten years... hehe) at nakausap namin si Kaching na minsan na lang din magparamdam dahil happy siya ngayon... eherm... nagpaparinig ako (kidding!). At himala, inabot ng gabi si Wayne sa office na allergic sa OT. hehe. At dahil mistulang reunion, daldalang nag-umapaw ang mga sumunod na eksena, over Jollibee Spaghetti and Burger steak at Starbucks coffee. We also met David's new girlfriend. Natutuwa lang ako 'pag may bago akong kakilala.. ibig sabihin lumalaki ang mundo ko. =)

So, yun lang at nakalimutan ko na si mamang yuppie at yung umagang nakakabaliw.

Isa yata yun sa life's greatest mysteries. Ang tawag ko jan- equilibrium. 'Pag hindi maganda ang araw mo, sasaya naman ang gabi mo. Kung sobra-sobrang sama ng loob ang binibigay sayo ng trabaho, meron ka naman friends and family na makakapagpasaya sayo. Ganun lang yata talaga. So, kahit papa'no, I learned a lesson. 'Wag masyadong seryoso sa buhay.. you'll never know what can happen next.

Sorry, my mind won't shut up =)

Bugger.

I've got THAT bug again... the bug of being 'masungit' and being not in the mood 70% of the time. PMS? Probably. A sudden change of heart? Emotional healing or on the brink of an emotional trauma? Hay, ewan... I think work is eating me alive again and it's probably the stress that makes me a monster (like He-who-must-be-tamed!)

Funny thing is I know when I am being like this but the problem is no matter how many times I 'breathe-in-breathe-out' while my eyes are closed while commanding my nerves to just 'chill', I still can't help but explode, especially when I come across people who can't make my day any gloomier or when I'm caught up in a situation where I have to 'just shut up and bear it'...

I really hate it when I'm like this because even the tiniest thing (sometimes not even worth the energy) can cause a friction that I just burn up. From a seemingly fleeting annoyance, I sometimes find myself on the verge of a full-pledge rage (although hindi naman destuctive... nearly lang). Maybe I need anger management.

Photofunia fun

I came across this site (www.photofunia.com) while I was pretending that I was researching something important for my article... hehe... nah, I was so tired and bored and just needed a break..

I played with some of my photos and... voila!

Wow! I got my very own billboard... tee-hee!

Obsessed?!? Ngiii...

musings on conversations

I went out to dinner with my friends tonight and as usual, more than pigging out, the night turned out to be an almost four-hour talking marathon. It's pretty funny how you start discussing things out of the blue (sometimes non-sense and sometimes a very intelligent one) and end up with some topic that is waaaaay off from your starting point.

Take our case for instance. At CPK, where we had our dinner, we were talking about how Glorietta used to look like (it was called Quad then), Martial Law, the Edsa Revolution, Imelda Marcos, Ninoy's assassination, NN's road to recovery, Erap and his wives and their not-so hidden wealth and some other intelligent topics that we find quite interesting. And yet, when we transferred to Starbucks for some caffeine abuse, the topics were diverted to showbiz, the pirated dvds (porn that is!) that are being sold explicitly in Baclaran, and... hold on tight for this... cockroach infestation.

Labo no?

It's nearly 2am and my mind is still talking... if I can just shut it up...

Fanmode: CHRIS CENDANA

Youtube is awesome...

Because my brother is so desperate to find some guitar lesson tips videos for the song 'Apologize' (by One Republic), we came across this FilAm songwriter who's based in Morgantown, West Virginia. Man, this one really delivers... His songs say it all... ENJOY!

This one's my favorite =)



His version of 'I'm Yours' by Jason Mraz



Enjoy the rest of his songs here...

When solitude sets in... on a Friday night!

Nobody wants to talk to me. Out of probably ten (exaggeration ito!) people I randomly text messaged today, only two replied. Dang... it's really pathetic. Nobody cares... *Sniff*

Hay, ang sad. It's Friday night and I'm here in the office... still working. This is nothing new naman but I just feel extra sad (and tired today). While wallowing on self-pity and editing, I decided to play with my camera...

This is me today... *sniff*

This is what keeps me here on a Friday night... grrr...

My food... (it's the book actually.. teehee!)

How many cats do you see? =)

Which part is that?

This is the part where I go home at past 11pm, too tired and wanting to rest but just can't sleep yet.

Instead, here I am attempting to put together a decent account of what happened to me today. As much as I would like to update the world (err.. not really... i don't know if this blog's even visible...) about my life's what-nots, sometimes, the mood isn't just there. Sometimes, I open this blog and sign-out after about three seconds. In the 15 minutes of my travel from my office to my house, I am able to think about a million things to tell the internet and yet, when this blank 'post box' stares at me right in the face, all my thoughts evaporate. I would really love to have something to put here everyday but my laziness overlapping with craziness just wouldn't allow it.

Today is the part where my subconscious seems to bully my body and my mental state to lower their defenses again. I came to work with a running nose and I thought it was just a simple case of allergic-rhinitis... but NO! I used up two tissue rolls and two jumbo kleenex travel packs today and my trash bin was embarrasingly overflowing with snot-filled tissues. I looked like I was crying the whole day - eyes almost swollen and teary and a very red (and aching) nose to top it off. I am still having a slight fever as I am typing this but at least, the nose is back to normal.

My colleague said "Napapansin ko, 'pag malapit na ang deadline, nagkakasakit ka..." Exactly. Come to think of it.. that could be true. No doubt I am having a lot of pressure these days because of the next issue's impending release and probably my body is giving me a little warning or something. But heck... totoo nga... I just realized it and I find it quite amusing. Remember? Stress gave me one heck of a skin allergy - Pytiriasis something something and the marks are still here, etched on my skin.. a good 'ol reminder of how miserable I WAS because of work.

Current body temperature: 38 degree celcius - Is this normal?

And because I was not feeling well and I am desperate to stop my nose from 'crying', I munched... chewed... gnawed... In other words, I ate A LOT. I have this crazy idea that chewing can make my running nose disappear. So, I consumed something that is equivalent to what a person thrice my size consumes when he / she is on an eat-all-you-can mode. So, that was the part where I became a self-confessed glutton.

And this... this is the part where I am cutting short my blog entry to satisfy my 'Lucky Me Pancit Canton' cravings. (^_^)v

I'm... back?

I was so dreading this day but then I remembered... hey, this is the part where I am/should be going back to my normal life - me, myself and work. I am definitely not at all psyched but it somehow gives me a peace of mind. What the? Don't ask...

I open this blog and find myself staring for minutes at my previous post and thinking - what the hell was I thinking? It shouldn't be there... I never should have written it in the first place. I was fighting the urge to delete it. But I thought I shouldn't 'coz it was what I WAS feeling at that time so... yea, why not. =)

Thirty minutes ago (it's 10pm now), I was sprawled in my bed, not wanting to get up. I am dead beat from my first normal day at work. (last week was like an excursion - I only went to work for two days, feeling mighty lazy... *guilty look*). I edited dozens of articles and wrote a couple for the next issue of AQ. It was draining.

I went home early hoping to continue what I was doing at work on the comfort of my bed but as soon as I had dinner and saw my pillows, I totally forgot about what I was planning to do and just hit the sack. I slept with a full stomach and was quite worried of having an indigestion. But then, I got up instantly the moment I heard 'ate' saying that she brought home some food *eyes shining with delight* Yumm... I am such a glutton. hay.. And I am still craving for something at this point. I am blaming food network for this.

In the midst of my busy sched, I found myself thinking of some things that I still want to do beyond work that could broaden my horizon and help me grow as a person. I've been practicing my guitar skills in the last few months, I've enrolled in a basic Mandarin class and I've been quite successful in raising the bar for my spiritual growth. Now, I want to volunteer to any charitable work or activity, I want to start a project of my own, I want to enroll in a baking / culinary class (medyo I'm tired of having the 'aga-tikim' all the time), I want to go to Phuket or Saigon by next year and most of all, push through with my 'Grand Plan New Zealand' =)

I guess the clouds above my head are slowly clearing up and I am just thankful...

Re-view-well

That’s what I should be probably doing about what transpired a few nights ago on my get-away to the land up North. My mind is in total chaos that I couldn’t even tell if what happened really did happen. Or if what I think he said, he did really say. I just probably can’t get over the fact that six years ago, his gaze would’ve melted me to bits and his smile would’ve turned my cheeks to fuchsia pink and yet, when I saw him that night, the feeling was… blank… nada… a big black void. I mean, I was happy… really happy in fact to see him and be with him but there is one big thing that is lacking. Whatever that is, I couldn’t tell… or probably, I am afraid to tell. I just don’t understand how a person can shower you with praises and let you feel how special you are but still do / or not do some things that would make you think otherwise. I am so confused.

I am just probably thinking too much. I am making things complicated. I want to know if he likes me – obviously and without assuming anything, that’s what he made me feel – liked. Honestly, how would you feel if someone suddenly gives you a poem that talks about repressed emotions and that someone just happens to be the person that you like the most a few years back? How would you feel if he suddenly looks at you as if you are something worthy of his gaze and tells you how beautiful you have become? How would you feel if that someone asks of your plans in the future and if you would consider giving them up to stay? How would you feel if you’re sure right there and then that one look from you can make him really nervous and speechless? We walked in the rain; we laughed in the rain. He said I am his princess but I just couldn’t say that he’s my prince. I am just not sure… yet.

And then, the night ended. I came back to reality. I didn’t see him the following days. I know I really wanted to see him again as he was telling me over and over again that he wanted to see me too. But the circumstances just wouldn’t allow it. Heck, I am competing with his future. I guess he needs it more than just one magical feeling from a ghost of his college days.

Review well. That’s what I told him a while ago when we were text messaging. He gave up seeing me to study for his exams week. Review well… That’s what I’ll be doing too ‘coz I will definitely be thinking a lot about him these days.

Baguio after six years

And so, I spent my long weekend back in Baguio... after six long years! =) I guess I am just so happy to be back, to be seeing good old familiar places, hearing that old familiar dialect (Maysang estudyante manong!) and being in the company of my friends whom I haven't seen for such a long time.

About 11:45, Saturday night, the deluxe bus I took from Victory Liner, Pasay Terminal left for Baguio. I really wanted to travel comfortably and by that, I mean no narrow bus seat, no unwanted seatmate and no stop overs. Ang arte eh no? I just thought that since it would be my first time again in years to go back to Baguio, my trip should be a little special. Well, it turned out to be very special =) Armed only with my hooded jacket to help me battle the cold, I arrived in Baguio at 4:15am (!).. thanks to Kat and Jang, I had a place to stay =) Really, thank you guys from the bottom of my (naguguluhang) heart... you are my angels.. hihi...

Anyway, Turista Day 1 started as soon as I regained my energy around lunch time. Me and Kat went to Pizza Volante for lunch. Seems like that one's a pretty famous meeting place. Food was great. If only I haven't had my braces adjusted the night before, I swear I could've eaten all what was served like a hungry buffalo. We were really planning to eat at 50s Dinner, which was one of my most favorite restos in Baguio during my college years. Unfortunately, it got transferred and although they were saying it's still as good as the old one (especially the food), it didn't feel that way. It was also jam packed with double a dozen tourists waiting in line just to get inside. So, we ended at Session Rd to the famous Pizza place. After lunch, we went to sneak in UP Campus just to have a feel of our alma mater. Geez, I miss UP... I miss 'Oble'... I miss being just a student. As I've mentioned before, the school looks really different, with a lot of new structures and buildings. I can't even remember where the offices are... tsk.

Then, we headed off to Botanical Garden (nope, in all my Baguio years, I haven't been there!) for some serious turista business - eh ano pa, e di magpicture nang magpicture. =) We thought minsan lang naman yun so, magpapakaturista na kami. Then it rained... and we took more pictures.

Then I got 'R's message... meet daw kami ng 8pm sa Volante (na naman!). I must admit, I was a little panicky and worried. 'R' is my college crush - as in that ultimate blush-ever, can't-talk-straight-when-he's-around, 'pahiram-ng-Math-notes-para-maka-style', nenok-ng-picture-sa-bulletin-board, active-sa-Youth-Night, kind of crush. Yuck no? Haha. Anyway, we started 'talking' again after I got an unexpected message from him at... okay, buckle up... Friendster! He got my number and that was that. So I informed him that I was in Baguio and that was it. Hala. I don't actually know why I was somehow nervous at the thought of meeting him, considering that six years have passed already and I am pretty sure that I am not feeling anything special this time (fingers crossed tightly!). Kat said I have to get my beauty rest so we went back to the house to get freshened up (kamusta naman, ang dudungis na namin at nangangamoy usok pa). The meeting was moved to 9pm as he was preparin' some kind of a gift for me daw. At dun nagsimula, ladies & gentlemen, ang istorya ng pakbet. bow. (tell you some other time) So there, spent the rest of my night with 'R', re-living our college memories together (which were actually so little but nice just the same). He took me home a little before 12mn and I haven't seen him the rest of my stay in Baguio. It's his exams week daw so I'd say, forgivable? U-huh. Text lang siya ng text, ganun. Hmp...

Turista Day number 2: Tam-awan Village, some art gallery / coffee shop near Tam-awan, Red Cherries (tama ba?) cake shop, market and Kaffee Klatsch. I am really thankful that I had Kat and Jang to accompany me around. Kat and I had lunch at Tam-awan. It was my first time to eat Adobong Baboy na kamote yung halo. Ang sarap, but again, because of my teeth-throbbing episodes, hindi ko pa din makagat yung ulam. Sad. Then we had a lot of sight-seeing.Tam-awan is such a cool place (literally and figuratively speaking). They have these Igorot-inspired houses which can be rented overnight for lodging. We went up the steep and slippery path to the view deck where you can supposedly see the China Sea and witness God's magnificent creation but the fog was so thick that I only got to see the silhouette of some trees. Then again, it was the experience and the company that I am really thankful for. =) Then we saw this coffee shop / art gallery and we went inside and got awe-struck by the different art pieces inside. They don't allow taking pictures inside but since we don't acknowledge that rule, we still clicked away to our cameras' content. Nakarma tuloy ako... I have this picture where mukhang huling-huli ako sa akto at gulat na gulat. Bigla kasing nag-chime yung bells na signal yata 'pag may visitors, eh I was posing beside this art sculpture... pati si Kat nagulat kaya yung picture CLASSIC... haha. Kafee Klatsch - best place to be with your friends if you just want non-stop talking (and picture-taking in our case) with soft acoustic / piano performance in the background. I fell in love with that place instantly.

My third day was serious business. I had to go back to UP and accomplish my clearance, get my diploma (at last!) and apply for a request for my Transcript of records which I would claim in the next two months. When I was asked to sign the claim sheet, I saw that I was among the few ones left who haven't got these documents yet. Almost all my batch mates have gotten theirs years ago. Hala. I had to go back after lunch 'coz the manang who's in-charge of the releasing of diploma and whatnot took a half-day leave. I went to SM and just looked around forgetting about time. It was already past 2pm when I went back to UP.

Anyway, I had no clue that my nightmare was just about to start. After I left UP, I headed straight to Victory Liner to buy my ticket for my trip back to Manila. I got an 11:15pm schedule. The rain started pouring hard just as I was about to get out of the terminal so I decided to stay back for about 30 minutes and just surf the net in a computer shop inside the terminal. The rain looked like it would never stop. The computer shop manang said it was the onset of typhoon so there's really no use waiting. I decided to go ahead with my plan and scour the market for some pasalubong. Then I got stranded waiting for a cab that would take me 'home'. It took me about two hours, drenched and cold and well... surprisingly... happy. I was worried alright but it was something that didn't really scare me. I knew I'd get pass that safe and sound. Malakas ako kay Lord... hehe. Pero grabe, it was my first time to experience something like that in Baguio... alone.

At around 10:30pm, despite the torrential rain, Kat and Jang brought me to the terminal. As much as I hated saying goodbye, I did... knowing that in just a few months, I'll see them both again. So to you, I am still not done thanking you. Thank you for making that trip worthwhile and special and also, for making me laugh like crazy at the mere thought of 'pakbet'. Ikamusta niyo na lang ako kay Pakbet Boy. Ayus.

I'll post the pictures soon in my multiply page. =)

for you.

Fuzzy Angel just for You-- powered by quickinspirations.com

'He-Who-Must-Be-Tamed''

This is what happens when I am totally upset - I become the master word stringer; my creative juice overflows. This was written while I was sulking, eyes half-closed because I was almost asleep. I thought I just had to let it all out.

An ode to 'He-Who-Must-Be-Tamed'... the 'Dark Lord' in the most literal sense of the word... I'm sure you know who am I talking about. =)

The Puppet Master

He is the dark cloud that covers up your hopes of getting through a day of supposedly pure bliss. He is a typhoon – wreaking havoc to the melancholy of your life. He is the one who will gnaw you alive until you’re nothing but bone scrap. He will feed on your brain and lap up your sweat, tears and blood until you scream dehydration. He’ll nosh sumptuously on your dignity and self-worth as desert. You are nothing but a melting candle in his evil eyes – a disgustful sight in itself. You are a prey and will remain to be while you remain in his colony. He knows everything like a good ‘ol mountain hermit for he has a sixth sense – senselessness.

In his world there is no ‘We’; it’s always ‘I’. ‘You’ is always an ‘I’ – imbecile, idiot, irrelevant. His ‘I’ is an ‘aye, aye, aye!’ He is a one way mirror who sees nothing but himself and his terrifying reflection deserves an oil canvass paint in the museum down from 20 feet under.

In the puppet master’s world, there are no candies and rainbows and white fluffy clouds. His world is an endless train track underneath an unending tunnel of stench. He derives ecstasy from one agonizing pain to another; your cries of torment are his Bach’s Prelude in C Minor – a symphony and an art, a creation of pleasure that cannot be missed.

***

H&G

They say that when you throw a stone into the ocean, no matter how heavy or big it is, it will always find its way to the shore. What shore is that? I don't really know; it doesn't really matter. Point is, it does come back.

This thought made me reflect on how many people in my lifetime - family, friends, acquaintances, those whom I have never really met but I feel like I've known them - have come and go, have said hello, have said goodbye and then, there were those who didn't say anything; they just left. How many bridges have been burned? How many bruises have I gained and how many scars are just about to heal?

One of my life's greatest puzzles is that, why do people talk about forever when it doesn't seem to exist at all? 'Friends Forever', Forever's not enough, From now until forever... I mean, is there someone who has actually experienced it?
***
On to a lighter side but still some kind'a related story...

I've been talking about burnt bridges and all those saying goodbye stuff. But in the last few weeks I've been witnessing God's love through some old friends who have suddenly decided to hike down my path. For me, these little encounters are the biggest things in life. It is one proof of how we are created in just one huge melting pot.

And so now I ask: Did I ever lose anything? =)

You're welcome!

I totally forgot that I've been sending out donation to the UNICEF for the last four months. I was reminded when I received this postcard a day before yesterday and I must say, it warms my heart =)

I miss ChinChin =)

Weird, but I just saw her (and Tina) last Friday. We had dinner and coffee (as usual) and tons of chikahang 'umaatikabo' a-la Daily Ten


Probably, what I mean is I miss having her as an officemate whom I could see on a daily basis, have lunch with, and as an outlet whenever I feel bad about work. See, it's never been the same since all my friends left me (well, physically they did) but I'm sure they're just around there somewhere whenever I am on my 'tag-praning' days and need some ears to use up... =)

I actually miss you all =)

Just another Sunday

I think I am reverting to my old Sunday ways and I am not liking it. Sunday for me used to be a bummer's day; meaning, it was me, my bed and the TV. I could like let a whole day pass without going out of my room, except for an occasional trip to the cr and to get myself some food. I told myself while it is good to do that sometimes, I wouldn't want to waste my time anymore doing nothing. Plus, I kind of promised to devote the first half of the day with my 'date' with God. Unfortunately, I haven't been too successful with both. Well, today might be an exception 'coz I am still not feeling well. I missed Church again... tsk... Mom even did my laundry for me today and I totally adore her even more.
Anyway, I guess there isn't really much to tell 'coz I didn't do anything or at least nothing interesting happened today. I'll just share these videos of my new found fave 'earplug', Brooke Fraser.

DECIPHERING ME (this one's my favorite!=))



SHADOWFEET

So, what's up with me?

wow. a month almost passed by and i am too sick to notice it.

I don't even know if this is still normal because I've been having fever (on and off) since last week (July 10 to be exact). My temperature is so unstable that I only got to report to work for two days this week (or last?). I must admit, my brain's not been functioning well in the last couple of weeks and I wasn't all up for work (especially after I got that too-brutal-to-forget bashing from the hell spawn at work). I think the v-cay mode has something to do with this too.

See, our company had this little 'outing' last July 10 and 11 at this very nice Caylabne Bay Resort somewhere in Cavite. Damn, it was far and the road going there is like Marcos Highway and Kenon Road combined. Very very lucky me - I got fever on our first night there so I didn't get to enjoy much whatever happenings they had (card games, bonding time, etc.) 'coz I slept really early. I was still a little bit under the weather on the second day but instead of sulking, I jumped into the pool and just enjoyed what was left of the day.

The following day, me and my siblings were off to Hong Kong. We didn't even sleep 'coz our flight was at 5am and we had to be at the airport around 3am. Try looking at these pictures and see how our eyebags almost ate half our faces. (hehe!) But it was worth it 'coz I had a very great time with my ate and 'kuya'... even if i was super masungit half the time (pms... tsk... and lack of sleep...) We stayed in this very nice hotel in Northpoint (pros- it's strategically located near the subway station and the rooms are really nice; con - it is at a marketplace!) and we loved it. We got to know Xiang Gang (Chinese for HK) very well in those three days 'coz we were walking and just taking the MTR all the time to save some bucks. Our second day was spent In Disneyland which I swear, was a lot better than the last time I saw it. They have this new attraction called 'It's a Small World' where different countries of the world are represented and little dolls dressed in their national costumes are singing 'It's a small world (afterall!)' in their own languages. Of course, the Philippines is there. =) While it's actually for kids, we enjoyed it a lot!

The rest of the HK trip can be summarized into more walking and trips to Starbucks! Yup, a trip for me is not complete without my cup of (starbucks) coffee =)

So, we got home in the wee hours of Tuesday morning and guess what - I was back with a fever! Kamusta naman? I swear, this virus is clinging to me like crazy. And this time, I got the bonuses - cough and colds. So, I ended up staying home (but still working since I got my laptop with me) last Tuesday and when I felt a little better, I went to work the following day (Wednesday). But as expected, I went home like a sickly kitten, having chills the rest of the night so I was bedridden come Thursday. But since I am a self-confessed idiot, I went to work again yesterday (Friday), coughing my way through the day. It was stupid but it was okay. I also missed my Mandarin classes on purpose to meet up and have dinner with my friends - C & T. The rest didn't show up (as usual!) But again, it was okay and it was a very fun (sickly) night! =)

So, there... that's what happened.