AQ's 2nd issue

Wow... can't believe, work's been really paying off... AQ's 2nd issue is out at
last.
My good 'ol critics tell me this looks way way better than the first one (content, layout, printing and the whole package) and I yea, what can I say, it actually is.

But hey, I owe AQ to those people who were there from the beginning; those witnesses to the birthpains and hellish everyday encounters when it was yet to come out. AQ wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for these guys. And for that, Saranggaeyo!!!

Hmm... now I wonder how many eons will go before we see the third issue...

Five more minutes to dreamland

Cruel insomnia strikes again. This anticipated sorrow had me ever since I can remember. I am trying to justify that my overdosing of caffeine doesn’t have anything to do with this but my conscience tells me otherwise. The clock ticks… five more minutes before 12 midnight and I am here, tiring myself too much to hasten my journey to dreamland. Sad, but I couldn’t escape.

I pity myself; I’m a total loser – bad sleeping habits, mercurial temper, a food junkie, a junk food junkie, a caffeine addict, a hopeless romantic, a she-devil in an angel suit, a wild Goddess tamed by the merciless reality called fate. I am all that.

But none of these can make me who I want to be. At this point, the horizon still seems boundless. I can’t see where will I be heading two, three years from now. I want to be somewhere far… a place where the earth looks like heaven and the heaven is reachable and touchable and the clouds can be scooped like giant pure white cotton candy. I want to be neighbors with Harry Potter, bestfriends even, so I can borrow his wand and make all things magical.

I want a pillow of twigs and a blanket of soil; the sound of the sea breeze humming sweet lullabies far more relaxing than that of Schubert.

At last, I want to sleep.

Jay Chou can make me cry

I didn't know I am capable of being miserable for two straight weeks without letting anybody know of my predicament. My head's been bloated with sad thoughts and my heart's starting to get numb from too much pain. And I am getting numb from all these, happening over and over again that sometimes I feel like getting used to it; it's becoming addictive that I didn't know I am starting to look for the pain when it's not there.

I am so sad. Probably one of the saddest moments of my life. I can't even remember how many times have I been so low. I can only remember a few but they hurt too much that I still feel that funny indescribable feeling (as if someone's pinching your heart) whenever I think about them. Now, it hurts at the same spot. This little space in my chest seems to harbor a lot of hurtful emotions that it feels so heavy and crammed up, I'm having a hard time breathing. I just want to let them all go so I could feel fine again. Never mind the tears, I never run out of them.

And now I am drowning myself to these melodies and words I can't even understand. I just feel I could loose myself in this music with the least worry of getting lost. In fact, I'd rather get lost in the beauty that I hear than snap back to reality and feel my heart ripping into pieces again.


Thanks to Jay Chou, I feel a little better now.

***

I found a letter which I wrote (probably when I was half-asleep because I couldn't remember writing it) in my journal. Am I loosing my screws?

"Funny how I fell for you, and the way you caught my eye..."

It's really funny and when I think about it, I can't help but shrug at the idea. Hypocrisy aside, I think there is still a little something inside me that is going nuts about you. And these past few days have been a painful battle on whether I should or should not like you anymore. It's weird; I think I still like you. But when you open your mouth, I hate you.
The thing is, I don't want to see you. I don't want to be around you . I don't want to hear your voice or even be near you. I don't like to talk to you. I don't want your smile anymore. Because everything about you breaks my heart into pieces.

Is there a sadder word than sad?

Eyecandy, anyone?

Cute. Cute. Cute.
This kid's really cute ... (^_^)

Whew... It's been long and I Miss You... Blog

Because the friggin' internet connection has been busted for the last two weeks, I haven't had the chance to update my precious blog... but hey, I'm back!!! Thanks to my ever-reliable dial-up connection at home =)

Things went by so fast that I all I have are just bits and pieces of what happened the last few weeks. I've been very busy at work (working on the final touch-ups for the second issue of AQ)... oh, and did I mention? AQ (the person) went back from the dead... tee-hee! Snob little dork... what did I ever see in him? Naks...

Anyway, going back to work, with Gela already with the AQ team, I'd say my workload has dropped an inch (or so); the ogre, though, hasn't changed a bit. He's still amused by the fact that he can make my life totally miserable.

Got a new hair-do... or should I call it 'bangs'-do (i just changed my kindergarten-bang-look to a side-sweep-sleek-bang style.


Whatchathink? THis might land me on the front cover of Vanity Fair... hehe... yea right... VAIN!

Pretty Dude #2

Sorry... can't help but post this pretty face...

May mumu...

I don't really believe in ghosts but neither can I explain the numerous times I've experienced strange things happening here in the office, most of the time giving me goosebumps and a creepy feeling that someone (something) is watching me.

Is this a ghost or not?

Welcome Back

So much for vacation.

Yesterday, I had the chance to rest. And I mean rest 'coz I literally drowsed off the whole day. I caught fever plus colds and cough... the usual sakitin me. The drug I was taking made me dizzy and sleepy which actually was a good thing because I felt I really had a rest.

I'm still not well and I'm back in the office. I had a nice welcome from the 'Ogre': The AQ team was given a P12M quota for the year. Whattaf*ck?!?! He's not f*ck*ng kidding and I feel like I'm f*ck*ng sick, much much worse than yesterday. Actually, I haven't even recovered yet. Still barking like a mad dog and my nose is already burning hot from too much mucus wiping (eeewww... my sipon seems bottomless... free-flowing... parang iced-tea... hehe).

I swear... the ogre is too ambitious. As if venturing into publications business is as simple as counting 123... backwards. Hello?!? Isn't it a common knowledge that in any business, the ROI may be achieved not until a year or two? He's asking for a miracle and we're not the Messiah to give him that. I wish the good Bathala would put some sense into that man. Hay.

It's past six already and everyone's still in the office. Pa'no, wala pang sweldo. U-hmmm... some people got no consideration whatsoever for the welfare of their people. It doesn't matter if their wallets are dying of hunger or if their poor souls are being deprived of their desires to indulge in the Christmas shopping frenzy. Tsk... tsk...

Logging off. I've got a resume to update.

Woes on singlehood

I watched the fireworks from Greenbelt kissed the melancholy of the night away by the window of this dark and empty office room. I was with my friend Chin, but for the very first time, I felt so alone. Jolina Magdangal was singing ‘Maybe It’s You’ in the background and baduy as it may seem, but I felt its melodies tugging at the strings of my heart for no apparent reason. I don’t even have a YOU to refer to.

It’s been a while and it feels like forever. This singlehood, I mean. It sounds so pathetic but I really can’t help but think why the hell am I still single. Sure, I have had a couple of (actually just one serious and the others… ewan) relationships. I guess I just miss the feeling of being wooed and that can’t eat-can’t sleep-reach for the stars-over the fence-world series kind of thing when being in-LIKE. Yup, not even in-love. But hey, the latter’s way way sweeter. The other one’s just cute.

Am I being bitter? Probably, but in my defense, I think I am just being normal. Geez, I’m already 24 (malapit na ko sa finish line!) Actually my finish line is 28. So I guess that gives me four more years to find the man I would marry. Seriously. I want to be married by that time. But it seems so soon that I’d rather forget about it.

Just some thoughts.

1. I don't want to be an old maid.
2. I miss kissing someone (hehe... seriously.)
3. I want to have a baby (",)

I guess I've been watching too much Korean soap that I'm beginning to be disillusioned and make myself believe that I can meet my 'Seungwan' anytime, any place unimaginable. That I too, can just bump into him from an airport somewhere abroad and we'll have a few rows, get drunk, discover in the morning that we just had a one night stand, have a baby, marry despite our utter dislikes of each other and then fall in love in the end. Perfect. But it's fiction... not true. Not me.

Hell, I wish.

Korean Drama Addict.

This video's nice... (",)

Celebrity Crush #1

Yup... It's official. Crush ko na siya... ha-ha-ha. Jologs.
This guy from Pinoy Dream Academy.

Love is.

Love is...

... seeing my pop walking my mom down the isle in a very simple church blessing after 27 friggin' years!!! (",)

Today is very special for my oppa and omma as they renewed their vows of 'I Do's' with God as their witness. Mom and pop were never married in the church; just like any other stupid (ooopsss...) young couples, they rushed to having their civil wedding when mom learned that she's a few months pregnant with my sister. But I guess they weren't stupid because they are still together [amid the rollercoaster years of splitting up and making up... the endless fights, especially when pop is a little... okay, totally boozed and mom's nagging is at its peak] and our family is still intact. I remember mom telling us countless times before that she's going to leave pop. First was when I was still in prep, then middle school then... basta, I guess that supposed-to-be-heartbreaking warning just became one of mom's usual threats whenever she's pissed off with the old man. It was nothing really big for us. Now, we're all working, probably living each of our own lives although under one roof, and they're still as sweet as couples in their honeymoon stage. Of course, there are still fights, tears and disappointments but they are facing it together -- with us.

Thank God for this. Pop and mom’s love is magic; a miracle that has been made. I swear our family is not a picture perfect one but, again, God has his wonders. It’s even weird that we are not as solid as other families when it comes to religion but we have one faith. And I guess that is enough to hold our bond much stronger.

More photos here.

The 'Ogre' strikes again

What do you call a person who has a habit of saying things point blank and taking them back three seconds later? I don't know with you guys, but I just find them extremely annoying. Apart from my growing dislike about work, I am getting more and more annoyed by the 'ogre' whom I was actually referring to here at the beginning of this blog.

Yesterday, we had a meeting and just like the same old sh*t I hear from him time and again, I got all the more confused about what are we supposed to do now. I know I am being the bad guy here since he actually asked us if we are clear about our agenda but I didn't dare ask. It's pointless. It's like daring Pacquiao for another boxing match. I'll get psyched out 'till my ego is beaten black and blue and barely breathing. Believe me, between us two, an argument is a word that SHOULD not exist. At least until I find a new job.

I promised myself to be productive; its not fair to vent my mounting loathing about him or of this company on my work output. I even have to prove myself more. So this morning, [even without the momentum I so used to have] I mustered up writing long been overdue articles and send out long been overdue email replies and follow-ups. But to my dismay, he called me and demanded a decision on where do we want to transfer. Yes, by the way, I am saying goodbye to my forever seatmate Wayne (who hasn't been so kind.. tee-hee... kidding...) because the AQ Team has to be together at one area in the office. Ergo, I'm leaving my precious little nook here at the corner; I feel a little sad and excited [about my new working area] at the same time. Anyway, he's asking us to find a place that we want to occupy but every time we point out something, he'll tell us those places are out of the question already. Meaning, untouchable. Gulo eh! It looks like we'll have to settle for the Training Group's area. Haayy...

But in fairness to the 'Ogre', he hasn't been actually that scary and grumpy as before. As Chinchin and the others suspect, he's probably in-love. Yaikks! Honestly, I wish him well about his lovelife if it would mean no psyching out and ego-depletion for us his aliping sagigilids. I just wish he'd stop making things difficult for us, or at least for me. I wish I'd never have to feel disgusted everytime he talks to me or I wouldn't have to anticipate another extreme bashing everytime he's asking about the magazine.

Whenever I go hiding under my seat when he passes by my cubicle, I tell myself that it is the most stupid thing that a person can do -- not literally hide and tuck themselves to the safe confines of their cubicles but feel inferior to another person. Sure, he's a boss, he's the king of this company but we have to remember that without us, this [office] would just be another box in a highrise along the posh Ayala Avenue.

Weekend

Hmm... Good morning Monday!

My horoscope says something interesting:

Your single status has some sexy surprises in store for you once you let yourself enjoy where you're at instead of wondering about the future. Commit to loving this mode of life and you'll have more zest than a lemon.

Nice.

So how long will I have to enjoy this single momenthood? Hehe.

***

Sunday wasn't exactly a rest day. I went with my mom to the 168 / Cluster Mall in Divisoria. She did some 'shopping' for their Church Blessing on the 28th. I could tell she's really excited. Pop might be feeling the same way too but he's just not the type to show it. Finally, mom's wish to get that blessing will finally come true. Linyahan ba naman ako ng: "Anak, fulfilled na ako." Yaikksss!!!

Anyway, I usually get up past 12 nn on Sundays but yesterday, I was up even before the hype on the 'Pacquiao-Morales Fight' welled up. And Divisoria was once again an ideal target for terrorists to put a bomb scare on -- daming tao! And they say the Philippines is a very poor country; but judging the crowd [there] who were shopping as if there is no tomorrow, I would say it's bullshit.

Didn't buy anything for myself. My mom even paid for my snacks. Geez, I'm becoming too poor. I am actually saving up because I wanted to buy them something but I don't know where my money would take me... this sucks. Plus, I think I need a new dress. I would have to wear something decent to their blessing, right?

***

Anyway, I hope this week would turn out right. I have lots of things to do -- way way over my head but I know I can do them. I just need some motivation (^_^)

Classic Dialogue

This morning, I had the urge to buy a Starbucks drink (for the sticker... tee-hee!) My kuya is too kind to offer to treat me to a Toffe Nut Latte (",)

Gela and I had a "Quotable" dialogue before Chin Chin and I went to buy our coffee indulgence. It went something like this:
Thet: Gela, baba na kami... anong gusto mong pasalubong, tissue or stirer? *hehe* Gela: Tissue. (thinks) Ay, stirer na lang...

Tsk... tsk... Classic.

As of today: Got four stickers pa lang... =)

Crybaby

Funny, naiyak ako habang nakikinig ng "My Grown Up Christmas List" ni Kelly Clarkson.

I don't know. Siguro masyado lang akong emotional na tao. Sa katunayan, madaming kanta yung 'pag naririnig ko e naiiyak ako -- ng wala namang kinalaman sa current issues ko sa buhay. Iyakin lang talaga ako.

Pero come to think of it, I haven't actually cried in a long time now. 'Yun bang tipong hagulgol, tulo luha, sipon, laway at kung anong anik-anik. (Hehe... OA na yung laway...eewww) Promise, last time yata e a year ago... nung gabi ng kagagahan ko... haha.

Here's Clay Aiken's version... ganda din... sniff... sniff...

Work is no fun no more...

Today, I came to work late as usual. It was already 9:15 when I logged in. My mind is still full of haze and I can't think straight. All I know is that I'm pissed off that I'm already making a habit out of my tardiness... tsk... tsk... bad. I always try consoling myself that it really doesn't matter if I'm late or night because I often compensate by staying late just to finish what needs to be done for the day. But still, it does make me feel bad.

The funny thing is that whenever I wake up each morning, I care less and less about work... I knew I lost my motivation and I do not know how to regain it. (err... a salary increase might help... hehe). I know myself; once i lose it, i can never take it back.

But yea, here I am, trying with all my might to finish my unfinished business -- the 2nd issue of AQ. On my way here, I kept thinking how those pricks could actually be heartless and just let me do this work by myself. Sure I have my layout artist and Jennie and [yea] chocnut but really, they aren't much help when it comes to developing the entire content of the magazine. I need someone whom I can split half of the writing job with and someone who can do interviews with people we need featured in the magazine or at least do the basic proofreading for me. Because at this point in time, I am doing them all and I'm getting tired... I can only do so much you know.

Plus, the gap-tooth schmuck is back -- what else can I ask for, huh? Bad. Bad. Bad.

Adik...

The time now is 7:46 pm, Saturday... Saturday?!?!?!

Yep... at dahil adik ako... i'm still in my workstation...

Be going home in a while... (^_^)

An Ode to ChinChin (Happy Birthday!)

ChinChin, Chen, Cristine... whatever you call her. She's that sweet lady who can charm anybody who walks on two legs (yea, probably kahit four legs pa, kahit nga yung laging naka-headstand e--- di ba, paa? hehe).

Anyway, a year and a half may not be too long but I feel like knowing you forever. Maybe because you carry within you an aura of transparency, a sensitivity that makes the world laugh and cry with you at the same time.

I remember the first time I met you...'kala ko di ka marunong mag-tagalog... nag-iisip na ko kung sa'n ako huhugot ng English =) Nah, but seriously, the first time I saw you, I know we will be friends... I hope we'll be friends forever... and ever... and ever.


I like the way we see things on parallel perspectives... (oo na, kahit mas matanda ako sa'yo... ng eight months lang!) It's funny how our wavelengths meet... nakakaaliw... minsan parang magic.

You sure are a cry baby but we know that within that 'kutis porcelanang China' is a toughie... sobrang strong ng personality ni bruha... hehe. Otherwise, you wouldn't be that Cristine that we know and we love...

Four days later... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ChinChin!!! MWAH!!!

Just like now.

Yey... I was able to finish a whole novel during the weekend. I've been wanting to read more but I usually find myself staring [blankly] at a book whenever I start flipping through its pages. I am becoming more and more a lazy reader. I remember this guy writing in his blog that if you want to be a good writer, you have to be a good reader. I love reading alright; but sometimes, I'm just caught up in too much work, hatred about work, hatred about almost everything associated with it that I lose interest in reading... rather, I write. I write furiously and almost in a nonsense pallor that my pieces are becoming too irrational when I re-read them. Point is, I'm starting to lose the whole point of it. But anyway, I am too overwhelmed, I started reading yet another Mary Higgins-Clark novel right away. I swear, not too many people may appreciate her, but I like her style. She's a more subdued version of Sidney Sheldon. (I think).

***

Anyway, the heat is coming up to my brains (see previous blog). I'm starting to be too irritated and agitated about almost the simplest and smallest of things. I hope nobody talks to me right now; else, the poor soul would be in a lot of treat (if you know what I mean). I used to be really moody when I was in secondary. I grew out of it when I started working. I realized I needed to be more rational if I want to belong and if I want friends. But really, I can't help it when sometimes, I snap out of a situation because somebody or someone triggers me. Just like now... You're really a schmuck, you know that?!?

***

I want to go home and sleep for the rest of the day. These are the days when I feel like not doing anything at all but write, rant and rave about what pisses me off. And now I also feel like a loser. =(