It's been raining non-stop for the last two days and I've been totally immobile here at home. Rainy days make me lazy... it's the best time to just bum around - stay in bed, watch a cheezy korean flick or that drama I've been wanting to finish, and munch on whatever my tastebuds are craving. So far, I've consumed four cups of coffee, a cup of hot chocolate, one tub of popcorn, three packs of chips (from mama's store) and some candies. I am still hungry though.Despite all these junk food, I haven't had a decent meal today.
I missed Church today because I was afraid to go out. I also canceled my movie date with my friends; we were supposed to watch Narnia and drool over Prince Caspian but the weather wouldn't just allow it. But to be honest, I like it sometimes when the weather's like this and was (still a little bit) praying that it would still rain as hard tomorrow so I wouldn't have to go to work. bad... bad... bad...
Oh, well, I felt a little guilty as soon as I opened a few news sites and read some updates about the typhoon Fengshen or 'Frank'. About 86 were killed and 700 plus are still missing as it ravaged Visayas and South Luzon this weekend. A passenger ferry, 'Princess of the Stars' capsized off Sibuyan island in Romblon's central province Saturday night and many (about 700 plus) are still missing. What's disturbing is that I was able to ride this boat during my shipping beat days as a reporter. It was the biggest among the domestic passenger fleet at that time and I saw how nice the interior of that boat was. Oh well... I pray they would find more survivors.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
One of my most favorite guys in the world...
Tada!
Seriously...
I just thought that it's time I write something about this person.
This is Wayne - my closest (or so I think) guy pal in the office.
Wayne is a person that I DON'T understand or get at all. It's like he has his own little world, bolted with a very heavy steel door; you need a tremendous amount of effort before you could come in but once you're inside, you're in for a lot of treat. But this very character of his is what actually makes him [a] special...(child)... kiddin'
He is an insensitive little dweeb that could make my head explode because of his naive-bordering-on-'cluelessness' little ways that sometimes, you'd think he's doing it on purpose just to make you angry. He's also that person who could make me throw my guts out from too much laughing 'coz of his natural goofiness and funny little antics. He can make me laugh without even opening his mouth. And he can also make me angry because he doesn't say anything even if he needs to.
He is my constant companion on my usual trips to food-hunting (whenever I crave for anything!), to convenience stores, to the banks, and anywhere outside the confines of our office whenever I feel like seeing the bustling outside world. He's that person you can easily drag around wherever... whenever (basta office hours and he's not doing anything or is too lazy to do anything just yet!)
He's the most stingy person I know.... although I noticed, these days, the 'kakuriputan' is waning a little bit. But I bow down to his discipline and self-control and his will to do things the right way. Most importantly, I sincerely appreciate his patience to keep up with me and my crazy sometimes-hard-to-deal-with ways.
Xie xie ni wo de peng you! v(^_^)v
Seriously...
I just thought that it's time I write something about this person.
This is Wayne - my closest (or so I think) guy pal in the office.
Wayne is a person that I DON'T understand or get at all. It's like he has his own little world, bolted with a very heavy steel door; you need a tremendous amount of effort before you could come in but once you're inside, you're in for a lot of treat. But this very character of his is what actually makes him [a] special...(child)... kiddin'
He is an insensitive little dweeb that could make my head explode because of his naive-bordering-on-'cluelessness' little ways that sometimes, you'd think he's doing it on purpose just to make you angry. He's also that person who could make me throw my guts out from too much laughing 'coz of his natural goofiness and funny little antics. He can make me laugh without even opening his mouth. And he can also make me angry because he doesn't say anything even if he needs to.
He is my constant companion on my usual trips to food-hunting (whenever I crave for anything!), to convenience stores, to the banks, and anywhere outside the confines of our office whenever I feel like seeing the bustling outside world. He's that person you can easily drag around wherever... whenever (basta office hours and he's not doing anything or is too lazy to do anything just yet!)
He's the most stingy person I know.... although I noticed, these days, the 'kakuriputan' is waning a little bit. But I bow down to his discipline and self-control and his will to do things the right way. Most importantly, I sincerely appreciate his patience to keep up with me and my crazy sometimes-hard-to-deal-with ways.
Xie xie ni wo de peng you! v(^_^)v
Saturday, June 14, 2008
A fury that shouldn't have been there.
When I get mad, I really get mad - crazy, I mean. I tend to forgo all kinds of reasonings and I become deaf and blind to all possible explanations. I also become mute - I don't talk to anyone at all. Like an imbecile and an autistic person, I lock myself in my own world, repelling anyone or anything that would try to break down my doors. I get so caught up in my own thoughts, letting the 'anger poison' seep in deeper into my veins. And as if it is some kind of a potion that gives me strength and power, I feel so uninhibited and it makes me feel like I can say and do anything and just abash any poor fellow that would stand (clueless-ly) in my way.
Take for instance an incident with my boss a year or so ago. I was so mad at him that I almost forgot that he's my boss and he could kick my working ass anytime he pleases. The thing was I felt that his 'belittling thet' is way going below the belt and I was really offended. I felt that he was undermining my capability and the tactless (and heartless) guy that he is, he loved showing [it] off at my expense. So, one day while we were in a meeting, my anger silently erupted. I antagonized him by not talking and looking at him at all - even if he was addressing me - in front of his visitors. I kept mum, paralyzed there in my seat, not caring at all how he would react or anybody would for that matter. I was so angry that talking might bring out that burning fury and hatred that was sure to have made the situation more ugly. I think I got the message across because right after the meeting, he asked me what the hell my problem was and asked me to see him in his office. The hard-headed stubborn little me didn't falter - I hid from him the rest of the day, not wanting to talk, or if possible, not wanting to have to do with the jackass anymore. I guess I won that battle because he became a little nicer to me the following days, weeks even and he didn't bother bringing up that incident anymore.
While there are times that this helps me get by (and prove my point), I am not proud of this part of me because I tend to hurt a lot of people. My fury is a fire that consumes me, sometimes almost burning bridges and I regret it - truly. The problem is my mind automatically shuts down and the only thing that it retains is the fact that I am angry and I don't care. I hate and I loathe and I say hurtful things or do things that could really cut deep into someone's heart. In the end, I can only say, 'I am so truly sorry'. Thinking about it now, it makes me realize even more how this reflects my immaturity in handling the bitter bits and pieces of the realities of life - that it is not always on my side and I can't get all I want. I am such a life brat - spoiled and rotten and wanting to change.
Take for instance an incident with my boss a year or so ago. I was so mad at him that I almost forgot that he's my boss and he could kick my working ass anytime he pleases. The thing was I felt that his 'belittling thet' is way going below the belt and I was really offended. I felt that he was undermining my capability and the tactless (and heartless) guy that he is, he loved showing [it] off at my expense. So, one day while we were in a meeting, my anger silently erupted. I antagonized him by not talking and looking at him at all - even if he was addressing me - in front of his visitors. I kept mum, paralyzed there in my seat, not caring at all how he would react or anybody would for that matter. I was so angry that talking might bring out that burning fury and hatred that was sure to have made the situation more ugly. I think I got the message across because right after the meeting, he asked me what the hell my problem was and asked me to see him in his office. The hard-headed stubborn little me didn't falter - I hid from him the rest of the day, not wanting to talk, or if possible, not wanting to have to do with the jackass anymore. I guess I won that battle because he became a little nicer to me the following days, weeks even and he didn't bother bringing up that incident anymore.
While there are times that this helps me get by (and prove my point), I am not proud of this part of me because I tend to hurt a lot of people. My fury is a fire that consumes me, sometimes almost burning bridges and I regret it - truly. The problem is my mind automatically shuts down and the only thing that it retains is the fact that I am angry and I don't care. I hate and I loathe and I say hurtful things or do things that could really cut deep into someone's heart. In the end, I can only say, 'I am so truly sorry'. Thinking about it now, it makes me realize even more how this reflects my immaturity in handling the bitter bits and pieces of the realities of life - that it is not always on my side and I can't get all I want. I am such a life brat - spoiled and rotten and wanting to change.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
KC!
I wasn't really a fan but when I met her, it's quite difficult not to be... =)
with KC during the Walk the World last June 01, 2008. END HUNGER!
with KC during the Walk the World last June 01, 2008. END HUNGER!Saturday, May 31, 2008
Miyo-kun
My cat, Miyo, has a future in print ad modeling... this feline fellow knows how to pose for the camera...
* candy pink knitted sweater with heart design (borrowed from Unni's stuffed toy), background, my pillows... ayysshh...
this darn thing looks so adorable!
* candy pink knitted sweater with heart design (borrowed from Unni's stuffed toy), background, my pillows... ayysshh...this darn thing looks so adorable!
Musings on the Hillsong United concert
I feel a little guilty.
I gushed non-stop about that surreal but very very nice close encounter with Jad Gillies of Hillsong United (still can't stop smiling just thinking about it!) but I haven't once mentioned (atleast in my blog) what Hillsong's concert brought in my spiritual being that night. No doubt about it, the concert was very uplifting and it was a real blessing. It was very overwhelming to see (probably) more than 20,000 people singing praises and worshiping God for two and a half hours!
I must admit, I didn't know anyone from Hillsong United before the concert but I know most (not all, okay?!) of their songs by heart. In a way, I could say that I was really there not to adore the band members but to praise and worship Jesus (which is great!). I wonder if most of the people were there for the same reason. Hillsong United really made the worship night all fired up within each and every person in the coliseum and the spirit soaring high . Even my friend, who's not really a fan, looked like she felt the spirit within her.
I wasn't all crazy at the beginning but when the band started playing 'Take It All', I lost all inhibitions and just sang and danced and clapped and jumped like it would be my last. It felt exhilarating and just great! I was so caught up in the music that I was almost near tears when they sang that song about healing (a song composed by Joel Houston's friend who was diagnosed with cansert and is continuously battling it)...
All in all, I wouldn't exchange that night for anything.... =)
Here are the list of songs (from what I can remember) that the band played:
Time Has Come
Take It all
What the world will never take
My Future Decided
All I Need is You
Mighty to save
Hosanna
Shout Unto God
The Stand
Break Free
Look To You
Salvation is Here
More than life
None But Jesus
From the Inside out
Came to my rescue
Savior King
Tell The world
One Way Jesus
Here are some pics (courtesy of Lisa's multiply page from Chin's cam)...
... and also here (taken using my KRZR cam phone)
I gushed non-stop about that surreal but very very nice close encounter with Jad Gillies of Hillsong United (still can't stop smiling just thinking about it!) but I haven't once mentioned (atleast in my blog) what Hillsong's concert brought in my spiritual being that night. No doubt about it, the concert was very uplifting and it was a real blessing. It was very overwhelming to see (probably) more than 20,000 people singing praises and worshiping God for two and a half hours!
I must admit, I didn't know anyone from Hillsong United before the concert but I know most (not all, okay?!) of their songs by heart. In a way, I could say that I was really there not to adore the band members but to praise and worship Jesus (which is great!). I wonder if most of the people were there for the same reason. Hillsong United really made the worship night all fired up within each and every person in the coliseum and the spirit soaring high . Even my friend, who's not really a fan, looked like she felt the spirit within her.
I wasn't all crazy at the beginning but when the band started playing 'Take It All', I lost all inhibitions and just sang and danced and clapped and jumped like it would be my last. It felt exhilarating and just great! I was so caught up in the music that I was almost near tears when they sang that song about healing (a song composed by Joel Houston's friend who was diagnosed with cansert and is continuously battling it)...
All in all, I wouldn't exchange that night for anything.... =)
Here are the list of songs (from what I can remember) that the band played:
Time Has Come
Take It all
What the world will never take
My Future Decided
All I Need is You
Mighty to save
Hosanna
Shout Unto God
The Stand
Break Free
Look To You
Salvation is Here
More than life
None But Jesus
From the Inside out
Came to my rescue
Savior King
Tell The world
One Way Jesus
Here are some pics (courtesy of Lisa's multiply page from Chin's cam)...
... and also here (taken using my KRZR cam phone)
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Retarded Luck!
Today is awesome! Really really awesome! And I thought last night's concert of Hillsong United would be the biggest highlight of my life (atleast this week!) Actually, it is... since I've booked our tickets a month ago and I was waiting for this concert like CRAZY! And finally, last night it happened... it was a very uplifting concert indeed...very nice.
But what could be better than this?!?
U-huh.. that's me with Hillsong United's Jad Gillies! It was really a simple case of retarded luck and me, being at the right place at the right time. Actually, there's a funny story behind this.
Me and my colleague went to Edsa Shang this afternoon to attend an exhibitor's meeting. On our way to the hotel, we saw this group loading some equipment in a coaster bus (at the side entrance) and I thought I saw Joel Houston (the band's frontman) but shrugged the idea since it seemed a little off (but hey, the concert was in Araneta so it's likely that they would stay in Shang or Crowne Plaza or some hotel nearby). So we went inside the hotel and there, at the lobby was a small crowd having photo ops with i-don't-know-who and when we got closer, I saw this guy... I knew I recognize his face and the guy with the curly hair (the drummer)... we were seated at the Upper Box last night so it was kind'a difficult to recognize their faces. Without even thinking, I marched off to this guy (who was Jad apparently) and asked if I could have a photo with him. I said thanks, shook his hand and said goodbye.
And all throughout the meeting, my mind was wandering off, thinking hard if it was really Hillsong that I just saw and met at Shang's lobby. Jazz, my officemate, said it's okay if it wasn't Hillsong, at least we know the guy is famous for sure (as there were a lot wanting to have their photos taken with him). Hehe.. Good Riddance.
The moment we got back from the meeting, I immediately checked the internet to familiarize myself with the Hillsong band members' faces and lo and behold, it was really him! (ahh, my heart is still pounding!) This was just great. Thank you God!
Insane right? v(^___^)v
But what could be better than this?!?
U-huh.. that's me with Hillsong United's Jad Gillies! It was really a simple case of retarded luck and me, being at the right place at the right time. Actually, there's a funny story behind this.
Me and my colleague went to Edsa Shang this afternoon to attend an exhibitor's meeting. On our way to the hotel, we saw this group loading some equipment in a coaster bus (at the side entrance) and I thought I saw Joel Houston (the band's frontman) but shrugged the idea since it seemed a little off (but hey, the concert was in Araneta so it's likely that they would stay in Shang or Crowne Plaza or some hotel nearby). So we went inside the hotel and there, at the lobby was a small crowd having photo ops with i-don't-know-who and when we got closer, I saw this guy... I knew I recognize his face and the guy with the curly hair (the drummer)... we were seated at the Upper Box last night so it was kind'a difficult to recognize their faces. Without even thinking, I marched off to this guy (who was Jad apparently) and asked if I could have a photo with him. I said thanks, shook his hand and said goodbye.
And all throughout the meeting, my mind was wandering off, thinking hard if it was really Hillsong that I just saw and met at Shang's lobby. Jazz, my officemate, said it's okay if it wasn't Hillsong, at least we know the guy is famous for sure (as there were a lot wanting to have their photos taken with him). Hehe.. Good Riddance.
The moment we got back from the meeting, I immediately checked the internet to familiarize myself with the Hillsong band members' faces and lo and behold, it was really him! (ahh, my heart is still pounding!) This was just great. Thank you God!
Insane right? v(^___^)v
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
This is why I love Me
... because I have these two... my 'unni' and 'oppa' ... 'coz I have them for a brother & a sister.
... two goofballs that I love so much!
... we fight like (how does kuya put it?) Trilla in Manila or sumthin' like that.. but we know we can not do away without each other.
... my unni's getting married in December. I am sooo going to miss her. =)
... two goofballs that I love so much!... we fight like (how does kuya put it?) Trilla in Manila or sumthin' like that.. but we know we can not do away without each other.
... my unni's getting married in December. I am sooo going to miss her. =)
Saturday, May 03, 2008
100 Days With Mr. Arrogant
This is one of my most favorite movies of all time - second, of course, to My Sassy Girl. Why I love it so much? Well, it has this 'will-make-you-laugh-first-before-making-you-cry' flavor into it which is what I like best in Korean movies. Plus, who else plays the lead guy role but my faffy Kim Jae Won, opposite cutesy Ha Ji Won.
The story line isn't the best but if you just want something that would induce a hearty laugh from you and will make you *sigh* (with your hands clasp together because of too much *kilig*), this will do...
I must've been feeling really 'bad' these past few days that I had to see it for the -nth time.
The story line isn't the best but if you just want something that would induce a hearty laugh from you and will make you *sigh* (with your hands clasp together because of too much *kilig*), this will do...
I must've been feeling really 'bad' these past few days that I had to see it for the -nth time.
Friday, April 25, 2008
A bluff.
Dear Friends,
This is my last day on earth. And I'll be saying goodbye with such sweetness that you wouldn't really forget me. My life has been meaningful and happy and rainbow-colored because you all have been there throughout - at my lowest and at my highest. And more than the company, the laughter and the memories, it is the meaning that you've drawn upon me that I will treasure the most.
Now I know why I liked looking at clouds so much, why I could stare for hours at these white fluffy 'things' without getting tired, without blinking my eyes, without failing to shed a tear. I knew I'd be here walking one day with such innocent grace. I'll be walking barefoot on my white and red polka-dot dress with the wind blowing on my face. With my hair and my dress swaying along the silent rhythm.
I'll be remembering you dear friends. I'll be watching you from where I'll be. I'll be speaking to you through the wind and I'll be singing you life's sweetest hymns. I'll be giving you back my love -so imperfect yet tangible.
I'll be that someone who'll be with you forever.
***
No, I am not yet going. I couldn't think of anything to write about so I thought it would be neat to write my would-be last unspoken words. A bit dramatic, don't you think?
This is my last day on earth. And I'll be saying goodbye with such sweetness that you wouldn't really forget me. My life has been meaningful and happy and rainbow-colored because you all have been there throughout - at my lowest and at my highest. And more than the company, the laughter and the memories, it is the meaning that you've drawn upon me that I will treasure the most.
Now I know why I liked looking at clouds so much, why I could stare for hours at these white fluffy 'things' without getting tired, without blinking my eyes, without failing to shed a tear. I knew I'd be here walking one day with such innocent grace. I'll be walking barefoot on my white and red polka-dot dress with the wind blowing on my face. With my hair and my dress swaying along the silent rhythm.
I'll be remembering you dear friends. I'll be watching you from where I'll be. I'll be speaking to you through the wind and I'll be singing you life's sweetest hymns. I'll be giving you back my love -so imperfect yet tangible.
I'll be that someone who'll be with you forever.
***
No, I am not yet going. I couldn't think of anything to write about so I thought it would be neat to write my would-be last unspoken words. A bit dramatic, don't you think?
Friday, April 11, 2008
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Of ministries, porcupines and sea urchins
In this world, there exist all kinds of people and we try very hard to find our place in it and find peace among ourselves. We strive hard to be happy; sometimes ignoring the fact that happiness isn't really achieved by merely addressing our whims or our wants or, even sometimes, our needs.
I have had that share of being at a total lost, succumbing to my pessimistic views and wanting to be just happy. I didn't even know what would make me one. My understanding was too shallow in fact that I was almost convinced that laughing my heart out, being in the company of my friends, having a decent job or having a peaceful home were all it meant to be happy. But as I grow deeper into my relationship with God, I knew in an instant that there is definitely more to it than just that.
I've seen many people act like they own the world or as if they are God's greatest gifts to mankind and only them can fulfill whatever lacks in this world. Hate to crash some egos but they think very wrong of themselves. There is only one provider and that is God. He 'manufactures' whatever we people need and we are tasked to distribute it to whoever needs it. This is where sharing the word of God comes in.
And sadly, this is where the porcupines and the sea urchins come out... the porcupines and the sea urchins among people... among US. When people need something, they tend to be embarrased when someone suddenly turns up and offers a helping hand to address their needs. Sometimes, I am a sea urchin wallowing in my own flood of needs and I tend to prick and deflate the life jacket that is being thrown at me for shame and for putting my pride down. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who feel the same way. I've seen and met them. I learned that instead of turning our backs on them and just heal whatever wounds they've caused us (because of their spikes), we should try to embrace them more. Not because love is blind but because love is the truth. We only found the truth in God's words and that is what He is telling us -- to love others as He loves us. And when we start making them believe, we should bring glory not upon ourselves but back unto God.
I have met a lot of porcupines and sea urchins in my life and boy, they never fail to bring me pain, to cut me deep, leaving me emotional wounds that take time to heal. I still am hurt and my heart is still screaming with hatred But I promise, I'll be working hard to get it off my system.
I have had that share of being at a total lost, succumbing to my pessimistic views and wanting to be just happy. I didn't even know what would make me one. My understanding was too shallow in fact that I was almost convinced that laughing my heart out, being in the company of my friends, having a decent job or having a peaceful home were all it meant to be happy. But as I grow deeper into my relationship with God, I knew in an instant that there is definitely more to it than just that.
Before I started attending Church again, I was worried about being bound by religious practices. By that I mean being compelled to go to Church every Sunday or doing this whole ministry thing and ‘saving’ other people. I had a very different understanding of what it means to be a Christian. It’s not that I got it all wrong; let’s just say that I do have a more profound understanding now of what being Christian is all about.
As much as I think that I am not prepared yet, I am looking forward to the day when I would start touching lives and taking part in ministries at the Church. I am taking it one giant step at a time. I learned four important points in today's church service: 1) that God is the provider / manufacturer and we, merely distributors (of His grace); 2) we should know what people need; 3) There isn't really such a thing as 'Love is blind' ; and 4) Give all the glory back unto God.I've seen many people act like they own the world or as if they are God's greatest gifts to mankind and only them can fulfill whatever lacks in this world. Hate to crash some egos but they think very wrong of themselves. There is only one provider and that is God. He 'manufactures' whatever we people need and we are tasked to distribute it to whoever needs it. This is where sharing the word of God comes in.
And sadly, this is where the porcupines and the sea urchins come out... the porcupines and the sea urchins among people... among US. When people need something, they tend to be embarrased when someone suddenly turns up and offers a helping hand to address their needs. Sometimes, I am a sea urchin wallowing in my own flood of needs and I tend to prick and deflate the life jacket that is being thrown at me for shame and for putting my pride down. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who feel the same way. I've seen and met them. I learned that instead of turning our backs on them and just heal whatever wounds they've caused us (because of their spikes), we should try to embrace them more. Not because love is blind but because love is the truth. We only found the truth in God's words and that is what He is telling us -- to love others as He loves us. And when we start making them believe, we should bring glory not upon ourselves but back unto God.
I have met a lot of porcupines and sea urchins in my life and boy, they never fail to bring me pain, to cut me deep, leaving me emotional wounds that take time to heal. I still am hurt and my heart is still screaming with hatred But I promise, I'll be working hard to get it off my system.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Night outs with the 'goofy bunch'
Last night was the fourth time this week that I didn't go home early and didn't eat dinner at home, much to my pop's dismay and the reason of our arguments (I always spend time elsewhere... I always go home late... I was always out... blah... blah... blah...) . I think I have to blame Kaching since she's the reason why we're getting together every other night ('coz she'll be going back to Singapore again soon)... Just kiddin'.
Last Monday, I met up with Tina at Coffee Bean to just talk and unwind. Tuesday was the first night that Kach was here so we spent some time at 'Fuzion' Greenbelt (really love hanging out at their bed-turned-couch) while I was enduring a very very bad headache. Wednesday night was my 'me' time so I got a full-body massage and just enjoyed a full night of relaxation. Met with my sister for dinner afterwards. And last night was another enjoyable and memorable night as I, once again, got those stomach cramps from too much laughing. The conversation was such a sitcom. Our favorite (and probably one of the most memorable) topic was the classic 'Where the hell is Cynthia Patag?' It all started one fine afternoon at work. We were listening to an oldies song from my playlist...
Me: Kaboses ni Cynthia Patag yung kumakanta...
(everyone ponders and laughs at the idea)
Wayne: Nasa'n na nga kaya ngayon si Cynthia Patag no?
Me: Malay... try mo i-email... cynthiapatag@palibhasalalake.com.ph baka sakaling sumagot...
(... then an outburst of laughter) What followed was an intense discussion on the suspected whereabouts of Cynthia Patag, the possibilities and the probabilities, the alleged existence of a 'palibhasalalake.com' website that could shed some light on the matter. Then came reminiscing how she looked like with the big stuffed toy and her irritatingly huge ribbon and short shorts and, of course, the nasal high-pitched voice! Nonsense as this may seem and no matter how deluded and stupid the topic is, this is where we laugh our hearts out.
These goofy people really make my day.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
The path I've taken...
*This was supposed to be posted last night.. but didn't finish it.
I received Jesus Christ as my savior today. For the first time in years, I could hear my heart speak truly of what I feel about my relationship with God. I have accepted Jesus Christ in my heart a long time ago but it was the first time that I had someone give me preachings about it. And it was really enlightening. I thought I wouldn't be affected by the testimonies I heard since I am very well aware of it already. But then, I felt this gentle yet moving tugging at my heart and I was overwhelmed by it.
It was my first time to attend a service in years. A colleague of mine (who has been patient and kind enough) invited me to their church and since I have been seeking for spiritual growth for a very long time, I decided to go. My heart was all for it - I really wanted to be reunited with my faith.
When people ask me what my religion is, I can't give a straight answer. I usually say that my family is Catholic and that my mom is a devoted servant of the Catholic church. And I, myself, used to be an active member of the Catholic Church until I was disheartened *big time* by the magnitude and gravity of hypocrisy I've witnessed. I didn't want to have anything to do with that particular church anymore. I stopped attending church. Don't get me wrong, that didn't mean I've turned my back from God. Ironically, this has strengthened my faith in Him even more and deepened my personal relationship with Him. I thought as long as I have given Him my heart and accepted Christ as my savior, I'll be fine. I love talking to God and I found I could talk to Him whenever, wherever I want to... in whatever situation I am in. It's like I've made prayer a habit that is too hard to break and I've no intention of doing so.
I learned today the three 'songs' that a person can choose from in taking his / her direction in life. The Song of the Hypocrite, the Song of the Happy and the Song of the Heavenward. As the speaker was rambling the things that make a person less of a hypocrite, I wonder if I was one. He said there are two kinds of hypocrites - the religious and the self-righteous. I thought I fell under the latter. Those were the people who don't go to church, who do good and moral things but don't have any "real" relationship with God. At the back of my mind, I was fully convinced that I do have a personal relationship with God and my faith is very much in-tact. Little did I know that there was this tiny little thing that is lacking - repentance. I believe I am a good person despite the fact that I don't go to church and I distant myself from anything that would make me look religious. I forgot that I am a sinner. Aren't we all are? And I haven't done anything about it. I acknowledge God but I refused to acknowledge my sins. So, it hit me hard; that probably, it's true... the relationship that I have with God is not as sturdy as I thought it was. I felt lost all of a sudden, but it didn't take long before I found my path. That path that led me straight to Him.
I received Jesus Christ as my savior today. For the first time in years, I could hear my heart speak truly of what I feel about my relationship with God. I have accepted Jesus Christ in my heart a long time ago but it was the first time that I had someone give me preachings about it. And it was really enlightening. I thought I wouldn't be affected by the testimonies I heard since I am very well aware of it already. But then, I felt this gentle yet moving tugging at my heart and I was overwhelmed by it.
It was my first time to attend a service in years. A colleague of mine (who has been patient and kind enough) invited me to their church and since I have been seeking for spiritual growth for a very long time, I decided to go. My heart was all for it - I really wanted to be reunited with my faith.
When people ask me what my religion is, I can't give a straight answer. I usually say that my family is Catholic and that my mom is a devoted servant of the Catholic church. And I, myself, used to be an active member of the Catholic Church until I was disheartened *big time* by the magnitude and gravity of hypocrisy I've witnessed. I didn't want to have anything to do with that particular church anymore. I stopped attending church. Don't get me wrong, that didn't mean I've turned my back from God. Ironically, this has strengthened my faith in Him even more and deepened my personal relationship with Him. I thought as long as I have given Him my heart and accepted Christ as my savior, I'll be fine. I love talking to God and I found I could talk to Him whenever, wherever I want to... in whatever situation I am in. It's like I've made prayer a habit that is too hard to break and I've no intention of doing so.
I learned today the three 'songs' that a person can choose from in taking his / her direction in life. The Song of the Hypocrite, the Song of the Happy and the Song of the Heavenward. As the speaker was rambling the things that make a person less of a hypocrite, I wonder if I was one. He said there are two kinds of hypocrites - the religious and the self-righteous. I thought I fell under the latter. Those were the people who don't go to church, who do good and moral things but don't have any "real" relationship with God. At the back of my mind, I was fully convinced that I do have a personal relationship with God and my faith is very much in-tact. Little did I know that there was this tiny little thing that is lacking - repentance. I believe I am a good person despite the fact that I don't go to church and I distant myself from anything that would make me look religious. I forgot that I am a sinner. Aren't we all are? And I haven't done anything about it. I acknowledge God but I refused to acknowledge my sins. So, it hit me hard; that probably, it's true... the relationship that I have with God is not as sturdy as I thought it was. I felt lost all of a sudden, but it didn't take long before I found my path. That path that led me straight to Him.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Cat Talk
I can't believe that it's been more than a month since I last wrote here. I guess I was too pre-occupied with keeping myself busy and meaning to be really busy that I refused to visit my blogger until I saw a spider crawling out of the 'web' already. Funny pun, don't ya think?
It's quite unusual that I choose to write tonight, at exactly 11:30pm on the eve of Maundy Thursday about something that has not anything to do with Lent. Some people would probably think I should be writing about reflecting on my sins and all those activities that we do during this time of the year, but I think it's just not me. I have a very high respect on the Holy Week considering that I grew up with a family that so strictly observes it, with such passion and tradition. I could probably say I am not really a fan despite the fact that there's a guilty tugging on my conscience about it. Here I am, typing on my laptop, while everybody else out there are singing the 'Pasyon'. I may not be really religious but I do believe in Christ's sacrifices...
Okay, going to the true idea of this blog... I put 'Cat talk' in the title 'coz I wanted to talk about my cat Miyo and how we are quite worried about him having rabies. About two Saturdays ago, he bit me and my sister while we were giving him a bath. I know what you are thinking right now: why the hell did i gave a cat a bath? (Here in the Philippines, it is a stupid superstition - cat's are not supposed to be given baths since they could lick themselves). I just don't believe in that thing. Again, I would revert to my same and only argument - if cats aren't supposed to have baths, why did they ever invented, cat shampoos and cat soaps and all those 'cattoiletries' eh?
Anyway, Miyo is acting quite different. I wouldn't day strange or weird; just different. He's not his usual annoyingly super hyper self. He's always sleeping and he's drooling at times. But the thing is he still eats like a dog and he drinks water. He still plays but not as enthusiastic as he does before. He's just probably growing up, some people here say but I can't still help but to get worried.
Now, if you're gonna ask, if we are taking anti-rabies shots, the answer is a painful yes! We've had two already plus an anti-tetanus vaccine. We missed the third one because of the holiday, but we're definitely getting it as soon as things get back on schedule. This is quite scary if you'll ask me but whatelse can I do, right?
It's quite unusual that I choose to write tonight, at exactly 11:30pm on the eve of Maundy Thursday about something that has not anything to do with Lent. Some people would probably think I should be writing about reflecting on my sins and all those activities that we do during this time of the year, but I think it's just not me. I have a very high respect on the Holy Week considering that I grew up with a family that so strictly observes it, with such passion and tradition. I could probably say I am not really a fan despite the fact that there's a guilty tugging on my conscience about it. Here I am, typing on my laptop, while everybody else out there are singing the 'Pasyon'. I may not be really religious but I do believe in Christ's sacrifices...
Okay, going to the true idea of this blog... I put 'Cat talk' in the title 'coz I wanted to talk about my cat Miyo and how we are quite worried about him having rabies. About two Saturdays ago, he bit me and my sister while we were giving him a bath. I know what you are thinking right now: why the hell did i gave a cat a bath? (Here in the Philippines, it is a stupid superstition - cat's are not supposed to be given baths since they could lick themselves). I just don't believe in that thing. Again, I would revert to my same and only argument - if cats aren't supposed to have baths, why did they ever invented, cat shampoos and cat soaps and all those 'cattoiletries' eh?
Anyway, Miyo is acting quite different. I wouldn't day strange or weird; just different. He's not his usual annoyingly super hyper self. He's always sleeping and he's drooling at times. But the thing is he still eats like a dog and he drinks water. He still plays but not as enthusiastic as he does before. He's just probably growing up, some people here say but I can't still help but to get worried.
Now, if you're gonna ask, if we are taking anti-rabies shots, the answer is a painful yes! We've had two already plus an anti-tetanus vaccine. We missed the third one because of the holiday, but we're definitely getting it as soon as things get back on schedule. This is quite scary if you'll ask me but whatelse can I do, right?
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Crazy love shite
I miss someone today.
Hay nako, feeling ko magda-drama na naman ako. I said I wouldn't be affected by the slightest thought of him. But because of this super jologs song, I felt that familiar heart-being-crushed cold feeling once again. Nakakatawa naman, affected ako dahil sa kanta ni Kim Chiu... ibang lebel ito.. haha!
Probably it's because it's the hearts month (obvious ba, I'm justifying my 'kagagahan') hayayay... again... I'm over it... I'm over it... I'm over it... *repeat until I'm dead*
Okay, para maka-relate kayo...
I hate the way you walk Hate the way you talk Hate the way you look at me I hate the way you smile Hate those *big* brown eyes (erm, they're really not big...hehe) Cause I know they're not for me Cause we can never be More than friends And it hurts me Every time I close my eyes All I see is you
And this crazy love Crazy love Oh this crazy love Crazy love I hate thinkin of you Cause everytime i do I just keep on missing you And I hate the way I feel Everytime you're near Cause its feels like time is standing still But we can never be More than friends And it hurts me Every time I close my eyes All I see is you And this crazy love Crazy love Oh this crazy love Crazy love I hate it when you're blue And how I cared for you Hate the way my heart desires And I hate those sleepless nights And the pain I kept inside But I keep on Pretending it's alright But we can never be More than friends And it hurts me Everytime i close my eyes All I see is you
And this crazy love Crazy love Oh this crazy love Crazy love
I don't know what to do Hate me for loving you Cause I know it's wrong for Me to say... I love you...
Whatever happened to the "I'm so proud of myself because I made it!" huh? I know some people would think I am being really pathetic (ang tagal na!) but guess what... probably I am not talking about him anymore... oh, well...
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I'm happy.
I'm standing between this world and a dream...
but i know... this is the REAL thing...
This song keeps singing in my head lah...
Anyway, after a very enjoyable field day yesterday, I'm back to the pits of hell (ooppss...) I didn't report to work to go to my doctor (but I wasn't able to). I was somewhere far down South meeting other people and exploring a whole lot of different world - the world of drawings and designs, architecture and engineering and CAD... huh??? I was doing a part-time technical writing stuff so I had to come down to their office to meet the people whom I'll be working with. I met this guy, probably in his40s who reminds me of the pretty dude... it felt... weird. I guess I am really past that stage where the world turns upside down when I'm reminded of that person. Ooh... does this mean I am way over him? haha.. I'd like to think so.
Working yesterday on something that isn't related to what I really do (and outside of that place called the "office") is somewhat fascinating. I was enthusiastic and overwhelmed at the same time. I felt like a kid who's attending her first day in school. It was very exciting. I haven't had that feeling in the last two years. You probably know why.
I can't thank God enough that He's finally revealing life's little surprises to me. One by one... little by little. And it makes me happy... genuinely happy.
I was torn if I'd skip work again today (that was the original plan) to report to the other office. But then again, there was a strong tugging at my conscience, not to mention, I was suppose to have a meeting with my boss, so I decided to go to work. To my dismay, however, the meeting was canceled and I was bombarded with a lot of magazine-related stuff to do. Oh, well, I guess that's really how it works.
For now, I have stuff to keep myself busy
but i know... this is the REAL thing...
This song keeps singing in my head lah...
Anyway, after a very enjoyable field day yesterday, I'm back to the pits of hell (ooppss...) I didn't report to work to go to my doctor (but I wasn't able to). I was somewhere far down South meeting other people and exploring a whole lot of different world - the world of drawings and designs, architecture and engineering and CAD... huh??? I was doing a part-time technical writing stuff so I had to come down to their office to meet the people whom I'll be working with. I met this guy, probably in his40s who reminds me of the pretty dude... it felt... weird. I guess I am really past that stage where the world turns upside down when I'm reminded of that person. Ooh... does this mean I am way over him? haha.. I'd like to think so.
Working yesterday on something that isn't related to what I really do (and outside of that place called the "office") is somewhat fascinating. I was enthusiastic and overwhelmed at the same time. I felt like a kid who's attending her first day in school. It was very exciting. I haven't had that feeling in the last two years. You probably know why.
I can't thank God enough that He's finally revealing life's little surprises to me. One by one... little by little. And it makes me happy... genuinely happy.
I was torn if I'd skip work again today (that was the original plan) to report to the other office. But then again, there was a strong tugging at my conscience, not to mention, I was suppose to have a meeting with my boss, so I decided to go to work. To my dismay, however, the meeting was canceled and I was bombarded with a lot of magazine-related stuff to do. Oh, well, I guess that's really how it works.
For now, I have stuff to keep myself busy
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Going once, going twice...
one more gone, one to go and still, i stay...
yesterday, another one 'celebrated' her last day at work and come next week, another one would leave the company with that genuine smile on her face. I am really happy for them. I guess, I'll just miss the company. Just when we are getting to know each other, they leave. Sad, isn't it?
Last Thursday, I finally told my boss that I have offers for another job. Man, I don't know if it's just me or did I really saw his 'coolness' died down a little? I hate to brag, but I feel he was a little shaken by my news. He suddenly offered me increased salary, was nice all of a sudden and promised a lot of things. Had I've been a newbie, I'd be elated by these promises, but nuh-ah... been there, saw that, been disappointed a lot of times by that. So, I am still considering the other offer. Although I suddenly had a slight
tugging in my conscience about the 'baby' I am leaving behind (in case you are thinking I am referring to a person, I am most certainly not)... I guess I have to stop being so nice about that if I want to move on. They would have to get someone to replace me and continue that magazine venture 'coz I think it would be a big waste. I really hate it when he said that he would fold it up once I'm gone. Don't you think it is stupid? If I was able to do it, I'm sure there is someone out there who can do what I did for this magazine. Or he's just probably bluffing. To be honest, I almost care less.I am still thinking of leaving. When? That I have to figure.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Uh-oh!
Uh-oh.. oh no... I think I got the bug once again... this pesky, silly, mixed feeling of getting excited, getting undeniably happy, then getting sad, then thinking about how pointless and hopeless it is... hay... I'm sure you people wouldn't understand me. And I don't really want to be understood. I just need to let this all out.
Blame the month of February? Okay, now I think you got me.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
What is it with this whole 'can't-eat-can't-sleep-reach-for-the-stars-over-the-fence-world-series' kind of crap? It got me thinking about real life fairytales and knights in rusty armors sweeping their ladies off their calloused feet. So sweet and so real. They are happening to everybody BUT me.
I think I'm having an overdose of [korean] soap operas because it makes me believe that when it comes to that four letter word, everything is possible - An extremely good-looking, smart young executive in his late 20s would fall in-love with a random stranger on the street. Mind you, this girl must be poorer than a farm rat! (I met this very handsome, Seth Green look-a-like executive in a recent press conference I attended... hoping... hoping...) Or the one who got away - your oppa when you were barely a teen, comes back all of a sudden and paints a picture perfect life with you. The last one's impossible for me 'coz I don't have a childhood oppa.
Anyway, I close my eyes and I see his smile ... darn!
Blame the month of February? Okay, now I think you got me.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
What is it with this whole 'can't-eat-can't-sleep-reach-for-the-stars-over-the-fence-world-series' kind of crap? It got me thinking about real life fairytales and knights in rusty armors sweeping their ladies off their calloused feet. So sweet and so real. They are happening to everybody BUT me.
I think I'm having an overdose of [korean] soap operas because it makes me believe that when it comes to that four letter word, everything is possible - An extremely good-looking, smart young executive in his late 20s would fall in-love with a random stranger on the street. Mind you, this girl must be poorer than a farm rat! (I met this very handsome, Seth Green look-a-like executive in a recent press conference I attended... hoping... hoping...) Or the one who got away - your oppa when you were barely a teen, comes back all of a sudden and paints a picture perfect life with you. The last one's impossible for me 'coz I don't have a childhood oppa.
Anyway, I close my eyes and I see his smile ... darn!
Monday, January 28, 2008
In sickness and in health
No, I am not going to blab about weddings and all those 'I do' crappy stuff... I am far from having one anyway. I am going to talk about my mom. I am feeling extra cheesy and mushy today that I want to reflect on my current relationship with her.
As everybody knows, (or at least those who were 'lucky' enough to hear my everyday rantings), I have quite a typical mother-daughter relationship with my mom; that love-hate thing can be very usual... so usual in fact that it pretty much defines all.
I didn't go to work today because I had to go and see a doctor for my check up (for the -nth time) for my skin condition. I was supposed to undergo a biopsy but the dermatologist suggested otherwise since the progress of whatever this irritating rashes are weren't that drastic. Cool.
So, who else can go with me but my mom. She had to call in sick just to be able to accompany me and since I am pathetically broke these past few weeks, she had to pay for my check-up and medicines as well. I've spent a lot (my saving's near to extinction) for my weekly check-ups and all those medicines that I had to take. I never imagined I would splurge so much on something which I don't really like, but I need. Sucks, really especially when you want to buy something but you cannot because you have to save the money for emergencies like this.
Anyway, while I was walking hand-in-hand with mom on our way to the drugstore after my check-up, I realized that I haven't really spent long hours alone with mama in a long time. I can't remember when was the last time we went out for a walk or grocery shopping or whatever. Maybe it's because I think (and my sister would agree with me on this), it's hard to be around mom. We don't know why but we often say how we can never be in the same room with her for a minute without ending up arguing. It seems that we cannot agree on something anymore. This afternoon, while spending time with her, I realized how much I miss her. Or how I don't feel ashame, sleeping and leaning on her shoulders while in a jeepney. I used to do that a lot before; I can't remember when did I stop or why. It was a little saddening realization.
I just thought that no matter how far we go in life, there is this innate feeling of wanting to go back to where we came from or be near at least. In my case, just like a sick little child, I still call my mama's name to feel better.
As everybody knows, (or at least those who were 'lucky' enough to hear my everyday rantings), I have quite a typical mother-daughter relationship with my mom; that love-hate thing can be very usual... so usual in fact that it pretty much defines all.
I didn't go to work today because I had to go and see a doctor for my check up (for the -nth time) for my skin condition. I was supposed to undergo a biopsy but the dermatologist suggested otherwise since the progress of whatever this irritating rashes are weren't that drastic. Cool.
So, who else can go with me but my mom. She had to call in sick just to be able to accompany me and since I am pathetically broke these past few weeks, she had to pay for my check-up and medicines as well. I've spent a lot (my saving's near to extinction) for my weekly check-ups and all those medicines that I had to take. I never imagined I would splurge so much on something which I don't really like, but I need. Sucks, really especially when you want to buy something but you cannot because you have to save the money for emergencies like this.
Anyway, while I was walking hand-in-hand with mom on our way to the drugstore after my check-up, I realized that I haven't really spent long hours alone with mama in a long time. I can't remember when was the last time we went out for a walk or grocery shopping or whatever. Maybe it's because I think (and my sister would agree with me on this), it's hard to be around mom. We don't know why but we often say how we can never be in the same room with her for a minute without ending up arguing. It seems that we cannot agree on something anymore. This afternoon, while spending time with her, I realized how much I miss her. Or how I don't feel ashame, sleeping and leaning on her shoulders while in a jeepney. I used to do that a lot before; I can't remember when did I stop or why. It was a little saddening realization.
I just thought that no matter how far we go in life, there is this innate feeling of wanting to go back to where we came from or be near at least. In my case, just like a sick little child, I still call my mama's name to feel better.
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