Pusang Gala...

I'm moving...

2010-05-09T17:09:00.004+08:00

... or at least my blog is. I've been with blogger for the last six (6) years (yes, six darn freaking years!) and in line with the CHANGES in my [working] life these days, I thought I would celebrate with the birth (or re-birth?) of a new blog page, and this time, with Wordpress.

I've exported all my entries in this blog to my new address: www.mylifeispretty.wordpress.com and I'm still in the process of improving the whole look. (my Photoshop skills is being challenged big time... whew!)

So my dear friends, see you at wordpress! =)

FANMODE: Fab videos

2010-05-08T20:49:00.002+08:00

I haven't visited Youtube for quite some time, and when I did (really enjoying how fairly fast Skybroadband's 2Mbps is), I found some really amusing videos. Here are some of them:

Great and inspirational song from Matisyahu

Lourd de Veyra's take on the jejemons...

I've been jobless (for a weekend) but not anymore...

2010-05-08T20:12:00.004+08:00

A week has gone since I became officially jobless and officially working again and it's been, well, different. After spending seven years of my working life enclosed in a cubicle or out in the field, scooping for stories I would write, I am at home, in my room, fighting the urge to turn on the tv and just lounge on my bed to actually work. I am getting used to this set-up and I think I will be getting the hang of things very soon.

With my new job, I don't have to report to an office for a period of time. I don't have to wake up very early to fix myself... no wardrobe-staring for an hour to choose what I would be wearing for the day or fight with my hair. I don't need to see people I don't want to see or (smell) unwanted (smell) for that matter.

But truth be told, I am also missing things (and people) that I thought I wouldn't. I miss my baby-cockroaches-infested cubicle, Claudette's kitchen where i first tried an extremely good white lasagna (and huge servings too!), manang who sells us lunch, and of course, the friends we left behind.

It's been a week and so far, it's been good. While we still have a lot of time to ourselves these days because we're just starting, I anticipate that things will be tough sooner but for now, I'll be -- as morbid-sounding as it seems -- resting in peace. =)

Alone-ness at Bo's interrupted by an annoying kid

2010-05-03T19:33:00.004+08:00

Bo's Coffee is one of my most favorite places when I like to think or just lounge while drinking my freeze - especially their Oreo Freeze original. And so, here I am on a Monday night with my laptop, mobile phone, and iPod for companions. I'm waiting for my sister who's getting off from work at 8pm. (I still have to wait for 30 minutes!)

Thank God for earphones because one of the things I can't take is a noisy place - one with a loud-mouthed b**ch who can't seem to keep her mouth shut and an annoying kid running around and doing all sorts of annoying stuffs. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE kids. I adore them too much that sometimes when I am looking at one, I am finding myself battling the urge to scoop one in my arms and take him/her home. (just kiddin')

But this one particularly annoying little bundle of misery is destroying my peace. He looked like he's on 'E' or something or drank a whole box of redbull. I know it's absurd to think this way of a little kid but what annoys me the most is that the parent (the mom) doesn't seem to care at all. She just lets the little devil wreak havoc. (Almost hit me with a chain he was trying to swirl around his head.. grr)

Anyway, the little bugger was gone so I had my peace back.

***

On a positive note, today was my first day at "work" and I am loving it so far. I didn't have to get up very early and I didn't have to stay very late... yet. We're just starting so I think a lot of changes will happen soon. But I don't wanna pre-empt and bury myself in misery prematurely... not that I want to of course, but hey, it cushions the blow a little when you're emotionally prepared if you know what I mean.

i'm just so glad to be out in the rut. Technically, I'm still having a taste of hell in the next few weeks as I still have to come back for some unfinished business but I guess I have to move on already and stop invoking negative vibes whenever I think about it; it's just not healthy and it's just not me. See the monster that they created? This makes me sad actually...

Oh well, I gotta snap out of it because there's a lot of things to be busy with in the next few days. I think I'll also have a taste of how it is to produce and be an editor for a small cable t.v. show... wish me luck! =)

Devil down the hole...

2010-04-27T11:41:00.003+08:00

What a very cool way to pray... thanks to Van Ness Wu who makes praisin' GOD hip and full o' life =)

And here's a video of him talkin' about what inner peace is all about.

So, I'd say, deliver me Lord, deliver us from evil (I think you may have done just that *wink*)

What a very 'jejemon' day!

2010-04-23T11:39:00.004+08:00

Nako, this word has been haunting me since the start of this week and it just irritates the hell out of me... not to forget that these 'jejemons,' the perpetrators of this first degree language homicide, are really worthy of prosecution. How can people mutilate the greatest thing ever invented! I think they're plain lazy or just plain pa-cute, nothing more.

Oh well, this day is lazy and I am beginning to wonder again what the heck am I doing here. Then I remembered I still owe the May issue two more articles. But ever since I handed that resignation letter, I am not feeling the vibe at all; I've never been back in MY zone. I go to work later than my usual late self and whenever I get up in the morning, I think about what I'll be having for lunch instead. Nice, right? I know, it is bad but I just can't help it.

I am excited about what the coming weeks will bring . Now I believe that when you're in the bottom, you have nothing else to go really but up. I might not be working in a posh office building anytime soon and I might be a temporary fixture in my newly-renovated bedroom for days or even weeks, but yes, I am looking forward to it.

I'm seeing things being done. I have a taste of Manila tour with my friend Katskie (luv u kat!) last weekend (photos here), I painted my walls olive green and I had that kind-of-floor-to-ceiling-slash-office-table that I wanted. I even bought that new trash bin for our kitchen. haha... While it may be getting darker and darker in my current office life, I'm seeing a fresh ray of light in another direction and there's nothing else to do but just to look forward.

It gives me hope reading about people moving on and standing up after falling. I am seeing smiling faces, finding hope and love, and getting corny and cheezy and feeling good about it. Well, that's how we must live our lives if we want to be happy, right?

Sana araw-araw ganito ang MRT

2010-04-16T18:07:00.003+08:00

I forgot when was this shot taken, probably a few weeks back but I can only wish for it:

An almost empty MRT carriage. I can practically see the floor! =)

I have a trauma riding the MRT because I almost died riding one - true story. I almost fell down the tracks at the Shaw Boulevard station because people pushed and shoved each other like it was the greatest battle of their lives when they saw the MRT approaching (the station) and I was standing in front, way below the yellow line, with my toes at the edge of the platform. God bless my soul but someone was able to grab a hold of my arm when I lost my balance. Who pushed me? I had no idea - probably that whole throng.

So, yes... I truly dread riding this thing.

Hibernating and some other things

2010-04-06T10:08:00.005+08:00

I've hibernated for quite a long time and I think it was kind'a deliberate 'coz I'm not feeling too well these days.

I was down with a flu last week. Started last Tuesday and I only got better last Saturday. I felt so tired and wasted and I haven't had a taste of direct sunlight until I came to work yesterday. I was home the whole time and didn't dare go out. This despite my mom's yearly traditional Pabasa which meant that we practically had an 'Open House' - busy house with a lot of people going in and out, and a lot of food too! What was funny was that since it's the election time, we've had a lot of "donations" from candidates like trays of eggs, boxes of fruit juices, even cash money. Generous bunch of a**es until they win and claim those seats. But thank you, nonetheless.

I made use of my "idle" time at home. I got to learn how to cook a few recipes (from Kuya's Italian cookbook) where most of the time, I was compelled to improvise because I've got no clue what some of the ingredients there even look like! Anyway, I got to make a yummy Tiramisu, replacing mascarpone (some sort of cheese) with a quickmelt, and a Trifle, which I overdosed with rhum so it was only my pop and unni's hubby who got to enjoy it. But hey, it was really good! I also cooked beef stew with overcooked vegetables. =)

My room had a slight renovation as I had it installed with A/C. This summer is killing me and it was a perfect timing that my aunt was selling her A/C so I took it without so much eyelash batting. I'm just worried about the electricity bill that's why I'm still cautious in using it. This Saturday, my cousin will install floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and a built-in desktop on my wall. My goal will be to fill those shelves with books! Neat, right? =)

The last couple of weeks before I got sick, I ran around Ayala triangle every night after work (finally!) and it made me feel really good. Just that i kind'a "lost" my running buddy 'coz her bf's in town so I'm lying low as well. But I'll continue doing that I swear even if it meant me running on my own. Somehow, I felt light and since I stopped, I'm starting to feel bloated again. Ayala triangle's busy during weekdays and kind'a 'dead' during Fridays (I think everyone's off, hanging out somewhere to unwind). It's nice to be around a bunch of health-conscious people; it makes me feel healthy for some reason.

So I wonder what's there in the next few days. I still feel like a first-class zombie these days but I am putting every inch of effort to shun all the negative vibes that surround me. As they say, I've probably bottomed out and there's no other way but to go up.

Breaking & Mending Records

2010-03-21T21:10:00.003+08:00

I've broken my record.

Since I came back from a short v-cay in UAE, I vowed to take a bath twice a day (my ammunition against the burning heat of the summer) and I was doing really really good. But this weekend, I totally failed. I am too lazy, thus, I only took a bath once yesterday, very late in the afternoon. I was wearing my pajamas 'till 3pm and I was too lazy to move. In fact, I was like a furniture at home. And today, nah, I don't even wanna tell. =)

Anyway, I think I've been breaking a lot of records lately - on a negative note, that is. Last week, I tried a cleansing diet a.k.a. "not-eating-anything-solid" and it only lasted me two days and a half. I just can't NOT eat. I thought I was actually doing good but every time I go home and open our fridge, my glutton-button automatically switches on. So it makes me not want to stay home as much as possible. It's not that I want to starve myself to death and be a skinny a** but everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I am starting to see paddles instead of arms, and I can't see pass my tummy anymore when I'm standing totally straight and try to peek at my feet. You may laugh but I am dead serious.

I wanted to do a lot of things like read books until my eyes ache or my head spin and do some jogging around Makati triangle after work. I wanted to make my room over, paint it purple or green (or something bright and crazy!) and re-arrange each and every piece in it - from the largest (my wardrobe) to the smallest (my incense holder). I wanted to buy a metal covered trash bin for our kitchen and put a water heater in the shower. I wanted to apply for an EPEC just for the heck of it and renew my passport 'coz the immigration officer in Singapore scared the hell out of me, telling me that that'll be the last time they're accepting it.

Those thoughts have been in my head for quite some time and up to now, they are still JUST thoughts. They are swimming inside my head along with the ravenous thoughts about my dilemmas at work that kill me slowly. The only thing that keeps me sane is, well, knowing that life is a tease - now, I may not be okay, but tomorrow, I'll be out there in the world again, with a huge genuine smile plastered on my face again.

In fact, I am feeling quite good about what will happen next. I am starting to see some light at the end of this very long (and stinky) tunnel. It may be bad to "just hope" since as people (naturally created intelligent by the hands of God) we have choices to make. And it is our choice if we want to be stuck or to move forward.

Tomorrow, I am starting my after-work jogging and tonight, after writing this blog, I am going to get a schedule from DFA online for my passport renewal. Who knows, I might need it sooner than I expected?

Smile! Laugh while we can, 'coz I am a strong believer that we can only be here once. =)

FANMODE: Jason Castro

2010-03-20T01:04:00.007+08:00

Oh-Em-Gee.

I had no clue "Mr. Sexy Pants" is in Manila until I saw a friend's twitter post which went something like choosing Neil Gaiman over Jason Castro (Hi Kats!) because both are in Manila at the same dates. I literally jumped out of my seat (and my reverie as I was already near snoozing) when I read the post and immediately milked my friend for some information. Immediately I decided I'll be leaving the office early to bring out my inner jologs fan girl.

We arrived in Glorietta 5 quite late and some people were already leaving so I assumed it was over. But my persistence got the best of me so I convinced my colleague to hang out a bit longer and my instincts didn't fail me. Girly screams flooded the whole Glorietta 5 and as I turned to the stage, there he was - looking all cute and errr... clean, waving at the audience with a smile that could melt the glaciers in Alaska. OMG. My fangirl meter shoot up to an uninhibited level and that's when I decided I couldn't let the whole thing pass with me just standing behind those velvety ropes... I gotta get close (and if lucky, have a baby...errr... a photo with him). =)

So, from standing this far... (behind those very depressing velvet ropes)

I got THIS CLOSE... =)

I don't know how I did it because I don't have any tickets or stubs required to enter that enclosed perimeter but the next thing I knew, I was furiously snapping away in front of the stage, a couple of feet away from where he was sitting signing autographs while screaming, "Jasoooonnnnn!".

He's so cute! Smiling all the time and giving in to his fans' photo op requests even though you can tell that he's already tired and probably sweating like crazy (from my observation, I think he drank half a gallon of water on stage). More photos here.

Is he lookin' at my camera? =)

I admit this wasn't my first fangirl moment but this was the craziest so far. I didn't get lucky enought to have a picture with him though... But the pictures I've taken are probably more than enough. Oh well. You can't have everything! =)

Here's a video I took while he was signing autographs:

Thank God, I am here today.

2010-03-12T00:33:00.002+08:00

My mom told me I was actually supposed to be born a day earlier, but it took her a long time to get me out so I came out an hour past midnight at 1:05am on March 12, 28 years ago. It was a full moon on March 11 and old folks have this belief that if a baby was born during a full moon, either he/she will be a prodigy/gifted child or mentally-challenged. I'm so glad I was born a day (or an hour) later then. =)

I will not go through all the drama of what have I done in the whole 28 years or at least half of it when I already know how to think for myself. Instead I will just be so thankful that I am here - living, breathing, feeling, and going through life as God has planned for me. I am thankful that I have my sometimes quirky and hard to deal with parents (but I love them to bits); my sister who's always been there to be supportive and a friend (also her hubby); my brother who's more often a pain in the ass but I love unconditionally nonetheless; my friends whose presence sometimes I can't feel but would prove otherwise; my job that keeps me believing in myself despite all the difficulties; my random inspirations (not limited to people, cats and a dog included!) which no matter how little, warms my heart like a two-layered duvet.

I have lots to think about these days but it wouldn't keep my rainbows away. Happy Birthday to me! =)

Happy Birthweek to me! =)

2010-03-08T11:01:00.003+08:00

Yup. Today is the official start of my birthday week. A friend reminded me actually and instantly, I got a little sad (just an itsy-bitsy pinch there). In about four days, I'll be turning 28 and this time of the year, I always get surprises - either positive or negative based from my previous birthday experiences. I don't know but the highlight of my year coincidentally presents itself somewhere around this time - when I have all the right to be emotional. Sucks... or not. It depends.

I hate it how my life seems to revolve around my job for the last five years. Of course, I take a break once in a while but still, the main source of my dilemma is still work. Sometimes I ask myself why can't it be just my lovelife instead... okay, I am totally kidding. Only an insane person wants that and I am still pretty sober... somehow. =)

So, my birthday wish? Redemption.

Life's little surprises can be big

2010-02-27T22:02:00.003+08:00

Life, or the circumstances we have while waddling through it, may suck big time but the universe can always surprise you with something small but you'll find yourself taking it as a big breather.

Take my case for instance. I am torn between jumping off a cliff and dancing through the desert right now. I have a problem (I wouldn't say big but it's enough to rob me off my sanity for about three seconds) right now but at the same time, I am given an opportunity to enjoy life and see it on a bigger perspective. I've realized that what we have back home (or from where we come from) aren't all that we have and there's a whole new milky way out there - something stellar that awaits us, only if we have the guts to come out of our comfort zones.

I haven't found my luck yet and I'll be going home in about a week and my mind is swimming with thoughts of depression and "could've been's" but God's greatness reminds me that this is not the time to mope, rather a time to start these feet (and mind) moving to move on to what is waiting (patiently) out there.

My little-big surprise today:

Seeing my friend Jules after eight long years! =)

Maybe it's time for miracles...

2010-02-27T01:54:00.005+08:00

How difficult is it to pray for a miracle?

I think I need one right now.

This is the real picture: I am here somewhere far, trying to get away from a mess that seems pretty hopeless. In my mind, I wanted to find something and hopefully, find myself in it. But I haven't have that luck (yet) and I am praying really really hard. I hope Papa up there is listening 'coz I am bordering on (i hate to say this) desperation.

I don't know what will happen in the next few days, but I am not spoiling what I have or where I am right now. =)

Singaporing within 24 hours

2010-02-26T03:21:00.005+08:00

Why does it feel so depressing?
\
This is the first thought that came to my mind when I went out the gates of the Changi Budget Terminal in Singapore Friday last week. First, that was first time I went out of the Changi airport without someone waiting for me at the gates. And second, the terminal was so new to me because that was the first time I saw it - no crowd at all, no hearty greetings from the people awaiting at the other side of the fence, none of the drama I so love watching in bigger airports.

I settled on a bench at a coffee shop inside the terminal to wait for my friend, Raki, who at the last minute I coaxed to "help" me throughout my 24-hour stay in Singapore.

The scene that I love the most at that airport was this father and daughter who, in my assumption (based on my eavesdropping), came to Singapore to visit the mom and the sister working there. The father reminds me a lot of my dad. They sat a couple of seats away from where I sat on the plane and I could hear him talking with a mix of nervousness and excitement about his trip - how he had to spend his meager savings to buy a plane ticket and how everything seems so expensive. The daughter seems like a good person, tending to her dad's needs throughout the trip. And when they saw the mom waiting at the arrival gate, everything and everyone seemed to vanish into thin air as they rushed to hug her, obviously elated. I've decided, this trip will not be too depressing at all.

I waited for Raki while drinking a Yin & Yang (tea-coffee) drink and a chocolate cake - all that my SGD4 could afford (souvenirs from my last visit as I was too lazy to go to the money changer yet). She's kind enough to offer her flat and "show" me around the place as if it was my first time... even offered a couple of times to pay for my meals and whatnot. it's embarrassing but she insisted all the time despite my pleas that I could get around with what I have. Turns out, the trip would be worth more than a 24-hour stay after all. There were a lot of firsts:

First time I haven't had dinner on time while in Singapore. First time I ate a humongous mushroom burger from Burger King, which I didn't know existed in Clarke Quay. First time I spent the night boozing (although I didn't get boozed at all) in Clarke Quay. First time I didn't sleep but watched one-night stand partners make out at the darkest parts of Clarke Quay (hey, they were still in public!) First time, I got near that bungee thing, which looked like a giant sling shot. First time I almost fell asleep like a vagrant at the banks of the Singapore river while waiting for the first MRT. Oh, and it was also my first time to wait [for] and miss the last train in Singapore. First time I slept for barely three hours within the same day
I'll be catching an eight-hour flight. First time I ate at the Food Republic in Wisma Mall in Orchard. First time I met a business contact from Singapore. First time I saw the "museum" inside the Changi airport.

Overall, my short stay was quite memorable. Definitely, I would be going back again and again and again. =)

Two days and counting...

2010-02-17T00:39:00.003+08:00

I am excited. Two more days and I'm off somewhere again that could (and should!) somehow get my mind off work. I bravely took a two-week leave (might even extend) in the midst of deadlines and our office in (a little bit of) chaos.

I'll be seeing my most favorite place in the world (so far, because I haven't been to many yet) again - Singapura - although I'll be staying overnight only because I'll be heading off somewhere farther - where sand dunes are a common sight. =) I'll be finally going out of Asia... haha!

A friend invited me over and I thought why not... I could probably even make use of that time to open some doors (and windows) to make my life a lot better. I don't wanna go back anymore but who am I kidding? I am not that ruthless I guess.

I really hate myself when I'm traveling. The week that I'm supposed to leave, I am always in the worst state ever - I look harassed and I always have this feeling in my gut that it's the last time I'll be doing things and seeing people. So I say goodbye as if it's really the last. I even say goodbye to my room, my bed, and heck, even my pillows (like that feeling when I'm leaving for sembreak in college).I am such a nut, it kills me! And hell, I am always at the mall after work 'coz I am so paranoid I'll be forgetting things then I'll torture myself endlessly for it.

I just finished packing (wow... excited!) and my luggage is a hundred times heavier than me (I swear I already took out a lot from it) even though I used about two big Smart bags already. I am loving these smart bags. They really do wonders. I couldn't even close my luggage before and now, I can even stash more things on the sides. Magic! =) But I guess I have to stop unless I am willing to pay that ridiculously expensive excess baggage fine at the airport.

And I haven't even left yet but after computing my expenses, I found out I am splurging already. Tsk... such a bad habit. I am learning how to manage my finances but at this point, I'll still have an F on it. *sigh* hopeless!

Holden-isms: On 'F' You!

2010-02-12T18:33:00.007+08:00

My jaw is already hurting from too much laughing. Not to mention that I have nasty feeling in my stomach that, in blunt terms, would be "I feel like I'll be passing gas any minute."

If you haven't read my favorite book The Catcher in the Rye yet, I'll tell you about this part, which even if read a thousand times, would still make me laugh like a maniac as if I'm reading it for the first time.

Holden was in his sister Phoebe's school to pass her a note and on his way up to the principal's office (to give them the note for his sister), he saw a vandal on the wall that says: F*ck You. Here's how he reacted:

While I was walking up the stairs, though, all of a sudden I thought I was going to puke again. Only, I didn't. I sat down for a second, and then I felt better. But while I was sitting down, I saw something that drove me crazy. Somebody'd written "Fuck you" on the wall. It drove me damn near crazy. I thought how Phoebe and all the other little kids would see it, and how they'd wonder what the hell it meant, and then finally some dirty kid would tell them--all cockeyed, naturally--what it meant, and how they'd all think about it and maybe even worry about it for a couple of days. I kept wanting to kill whoever'd written it. I figured it was some perverty bum that'd sneaked in the school late at night to take a leak or something and then wrote it on the wall. I kept picturing myself catching him at it, and how I'd smash his head on the stone steps till he was good and goddam dead and bloody. But I knew, too, I wouldn't have the guts to do it. I knew that. That made me even more depressed. I hardly even had the guts to rub it off the wall with my hand, if you want to know the truth. I was afraid some teacher would catch me rubbing it off and would think I'd written it. But I rubbed it out anyway, finally. Then I went on up to the principal's office.

Then on his way out of the school, he saw the dreaded words written on another wall:

I went down by a different staircase, and I saw another "Fuck you" on the wall. I tried to rub it off with my hand again, but this one was scratched on, with a knife or
something. It wouldn't come off. It's hopeless, anyway. If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the "Fuck you" signs in the world. It's impossible.

Then he saw it again in an unlikely place:

I was the only one left in the tomb then. I sort of liked it, in a way. It was so nice and peaceful. Then, all of a sudden, you'd never guess what I saw on the wall. Another "Fuck you." It was written with a red crayon or something, right under the glass part of the wall, under the stones.
That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "Fuck you." I'm positive, in fact.

HAHAHA! That really killed me. Holden, he really knows how to be sarcastically funny. I read this part over and over and over again in the book, especially when I'm feeling really frustrated at work. Works better than a laughing gas. =)

Yoga everywhere

2010-02-11T10:11:00.001+08:00

I need to do this!!!

1. Deep Breathing
If you're stuck in a stressful situation (like endless traffic), Stiles says the easiest way to reduce tension on the spot is through a focused breathing meditation. Close your mouth, and breathe deeply and evenly through your nose. This simple technique calms your mind and nervous system and can be done absolutely anywhere.

2. Eagle Arms
For those who spend a lot of time sitting at a desk, Eagle Arms can help improve your posture and reduce tension in your shoulders and spine. Bringing your arms out in front of you, place your right elbow on top of your left elbow. Keep twisting your forearms around each other until your palms come together. If you can't bring the palms of your hands together, don't push it; just let the backs of your hands touch. As your breathe deeply in, lift your arms up. Take five long deep breaths in this position.

3. Prayer Behind the Back
Time spent in the kitchen hunched over a cutting board can lead to tension in your wrists, shoulders, and back —all of which this pose helps alleviate. Bring your fists together to touch behind your back at about waist-level. Begin to slide your hands up your spine, bringing palms together to touch in a prayer position. If this hurts your wrists, don't force it. Instead, stay with your fists joined together. Hold this position for five deep, slow breaths.

4. The Hamstring Helper
If you are going for a walk or jog, try what Stiles calls the hamstring helper. Come into a low lunge, bringing your fingertips on either side of your front foot. Slowly start to straighten both legs. If your fingertips don't touch the ground when your legs are straight, slightly bend your front knee. Keep
your hips squared and breathe deeply in this position for a minute or two. Repeat on your other leg.

5. Pigeon Pose
When practiced before bedtime, Stiles says Pigeon pose will help reduce tension in your hips and lower back. This relaxing posture can also help calm your mind and set you up for a restful night of sleep. Gently come into a low lunge with your right leg in front. Slowly inch your right foot over toward your left hand. Ease your knee down toward your right hand. Your calf should be perpendicular to your torso. If
you can't lower your hips to the ground, bring a pillow under your right hip to support it. Fold your torso over your leg, resting on your forearms. Stay in this position for a minute or two. Repeat on your left leg.

(Text by Holly Robinson from Shine Yahoo)

A Holden kind-of thought

2010-02-09T22:04:00.005+08:00

I think I'm having a Holden Caulfield overdose. I've finished re-reading The Catcher in the Rye but I can't help but still open that little book and re-read a page every once in a while. It kind'a channels Holden's simple perspectives on things and I like the feeling. See, instead of wallowing in predicaments that are no bigger than the president's face mole, I take them as something that I just pass by on my way to somewhere. Do you know that feeling when you're riding a cab, or a jeep or a tryke or anything moving like when you're going to work or something and you just stare outside the "window" and you just see things like a smudge because your eyes can't focus? And when they do, your eyes catch something that annoys the hell out of you like a couple having an overt display (redundant!) of their freakin' affections, or one of your colleagues whose mere existence is a curse, or an eyesore of a dresser... name it, they're in sidewalks everywhere. Then you get annoyed and less than a second later you forget about them because, hell, they're mere smudges.

I guess this is a pretty easy way to not get angry or to be very emotional on something. Just look at things like smudges, or a mosquito in your soup - it's not supposed to be there but it's there and it's really yucky. But what you do, you just remove the dead mosquito from the soup, stir it a little and eat it anyway. Who drops dead by eating a mosquito? I hate being emotional because after I cry, I feel very embarrased and it feels like the end of me. Lame and stupid but that's how I genuinely feel. But I do it all the time anyway and I'm still here.

I really like it when people don't over-analyze things and just acknowledge what's in front of them or what's visible to the eye. I like it when people have very simple answers. I remember that kid with an autism in Mark Haddon's "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time. He's the simplest guy on the face of literature. He's happy counting red cars (or whatnot) and making a story out of it. He may be sick but the way he is portrayed gave me the notion that he's the most sane person I've known my entire life. And I like him so much.

When the boss decides to quit...

2010-02-08T22:38:00.007+08:00

I worked more than twelve hours today and I am just so exhausted. Work is a rollercoaster and with the kind of predicament that we have right now, it feels like we were stuck in the loop and we're all hanging upside down.

Did I mention, my boss "sort of" resigned last week? As in left without any plausible explanation. Just walked up to me while I was busy editing an article about this Chinese business school and told me he will be leaving in 10 minutes... and not coming back. Thought the old chap was kidding and when I figured the tense look on his face means otherwise, I kind'a broke a little (along with my other colleagues who were apparently listening in on the conversation).

I felt sad because I had a darn flashback about all the difficulties we've had in bringing this magazine to where it is right now and I couldn't just zap the thought that without our boss, it will all be just put to waste. Anyway, that was what initially crossed my mind. Now, I am thinking hard about other possibilities (if there are any). But given the choice, we just want our work (place) to be normal.

Sans drama, our team made this little note for him:

Dunno. The man has a heart and this might pinch it a little. Life's annoying surprises - who would've thought a boss (as in part owner of the company) can quit just like that?

OMG, what happened to Joo Ji Hoon?

2010-02-03T21:11:00.003+08:00

Just saw this in Popseoul:

Prince Shin of the K-drama Princess Hours doesn't look like much of a royalty these days. He looked like a dad, gaining pounds like that. He's stick thin during the Princess Hours days. Must be the 'rehab' and being away from the limelight.

I liked JJH despite his recent drug scandal. In all fairness to him, he's got spunk and he's a very good actor. =)

BIG thoughts before the weekend ends.

2010-02-01T00:50:00.005+08:00

Sometimes we think of ourselves so small and so weak that it manifests in our physical action. We thus become one and I realized how pathetic can that be. When we were little, we don't think of anything else but conquering the world once we grow up. Starting with the infamous line "When I grow up, I wanna be..." And now we look back on those days of mindless purity and wonder whatever happened to us.

Now, we can't help but sometimes feel small in everything we do - in all aspects of this given life.

We feel small in our jobs. How many people do I know (including myself) have been feeling lousy getting up in the morning, knowing that they have to face yet another tough day at work? Not because they don't want/love their jobs but because there are certain unavoidable things that could strip them off of what's left of their sanity. From selfish and arrogant colleagues who don't give a sh*t whether they've been stepping on someone elses toes, to the most inconsiderate of bosses who could eat us (alive) for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

We feel small in our craft. No matter how great we are in what we do, there are and will be people who would convince you that you're no good at whatever and even if you were already half-convinced that you are the greatest at a certain thing, you'll find yourself bleeding in the end.

We feel small in our sense of belonging. I've got around 300 friends in both my facebook and friendster accounts. I've got probably a little less than that in my phonebook and email contacts. But still, there are moments when I feel depressed 'coz I don't have someone to watch a movie with, or just hang out with during weekends. I tried attending a couple of churches only to have this nagging feeling (although I am not saying it's true) that I don't really belong. Don't get me wrong; these are uber nice people and they make you feel welcome but it's just that I feel so small and I can't find myself within their midst.

We feel small in finding our other half. I haven't yet and I am not really looking. I don't know but I have this feeling that he's somewhere between fantasy and reality and he got lost on his way but he's nearly there to find me. =) (fighting spirit Thet, aza aza!!!) Point in case is, whenever we feel bad because of a spoiled or a non-existent (in my case) relationship, we tend to blame ourselves and keep asking "What's wrong with me?" Why can't we ask "What's wrong with him/her?" We always say we try to be the 'bigger' person and move on only to find ourselves in a fetal position, wondering if the smaller we make ourselves in the dark, the higher the chance that we'll just disintegrate.

I guess i am tired being small. Although physically I am, I want my soul to be bigger. And I thank God for gearing me up with all the positive vibes that I need. It works pretty fast...

Sometimes, I'm convinced, I am bigger than the mountain. =)

R.I.P. Mr. J.D. Salinger

2010-01-30T12:45:00.006+08:00

The person who introduced me to my immortal Holden Caulfield has passed away.

According to reports, J.D. Salinger died on January 28, 2010 of natural causes at his secluded home in Cornish, New Hampshire. He gave life to the concept of the modern-age youth with the birth of Holden's character in the midst of the cold war.

I remember reading Catcher in the Rye when I was already in college and I feel for and fell-inlove instantly with Holden Caulfield- the anti-hero. Aside from seeing myself in him (I blogged about it before but I couldn't find the link... haay), I guess I just really have a thing for bad boys because when I was in highschool, I was infatuated with Huck Finn.

Anyway, Mr. Salinger lived a life that he wanted - peaceful and away from the harsh spotlight. Rest In Peace...

PUSANG GALA: BFFs and NFFs

2010-01-25T23:01:00.006+08:00

So last weekend was a busy one... and a tiring one too! (bones and muscles still aching big time!)

As per my last post, I went on another climb. This time it was in Mt. Batulao in Nasugbu, Batangas. Ironically, we were only five in the group but it's the most enjoyable for me so far.

My boondock friendly friends (BFF) and I met a group of [newbie] photographers who call themselves 'Eon' whom we shared the campsite (or Camp 5 at least) with. They are a bunch of very nice and generous people (because they shared their breakfast and granma [tador] with us during the socials... hehe!)

I brought my point-and-shoot camera with me but it's broken so I can only take videos from it. Good thing Keicee brought hers. Our new found friends (NFF) took some photos of us (with their saliva-inducing DSLRs):

I can only say: Capital ASTEEEG!!!

Them guys... thank you! =)

Photo Credit: Eon Photography

Mt. Batulao, Here I come!

2010-01-23T01:53:00.002+08:00

This is one of those most spur of the moment decisions I've done so far. Amid the frenzy during this afternoon's presswork, our little teasing with our mountaineer friend over YM turned out to be a weekend activity. We'll be climbing Mt. Batulao tomorrow... errr... later? (it's 2am already!) I missed out on the first climb so I am so eager to go this time.

I am so excited... I'll get that feeling again of kissing the sky. =)

Pondering and wandering thoughts

2010-01-20T21:37:00.003+08:00

What am I doing, really?

I've been asking myself this question this past few weeks... months or hell yea, years... and I think I know the answer all along. I just don't want to admit it to myself and feel like a total loser. As my friend puts it, the cards have long been laid out on the table, its just that I always refuse to draw.

Still, I am praying for enough courage, for enough support, and a pat on my shoulder. Baby steps. That's what I'll do in the meantime. Then probably I might get surprise on where I come through.

Positive thoughts can get us a long way! =)

FANMODE: Vanness Wu's "Smexyness"

2010-01-19T20:17:00.004+08:00

OMG! I could get thrown to the 6th level of hell just by looking at this pic:

My F4 puppy crush is no longer a boy... he's already a man... a SMEXY man, that is! For those who's currently raising their brows as to what this annoying term means, it is word mash-up for the Smart and Sexy (Intellectually Sexy) which is what Vanness is. Sorry guys, I am turning on my juvenile obsession mode and I am setting it real high.

I so wanted to watch Vanness' new drama called Autumn's Concerto (opposite Ady An) but I can't seem to find the time (and the pirated DVD yet...hehe) =)

Writer's BLACK

2010-01-19T15:37:00.004+08:00

Normally, when I'm having a writer's block, it spans two hours at the most. These days, I've been having it for almost the entire week already. I can't seem to finish the articles I'm assigned with for our February issue and what bothers me is, I don't seem to bother that much.

I prefer writing senseless stuffs in my blog than fry my braincells with the technical terms I don't really understand. Not to mention, it's been a very rough day yesterday (and week for the past week actually) for me at work. I feel like I am in a black hole (because of an A-hole). . Again, I refuse to elaborate.

This afternoon, I chose to recuperate. I started laughing senselessly again and drown myself in music (it heals me, I don't know how). So far, I'm nearly done with the first of the three pending articles and I wanna hug myself for that. Positive thoughts can really get you far.

Oh, well... just trying to have a break (I've been having it the whole day!)
=)

And the 2010 Golden Globe Goes to...

2010-01-18T22:54:00.005+08:00

I just finished watching the delayed telecast of the Golden Globe Awards 2010 and I am still ecstatic about GLEE winning the Best Television Series - Comedy or Musical category. Very impressive for their very first season with only 13 episodes to boot! Plus, the ever-charming Mr. Schuster (Matthew Morrison) was also nominated for the Best Performance By An Actor in a Television Series -Comedy or Musical but the award went to 30 Rock's Alec Baldwin.

The big winners included Avatar for the Best Motion Picture-Drama

James Cameron for Best Director-Motion Picture for Avatar and Sandra Bullock, Best Performance By an Actress in a Motion Picture-Drama for The Blind Side

Jeff Bridges, Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture-Drama for Crazy Heart, Meryl Streep, Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture-Comedy or Musical for Julie & Julia (both not in photos), and the winner of all winners (tee-hee!) Robert Downey Jr., Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture-Comedy or Musical for Sherlock Holmes!!! =)

For the complete list, see this.

Photos from filmofilia.com

Will this get me organized?

2010-01-17T23:49:00.004+08:00

I finally got a planner! I am so stingy these days that I refuse to buy myself anything that costs more than Php200. My Belle de Jour last year was a gift from my unni. I was itching to buy the Moleskin rip-off I saw in Powerbooks, which looks decent enough but it costs about Php300 plus so I decided against it anyway.

I'm so glad I did because in-between window-shopping for cosmetics and actually buying some toiletries, my unni saw Watson's planner which one could avail for only Php149, provided you buy one of the products it sort of endorses. I bought a Safeguard bar soap (probably the cheapest there) just to avail of the planner.

The planner is not bad actually. Aside from being hardbound, it has also colorful pages with some inspirational quotes to lift up your mood everyday. It also has some beauty tips and trivias and a lot of pages to doodle and jot down notes. Sans the occassional Watsons products and other endorser products that are generously sprawled among its pages, I lurveee it! =)

Oh, and there are lots of coupons too!

Jeong Il-Woo & Joo Ji Hoon, Twin Brothers?

2010-01-17T00:34:00.007+08:00

I seriously think these two guys look alike. Il Woo is the guy on the left, and Ji Hoon, the one on the right. The latter is senior by five years and last I heard, was serving a 6-month jail term and community service because of drug use and would be entering the military next month. I think that's just what he needs. I hope when he comes back, he'll be a reformed man. What a waste!

Twin brothers? Almost.

Both worked opposite Yoon Eun Hye in Princess Hours and last year's My Fair Lady.

Photos from hancinema.net

Waahhh... is this true?

2010-01-16T22:21:00.003+08:00

I read from Drama Beans that Jang Geun Seok will be having an Asian tour and there are talks that he'll be going here in the Philippines as well.

In this case, I'm letting out my inner fan-girl... tee-hee! v(^__^)v

What's New

2010-01-16T22:12:00.002+08:00

I am trying very hard to make this blog look like it's being maintained by someone my age but it's just so hard to do that... geez...

So here's what I cam up with - a change in my template after four-and-a-half long freakin' years. I like it actually. But it feels like it's so... BIG.

Incohesive piece of sheet

2010-01-14T18:22:00.003+08:00

I wanna go home and just lie on my bed and stare at my ceiling again... in the dark and just numb my thoughts again. I am going crazy, I knew it!

Or... watch American Idol.

I am still at work but I am barely working as my mind refuses to do so but my conscience is tugging hard on it and stirs it on the other direction. So I am trying my best to write at least one paragraph for my next article. So far, I've succeeded typing the section title... and I've been struggling for half an hour already.

I am angry.

The weekend that was.

2010-01-10T21:05:00.006+08:00

High! Haay... pretty much the same. How the weekend flies so fast. And now, it's already 9pm on a Sunday night and instead of getting ready for bed, I am buffering this Korean movie (The Case of Itaewon Homicide where the beautiful Jang Geun Seok plays a bi-polar psychopath... *dreamy*) I've been dying to watch (on youtube since mysoju.com is not that brilliant these days).

I just cleaned my room and it looks just the way I want it so even though I'm tired, I think I deserve a little Hallyu indulgence. v(^__^)v I have a lot of plans in this room but since it's not technically mine (long story), I've been having second thoughts investing on it. Oh well...

I didn't do pretty much this weekend. I just watched movies and the second season of Ugly Betty which I find more and more interesting. I like the character of witty gay guy Marc St. James (played by Michael Urie, hopefully not gay in real life but I seriously doubt it). I was planning to go out last Saturday but I stayed home and tried to work instead. My unni, her hubby, and I tried this diner in Burgos (yes, Burgos the red freakin' district near Makati Ave.) after hoarding some Korean food at this newly-opened Korean shop/store with a very nice ajumma* (middle-aged woman) for an owner.

We were actually surprised at how great the atmosphere is inside that diner (The Filling Station if I remember the name right). Too bad I don't have my digicam with me (which is actually broken...grrr) and nobody thought of bringing their camphones. The interior of the diner was pretty amazing, with collections of old memorabilias from the 50s, mostly posters and compiled photos of Elvis Prestley and The Beatles, LPs, bottles, movie posters, old telephones, radios which looked like oven toasters, and life-size Justice League figures (and Elvis too!). It actually reminded me a bit of 50s diner, one of my most favorite hang-out spots when I was in Baguio. The food was great and have large servings but pricey too. Probably because most of the patrons there are foreigners... with (really sorry for this for lack of a better term) Pinay GROs in tow. That's the sad (and annoying) part for me. But if you can look past that, you'll really enjoy the place. So after filling our tummies wiht ginormous nachos (filled with salsa, ground beef and my newly-found favorite - Jalapenos) and fries servings, with my favorite Cranberry juice, we cut the 'Burgos field trip' short and just went home.

I also entertained myself 'experementing' on what my and my ultimate eyecandies' babies would look like through morphthing. Try it, it's really fun! So this is how my babies would look like:

With Faffy Daniel Henney

With the true father (haha!) Kim Jae Won

With super cutie Won Bin

Then, I tried morphing Rob Pattinson and Daniel Henney, this is how it appeared... not bad I'd say!

thoughts

2010-01-05T23:53:00.003+08:00

Someone got served today and I'd say it's been long overdue. I don't want to feel bad but no matter how much I try, there's still something inside me that says "oh, shucks!"
Oh well...

***

Should I go? A friend is inviting me over somewhere far away but it's gonna cost me a lot... nyar! but i really want to go. Otokajo? Hmm...

First Day @ Work 2010

2010-01-04T21:05:00.002+08:00

It still hasn't sank on me that it's 2010 already so while I was signing something this morning, I put 2009 and it cracked me up. What's in 2009 that I still can't let go, huh?

Anywee... it's back to the world of magazine and non-stop writing and editing for me. February's fast approaching and we need to finish all the contents in a week and a half. Today was my first day (again) and I was really busy. That surprised me a bit. Last year wasn't like this. Last year, our vacation hang-over seemed to last a whole week and it didn't feel tiring at all. But I enjoyed the fact that I was doing something worthwhile this afternoon and that I was productive the whole day.

Some people aren't still up to the challenge I see. Some still don't care and it was honestly frustrating but hey, nothing can bring me down... not today, and not for the rest of the year ( I hope!) The day went by so quickly that after work, I found myself running some errands for mi mom. I was really hoping I could keep this up - you know, not wasting time and doing things that I ought to and can do and just stop procrastinating. I think I'm up for a good start. =)

It's just a total bummer that this laptop charger, which I thought rose from the dead (when it died a natural death last May) didn't after all. It worked the whole day at the office and I was so ecstatic and almost believed that a miracle stared at me right in the face. But no... when I took it home, it refused to work. So, I'm keeping this short 'coz I am running really low on battery already.

Ciao! =) 'till the next happy happy days!

FANMODE: Jang Geun Seok & Park Shin Hye

2010-01-03T17:12:00.000+08:00

Sorry but I really can't help but smile& giggle non-stop at this video. They're so cute together v(^___^)v

FANMODE: You're Beautiful

2010-01-02T23:43:00.004+08:00

Old habits die hard. I spent the New Year watching this Korean drama called 'You're Beautiful' and my love for watching K-dramas was re-fueled. I stopped watching for quite some time and I kind'a missed it. I don't know what's with k-dramas but apart from the surprisingly inspiring good quotes, the witty dialogues and eye candies, I guess watching it makes me forget how the 'real' world can sometimes be miserable (also translated as: how my lovelife sucks... hehe)

This is how Jang Geun Seok (right) and Park Shin Hye (left) really look. Cute!

Anyway, the story is nothing fancy: it's about a male pop group where a naive girl pretends to be a guy to be able to join it (while waiting for her twin brother who's really supposed to join the group to recuperate from a surgery gone bad) and eventually, the girl falls in-love with the most abrasive (and good-looking of course) member and they went through all kinds of struggles and complications and ended up happily ever after after all.

OMG, and this scene... =)

Just sharing! =)

First musings in 2010

2010-01-01T18:37:00.004+08:00

They always say that new year is a new beginning. And for the first time in years, I feel that it is. I am a little bit confused though if this means letting go as well. Or forgetting (or try at least) of the things (and people) that made you feel bad, hurt you, made you cry and feel that life is worthless. But what if these things (and people) are the same reason why you smiled and laugh for quite some time?

It's difficult to argue that but then, I would think of what a friend used to say: "Past is past." And I like to add a bit more to it. "There's no way that it could be present." Thus, it can never be a gift. A gift is supposed to bring out the child in us (not worrying about a single thing and just live life like it has something grand to offer as the days go by). So probably, my friend - in his most innocuous and clueless way - is giving me something grand to think about.

Cheers to 2010! I look forward to loving you! =)

Yey, 2010! You're gonna be awesome!

2010-01-01T01:31:00.003+08:00

Okay, peace and quiet at last. Aside from the occasional 'ka-boom' that I'm hearing from afar, the deafening sound of fireworks and clanking of my mom's improvised 'gong' to welcome the new year (and Sean Kingston's riveting Beautiful Girl from the tweenies gathered outside of mom's store) has finally faded. I can only hear my keyboard's own rhythm as I am typing my very first blog this new year.

I finally found our cats - all four of them. They were gone for two hours, obviously terrified of the fireworks. Wonbin, our half-retriever, half-halimaw dog (according to unni's hubby) has pooped and peed as expected. Poor babies. Now, Yumi is contented cleaning herself on my bed, probably getting ready to slumber.

I haven't thoroughly cleaned my room but I tried my best with some of the clutter... it looks pretty decent. I painted my nails red (as in bloody red) just for the heck of it and I am enjoying my new full-banged look. I kind'a thought it looks fake (like Anne Curtis' in Natasha's catalogue) but Kuya says it looks just great.

I am somehow sad that we welcomed the new year without my unni but I thought that's just how it is. That's how it is when someone gets married in the family. And because of it, I am happy I am single. tee-hee... But I gotta find him soon, or better yet, he gotta find me soon! O, speaking of, unni and the hubby just arrived... Happy New Year I guess.

I'm not gonna rant about what might be in store for this new year... NOT YET. But I have this awfully magnificent feeling that it's gonna rain AWESOMENESS this 2010.

Thank you God! And God Bless US all! =)

Si Wayne

2009-12-30T01:43:00.003+08:00

Some photos taken during a not-so-surprising visit from mah friend Wayne... He's the last person I was hoping would not let me rot in E*** but he left me just the same... tsk... Oh well, life...

Ha.ha. Kiddin' aside, kudos to your new life adventures mah friend *wink*

Take One...

Not contented... take two!

Still not... his head looks too big... take three!
Here's how a 'selca' is done... Err...
Goofy... me!Unfair, while all of them are getting skinny and fit, I am bloating to perfection... nyarrrrrr....

PUSANG GALA: It's the Climb!

2009-12-28T22:58:00.003+08:00

Oh no, not another mountain...

We conquered Mt. Makulot last December 19. I went without an eyeshut, thus, the headache and my controversial absence during the socials. Apart from my eyebags which were eating half my face, I was all wooozzy while trekking and all moody. It didn't feel good. Oh, did I mention that I missed the socials?! After three rounds of grandma (a.k.a. Grand Matador), I succumb to dreamland.

I was compelled to stay in a tent ALONE. Good thing, the stories about the (white) lady who loved wedging herself between the girls' tents weren't circulating yet and I was too drowsy and painfully battling a severe headache to be scared. Slept really well but now that I think about it, it gives me the creeps with the capital C!

Here's mah tent...
I didn't do what I planned. I was meaning to jump off the cliff... JUST KIDDIN'! Actually, I was planning to throw my lungs out while shouting profanities to the air... to let out all the bad feelings I've had the past days, past weeks, past months, oh well, the past year. I wanted to call out for my 'Dao Ming Xi' who was probably straddling his own rock at the other side of the mountain... tsk...

The trail up Mt. Makulot was more challenging for me than Pico de Loro. Did I mention we traversed two mountains at one go?!? ... with 'hang-overed' companions to boot.... woot!

More pics soon at my multiply because the internet is screwed up again... *SIGH*

When the fullmoon...

2009-12-03T20:37:00.004+08:00

I love the full-moon. I first noticed it last Tuesday when I was on my way home, riding a cab. It was so round and huge and I swear I can see some outlines of its craters with my bare eyes... nah, I'm sure it's just my imagination but it's just sooo beautiful!
It probably explains my erratic moods and behavior these past few days. In Filipino, I am in one of those 'tag-baliw' modes. It's probably the cause of these weird feelings I'm having. Don't ask...

We came, we saw, we conquered Mt. Pico De Loro!

2009-11-24T20:06:00.015+08:00

I am updating my bucket list - I went mountain climbing with my colleagues last weekend and conquered Mt. Pico De Loro (in Ternate, Cavite)! It is considered the highest point within the boundary of Cavite and Batangas with a 360 degree view at its summit.

We have been planning this climb (me and my colleagues) for the umpteenth time but it always gets canceled at the last minute because of the typhoon. First time that we were supposed to go for it, Ondoy was already rearing it's ugly eye in Manila. The second time, Pepeng came and the third time (during the Holy Week), there was also a tropical storm (which was barely felt in Central Luzon). But at that time, I fell down the stairs and was badly hurt so I couldn't go... so it got canceled again.

And then last Thursday, I was asked (again!) if I'm available to go 'coz it looked like the weather is showing some mercy. And so, I canceled my PNR fieldtrip with Kuya Rod and confirmed that I'm going with the climb.

I am a novice climber (I don't even hike!) and I have no idea what to wear and what to bring. Good thing, our guide was pretty apt and provided us with all the details. And since I don't have anything at all that has a 'for mountain climbing' tag on it, I had to invest in a few things like my trekking shoes and my bag (don't ask!), whichI'm glad I did, especially with the shoes because I honestly think it saved my life! The rest of the things like tent and sleeping bags, our guide was very kind enough to provide.

We were only seven in the group - me, another girl officemate, my two graphic design guys, Kuya Jun and two guides - Henry and Dre (new found friends) =) Since it was a very close-knit group, we kind'a had a bonding moment up there in the mountains.

We left Manila a little past 5am and arrived in Ternate at about 7:30. From the Saulog terminal, we had to take a tryke that would take us to the jump-off point along the Ternate Highway going to Caylabne Bay Resort - a point which they call 'magnetic hill' because of the magnetic force that seems to pull vehicles up even if they are in neutral mode. After fixing our stuff (we had to share some load) and a quick prayer, we started the one hour-trek to the 'Kubo' - also a refilling station for water and the last chance to take no.1 and no.2 because it also has a (close to) decent bathroom. We also ate our packed lunch (although it was far from lunch as it was only 9:30am). Less than an hour later, we were back on the trail, walking through muddy paths, tree roots, and rough stones. And after numerous take 1's, 2's, and 3's (rest!), we finally reached the camp site a little past 1pm. I was soaking wet... with sweat! I only had barely (probably) 10 kilos to carry and yet, it felt like I was carrying the mountain itself. Our guides probably had more than 25 kilos and they breezed through the trail like hunters.

The guys found a perfect spot right by the cliff, with an amazing view of the summit and the tower. We almost even had an unfriendly encounter with these hikers who honestly reeked of lack of breathing and courtesy (they tried to take one of the spots for our tent without even coughing an excuse! Haay... but our guide said majority of the climbers are really nice and friendly and so that was an odd case. While the boys were pitching the tents, us girls took the time to freshen up for early dinner. What ensued was endless laughing and food trip, picture taking, and discussion about almost anything senseless... hehe. =)

It was probably 19 degrees at the campsite... it was so cold that my head started hurting before dinner. I changed into my jogging pants, put on a warmer, a bonnet and a scarf. We basked on the cold while oggling the magnificent view that was right in front of us. IWith shaking knees and a heartbeat as fast as a drumroll, I perched myself atop a rock that is at the edge of the cliff for a perfect Kodak moment. Too bad, the picture was a little dark.

We had early dinner. Henry, our guide is a really good cook I must say. And I was actually amused by the camping "gadgets" that he had like a portable burner that uses "canned" buthane as I like to call it. Then he has these little pots and frying pan which reminded me of my kitchen set when I was a kid. We had to be resourceful since we don't have anything but what we brought up there. So, we lived through the wonders of wet wipes and tissues to clean our whatever we were using as plates and utensils. After dinner, the fun part followed - Socials. The first time the guide said this term, I thought we had to go around and greet other campers and to be honest, I wasn't in the mood for that. Yun pala "socials" simply means getting boozed. The guys brought two long necks of Grand Matador and they made me drink... said it would get rid of my headache and warm me up a little (I was really freezing!) The next thing I know, I was downing the brandy like a pro. It was drizzling and rain suddenly poured down angrily so we had to scamper and fit all seven of us in the guys' tent which was the biggest among the tents that they brought. Me and Keikostayed in the smallest, while the two guides in the middle-sized tent. It rained for quite a bit so we were trapped there, cramped and wet and just laughing crazily. It was all foggy when we got out and decided to call it a night. We had to get p at 4am to assault the summit before dawn.

Assaulting the summit while it was still dark (and uber foggy!) was extra challenge. We couldn't see anything except the trail that was lighted up by our flashlights. Our guide said it's better that we can't see anything because we wouldn't want to see what we were trekking on (a steep narrow cliff to be exact!) It was a 15-minute trek that seemed to last hours. Finally, we reached the summit! And there was an odd sign there that had an eye inside a triangle... looked like a cult symbol which the climbers were tring to put down. But wait... this wasn't the victorious part yet...

Pico De Loro has a tower - a unique rock formation near the summit, which was more difficult to climb because it's literally vertical and you had to rappel using this flimsy rope to pull yourself up. The steps are so steep and problem with me is my arms are too short so I had a hard time securing my grip on the rocks. As Henry puts it, "If you missed one (grip), we miss you... goodbye!"

Glad both of us girls made it at the top but we didn't see much because the fog was so thick and the wind so strong that you have to sit down and attach yourself to something solid. The guys afraid that the rope might not be able to hold them chose to stay back. It was an accomplishment! My first climb! My first dangerous tryst and I made it! =)

More pics here.

Sat recap

2009-11-15T00:32:00.003+08:00

Great Saturday, thank you Jesus! =)

I woke up earlier than usual (10 am this time because I normally get up around lunch time on Saturdays) and spent some hours doing the usual thing - read books, waited for the tv shows I missed watching, and just lounge around.

I passed up on the opportunity to plant some coffee seeds today (with the tree-planting program from igaro) because 1) it's kind'a far (Rosario, Cavite ?), and 2) it's too early (call time is 6am in Ortigas). Maybe next time...

instead, I had some bonding time with pop. We went to the friendly pirated dvd haven (MCS) to hoard some movies. I bought: 500 days of Summers (which I just finished watching... cute), Julie and Julia (or Julia and Julie?), Inglorious Basterds (with Brad Pitt mah mannnn), Funny People, All About Steve, Glee (the series), and Mother (a Korean movie featuring WonBin!) =) Now, I just have to find time to watch the rest of them.

Pop also wanted to canvass for fridge (since ours broke during the Onyong flooding) and a washing machine so we went to Shopwise. Tsk.. we badly need both, especially the former. It's so darn difficult without the fridge. Three days ago, mom's freezer which she uses in her 'sari-sari store' also gave up.

Pop ate Shawarma for the first time (believe it or not) and it seemed he didn't like it that much. Then I got ripped off buying an odd-tasting green mango... I ate like a man again today because I can't help it...i don't really wanna deprive myself.

Since my ride to dreamland will probably not be coming in the next two hours, I think I'm gonna watch Glee first... =)

My vertical vow

2009-11-08T22:46:00.006+08:00

Wow. Kudos to me today... rather, this weekend.

I am more vertical than horizontal for the first time in so many months! Literally, I mean. Instead of lounging on my bed and hiding behind my pillows, I was on my feet most of the time, doing some house chores. It's been so long since I moved like a normal household member and did the littlest of house chores you could imagine. I've been a lazy bum for so long... too long that I can't remember when it all started. All I know is I stopped cleaning or helping clean the house because my mom kept on leaving mess all around with her things and when I confront her about it, we always end up arguing.

But I feel a little guilty because I was supposed to visit my HS bff and her newborn baby but because I've got lots to do, I've decided to just surprise her one of these days. (I don't even know where her new house is now!)

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where because you wanted so much to accomplish a lot of things (not necessarily work-related), you find yourself doing two or more of them at the same time but still, you are far from being productive? Weekend after weekend, I find myself waist-down in such predicament. Before weekend comes, I've already planned a gazillion of things to do during the weekend - finish some books I've started, movie and tv-shows marathoning, play or at least touch my guitar (compose a song if I could!),have my ownMandarin and Korean refresher, finish the Miyazaki movies that my officemate has lent me months ago, paint my darn ceiling and fix my darn walls, mount some additional book shelves, buy a new and much larger closet, set up a working station in my room, blah, blah, blah... it seems endless.

Today, I found myself reading a book while watching tv and checking my work inbox. Then, not too long, I shifted to cleaning my closet and my whole room while downloading some MP3s and movies and posting at Twitter, while watching tv. I am such a taskwhore. I mean, it's normal to multitask but I think I am leaning towards the extreme, which in some twisted way, I think is good (for me, especially these days!).

Oh well, I gotta shape up (literally and methaporically speaking) =)

Bruisy Friday

2009-11-06T20:05:00.003+08:00

What a Friday!

I had a funny notion that it must be my wearing jeans despite our company rule that says 'No Casual Fridays! (and definitely no jeans) that started my whole Friday boo-boos. I am convinced it was karma on the works.

Boo-Boo No. 1 - I was in a hurry as I was running late this morning (Again!) and I couldn't find a cab and of all the jeep that I chose to ride, I ended up with the one which needed to stop at a gasoline station for a considerable amount of time and moves like a tortoise.

Boo-Boo No. 2 - I saw the person who I don't want to see. And I am pretty sure he saw me. And it would be ugly if we had to pretend to acknowledge each others' presence. That's how we hate each others' guts.

Boo-Boo No. 3 - The biggest boo-boo of them all. I banged my head (forehead to be exact as I was looking down) on Jollibee's glass doors. I walked straight onto a closed glass door with an impact. And since I was wearing earphones with Jesse McCartney shouting in my ears, I screamed louder than usual. I am pretty sure I created a raucous... some of them people laughed loudly to my embarrassment. NAKAKAHIYA!!!

Well, aside from my bruised forehead and battered ego, I am fine. Maybe I'll just stay away from Jollibee Rufino for a while... =)

You, how was your Friday?

***

I just had to say this: I AM GETTING FAT. I must not be surprised considering the way I devour food like a crazy cast away these days but still... I can feel these nasty bumps, especially in my waist area. I wanna stop eating like an obese middle-aged man. HELP!!!

=)

PUSANG GALA: (???)

2009-11-05T21:36:00.006+08:00

I've been somewhere far recently...Guess where?!? v(^__^)v

Photography might be for me =)

2009-11-03T21:02:00.003+08:00

I've always wanted to pursue a career in photography. Haha! Nice try. I don't even know how to use a DSLR... I don't even own one. Haay. I am itching to buy one but the 13-inch macbook pro is still on top of my list. Plus... my funds are still insufficient, to date. Sad, but true.

I really love taking photos and my favorite subject? The sky. I don't know but it's probably the calmness that I feel whenever I look at it. I love it when it's blue with white cotton candy-like fluffy clouds spread out in its enormity. Kind'a like what we see in the coloring books of our childhood.

I love taking landscape photos. Of everything that is vast and green and bathed in sunlight. I like candid shots of people that depict happiness and conquering life as it supposed to be. Now, portrait shots aren't for me...I take really silly ones. =)

Anyhow, I am trying to build up a collection of the photos that I took (with only my ever-reliable point-and-shoot Canon Powershot camera) during my travels in sxc.hu and it was kind of overwhelming when I received an email asking for my permission (or more like informing me) to use one of my shots of Angkor Wat. Now, it's here.

Among my many 'sky photos,' this one's my fave!

A cloudy Bantayan Island (summer of 2009)

When typhoon 'Ondoy' hits Manila

2009-09-26T20:22:00.006+08:00

We were supposed to go hiking up Mt. Pico de Loro this weekend but as early as Friday morning, my gut feel was already telling me 'Better luck next time.' But since accuweather.com didn't indicate heavy rains in NCR and South Luzon where this boondock is, we were still kind'a hopeful. But come 1am, I got the news that the trek was canceled. As they say, safety first!

And then today...

I woke up around 11am to find my sister standing at the side of my bed with all our three kitties in her arms. I asked her why is she carrying them all at the same time. She said papa is taking WonBin, our doggy at the other side of the house because the flood is fast rising and is getting inside our gate and that they had to put sandbags to prevent it from entering the house. The rain - although bereft of strong winds - was pouring down heavily as if manifesting heaven's misery. And it's not even signal number 1 in Manila.

And so, less than 30 minutes later, our house (at least the first floor) is already flooded, first up to our calves then later, it was already knee-deep. With the non-stop heavy rain all afternoon, the flood has already reached our thighs. Luckily, papa and ate was able to move most of our stuff in the 2nd floor.

Mom, who insisted going to work this morning, is stuck somewhere in Manila and it's already very difficult to reach her. We've been monitoring the news the whole day and it's heartbreaking to hear about people who have been stranded - cold and hungry - in their rooftops and those who lost lives because of accidents caused by the tropical storm. The rescue teams are having a hard time because of inaccessible roads and the shortage in search and rescue equipment.

It's almost 9pm and the rain has already stopped but the flood isn't subsiding yet. I kind'a blamed the LGU's engineer's office this afternoon when we got flooded because I was thinking it was probably because of the drainage system. But I saw photos of various areas in the whole NCR that are totally submerged in floodwaters and I thought our problem is very little compared to theirs. It's just that this is so unusual for us since our area is a bit high and on normal circumstances, all areas in Manila will be flooded but ours would still be flood-free.

So we were contemplating on not sleeping tonight just in case it starts raining hard again. We don't wanna wake up floating in floodwaters!

But seriously, God will take care of us so we need not worry... =)

Jaewon & Jaehee in the army

2009-09-05T00:31:00.003+08:00

Seems like my two Jae's (Kim Jae Won and Jae Hee) are doing great in the army.

The one on the left is Jae Won and the other one is Jae Hee and both went to the army this year to fulfill their mandatory two-year service.

It's also this year that all the other most good-looking Korean actors were drafted (?) to fulfill their obligations in the army. There's Gong Yoo, Kim Rae Won, and just recently, Lee Dong Wook.

Two 'Missies' in Saigon

2009-09-03T09:30:00.003+08:00

So where do I start? The five days of bliss is over and now, I’m back here, sitting on my swivel chair, editing, writing, and racking my brains about this magazine (October) issue that we have to release in less than three weeks.

But that’s not actually my point right now. I wanna go back to that trip where I, somehow, forgot that I am miserable back here and just enjoyed life and the blessings from daddy up there.

We’ve been planning to go to Ho Chi Minh (and Siem Reap on the side) since last April… yep, as in a year and a half (almost!) ago and the procrastinators that we are, we have practically watched the months jump after the other without doing anything as close to planning. I guess planning is cursed for us. When we plan, it doesn’t push through but when we decide on the last minute, it always happens. I guess, although crazy, I like the latter better.

And so, while lazily bumming around on a Sunday afternoon (that was August 9), my friend Tere sent me a message asking if I’m still free to travel last week of August. Knowing the ‘kaladkarin’ type (in its most literal sense) that I am, I said yes, without actually thinking. What the heck! I only considered if that week is deadlines week and if not, I’ll definitely go. Finally, a thing closest to a plan is happening. That same afternoon, we booked our tickets (via Cebu Pacific) to Ho Chi Minh and we turned the initial plan around and made our stay longer in Siem Reap. We figured there’s nothing much to do in Ho Chi Minh and yet, there’s a lot of places to visit and explore in Siem Reap (Angkor in particular). Had there been a direct flight to Cambodia, we wouldn’t have bothered with Ho Chi Minh. But in any case, we’re still glad we did ‘coz we surely had quite a number of experiences there that are somehow worth going back to when we’re older. (details later)

And so, August wheezed unnoticeably and the next thing I know, my luggage is ready and ridiculously heavy. When I travel, I have this principle that it’s always better to have tons of unused clothes rather than be short of it and be forced to re-cycle. Nothing spoils a travel but a wardrobe that’s been worn twice or thrice in a row. Hehe.

Our flight to Ho Chi Minh was at 11pm. That night was crazy… starting with that opportunist of a taxi driver who probably thought I was a foreigner and asked me for a thousand peso cab fee to the airport! Crazy sonuva-. So I transferred cab to fetch Tere and we went to the airport together. Thankfully, Cebu Pacific isn’t delayed and we arrived in Ho Chi Minh on time – err, that was about 1 in the morning (it’s one hour late in Vietnam, Cambodia and other IndoChina areas).The hotel car (we stayed in Hotel Continental Saigon) fetched us from the airport. At 3am, we were lounging and eating our very first authentic Vietnamese noodle in our hotel room which is quite big actually with very high ceiling. Tere said the structure inside reminded her of UST which I find a little funny. The hotel looks old – original French colonial style – but well-maintained. It is situated in District 1, right in the heart of the city. We said if we had enough wealth, we would buy and refurbish it. The hotel is just right beside the famous opera house and walking distance to tourist spots like the Ben Thanh market and the Notre Dame Cathedral Basilica, which they said is an exact replica of the one in Paris...hmm, although I’d say, maybe not.

We slept the rest of the morning and woke up around 8am, ready to explore Ho Chi Minh city. What I love most about the place is the swarm of motorcycles in the streets of Saigon. The ratio of a motorcycle to a car is probably 8:1. No exaggeration. I even got culture-shocked when we were offered to ride in their motorcycles for a fee. Apparently, that was a normal practice in Vietnam. If we have jeepneys here in the Philippines, they have motorcycles and these cute bicycles with the passenger seat in front (I forgot what it’s called). They are everywhere in Saigon, in every corner, waiting for passengers.

I literally held millions in my hands because the value of their currency, Vietnam Dong, is really low – about 17,000 VND to a dollar. So for about 100 dollars, you’ll have nearly 2 million Dong. And we kind’a enjoyed the fact that a typical meal costs an average of 170,000 Dong; sounds too much or expensive but it’s actually not. And our favorite, the 20,000 Dong worth Diet Coke. =)

We walked around the district in the morning, taking pictures as if it were our last and headed off to the market to fill our empty stomachs (we didn’t make it to the hotel breakfast). And for the fun of it, we ate at one of the stalls at the market which offered us the best food the rest of the Ho Chi Minh trip. I don’t wanna generalize or probably, it was just us being unlucky, but we seemed to go to the wrong restaurants (food is bad!) It was funny how the both of us looked completely clueless on how to eat the food that ‘ate, the vendor’ had to tell us how to in a language we don’t really get. For the duration of the Ho Chi Minh stay, we normally answer ‘Chenelin Chuchu-belles’ to the locals who were trying to talk to us in their native tongue. (Later on we changed it to ‘Meooww” as it sounded more alike to their phonetics) =)

I had a funny and a kind of traumatic experience in the market. While walking, oblivious to the chaos around me as I was busy eyeing the merchandise in the stalls, someone (an unknown local male entity) touched my armpit! As in kinalabit niya ko sa kili-kili. Good thing I wasn’t sweating there! But hello?!? I felt violated just the same. My kili-kili is private, how dare he! Hmp.

Anyway, we experienced more pushing and shoving at the market that I was half-convinced that maybe it was possible that we teleported to Hong Kong (where I experienced the worst shoving and pushing of my life, without those people saying ‘excuse me’ or ‘sorry’ at all). I was surprised to see there are a few Filipinas in Vietnam manning some of the stalls, shouting ‘Mura lang’ or ‘Bili na’ when they are somehow sure that those two naïve-looking tourists are from the Philippines. Meron din pala sa Vietnam! =)

The weather in Vietnam is capital HOT. As in wet-underarms-hot. It’s good that we brought clothes that would last us three weeks so we could change without having to recycle. We walked for the most part of the morning as everything seemed to be just walking distance.

We waited for the ‘Reunification Palace’ – one of the most famous landmarks in Ho Chi Minh – to be opened as they close at 11am and resume at 1pm. And since we are too lazy to adjust our watches, we normally get punked by time. So we had to kill time drinking coffee and eating (again) at this local coffee shop which looked like a pub regardless if it’s in the middle of the day. It was noisy and full of people and the boom box was at its peak, we could barely hear each other. We ordered a pandan cake which tasted like it has been untouched for ten days in the serving tray. It was sour and we were trying to justify if that’s how it’s supposed to taste like. We’re too nice, see?

The ‘Reunification Palace,’ one of the most prominent structures in the city center, was the home and workplace of the president of South Vietnam during the Vietnam war and the site of the official handover of power during the ‘Fall of Saigon’ in 1975. We decided we both had ADDs (Attention Deficiency Disorder) so we avoided going with the throngs of tourists who followed the tour guide around for a better overview of the palace’s history. We thought we’d be happy just taking pictures and reading the description ourselves. I don’t know but I really had a hard time understanding their accent. It’s like a mix of Mandarin and Khmer but a little more nasal. Then there’s this funny lady who was staring at Tere as if she wanna poke her and check if she’s really human. She was just a few inches away from her face and didn’t get embarrassed at all. That was weird. We toured the palace for about two hours and went back to the hotel.

After ‘freshening up’ and resting for a bit (and working for me), we walked towards the Notre Dame Cathedral and marveled at the post office which looked a cross between St. Peter Basilica (from what I saw in TV) and KL Sentral. I really wanted to buy the traditional Ao Dai (the Vietnamese traditional clothing for women consisted of a close-fitting blouse with long panels at the front and back, worn over loose trousers)and the ‘Salakot’ and wear them and have my picture taken. But as I always tell myself, I will look like a walking irony. Plus, it will just be another dust eater when I bring it home so never mind.

Then came the worst part of the evening. We wanted to try the river cruise which we heard is superb. And so, without any clue where the Saigon River is (and weird enough, even the taxi drivers don’t know it) we just hopped into a cab, whose cabbie driver claimed he knew the place, and got ripped off big time! First, he dropped us off at the wrong place and his meter was running like Niagara Falls. We ended up paying 125,000 Dong for a very short route (which normally is only at about 20,000 VND max) but didn’t dare argue. He’ll get his karma anyway.

The icing on the cake is the river cruise itself. It was a total disaster. The food , and what was supposed to be a serene boat ride turned out to be a karaoke night with loud music playing in the background and an ensemble of about three amateur entertainers singing on an alternate succession. The only consolation there was the nice view of the Saigon city from where we were. Coffee followed dinner at the restaurant adjacent to our hotel and we wrapped up for the night.

Tomorrow, we're heading off to Cambodia! =)

Pics later...

Mid-week partaaayy!

2009-08-20T20:59:00.005+08:00

After along day at work, we just had to HAVE this...
There was this event at Gela's hotel and we thought we'd crash, enjoy free food, and just get together. It was a blast! =)

I just need to say this.

2009-08-20T20:28:00.004+08:00

I think I am becoming more mature and I am loving it.
Mature in a sense that I am learning how to control my surge of emotions and channel my frustrations to becoming more productive and assertive about myself. There are a few happenings that have, at some point, tested my patience where I thought I would succumb and just jump off the cliff but in the end, I found myself atop of it, smiling. =)
I am beginning to conquer my anger, my temper, and my sometimes shallow take on things. It's like watching myself from the outside - I can easily see the things that I do wrong and see myself rising to the occasion. I trust myself to do better decisions and it makes me feel like a winner.
v(^__^)v

Life, no matter what, I still love it.

2009-08-15T22:51:00.004+08:00

Since my last post about the demise of my pet Miyo, I never had the guts to open this blog and post another entry. I even considered removing that post because it still pains me to look at Miyo's photos (sorry but I really love that cat and it felt like losing a person just the same). But then again, I decided against it, thus, I keep it here.

Anyway, I wouldn't like to dwell on that much because it really makes me sad all over again, especially that nothing in my favor happened the last week. It's like everything that happens is against me. But no, I am not feeling too down about it, neither do I just accept it. My only ammunition in such difficult times is asking for help from the One Up There who I'm assured will never let me down. Pain is something evil and He simply doesn't want it for me.

Sometimes I still wonder what His plan for me is but I ain't complaining. Thy will be done. My faith has further thought me how easier it is to count my blessings rather than dwell on all the shortcomings - a bad day, an a** of a b***. You know what I mean.

I've been very preoccupied with work these days but I still get to see my friends once in a while, stay with my family on weekends, and have my personal time with God whenever I want.
What more can I ask for, right? Probably, patience. I still suck at it.

Miyo goes to heaven

2009-08-05T19:57:00.010+08:00

My cat Miyo just died and I am truly truly sad.

This is the first time that a cat died on me. All the others just went away one day and didn't come back. That's how I usually lose a pet cat. So this one's really traumatic for me.

He was just two years old... a common house cat which looked a little different. As my friend J puts it, there's something different with his face. It's probably the shape of his eyes or his jaw. No matter, he's this adorable little dweeb who served as my own personal stress fur.

I remember when we, well, pop snatched him from the streets. (But later on, our neighbor's daughter claimed that he was hers but I didn't give him back obviously. Let's just say that if we went to the court, I won the custody battle) He was so small and scrawny, with a long tail that look like a rat's. He looked so disgusting. A few days of extreme pampering, feeding him generously with cat food and cleaning him up, he eventually started looking like a certified spoiled house cat.

Miyo was the reason why my sister and I had to take anti-rabies shots five times due to the scratches and bites we both got when we attempted to give him a bath. That was the first and the last time.

He doesn't look like a typical barako... we even had a hunch that he's gay because if he's a person, he is so effeminate. He goes out, touring the neighborhood everyday but makes sure that he goes home before the sun comes down. Most of the time, he comes home looking like a cat-hobo. And just to piss him off and as a punishment, I would dust him with cat powder 'till he's too annoyed to complain.

He sleeps like a human, sometimes flat on his backside or rolled up in a fetus position. He's so warm and cuddly and I like it when he snuggles to my side, never caring if I play with his nose or his tail. He also has this habit of sleeping on my bed, sometimes making my tighs his pillow.

Miyo's the biggest muncher I knew. He's so addicted to chips that even if he's on the other side of the neigbor's fence, once he hears the sound of a chip bag being opened, he would immediately go back home and pester you with his 'meowing' until you give him some. He eats all kinds of food - potato chips, chocolate mallows, ice cream, cake, even lollipop. But his favorite is Happy Peanuts. =) Mom often goes bananas because he keeps on ransacking mom's sari-sari store, eating whatever he could. I often end up paying for what he ate or destroyed so as to prevent mom's wrath.

But last Sunday, I went home and found him lying on my bed, all bloody and weak. We suspected he got attacked by a dog because he had deep puncture wounds on his jaw and neckline and his right front paw is all mangled up. My sister said there were blood everywhere and Miyo insisted staying on my bed (so guess where I slept) and didn't really want to leave my room. There were blood spatters everywhere because every time he shakes his head, the blood spills . It was all messy but I didn't mind. I just wanted him to get well. I nursed him the whole day that I was home last Monday (I'm sick as well). I tried feeding him and suture his wounds but the bleeding won't stop. We took him to the vet because he's already lost a lot of blood and he's really weak. It looked like Miyo really hated me for bringing him to the vet because he hates being held by people he didn't know. I thought he would get better after being confined for two days (with a dextrose!) but he looked worse. And I couldn't help thinking what would have happened if I just let him heal by himself at home. =(

I really really miss Miyo. He's my only stress buster... Some people might think that I am probably over-reacting but I couldn't really help it. I am sad as sad can be and I haven't cried like this in a long time.

There are many what ifs in my mind right now. What if I guarded him well last Saturday so he wouldn't be able to go out of the house? What if I just let him be... and let the cat's magical healing do its wonders? (But considering that he's been in other accidents a lot of times already in the past, the nine lives have been probably all used up)What if I didn't take him home tonight? I just wanted him alive - no matter how smelly and dirty he is - sitting here on my bed or at the couch doing his favorite thing in the world - sleep.

Do animals go to heaven? Because if they do, I am thinking he's there.

I wouldn't be getting a new cat soon. =(

Thwarted.

2009-07-31T21:16:00.004+08:00

My thoughts are quite in shambles. I am sick and I went to work so as not to waste my time, instead of sulking on my bed, getting sicker by the minute. But going to work might be a wrong idea after all. I need not elaborate.

Sick as usual. I wonder why my immune system is so vulnerable. I think I got the virus from my brother who's been sicks since last Wednesday. I caught it the other night while tending to him. But I've been so used to being physically ill that sometimes, it feels like more of a routine. Like my colleague at work says, I tend to get sick whenever the deadlines are approaching (not that I want to... probably because of the stress and the pressure? ) But the emotional sickness that I've been suffering with because of well... you know... that is too much. It even goes up to my head and I will not be surprised if I go all mental because of thinking too much. Who knows, one day, I might just explode!

I wonder why some people can be so harsh and heartless. It's like for them, undermining people is like wiping sweat off their foreheads... peanuts... not much of a bother. I feel that I don't belong anymore and it's a whole new universe out there... infested by aliens and decepticons. How many slaps in my face would I be able to take until I give up and say no more?

I don't know. As of now, I really don't.

This thing called 'Friendship'

2009-07-11T19:04:00.001+08:00

How does it feel when you're alone and cold inside? - MJ, Stranger in Moscow

The stress that the past couple of weeks also made me re-think a few things in my life. While chatting with a friend one Saturday afternoon, it dawned on me - I can really be lonely at times. While I have so many friends surrounding me, there are moments when I find myself completely having no one at all.
It's funny how one friend pointed out: 'So, you don't have a best friend?' I know it's cheesy and it might not even deserve a space in this blog but it did dig a hole in my thoughts. And it kept boring deeper and deeper until I can't take it out no more. It's like a tumor - it sits there somewhere in my brain (mind), growing bigger and bigger everyday (somehow nurtured by recent on-goings in my semi-pathetic life). It needs an operation, to rid of it and free me from pain.
And so, going back to that, if I may call, unsolicited, tacky, and a little hurtful comment (but I don't blame my friend for it was meant to be an innocuous question), it made me kind of confirm it to myself - 'Yea, I don't.' I used to have one but we've grown each other out (possibly permanently out of each others' lives). I even had a very close guy friend but he moved far away. I have so many friends in highschool and college, at work, and friends that I randomly met along the way but I didn't find another one. It's true, at least in my case, that a best friend is not like a boyfriend or a girlfriend whom you can just replace when the relationship is over. Once it's broken - it's irrepairable.
So what happens to a person without any best friends (and without any boyfriends... hehe...)? Here are just some things I experience myself:
1. I'm always a tag-along (to my sister & her husband). Classic loser moment: The night after their wedding, I slept in their hotel room (at the living room couch) 'coz I don't have anywhere / anyone to go to. =(
2. I don't have a constant movie buddy.
3. I don't have someone to bother anytime without feeling 'shy' about it (because I am assured I am not a bother at all)
4. I don't have someone calling my house every now and then to just, well, talk.

Things just change I guess. One time, we find ourselves surrounded by people who makes the best out of us and the next thing you know, you're by yourself. I am such a sensitive sucker and it's such a touchy subject for me - this thing called friendship. Probably because I have had a lot whom I thought would stay but went away anyway. That is why it upsets me when my friends make me feel like I have to beg for their time, or I have to fall in line for their schedules. I am not saying they should'nt because we all have our own reasons but that is genuinely what I feel. And don't it frustrates you when a friend refers to you as just an 'officemate' or a 'classmate' or whatever other 'so-so' terms when he / she talks to other people? Why can't he / she just say 'Oh, I'm with my friend!' It makes me feel bad... I don't know. Oh, and then there are my favorites - those who suddenly remember your existence when they need something from you.
But God really is good! He knows when and how to take away my pain and turn it into glee. I have this friend whom I haven't seen for quite a long time. She used to be a colleague at work but then she resigned and we haven't seen each other since. Not once and it's like years already. But what I like about her is that she never forgets. She'll drop me a message once in while in my FB or Friendster and ask how am I doing. But the better part is, she's always telling me how she appreciates the friendship... without any inhibitions. I don't have to see her to tell that she's genuine about it. There's just an assurance between those words and I really feel it.
Then, just recently, I've been talking to my college bffs (thanks skype!) and it's just awesome. Although they're very far, just by talking, we are able to catch up and just fill in the years that we have lost touch.
It's as if God is reminding me I am just making up crazy thoughts in my head. And I shouldn't feel bad about it. Things change and that cannot be helped.

And so, I say to my friends: I truly appreciate your friendship - near or far. A friend talks from the heart and I know all your hearts perfectly. =)

Isang araw ng pamumulitika

2009-06-19T00:04:00.005+08:00

I went into this website launching event this morning and I find it very amusing. Being in the business field since I started work, I haven't been in any event that screams 'Politics!' and I haven't been in a room full of politicians before. (except during that phase in my life when I find attending meeting de avance during barangay elections rather quite entertaining) Sitting there in a room full of media, scurrying like mice, eager to get their homeworks done and these politicians (and their representatives) , their hands probably numb from too much hand-shaking, their jaws hurting from too much smiling, I had this preconceive notion that I'd erupt into a one big mass of allergy. But as the event progressed and I get to talk to some... well, quite a few people, I began to enjoy myself.

What was the fuss all about?

The Commission on Elections (Comelec) partnered with web experts 88DB and JobsDB to design a website called politicalarena.com - a kind of a socio-political networking tool where all candidates for the 2010 elections could be more transparent and 'reachable' to the public. Like your typical facebook, multiply or friendster, the candidates have their own account and they can update it and let the people know in real time what their plans are. To date, all the candidates that are in the site are 'perceived presidentiables' by the public and are not confirmed yet (final line up will probably take shape the latter part of the year). And the public can support their candidates by not really becoming a fan but including themselves in the 'I support' field once registered. I have browsed through the site but I haven't really explored it yet in detail. It has features like Issues, Forum, News, Videos, Photos, Calendar, Announcements, Election 101 - a rundown of how to be a 'bibong botante' and facts about the election (courtesy of Comelec), and of course, the information page for each of the candidates.

The site isn't bad actually. Although it's a bit rip off of Obama's ingenious idea on how to be in constant contact with the Americans through the 'Organizing for America' site , it's a big step and a very apparent display of progress in appreciating what dear 'ol technology is giving us. And since it's a common fact how Filipinos are just a click short away from being internet whores, this might actually be a good idea.

The only contention is that in the millions of Filipinos who actually troop to the precints to cast in their votes, how many has the capability to be 'connected'? Let us not forget that majority of the voters come from the masses. How many are internet freaks like you and me? And of those numbers, how many actually gives a cow dung about social networking (or in this case socio-political networking) sites such as this? I know I do. But, think.

Anyway...

You know when I'm like this.

2009-06-15T22:08:00.003+08:00

I wish I could read people's minds. That way, I wouldn't have to guess and second guess and make my life as miserable as it already is. Where does patience and apathy meet? Can two people see eye to eye if one is extremely onion-skinned and the other one, just don't give a sh*t? (sorry)

How sorry can someone be when it doesn't actually show? How do you know if there's even a drop of guilt that is going through this person's head? You wake up, you feel bad, you feel sad, you sulk. And then you realize, today should be not like any other day... today shouldn't be another yesterday. Yet, the closer to reality you get, the more hesitant you become - you scurry back to your old pathetic self even before you can say 'Stop!'

Then comes the cold gaze, the unfathomable hatred that boils down from the most senseless of things. You are blindfolded, you become deaf and everything becomes stupid. Everything becomes a waste. There goes another day. Another hell of a day.

I don't know which is difficult - the impossibility of controlling things that tells us it takes more than three words to put things back in their place or this wall that keeps me on the other side. I want to destroy it, believe me. But can you give me a helping hand?

FANMODE: Music videos that I like

2009-06-13T17:04:00.003+08:00

I don't get normally envious of girls with sexy body, pero grabe itong si Nicole, bigla kong ni-wish na ganyan ang katawan ko... haha... Here's a very blurry 'I Hate This Part' video 'coz all I see in youtube are the chipmunk versions of this one.

Then, there's this Miley Cyrus song, which got my attention. I don't really like Miley but I like the song very much (and the video too!)... makes me feel like I'm 16... =)

I love this song... so apt for me (haha!) and I just find myself watching this video over and over again (as if I'll find my answer here). Anyway, I don't know any of her other songs but this.

Love-talk (Bored to my wits, I am)

2009-06-12T16:29:00.003+08:00

One of my friends says she is somehow convinced that people we fell-in love with for the first time in our lives remains locked, kept in that little box inside our hearts. But it doesn't mean that we are hung up on them, she adds. Our first love stays there even without us exactly knowing.

It made me think if that is true. Is it, really?

I don't know if that conversation was the after-effect of a two-hour major pampering that we've just had (full-body Shiatsu massage, Aromatheraphy facial, and Peppermint footscrub) after a crazy, manic Monday at work. My mind was practically emancipated of stress and pressure and it was pure bliss. And the next thing we know, we are already talking about flowers, rainbows, and love lives. Haha.

Probably what she's claiming is true. I still feel that pinch whenever my first love crosses my mind. Not a pinch of sorrow or sadness or regret but more like a pinch that seems to be a reminder of how happy those times were that if I'd be given the chance to go back, I would. Because I honestly think that at that exact moment, what I was feeling was true (regardless if the other person didn't feel the same way I did).

And I am somehow convinced that the one true love of your life (past or present) is the person whose face pops instantly in your mind when you close your eyes at night. (except your boss' when you're in a very tight deadline!)

***

In Memoriam (AQ)

2009-06-03T13:33:00.003+08:00

Here's the blog that we were supposed to publish in our new magazine website. But since the big B doesn't want anything that mentions Asian Quality, I had to tweak the whole article and somehow make it appear like there was no previous magazine before this whole MS Asia thing came. I hate it actually. So, for my own peace of mind, I am still publishing the original version... here in my own blog.

FROM THE GROUND AND BACK AGAIN

It was never a 'goodbye' Asian Quality for me from the moment I have learned that we will have to shut its pages to give way to a new publication aimed at advancing the quality of learning and information sharing that we have been providing the reading public.

As a matter of fact, like a mother to her child who's just about to graduate, I have never felt prouder. Asian Quality is moving a gallop higher.

On the pages of Asian Quality aren't only blotted inks that represent words and images. There lies an ingenuous effort to pull together all sorts of information that wold shed a much brighter light on the subject of Quality, Productivity and Business Process Improvement - an area, if not ignored, less noticed in the business arena (or at least in Asia as manifested by the scarcity of publications / print media that caters to the subject with a regional touch).

Armed with only guts, very limited resources and just about enough knowledge on publishing, we found ourselves in the magazine business. I remember writing the following during that particularly difficult stage when it felt like bringing a magazine to life is next to impossibility:

"With this kind of job, I have to do away with my indecisive attitude and forget about myself. I have to be thick when necessary. I have to be resourceful and quick-witted. otherwise, I'd be stagnant. And so I wrote thousands (okay, exaggeration) or hundreds of emails to various people whom I felt are potential subject matter expert writers for the magazine. Most of them ignored my mail while a few wrote back and promised to contribute. But hey, promises are made to be broken... so really, I didn't hope. I needed a plan B so I relied on referrals. I emailed and made a bunch of phone calls to strangers until I got answers... or more aptly, until I got the articles. I contacted prominent names in the industry and asked / begged for appointments for interview hoping I'd be lucky enough to have these people featured in the magazine. In my mind, we are all people, and given the right kind of attitude, we can reach what we are aiming for."

And now, with the "re-birth" of AQ, it's like going through the whole same process again. But this time around, we know exactly what to do.

Establishing a magazine from the ground is far from a walk in the 'Avenue of Stars' at Tsim Sha Tsui on a sunny afternoon while sipping a Mocha Frap. It is, by far, the most challenging responsibility I have ever handled since I came out [after college] into the real world. I was somehow convinced that what you learn in college, while they can be helpful, doesn't necessarily apply.

With AQ, I've learnedhow to follow my gut feel and deliver within the allocated resources - and I'm talking about manpower, hardware, software, budget, and even skills. Add the fact that while you are compelled to learn by yourself, you can only pray for guidance.

AQ is not a failure. I am not taking offense but some people have the tendency to assume that the so-called 'folding-up' of its pages is synonymous to raising the white flag. Of course it isn't. On the contrary, the very idea that brought forth AQ is the same foundation that we're using to build this new publication. The same objective applies, this time backed up by a stronger team and higher aspirations. #

The new MS Asia's website (www.ms-asia.org) will be up in two weeks time! I'm so excited! =)

FanMode: New Moon (the Movie)

2009-06-02T19:56:00.002+08:00

Sorry naman... I hate the book but I can't help but squirm in my seat when I saw this video:

Amid all the stress

2009-06-01T23:39:00.003+08:00

... it doesn't hurt to laugh REALLY REALLY REALLY hard because of simple joys like this.
WATCH IT.

Take note how the rabbit (or cat) on the left fell out of balance... I think the hip grinding was a little bit too much... HAHAHAHA!!!

Bantayan Trip (Why, how?)

2009-05-28T00:06:00.015+08:00

It's been a week since my family - (minus kuya because he has his own Bora trip with his friends and Mike - unni's hubby - because of his work) packed our bags and took our much needed R&R and bonding session in the northern part of Cebu, in this paradise-like island of Bantayan. *_* - me still entranced. It all started with me chancing upon Cebu Pacific's promo rates while *desperately* searching for cheap rates to Ho Chi Minh City ('coz me & my travel buddies are itching to go visit another Asian city... hehe). Instead, I saw this very cheap fare to Cebu and since papa's always complaining about summer and wanting very much to go back to Bora or visit any beach, unnichan and I thought why not bring both of them to Cebu? It would be their first time and althought they were denying it, we sensed that they were very ecstatic about it.

And so I bravely faced my boss' wrath when I advised him that I will be gone two days during the layout week for the mag. What?!? I need a rest too. But so much for a vacation totally devoid of anything that has got to do with work. I found myself lugging my laptop (plus a bunch of papers!) during the trip.

The day has come
Our flight was at 4:45am so we left the house a little before 3:30am. I didn't slept at all because I was making such a big fuss on what and what NOT to carry. I don't have a decent bag - just my red big luggage and a compact duffel bag which couldn't fit what I had in mind. But I settled for it anyway. I was so hyper the whole time despite my lack of sleep. I didn't even sleep on the plane and was surprised at how fast the flight was. At exactly 6am, we were already making a bee line for the taxi stand to go straight to the North Central (?) bus terminal where I had quite a scare because of the 'manongs' (throngs of them) who suddenly appeared the moment they saw our cab approaching the terminal. We weren't even out of the cab and they were already forcing open the trunk to get our bags (for porting services it turned out). I was shouting the whole time, saying 'no' because some of them already have the bags and we had no clue where they were taking them. Good thing, the bus conductor came and got all our bags while I was still trying very hard to yank my bag off him. It was funny, he was shouting "Libre 'to! Libre! Walang bayad!" Then he took all the bags and ushered us to the waiting bus that would take us to Hagnaya Port.

The bus ride was a torture. People were sooo noisy and 'kuya' the 'kunduktor' was shouting the whole time... what was he saying, I have no clue. It was probably the most humid season in Cebu and there were no aircondition buses, they said, so we were perspiring like it was our last. The land travel took about two and a half hours with about ten minute stop over where we grabbed the opportunity to buy some food for breakfast. Grilled hotdogs (more like charred) and softdrinks. Perfect.

Upon arrival at the port, another swarm of men came for porterage but our bags were all so small and manageable for us to need their services. So sorry manongs, I know you're just trying very hard to earn a living. We waited for about 15 minutes before the 'fast craft'(not fast at all - we were estimating 2 knotts.. haha) that would take us to the island, arrived. Ferry boats leave every hour from 9:30am onwards. We took the 10:30 ferry and endured another almost two hours and braved the rough seas... the waves were huge... lucky, i didn't get sea sick. In fact, I was working on one of my articles the entire time. Bringing my laptop wasn't a waste after all.

After nearly two hours, I finally saw the island with white sand lining its shores. It was such a pretty sight! Imagine Bora when it was still on its most 'virgin' state - that's what Bantayan is. Upon arrival at the gate, we already spotted 'Manong Dodong', Kota's driver (and probably overall errand guy) waving the sign which says 'Kota Beach Resort'. Unni's been communicating with him and we've been told he's going to fetch us at the pier gate. We shared the ride with four 'yuppies' - two girls, two guys - who obviously are also from Manila (the accent!). I suddenly missed my friends. *woot* It probably took just five minutes to reach the resort. Unni checked us in and I was a little worried about the location of the cottage that will be given to us ('coz unni said there's no beachfront available when she booked). Imagine my surprise when they showed us our 'place' - it's right in the middle of the resort fronting the beach - the view was screaming awesomeness! And I stopped worrying.

I had the urge to jump right in the water had the sun been shy a little. The water was so inviting; it was literally glimmering with the sun's rays reflected on its surface. The ultimate 'wow' factor is the sandbar which stretched the whole of the resort, bending to the still undeveloped part of the resort to the left and crossing the adjoining 'Budyong' beach resort to the right. Budyong resembles Kota a little with cavanas sprawling the area. But I'd say Kota was blessed to have the best part of the sandbar.

It was really humid and I really wanted to take a bath and change to something more beach-y. (I was wearing jeans the whole time). But first, we had to eat lunch - this time a decent meal which consisted of Sinigang na hipon, Adobong Baboy, YangZhou Chao Fan, and Pancit Canton. Quite a combination, huh? The food was great and the people serving them were great as well... such a kind bunch.

We rested for a bit and started living THE Life - away from work, from the madness of urban civilization, and from my own personal chaos. I wanted to feel ch'i (the natural energy of the universe) coursing through my system and re-energize so that when I go back, I would've gained something. And with a place like Bantayan, it's not really hard to do that. We swam but not too long; the water is really salty - twice as salty as the water in other beaches I've gone to. It quite hurts the eyes so it is advisable to swim with goggles on. Spent the rest of the day lounging by the shore. There are not too many people in the resort so you can do pretty much whatever. And that's one of the reasons why I love the place so much - peace and quiet.

Kota is a very friendly place. As I've said, all its staff are very accommodating and kind. The resort is not strict either. Although it has its own restaurant, it doesn't restrict people. They allow people to buy their food some place else and bring it back tot heir cavanas for a 'picnic' by the porch (unlike some of the resorts I know which are so greedy - they want their visitors buying from inside only). You also have the option to buy raw ingredients in the market which is just a block away from the resort and have it cooked in their kitchen for a minimum fee. There were fishermen who offers their 'huli' - fishes, crabs, etc - and they could cook it for you (again for a minimum fee). We've had enough stock in our tummies so we skipped dinner and just munched on some bread and biscuits.

My first night in Bantayan was one of those rarest moments that would probably be embedded in my thoughts forever. I was in my jammies at the resto, fronting the beach (although I couldn't see it because it was so dark - it was an endless sea of blackness; it was actually quite scary too if you would think about it), the ocean breeze on my face, sipping my thermos (not cup take note because that was what 'manang bait' gave me) of coffee and... tsaraaaan... writing an article about 'Organizational Development'. Tsk... nasira na. Haha. I had to work and it's the perfect time to do it... peace & quiet. But then the mood went from compelling to annoying when the 'TGIS' gang (the same yuppies we shared the ride with) arrived and completely ruined the serenity... peace and quiet gone. So, I packed up my stuff and went back to the cottage and read a book instead. *sigh*

Round and round the island
The next morning, I surprisingly woke up early (relative to when I am in Manila on a weekend). It was just 5:30 in the morning and I was so eager to catch the sunrise. But as they say in the province, here, the sun rises and sets early. How true is that! The sun was already hanging arrogantly high in the sky when I walked up the front porch. Mom and pop were preparing to walk along the shore and I decided I would butt in and join them. Unni was still sleeping like a baby, too tired apparently from yesterday's journey.

I changed into my swimsuit and pulled on a dress. The salty air assaulted my senses and I squinted at the early morning sun. After the short walk, I settled on the shore and said a silent prayer - praising God for the magnificence before me. I took a dip; the water felt so good although a little cold. We had breakfast at the resto - a full American breakfast meal for me. I was so hungry after swimming and mom threw some tantrums (u-huh and who says moms don't do that?!) and I was so pissed off I wanted to eat my anger away.

We were scheduled today for a trip around the island. Mang Dodong arranged our itinerary early yesterday with his driver cousin, Mang Ding for the tour. We had to pay P700 for the trike rental (seems expensive but after the tour and the expanse of the roads we traveled, I understand why). We visited all three towns of the island - Sta. Fe (where Kota beach is), Bantayan, and Madridejos. It was a bumpy ride - literally - as the roads were unpaved but the sights I've seen are so breath-taking that I didn't mind at all. I was so captured in the moment - rice fields, cows and carabaos (I still mistake one for the other) up close, endless greenery, and the most laid back people I've seen. I can get used to this life, really. Like what I've told my friend, I plan on becoming a hermit someday when I am capable and ready - retired from the chaos of the life we are so used to.

Our first stop was the tip of Bantayan Island - Kota Park. Mang Ding said it is a usual tourist destination. It boasts of a fort (fortress) that houses some of the relics of the early Bantayan inhabitants (or Lawisanon) and this 'lakehouse' structure with a long concrete bridge that is made one of Madridejos' historical landmarks. It reminded me so much of Il Mare- I half expected Jun Jin Hyun to suddenly appear out of nowhere. I love the place so much that only if the heat isn't scorching us alive, I would've stayed there, perched on the steps of that bridge, just staring... in awe.

Second stop was for mom's request, the devoted catholic that she is - the town Church. Ironically, this was where my first encounter with the unfriendly bunch happened. Tsk... I'm zipping my mouth now. I was almost nauseous because of the heat and my mouth was aching of thirst - I wanted so much to drown myself in Coke - not water - Coke. But not a single store sells it. Darn. Next stop - the market. Went to buy some 'puso' (rice wrapped and cooked in woven coconut leaves) and fruits and grilled meat for lunch. Pop bought a kilo of crab back in the resort and have the 'manong' who sold it to us prepare and cook it in 'Sprite' broth. Yummy!

Save the best for last - we went to this Ogtong Cave, which apparently was this narrow cave, a hot spring that was made a swimming pool and is Sta.Fe Beach Club's tourist magnet. The resort looks really neat and probably more expensive than Kota. It boasts of the cliff-like edge overlooking the sea and a gigantic pool. They also have a mini-zoo where I met Piolo, the sheep and a rude little bird which turns its back on me everytime I attempt to take its picture. I still think Kota's the best. =)

By lunchtime, we were back at the resort, ready to chow down on the feast that pop has prepared. Poor papa, because of his high-blood, he couldn't eat crab meat; he had to order Sinigang na Baboy from the resto. And so unni and me ate most of the cholesterol and burned it after by swimming and lounging under the late afternoon sun. While having a full-body massage by the shore (which Mang Dodong also arranged for me the day before), it suddenly poured. It's as if the heavens was blessing our stay in the island. The downpour went on for about an hour and the whole place was damp but it didn't lessen the beauty that was before me.

(Continuation soon... I'm drained...)

Anger.

2009-05-10T21:32:00.004+08:00

Last week, I had a very unpretty reminder of how I am when I am angry. I know when people look at me (especially when I am not smiling), they always have this impression that I am frowning or probably even scowling... I hate it but it seems like it's my 'default facial expression'. I don't really know but I probably look unfriendly or when I'm not smiling, my big eyes tend to give that 'I don't really care about you' look. I always have to tell people that I will not be pouncing on anybody anytime soon. These high arched brows, these sharp looking eyes, these pouting lips - they mean no harm. I am not angry or mad at anybody.

But last Thursday, I was mad as absolutely mad can be. And I was taken aback by how strong that feeling of anger surged right through me. My hands were shaking, my eyes were almost welling up, my voice was authoritative (bordering on arrogance), and my pulse was twice fast the normal. It's as if someone stepped on a landmine that was buried deep in my heart and I exploded. I didn't know I even have the capacity to be that angry. And it was one of the worst feelings I've had in years. I had to go down and be on my own for a while to tackle whatever aftershocks my anger would be bringing soon after.

I haven't been that mad in a long time and I've almost forgotten that I have the tendency to hyperventilate when I am (at some point I did... I think I downed a gallon of water to help me breathe normally). Time and again, I complain about how my life tend to suck big time sometimes but I don't get mad about it; Instead, I get really challenged by it and I enjoy watching my own melodramatic life unfold before me. I get irked, irritated, annoyed, pissed at someone... at some people... at many people in fact, but in the end, I still hold that peace in my heart that God's challenges wouldn't be as exciting if they aren't there.

I used to have this hate blog where whenever I am feeling really angry, I would abash the subject and object of my frustration in a cold-blooded word-homicide. That after writing profanities, evil wishes and thoughts of deceit, I would somehow feel a burden was totally lifted off me and I was powerful as I can be (having mutilated someone without his / her knowing through the very thing that I was gifted with - words). But whenever I re-read my so-called 'masterpiece' I would then feel bad about how extreme my thoughts had been and I would convince myself that I don't really mean all those words. So there's really no point; I stopped writing in my hate blog.

Sometimes I think that having too much anger in your heart is a sin. I am not yet clear about that. We wouldn't be angry or we wouldn't have harbored all those bitterness inside us if we are able to forgive... just as God forgave us. But that is a different story. I didn't have to forgive anyone last time that I was fuming mad. Rather, I feel like I have to stand up and be that leader that I was expected to be and earn that respect that I deserve to have. I didn't have to forgive anybody 'coz I feel like they haven't done me any wrong. It was more an issue of people going boundaries and offending someone in the process. It might be that these people didn't really mean to and they just needed guidance so I am not going to point fingers and blame them for it.

The point actually is I don't want to feel that horrible feeling again. Anger is a monster in itself. And if you would let it, it will consume you whole, leaving you with nothing but pain.

Hats off to David Cook

2009-05-05T22:00:00.002+08:00

I am not gonna be able to watch David Cook's (and Archuleta's) concert on the 16th at the MOA and I was raving non-stop about it this afternoon. Had I known the date, I would've booked that Bantayan trip at a later date. And I am genuinely sad that I wouldn't have the chance to see David Cook in person.

Now, I feel worse.

I just chanced upon a video of him speaking for the 'Race for Hope' event, which benefits the National Brain Tumor Society and Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure. There, he announced that he just lost his oldest brother (Adam) to a brain tumor a day before that race. It was really heart-wrenching watching him speak, trying to mask his grief with a brave face. It's just awesome how he dealt with that overwhelming emotion and clearly put aside his being a celebrity and showed dedication for the cause.

I am loving this guy more and more.

Drooling over Daniel (Henney!) and Mr Jackman

2009-05-04T00:41:00.008+08:00

I've seen 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine' twice already. First was the unfinished workprint which leaked a month before release and second, a few hours ago in the big screen. Instead of me being ecstatic about seeing the movie even before its release (through that pirated dvd crap), I was more I'd say unhappy about it (ooh, I should've waited!) since I saw things that weren't supposed to be seen... those supposedly amazing scenes bereft of CGIs (computer-generated imagery) and it wasn't really nice to watch. I felt being fooled. But it was worth seeing how long Daniel's (Agent Zero) airtime would be. =)

The 'fallen' agent.. tsk...

Who wouldn't love this guy?

Mr. Jackman and Faffy Daniel (tee-hee!)

Seeing the movie in the big screen is so worth it. I didn't really notice the 'alleged' 20-minute scene that purportedly was missing on the leaked version. I am not a movie critic so I wouldn't dare. Rather, I'd just gush about how Daniel's Hollywood debut is making such a promise in his career and how, I'm sure, the Hugh Jackman's 'flesh-flashing' made my officemate doubt his gender again (eheh.. kidding P!) That guy is so ***damn sexy! Forget about the accent, the abs and the muscle pack would've sealed the deal, really. Oggle below... *grin*

Major drooling right here.

Gambit, played by Taylor Kitsch is kind'a cool too. Although I think he looks like a hybrid between Willy Wonka and Barry Watson with a long unruly hair. =)

Right? =)

Work in progress

2009-04-30T00:43:00.003+08:00

When at 1 in the morning, I am still wide awake, thoughts in shambles amid futile attempts to write some copies and wondering again for the -nth time why I am such a chaos...

I came across this in Vanness Wu's blog and I know I got my answer =)

Sorry Lord, I lost myself again (!) for a while there. But I know you'd never let me. Feeling a little better and now I can sleep.

say what i need to say

2009-04-21T21:18:00.003+08:00

but i've been so quiet these past few days that i, myself, am feeling tormented by the buzzing of my own thoughts that are meaning to come out and find their way into this blog.

i was busy. okay. lying through my retainered teeth.

yes, i am busy but that's only a quarter of why i wasn't present. i just feel lazy and i would never lie that it occurred to me a dozen times that i want a life away from the internet. i want everyday to be a life conceived far from the 'mongerers' in the cyberspace. but who am i kidding? practically every part of my soul was screaming 'bloooogggg!'and whoever reads my blog anyway? (hello!)

my last weekend was spent finishing reading 'Shadow of the Wind' (highly recommended!) and attempting to organize my thoughts to write an article for my mag... but to no avail... thanks to this pre-programmed lethargy. on weekends, i am the queen of the sloths - it hurts when i move.

and i am dying to embrace weekend once again (and it's not even the middle of the week). i've got a long list of 'to read' and 'to watch'. i haven't been hanging around outside that much these days. and forgive me, i sometimes really feel bad whenever it occurs to me that i have no idea how my friends are doing. it makes me feel useless and unwanted. on the contrary, it also makes me feel bad to always be that person bouncing around pestering everyone if they care to catch up.

i'm happy today. i received four packs of the elusive 'Shokubutsu' shower gel courtesy of a very thoughtful and generous friend from Singapore. 'Xie xie!' from the bottom of my heart. =)

these days, i choose to be happy and thankful for the littlest things.

what smells?

2009-04-15T18:27:00.007+08:00

I hate that I have an incredible, almost unbelievable, sense of smell. I was endowed with very sensitive olfactory nerves that I could literally smell a stink from a hundred feet away. I am always the first one to complain when some strange odor comes assaulting my senses. And so I give my testimony that there isn't a grain of truth when they say: 'Ang unang pumutak, siya ang umutot!'

And it's a nightmare, I tell you. Anything that smells bad instantly sends my temper rising; I easily get crossed and the next thing I know, I am ready to yell at some poor soul. Probably, it's normal but then again, my case is on the extreme side. I could actually picture the stink as if alive, taunting me and challenging my patience. I turn all loony.

As far as my fond recollections allow, I've almost gotten myself in a number of unsightly encounters because of this. It's like one of those illnesses where there is no cure, like a spot of bother that is ruining my perfect little image (no, not really). And who could remain calm when in your nice and peaceful world, you are rudely interrupted by a smell that could make the hobos of New York look like preppy yuppies?

What would you do if everyday of your forsaken life, you are trapped and there's just nothing you can do about it? Will you be bold enough to tell the 'source' that he smells like a dead rat or a basket full of onions and it's really offending you?

As you might guess, I am currently having this crisis but I think better not to elaborate on it. (I will get into major trouble.. shhh...)

Yesterday, all these happened.

2009-04-15T00:37:00.002+08:00

The moment the clock struck 3pm, I was all set to go. I blame it on the weather – nice and sunny and no gray clouds wandering about the sky whatsoever. Obviously, I am bluffing. The weather is awful, extremely and unbearably hot! I am guessing 39 degrees! It’s not normal even for a country which is nearly wedged on the equator. My perpetual fanaticism for the day to end has got nothing to do with it really. But it has tons to do with the day being Monday and the fact that we all just came back from supposedly four-day bliss of being far (albeit not that far away) from work. I still mumble nonsense for being stuck at home, my feet all itching to climb mountains and soak in the sun’s glorious rays. Instead, I got to know my bed better – I was on it 72 out of 96 hours.

For someone that has a poor hearing, which is very well compensated by my bionic smelling ability, I could practically hear the ticking of my officemate’s watch. I could even hear the occasional swinging of the glass doors at the reception area and the funny sound that the door access makes when someone logs in and out. And somehow, I could tell if the one guarding the gates to my freedom already called it a day. Three became four and four became five and five became six. I forgot about the time when I had to accompany a colleague who’s visiting from overseas to have lunch when everyone has practically digested theirs. By the time we got back, the office is almost empty, except for some who finds enjoyment in staying until the sun’s no more. I was one of them and I am way past that. I realized life is not meant to live with a rope tied around your neck and a flimsy excuse to fall and kill yourself.

I had an epiphany while going down the steps of my favourite place in the world – the Rufino-Ayala Ave. underpass. Strange enough, that one-minute walk amidst a river of people is on top of the quietest moments of my everyday life. It’s like my mind instantly shuts off the noise like what happens in the movies – as if He who watches over us accidentally sat on the remote and hit the mute button. That is one full minute of pure peace. Once I reach the turning point towards the escalator, I am slapped back to reality.

I’ve always been fascinated on how the people in Hong Kong and in Singapore make use of their escalators and stairs. In these countries, where everything is moving twice or thrice as faster as we normally do here, slow motion is irreverence. You’d instantly feel that you don’t belong (not that we want to). They always seem to be in a hurry. So, if you’re in an escalator and you just want to stand and indulge in the moment, always, always stay on the right side. The left lane is for those who seem to have a rodent down their behinds and can’t wait to get rid of it. One time, my ignorance about this almost brought out the tigress in me. This moronic guy literally pushed me to the side as if to say ‘Stay out of the way’ and even before I could come up with an explosive retort, he was gone – lost amidst the crowd (they all look like him) at the MTR station. And so out of mere curiosity, I tried experimenting. One time, I pretended to be in a hurry and I had to say ‘Excuse Me’ a hundred times while literally jumping two steps at a time. They made way but they are pissed. And then another time, I stayed on the left lane, just stuck there not moving an inch and blocking the way and nobody cared. Darn, why are we so laid back? It’s not a complain but an expression of awe, mind you.

Rush hour. One of those moments where I wish I took that rope instead ‘coz it’s near suicidal. This is one of those rare occasions where I use my power to snag a seat in the jeepney amidst all the commotion. Being small and quick, that is. And I don’t care one bit if the person before me smells like a rubber tire; I can always hold my breath.

What truly annoys me in that 15-20 minute ride home is the lousy music that’s playing on the background. Yesterday’s treats were ‘Temple of the King’, ‘Skyline Pigeon’ and ‘The Leader of the Band’. Santisima! The icing on the cake was my ‘seatmate’ who seemed to know all three songs by heart and decided to sing along for everyone’s amusement (or derailment?). And since we were pretty crammed in there, she was almost singing to my ears. Believe me, I summoned every patience and the remnants of it in my bones to prevent myself from blurting out something not nice. What is it with people singing in public? I really don’t get it.

FanMode: Awww, my 'Lloydie!'

2009-04-13T23:08:00.004+08:00

Sorry, I can't help it!

This is probably one of my most jolog moments in the history of blogging and I am not ashamed... hehe... Whatta perfect way to end my night than watch 'Lloydie' exploiting what's left of my so-called rational dignity with his melt-your-heart smile.

OMG!

Cheers to this once-in-a-black-hole fanmode indulgence.

(Blame 'You Changed My Life' for this)

v(^_^)v

A sudden U-turn

2009-04-10T23:50:00.005+08:00

A full ten minutes before 'Good Friday' ends and 'Black Saturday' comes and I'm still awake (the only one as everybody hit the sack three hours ago), wondering for the -nth time what I have got to do. I am not yet sleepy and I'm torn as to how I could spend this tranquility - finish that book I've been reading, just surf the net, watch a movie / korean soap / j-dorama, or just lie in bed and try to make out figures from the stains on my ceiling.

I am convinced I have wasted two whole days of this 'vacation' doing nothing, if not, senseless things. I wasn't even much of a help during my mom's yearly 'pabasa'. I was just here in my room the whole time while, (if I may call it this) the 'festivity' downstairs' was on-going. I've never been used to many people going in and out of our house, food overflowing on the table, my pop looking harrassed while in-charge of cooking, a throng of my mom's friends arriving from who knows where and staying not too long, WonBin barking at 100 decibels every five seconds scaring the wits out of our visitors and the... how to call it... the sound of (?) people singing the 'pasyon' outside with an incomprehinsible tune. I don't know but I am too lazy to get out of the house. I refused going with my sister and her hubby for a 'Bisita Iglesia' last Thursday and again, to watch the prossesion earlier this evening. I slept out of boredom instead.

So far, I've had 35 hours of sleep, finished two full Taiwanese dramas (one with about 40 episodes!), finished one book, ate less than usual, consumed about a gallon of caffeine (in various forms) in the last two days. It's probably my sentiment of not being able to be somewhere / anywhere but here that is getting the best of me. I am not happy that I am just home this time. My feet are itching to go somewhere far but there's no place to go to and most of all, no one to go with. I am just so frustrated. And I hate me for being this way... for feeling this way.

I've spent some time trying to reflect on these things and why I am so bothered and so far, I am not making any progress. I've been trying to find a way to spend my Holy Week not wallowing and being upset. I think I've been over analyzing things and one small thought just snowballs into bigger complications. I just want peace of mind, that's all.

Then I thought, what the heck am I being bothered for when I am supposed to remember and commemorate Christ's sufferings and death and be thankful for I have been saved - all of us actually. I've got all the time to reflect on my sins, on my issues in life, and of what I have failed to do to make Christ's sacrifice all worth it. Probably, this is the best time for my own retreat. I don't really know what may come out of it but at least it feels like my cat's weight has somehow been lifted off my shoulders.

Good Read here.

Review: Antique Bakery (Korean Movie)

2009-04-05T22:45:00.007+08:00

I am not a fan of yaoi or what they call a boy-boy manga for women. I am not even a fan of manga in general. I learn about them from watching j-doramas or the adoptations made by Koreans and Chinese dramas. And I must say, when I find a certain drama interesting, I am intrigued by its manga version and it makes me want to read it. My sister has a collection of some like Wallflower and the overrated but still my most favorite Hana Yori Dango (Boys Over Flowers). I browse but I don't read.

Bored through my wits this afternoon, I found myself browsing through mysoju.com for some movies I could watch. I don't know what's with my periodical cravings for Korean movies (or sometimes dramas); all I know is that I am learning quite a lot of Hangul because of it. I came across 'Antique Bakery' (Antique) and without a clue whatesoever of what it's about, I just clicked the link. I decided to watch it because it has Joo Ji Hoon (Princess Hours) and the tall and lanky Kim Jae Wook (Coffee Prince) in it. So, despite the very slow downloading because of my feeble internet connection, I desperately watched the movie amidst on and off buffering and the urge to shut my laptop. And I'm glad I did 'coz this is one heck of a movie. I am not gonna criticize it and compare it to the Japanese Live Action and even the manga which was created by Fumi Yoshinaga because I haven't seen both.

Antique Bakery (the Korean movie) tells the story of Kim Jin Hyeok (Ji Hoon), a cake shop owner who ironically hates sweets but has a dark past that holds the answer to this mystery; Min Seon Woo (Jae Wook) a gay patissier who's known for his 'demonic charm' and fancies Jin Hyeok since highschool; Yang Ki Beom (Yo Ah In), Seon Woo's apprentice who used to be a street punk and a boxer; and the klutzy Nam Soo Yeong (Choi Ji Ho).

At first, you'd think it's like Coffee Prince, with the owners (Ji Hoon and Gong Yoo in CP) being both serious, hot-tempered, have sad past that they're trying to overcome, have three 'side-kicks' and most importantly, gorgeous. =) But it's way different. Jin Hyeok was kidnapped when he was little and had very little memory of his abductor. All he remembers was that the kidnapper has a sweet tooth and fed him cakes every single day of his captivity. And this was what actually led him to open up a cake shop - to lure this person and eventually catch him. All the three others have issues of their own but the story centered on Jin Hyeok.

This is not your typical yaoi (because technically it isn't) and it has a lot of funny scenes (amid the heavy ones and all the drama) which made me laugh hard while rolling on my sides. And it showed the quirky and funny side of Ji Hoon - totally the opposite of what we saw in Princess Hours. Jae Wook, on the other hand, fits the role very well - a little bit different yet somehow similar to that 'Waffle Guy' that he portrayed in CP... cool, always composed and well, a bit 'gayish'.

What I love about the movie is its ability to make you laugh while thinking hard about the possibilities it could offer. Unlike the typical story line most korean movies have, this wouldn't make you cry in the end; it would make you want to dictate the ending and keep the story going.

I'll probably watch the jdrama version next. =)

Spitting fire days are over

2009-04-02T23:13:00.002+08:00

Oopppsss I did it again.

I think I've genuinely offended someone again. I was insanely mad and not myself that I think I kind of snapped at the person (believe me it was really unintentional) and although at times, it feels like I have no heart, no conscience, it really is the opposite. When I'm back to the normal me, the thought about the 'Nazi Thet' haunts me until I feel so bad about it. Sometimes I really think I have split personality. I can only say sorry once it's over.

And now this person doesn't want to be friends with me anymore (erased me in all her friends' list... sorry, but that's a little extreme don't you think?) Not that we are friends but hey, it made me feel bad. =(

Moron's the word of the week

2009-03-31T22:42:00.003+08:00

It's not even the middle of the week and I already want it so bad to be weekend!

There are such a lot of morons everywhere. Moron spitting at the curb while you're waiting for a cab. Moron trying to cut in the line in FX terminals. Moron trying to eye you from head to foot as if you're some kind of an extra terrestial that is worthy of a rude stare. Moron trying to suffocate you with that kick-nose stench of sweat and dirt so friggin' early in the morning. Moron who smokes cigarette in public transportation while choking all the other passengers. 'Moronness' tapping her filthy little filth while you're still using the can. Moronness denying you the change for a 500 peso bill when you just saw her mounds of smaller peso bills when she accidentally opened her register. Moron trying to mask their insecurities trying to act as a pathetic know-it-all. Moron being a total blabber mouth for a guy. Moron who laughs like a sissy girl. Moron who doesn't follow rules - especially MY rules. Moron talking all polite when he's actually bullsh*tting you on the inside.

And the biggest moron of them all - a pathetic arrogant sunovagun who thinks Harry Potter and Hogwarts happen in real life! This king moron is a big believer of things that he thinks money would pour in like a torrential rain when I snap my fingers or pick my nose. But mind you, the moron wouldn't budge his ass or do even the most trivial of things to help. He'd rather fry his balls on a million-dollar worth magic carpet.

The last time I checked I am definitely a muggle. JERK.

(apologies for the harsh words... my temper got the best of me)

Heart beating (sometimes it needs a good whipping!)

2009-03-28T18:47:00.005+08:00

When I was a sophomore in college, I remember writing all the names of the guys whom I like, who likes me back, who I was linked to (some I don't even know or knows me) and I think I had quite a long list. Looking back at that, I'd say where have all these boys gone? Well, considering the fact that I've been single ever since I can remember.
Well, this 'exercise' if I may call it that was something I've done at a whim. Probably to somehow reassure myself that I was a completely normal likable teenager. And it was actually kind of embarrassing doing that, trying to come up with some kind of a proof. But honestly when you are at 17, no matter how straight your thinking can be, there are times when you think about...well, boys.
Ten years after, I still think about them. Yes, once in a while between emails and coffee breaks. I am thinking about those guys who came and went, some of them leaving me pretty valuable lessons. Some of them sending me bouts of gagging and wincing.
But the part that I love the most is when I am thinking about that one particular person who could (would?) make me smile at the mere thought of him. That no matter what he does, nothing would seem to change the way I feel about him. That between us, there are no happy beginnings nor sad endings. That the moment he invade my thoughts, there is no stopping. That it is an undeniable fact that I miss him every single minute of every single day. Heck, I even miss him even when he's around. That a simple glance can send ripples of shock waves to my blood streams.
Funny, you would think that I have fallen in-love.
But sadly, I haven't "met" this guy yet.

This song has something to do with my momentary 'cheezy' mood:

At the spur of the moment

2009-03-26T17:30:00.003+08:00

The clouds are parting in the horizon, giving a picture perfect scene that you can only see in paintings. The gray one hovering above the slightly Aqua tarnished skies; and just right below it, the mountain ranges are standing in all their glory amid the apparent gloom. From where I am sitting, squinting my eyes to see more clearly, the green blanket of forests (I presume) are waving at me.

How ironic, I think. Tall skyscrapers are blocking this only view of serenity from my office window.

The white clouds are at a losing end, yet still fighting. I am rooting for them. I hate the gloom. I have this crazy notion that more often than not, the weather dictates my mood. And this morning is a testimony. I woke up all cranky at the sound of the rain lashing at my window. It was an angry pour and I was as mad as hell.

Just a bit later, the white clouds appear to be winning. Now, that’s quite a gap that separates the dark clouds from the mountains (about three-fourths of my thumb now). A few minutes more and the sky is completely azure. No traces of the darkness that enveloped it just less than an hour ago. It’s like witnessing how good can win against evil; it’s fascinating. And the mountains are boasting of the triumph as now, their majesty is all visible.

An-niong i kha-sae yo Oppa Jae Won! =(

2009-03-25T14:02:00.003+08:00

My 'ngangabunch' is going on his mandatory military service for two years! I have to go cold turkey 'coz I wouldn't see him doing movies / soaps / no nothing on the Korean tube for quite a while. Oh, well...

Found this news on dramabeans.com:
Army duty calls for Kim Jae Won

27 candles

2009-03-17T21:24:00.006+08:00

I was supposed to blow this number of candles to celebrate my life in all the years that I've been here - struggling, trying very hard to make a sense out of it. This year, as I am one step closer to the last digits of the calendar, I think now I get it. =)

I had another yet simple means to celebrate this borrowed life and remind myself that I am truly blessed to be enjoying what God's creation has to offer... flu - and all sorts of illness I didn't know I have - and all.

Yes, I am still sick. Ever since my muscles were beaten black and blue at last Sunday's activity and the three-day visit from mr. nasty flu virus, I've been suffering from stomach pains and I am still chickening out to see a doctor to my father's dismay. I don't know why but I just don't want to.

Anyway, I think I have a lot to be thankful for this year even though at times, I am almost convinced that I am stagnant and nothing special ever happens. I haven't done anything about my 'plans' yet; I haven't bought something that I would really call an investment; I haven't enrolled in anything that would give me new learning. But now that I think about it, a lot of things have in fact, came my way that in one way or another brought me joy and pain, made me feel loved and needed (and sometimes hated), and other realizations which proves that hey, I am actually human. And the blessings just keep on coming more than the occasional 'sad' moments which I always thought would be the end of me.

I don't know yet but I think I am heading the right direction. Wish me luck!

And for my 27 candles, this is what I am thankful for: (not in order - 'coz I am still trying to have a sense of it)

1. My faith in my God, my savior still being in-tact and the thirst to know Him more.
2. Mom and pop still together after all the years of bickering (and I know the fact that they are one of those rare couples who are still in-love *gagging*)
3. My friends, though not too many, who are always right around the bend, ready to share and to listen.
4. I love my job (you know what I mean by this!)
5. I am earning sufficiently thus, I can help my family.
6. I am not that healthy and I tend to get sick easily but here I am, still alive =)
7. The mornings when I open my eyes and realize that I have another chance to witness a miracle.
8. The people around me who, without their knowledge, are giving me life's greatest lessons.
9. My living and breathing stuffed toys / stress-reliever - our pets Miyo Kun and WonBin-shi.
10. I am too young to be an EIC but who cares, I am embracing the responsibility.
11. NFF! (new found friends)
12. My music which sometimes tells me exactly what to do.
13. My coffee indulgence everyday.
14. That I get to visit places (albeit occasional)
15. That I 'speak' through writing =)
16. People who never forgets.
17. my internet connection. (haha... sorry, but I really am thankful for it!)
18. The mistakes I made from which I learned.
19. The bruises that have healed and those which are just mending.
20. That I am loved and cared for and I feel that it is truly overwhelming.
21. That I am capable of loving and forgiving.
22. I am no longer angry...(err.. still workin' on it but gettin' there)
23. My kuya and ate who are practically my 'horcruxes' =)
24. A place that I can call home (kahit na lagi kong nilalayasan)
25. The realization that the world is not as harsh as it seems.
26. The quiet moments with myself.
27. The scary but altogether exciting tomorrow. =)

v(^_^)v

Sick again!

2009-03-11T17:36:00.002+08:00

I still feel a little funny. I still feel nauseous whenever I stand up and I still get a huge kick whenever I attempt watching television or looking at my laptop's monitor. (Note: I look like a complete git as I am wearing my sunglasses while typing this).

It really sucks to be sick. I was mostly horizontal than vertical in the last three days. And the worst part of it - I haven't had a decent meal (and a bath!) although I've been having quick sponge baths to my mom's dismay.

I guess, I really got it from the running thing. Forget about being a pro... pros don't get sick. Argh.

It makes me feel bad being sick a day before I turn older. It makes me feel older and helpless and... older. Single and older. Ayshh.

I guess I need to rest (again!) if I want to get well for real.

Goodnight y'all.

Running like a pro for Mother Earth (Takbo Para Sa Kalikasan 2009)

2009-03-08T19:30:00.007+08:00

I barely slept two hours and I already had to wake up at the sound of my sister's voice calling from outside my window at 2:30 in the morning. Right, it was the 'Takbo Para Sa Kalikasan' day and we had to be at the Quirino Grandstand by 4 in the morning. Which pissed a little part of me when I learned that the actual run wouldn't happen until 6am. I should've slept more.

And so, a few minutes before 4am, I was already ogling Rizal's statue at Luneta and having my photo taken at the Kilometer-0 mark. It was still very dark and yet, there were surprisingly some crowd gathering here and there - some families who would probably spend their day in Luneta and some joining the run.

The program started at dusk and while half the world was still probably in slumber, the grandstand was already full of people - about a thousand or so - dancing and prancing to the sound of two (or more) amazingly large boom boxes. The scene reminded me a little of Raon and Recto. I have never seen so many guys in very short running shorts already bordering on skimpy that looking at them actually harrasses me at a certain point. There were all sorts of people - families, friends and peers, the coast guards and the police forces, government officials, and TV personalities (not star struck this time!) such as the likes of vice president Noli De Castro, Cory Quirino and Ted Failon.

A stocky guy... scratch that... gay, led the warm ups which appeared more like dancing-while-on-drugs as it required the shameless thrusting of your hips and of your torso more than the normal stretching. But the runners looked like they were having the time of their lives so, why not? I decided I'll take photos instead.

The runners were divided into three groups based on the distance that they would be completing - 3 km (up to Pedro Gil and back), 5km (up to Quirino Ave. and back) and 10 km (Cuneta Astrodome and back). Since the start and finishing points were at the grandstand, we just had to go around after reaching the designated marks. My sister registered us at the 5km line and I had the sudden notion that I would be going back in an ambulance. I am not a very sporty person and I haven't had exercise in a long time. I don't do morning jogging, I don't do yoga and I am even too lazy these days to do some stretching and sit ups on my own bed. And so it wasn't really a surprise that even before we got pass the mighty cow statue, I was running out of breath and my legs felt funny already.

But overwhelmed by the fact that this was my first time to join a marathon, I vowed to finish the course no matter what. And so, I ended up running-slash-brisk walking-slash-plain walking on my own (since my sister stops every ten seconds). By the time I reached the 3km mark, I was almost tempted to cheat and turn around to go back. But I was too eager to prove something to myself and beat the lazy and the weak Thet in me. So despite the growing pain on my side (apendix almost raptured), the leg cramps, the shortness of breath and panting, and the occassional unsolicited side comments from some rowdies who were running alongside of me, I finished the course. Yey! My reward? Two bottles of Mineral water, a bottle of Pocari Sweat (which I didn't take because it practically tastes like, well, sweat!), a dry hotdog sandwich (from my sister's team) and a pair of legs which refuse to work & walk normally. I was too hungry and I ache all over (especially my left hip) but I was too happy and pleased with myself. Plus, I ate / drank Taho and at that time, it's the most delicious food I ever tasted. My sister came after a few minutes looking dead beat tired as hell as me. The marathon and the program ended around 8:30.

Since we were already in Luneta and that was our first time again in years to visit the place, we decided to walk or more like limp around the park. Wow, it surely is chaotic on a Sunday. There were all sorts of people doing all sorts of activities - dance aerobics, taichi, kite flying, picnic, lounging around on the grass (which smells like dog poo), playing badminton, playing chess, people watching, sleeping... seemed like everybody is busy being themselves and it felt nice to see that. We went inside this Chinese Garden which, yea, looked like the hang out place of chairman Mao and Confucius during their time. We walked some more around the fountains, took some more photos despite my protesting camera being almost battery empty, indulged in the beauty of Manila's morning (and surprisingly clear) skyline, and finally hailed a cab home.

I had fun doing this activity and I am looking forward for more. Probably next time, I'll go climbing the mountains to plant some trees. =)

More photos here.

In mourning

2009-03-07T17:22:00.005+08:00

It's amazing how death can make you realize how wonderful life is, albeit borrowed.

Some photos taken during my uncle's funeral... I didn't like to put the s ad ones though. I wanted to remember him as the cheerful and strong guy who lived his life providing for his family.

I want to do away with the MEAN in me.

2009-03-04T18:29:00.003+08:00

Today I tried not to be angry.

I just had a sudden realization that I've been torn away from my happy self for who knows how long already and it is causing me nothing else but misery. I used to be that person who can laugh as if it was the last and spend the day just being nice. I can't even recall when I started being a monster. Six months ago? One year? Two years?

Yes, I used to be nice. I was way far from the mean person that I am right now. I always have a smile on my face and I can be cheered even by the most 'corny' remarks that you could think of. A cup of coffee could make my day along with a nod / nudge from a friend.

I was happy.

Now, thinking about how I miss that pure happiness makes me want to cry. What happened to me?

I was too immersed in my own web, not thinking about others. I became a little superficial and arrogant. I felt that if others didn't need me in their lives, why the hell would I need them in mine? Only to find out that life will not be complete with only you alone in it. I became the 'mighty snapper'. I'd snap at anyone who crosses my path (especially at work) and bring out that shield - the invisible armor - with a creeping paranoia that others would probably want to get close and be friends now but they will leave even before I blink. I guess I was just tired letting people in my life and missing them too much when they are gone. But nobody says they are; I just thought that.

Now I realized, I am shutting people out even before they come in my life. That's the sad part. And I want to change that. It's difficult to say but I will try it. I will be happy again.

When is 'good enough' good?

2009-02-24T22:39:00.004+08:00

Where is that thin line separating 'good enough' from 'extraordinary'?

This person I know said it's there, barely visible and often goes unnoticed - especially by people who limit themselves and refuse to go over the boundary.

But what if, extraordinary is an oxymoron of life and I choose not to be anywhere near it? Extraordinary is not 'good' at all times. It is pretentious; a coward hiding behind the facet of power. Extraordinary is arrogant, boastful and proud. It shines the brightest and it tends to blind people.

I don't like anything extraordinary. No, scratch that... I hate extraordinary.

'Good enough', on the other hand, is an old tale that rots with history. Sadly. Those who are JUST 'good enough' are forgotten. But they are, to my belief, those who lived life to its fullest. 'Good enough' is meek and humble but is never lazy.

It is contented - the way people should be.

Tweet tweet tweet

2009-02-21T12:13:00.002+08:00

Finally on Twitter...

My one-liner whatnots... v(^___^)v

Say what you gotta say...

God, help!

2009-02-19T18:55:00.002+08:00

I feel a little confused and sad that I sometimes feel like what 'that' they call as a 'floating' Christian.

If there's any thought that I hate entertaining, it is ME questioning my own faith in God. I love the Lord with all my heart and I feel a very strong yearning for Him and yet sometimes, I still feel I am going astray.

These days, I haven't been going to the church. And there is this nagging feeling. But weird enough, I feel liberated and happy. I sometimes can't really understand what my mind is dictating my senses. I don't know if it is WRONG but I don't feel RIGHT at all (sometimes) when I am there. Probably wrong but I have this feeling that I can be closer to GOD in my own way. I am letting myself drawn closer...

I've given my heart, I surrendered my all to God and I think that is what's important. For now, I can only pray.

Trip to Quiapo

2009-02-15T14:43:00.009+08:00

What better way to spend Valentines than having a field day in Quiapo, Binondo and finally, good old Divisoria. Last Feb. 14, while probably half the world is busy 'glamming up' for Happy Hearts Day, me, my sister and her hubby were going through the streets of Quiapo, getting our feet dirty (it was rainingfor a while) while hoarding good 'ol reliable and shockingly cheap dvds.

It's amazing how something 'illegal' can seem so appropriate. Nyarks... did I just say that? I was able to buy six new movies (Milk, Revolutionary Road, Slumdog Millionaire - this one's surprisingly awesome, Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, Changeling & The Secret Life of Bees) for only Php200. Nope, haven't watched them all yet! I also bought the complete season of Smallville, thus, my current Clark Kent re-addiction (was before but I got tired of watching Lana Lang collecting boyfriends) and some (as usual) Korean novelas.

Note how my sister's hubby looks like he could disappear right there and then 'coz of too much embarrassment. =)

From Quiapo, we walked along the cramped streets and narrow alleyways until we reached Carriedo, Sta.Cruz and passed through a lot of Jewellery shops in Ongpin. This photo I 'borrowed' from Nostalgia Manila and the photo I've taken using my ever-reliable KRZR cam phone shows that nothing's changed at the Plaza Goiti (Carriedo), except the fountain in the middle and probably, the stench.

Fun day all in all and I wouldn't trade it for a cozy 'date' at a coffeeshop... =)

Valentines (again)... oh well...

2009-02-13T22:24:00.004+08:00

The blueprint isn't laid out openly as I wished it to be. The future is still looking bleak, if there is anything really. And I don't see it happening so soon. Oh well...

***

Valentine's eve and I am spending the night with Mark Haddon (A Spot of Bother is hilarious... read it!), contemplating on consuming this unopened chocolate bar from my unnichan and her hubby and a sweet greeting card (again, from them). Our annoying neighbor is keeping the whole neighborhood awake, singing his equally annoying rendition of Rey Valera's classics. Just because it's valentines, you freakin' arse, still don't have the right to murder these songs and our eardrums, you fat bug!

Seriously, I am annoyed to infinity.

I went home *extra* early today 'coz I don't want to be caught up amidst floating flowers, *extra* snoggly couples, traffic, *extra* snoggly couples, more floating flowers and traffic. U-huh. Oh shut up, I am being bitter, I know.

This whole being single thing doesn't really help. Hypocrisy aside, there's just one question in my mind during this so-called time of the year: "Why the hell am I single?!?" But the day after, I wake up happy again and loving myself even more. And the moment I open my eyes, I still can say, 'You rock God!'

I thought I ought to give myself a little something this year... if no one would do it for me, I'll do it for myself. =)

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end... (Anonymous says)

Down right pathetic.

2009-02-06T23:45:00.002+08:00

This guy I know from way back then.

He made me hate myself for quite some time. And I mean, for a long long time. And I kind'a hate myself more when I look back at how stupid I was or how he made me look like one at least.

It wasn't my fault I plummeted head straight and totally lost my mind. He was the picture of perfection and I could only see or chose to see one side of him. He seemed kind and nice and just that person who would sweep you off your feet and catch you when you swoon. To some extent, he was but then the 'jackass' side became more and more apparent.

Those crazy things I did seemed more pathetic now when I think about it. I thought it was cool letting the whole world know that you are head-over-heels with someone. At that time, it felt like I had some sort of power that I could practically say and do everything that I want and it wouldn't bother him that much. Because I felt like he owes me something for liking him. It didn't occur to me that he might not like the attention. Or he simply just didn't care.

And just because I loved his smile (or practically everything about him), I chose to ignore the fact that he wasn't really smiling for me. I totally overlooked the fact that he didn't even look at me when I talk, that he deliberately turns his attention to something else hoping probably that I would just scram and spare him the agony.

That at that time, I pathetically embraced everything that he likes. From our common interests like music, to the things that were pretty much alien to me. The effort wasn't even worth five cents. What's good about that is I've discovered some things that remained embellished on my being despite the fact that everything' about me and him (there was never an 'us') is all in vain right now.

As much as I don't like to regret, I regret knowing him. I regret the fact that I let him trample silently on me. I was a waste and I didn't deserve that. If only I could go back, I would take back what I said or what I did.

It didn't 'rock' at all. Not one bit.

(On why the sudden rantings about this guy, I have no idea. It's as if I woke up and thought about it all day with no particular reason whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, I've long been awaken from that slumber; he just popped in all of a sudden!)

This is me and my God

2009-02-04T18:04:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling 'lost' again... but somehow I know He found me.

'WonBin and Me'

2009-02-01T19:04:00.004+08:00

I just finished 'Marley and Me' and my face is still a little tear-stained. The movie is a typical story of humans getting too attached to their pet dog and how it made an impact (or in that case) built their lives. It was nothing out of the ordinary except that it has my ever-favorite Owen Wilson in it (starring with Jen Aniston). Oh, and Mc Steamy (Eric Dane) is also there, playing - as usual - a man whore who is friends with Wilson.

Marley is an exceptional dog - a big bundle of rugrat which actually reminded me of our very own deranged and miserable mongrel WonBin. They are very much alike, I would say. They both chew everything they come across with- edible or not. Marley's preference are furnitures, while WonBin thinks shoes and slippers are a foodfest. They are both big; as in human tall big when they are standing up. They both don't listen to their humans and they are both afraid of thunder and loud noises. The big difference is Marley can be around people while WonBin just simply cannot. He isn't trained and he only knows five people in his life - my family. He's the type which would literally bite anyone who comes near him.

As a matter of fact, he's bitten about four or five already and we almost gave him up for it. The last one was when he chewed on my brother-in-law's leg just a few weeks ago. My mom especially would always say that there is no good in keeping him and had already planned on taking him to the dog pound a couple of times. But obviously, whatever's left of their affection for WonBin got the best of them and gave him another chance.

Sometimes I think he has a mind of a human. He's a a sensitive 'little' prick that wjhen you ignore him he'll get mad and try to get you for it, either by 'pretending' for days that he doesn't know you and growl at you, or take a piss at you. He surely knows how to take revenge.

WonBin isn't really my dog although I was the one who bought him. He's my little brother's. Vinz is his human, not me but I love him just the same. And while watching Marley (Spoiler Alert!) die in the end, I thought about how I would feel if we lose him. To think that I already somehow prepared myself about that dog pound thing. Now that I think about it, I would surely cry if ever that happens. He's just about just three years old and it looks like he has a lot more years to go. I just hope he'd stop biting people.

Now, I'm sure about one thing: dogs - they can really make people cry.

First month gone

2009-02-01T00:38:00.005+08:00

Exactly 15 days...

I promised myself I'd always keep my blogs (yep, all of 'em) updated but I could not keep my word. I was too preoccupied characterizing the term 'busy'. When I think about it, I have been so far at my busiest. Some might criticize me for this... Aba e, kelan ba ko hindi naging busy?

Our new magazine project is to blame. Don't get this all wrong; I am definitely not complaining. Believe it or not, I am falling in-love with my job all over again... or at least I am trying to. It's a good thing, right? With the unemployment rate climbing up and the left and right retrenchment even amongst the biggest of companies, I guess I am pretty lucky to have this job. It's not something to brag about. I wouldn't really dare, especially considering the kind of working environment I have and that sunnov-a-gun *bleep* for a *bleep*. You have no idea.

It's February 01. Time is wheezing past me but, surprisingly, I am still able to manage. *Big Smile* I've been missing a lot of people but I'm not sure if they miss me as much (haha) As much as I abhor 'change' because I am the type of person who tends to be very attached to the current situation and I kind of lose myself when the paradigm tilts, I am learning to live with it. Wow, nagma-mature na yata ako.

The other day, I went on a 'Field Trip'. I would call it that because it felt like it. My friend K who's based in Singapore sent me 'Shokubutsu' (a body wash which I am fond of calling Zashikibutsu) after I begged her for it since I couldn't really find any here in RP. I had to go to 'Jollibee Kalentong' to meet her friend's maid who kept texting me for three consecutive days, asking me to get my 'lotion'. To make the very long and tiring story short, I fought my way to to the meeting place through the ever-chaotic MRT (a complete nightmare, I nearly fell down the train tracks because people were pushing) and rode a jeep which I had no clue whatsoever where it was really going. Plus, may bonus pa - (forgive me for this) the driver smells. Promise, naiintindihan ko naman na maghapon nang namamasada si Manong at pagod na siya, pero naman... no exag pero siguro because I was so tired, I think I puked a little in my mouth and I swallowed it. Sorry, kadiri.

Ironically, I had fun with my little adventure. It was like one of my trips where I had to ask for directions, or sometimes, be stubborn and just follow my gut feel only to feel stupid because I could've asked anyway. I passed by my high school but I didn't see it much because it was dark already. I passed by Sta. Ana bridge and St. Francis - the very familiar places which reminded me only of my highschool friends. Nice - the feeling =)

Then today, I am glued to my laptop, deciphering InDesign and Photoshop. I am practicing with graphics design and layout because I'll be needing them a lot in the next few days. And, just because I want to learn. Here's a sample:

Cropped it from one of our group photos and used a background which I 'stole' from a Korean catalogue... I think I blurred the edges too much. I used some rendering like lens flare and lighting effects... naks!

Gray as Grey's Anatomy

2009-01-15T01:35:00.003+08:00

My head is throbbing like crazy and I am wondering for the -nth time why the sleeping bug still fails to kick in despite the fact that it's already half past one in the morning and I am dead beat tired.

Less than 30 minutes ago, me and my sibs were at the hospital (that darn expensive one in Makati) because our stupid dog attacked Mike, my sister's hubby, and we had to bring him in the emergency for first aid and anti-rabies injection. Of all the time in the world, Won Bin chose to chew on Mike's legs when all the world's creatures are just about to go to sleep... haay.

Anyway, it was my first time again in years to be inside the emergency unit of a hospital and I had the sudden urge to watch Grey's anatomy at the very moment. But what I saw were way far from McSteamy and McDreamy and not even close by an inch to SGH. Oh, well... that's why it was meant to be seen by me only in tv. What the hell am I thinking anyway?

It was depressing and fascinating at the same time. While some people are fighting to live, with a disturbing number of tubes attached to their helpless and almost lifeless bodies, some even can find time to look 'glamorous' and 'wealthy to be worthy' to be a patient in that hospital. WTF. Like this lady who has a cast on her arms, looking at people as if she's trying to weigh in her mind if the next person is 'capable' if you know what I mean. I wanted to spit on her cast.

I don't even know why I am blabbing here about her. I guess she (or at least the look on her face) really got on my nerves.

I need to sleep. I got to sleep.

Reality bites but it doesn't make me bleed

2009-01-11T18:08:00.003+08:00

People always seem to have different POVs (point of views) but sometimes it still doesn't fail to amaze me how the degree of differences can be so widely stretched amongst individual that you'd think, they've been on the opposite sides of the ring from the very beginning.

I don't know if I am the one being cynical here. All I wanted was to be as close to reality as it can get. Or maybe, I'm the one who's really letting go of my grip to it.

What is wrong with living your life the way it is meant to be? I am not really a fan of all that 'pre-destined' crap but I just couldn't see myself running after my fate. Especially now that I seem to be in the middle of a chaos that could not be arranged in a whim.

Well, if I am really letting go of reality, blame me, sue me, hurt me. Then, probably, I'd feel better... I'd feel a-okay. If this is growing up, I wouldn't want it. I want to stay like this forever.

***

I hate it but I am hurting now. Not that suicidal-agonizing hurt but just plain hurt. I'm beginning to believe that I am starting to lose people. Some here, some there. Some indirectly and some, just plain jerks who are actually so stupid when I think about it. (Imagine the nerve of this guy!)

But hey, it's too early this year to feel that. I lose some, I gain some.

I still am feeling positive and I surely want to smile more than I frown. After all, this life is still pretty as I want it to be. =)

Holiday Drama

2008-12-28T01:52:00.006+08:00

I haven't really been in front of my monitor since my sister's wedding ('coz I had to do their AVPs), much less blog and surf the net since I posted my last entry here. It's not that long but a lot of drama has took over my life in that short span of time. My fingers have been itching to write them all down but I guess I just couldn't find the time. Actually, this holiday break gives me all the time in the world without the hassle of thinking about work but I am actually resolved to putting it all to waste... tsk... bad...

This is the first time in months (or years) that I have felt rested yet tired and anxious and oblivious to the ticking of the time. It seems like all I want to do is stare at space and make my mind wander off to somewhere far where I could practically smell the breeze and count the stars.

What I'm saying is, I haven't done anything productive in the ten days that I've been away from work (I'm counting since the 18th where I took a half day leave and never showed my face in our office until the Christmas party last Monday, 22nd). I've been dead for three days (pardon the morbidity but I was really almost... details later).

Always a Maid of Honor, But When Will I Be the Bride?

Oh, cut the BullSh*t! I've been MOH only twice in my life and it both happened the latter part of this year. First last October at my highschool bff (hah!) Elizabeth's wedding and about a week ago at my sister's wedding. Never a Bridesmaid... always the MOH but as the nagging question goes: When will I be the bride?

Don't get me wrong. I am not asking myself this and I am no hurry at all. But a lot of people (especially my clan!) seem to be haunted by the very idea of my single-ness more than me. And the pressure is on! I mean ON like a flickering sign post at some random gay bar in Malate or that light bulb that used to inhibit Einsten's brain. I've never been pressured about my LOVElife (if I have any) and I am getting tired of it. It's like having that dream where I wear that wedding gown I fancy and I keep on running, only to find myself that I'm not really running from anyone but instead, I am running on a threadmill. It's really frustrating and tiring.

Pardon the exaggeration but I've perused all the fingers in both my hands and feet on the number of times that I've been asked on when would it be my turn. My grandma, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, my friends, our neighbors, some people I don't even know and probably, my cat Miyo and dog Wonbin, if only they could talk. And believe me, I am almost a pro in ducking this dreaded question every time some a** comes up to me and starts with the "So, Thet..." line. I've only got three answers: 1) "After ten years"; 2) "Nagpapayaman pa 'ko" (Not until I'm filthy and disgustingly rich); and 3) "I don't know" (followed by a smile and a disappearing act even before the person can come up with a follow-up banter). I've programmed myself to blurt these three out whenever needed and in no particular order. It's like whatever pops in my head comes out of my mouth and the way I deliver them depends on who asks. They may come with a smile, a smirk, a rolling of the eyes, a shrug... whatever.

And I always get the same response: "Aha-ha..ha!" As if something like that is something to make fun of. It's not funny. Darn insensitive schmucks.

I'm not bothered I tell you. I am just tired (of it) and when you are tired, you can get easily annoyed and you tend to see flashbacks of not so good memories and it eats up half of your functioning brain and then you go... flatline.

What I WAS really sad about is the feeling that my sister has been taken away from me. It's silly I know because she wasn't but that was how it felt at first. We've been too close and I am so used to having her around me and her quirky weird little habits and I am missing them all big time. Like, when I wake up, I've had this habit of looking up at her side of the room and waking her up with a hug or a tickle or snuggling with her only to annoy her. I miss her teeth-grinding and snoring which used to piss the hell out of me. Hell, I even miss her passing gas and burping habits early in the morning. (Sorry ate, never meant to diss your yucky habits... hehe!) All I can think of now is that I'm free of those and her hubby has to bear it all... bwahaha!

But a week into her marriage and my being solo in the room, I guess I'm getting that hang of things. I haven't touched any of my stuff and I haven't re-arranged it in time for the new year but I will. Plus, have I mentioned, they live in a room that my mom used to rent out to others just below mine? =)

26 and Still A 'Stokwa' (Stow Away)

Yup. I ran away again. But I am back now, obviously.

I told you that this holiday was nothing but drama for me. My mom and I had a row three days before Christmas and because of the burden I was fighting off inside me, my mind was in no condition to function so I resorted to the easiest way out. Drenched in tears, I packed my bags (three of them) and left home in the wee hours of December 23rd.

My destination? Victory Liner Pasay Terminal. I thought I could spend some time in the coolest place in the Philippines to cool off my steaming head. I was determined to go to Baguio.

So at about 4 in the morning, I was in line together with other chance passengers for the subsequent trips to my 'home' up north. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) all the trips were fully booked and the next available one wasn't until 11am. I was too numb to feel anything. I was swallowed by anger and frustration and at that time, I felt so uninhibited that if I had my passport with me, I could have gone straight to the airport and took whichever available flight to any destination in Asia. But a small part of me was banging my head, trying to keep it reasonable. So, I settled for Baguio and waited in line.

One hour. Two hours passed. Clad in that little blue dress I was wearing at the party I attended the night before, with my laptop [backpack] bag, mini duffel bag and handbag in tow, I stood there in line, crying my eyes out, not caring about anything in the world. I see people staring at me and I stare back. I was thinking but all those thoughts were nothing but messy jumbled snippets of what have and what would happen should I push through with my plan (if you could call it that). Where would I go there? Would there be any available hotel rooms? How long would I stay there? Can I really spend Christmas away from home, by myself, sad and angry?

Then the lady guard motioned for me to come forward and aboard the bus. Finally, I earned my seat! That was 6am already. But as if I was hit by a slap in the face, I shook my head and told her she could give my seat to somebody else. I will just wait. She obviously looked confused thinking why on earth would I give up that seat after two hours of standing in line. I can only smile and settle myself on a nearby table. Hugging my duffel bag tight, I just sat there for hours... maybe about two or three hours... not doing anything. Just sitting there and thinking. I didn't move once. I looked like somebody who just lost someone dear. Yes I did, I lost myself at that moment. I wasn't about to go home. I just decided not to push through with my Baguio plan.

The rest of this story is history. I wasn't suppose to go back home but my sister and her hubby fetched me wherever I was at that time and as if nothing happened, I spent the latter part of the day tiring myself out, shopping. No sleep whatsoever...

I went home late, looking totally messed up. I didn't talk for the next couple of days. I locked myself in my room, almost bed ridden, crying myself to sleep. I had no Noche Buena. I didn't greet anyone 'Merry Christmas' or 'Happy Holidays'. I immersed myself in my sorrow and it welled up pretty overwhelming. As I've told you, I felt dead.

Christmas day, I was asleep 'til 1pm... or at least I was pretending. I ignored the world outside. That is until my mom came up to my room and convinced me to get up. She apologized, I apologized and we made up. And I ran after Christmas. After all, it wasn't too late.

But it is pretty late now. Clock reads 3:50am. I must have missed blogging too much that I wrote yet another chapter in my novel.

Happy Holiday everyone! v(^_^)v

UP Naming Mahal... Going Back To Our Roots Part 2

2008-12-10T14:04:00.010+08:00

And so, Day 1 of the Alumni Homecoming ended with such a sweet mark into it with the alumni (and the students) singing a heartfelt rendition of our 'UP Naming Mahal'. I was surprised I still know the lyrics... =)

The weather in Baguio was a bit unpredictable... Just as I was complaining that it wasn't that cold, I would eat my words two minutes later, while rubbing my hands like a maniac because I was almost freezing to death. I'm not used to the cold weather anymore *sigh*

We stayed until past midnight at the campus.. until the doors of Bulwagang Juan Luna closed. The experience was something really great that the mere fact that we spent the entire day (16 hours!!!) inside the campus was overwhelming.

***

Day 2

The day started around 10am as we went back to UP to just hang around while selling Tiki's stuff. But we didn't stay long as there's nothing much to do around the campus. Although we were secretly hoping that they would really serve something yummy for the 'Pond Lunch Picnic' which didn't push through anyway.

Highlights probably would be the trip to the new SC office and buying that cool souvenir jacket, a chat with Manang Mane while indulging on her 'mangga with bagoong' (her story's sad... I hope the UP Baguio students would continue fighting for her welfare), and.. sorry for this.. spying on my "crush" whom up to now, I don't have a clue of whatever his name is... grrr..

The homecoming celebration was soon over... we had to leave for lunch since the picnic didn't push through. It was sad leaving the campus 'coz I know it would take a while before I'll have the chance to come back. In my mind, I was blowing a goodbye kiss to my school and I am giving it a tight embrace. Just thinking about it now makes me miss it even more.

We, or at least I pigged out at the 'Bahay na Sawali' in SM. I would definitely recommend that place... food is great and the customer service is excellent. Then, we had to go for a break to run separate errands and just meet for the 'farewell' (?) dinner at Kat & Jang's place. Of course, my Baguio trip wouldn't be complete without visiting Kaffee Klatsch so we spent the last few remaining hours of the night there while harassing the beatboxer of the performing band that night... hehe... kidding.

Kaffee Klatsch night

And then, it was Sunday... I had to leave... again... I didn't want to leave... if that was even an option. But I know I'll be back...in a few months, years... who knows. All I know is that this was one experience I would forever remember... until that time when we look back at today as "once upon our UP Days."